Lily paced, staring at the circlet lying on her bed. After what happened... why hadn't Penny come to see her? This wasn't right, they both knew it wasn't right, but it was late at night now and her sister still hadn't knocked.
With a sigh, Lily left her room and made her way to the Champion's quarters. Her hand shook slightly as she raised it to knock, and she hesitated. Maybe... Penny doesn't want to see me right now. But it was still worth a try. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door.
"Pen? May I come in?"
There was an abrupt scramble and a sound of a number of things being shoved under other things. After a moment, Lily heard her sister clear her throat. "Come in."
Gently, Lily pushed the doors open and entered the room. It looked the same as ever, with its beautiful gilded walls still marred by sword slashes. Penny had done some of those, usually when Lily had pestered her as a child, especially when Lily had been in the right. Those marks usually brought a smile to Lily's face, but this wasn't the time.
Her sister was already in her nightdress, and her hair was let down, but she looked like she'd been doing something physically demanding. Her hair was tousled and she seemed to be breathing hard, and the curve of her neck glinted with sweat. Lily sat down on the bed, noting where something small seemed to have been slammed into it over and over, eventually wearing a small dent into the mattress. That hadn't been there before.
"So what did you want?" Penny asked with a bright smile. Lily smiled back, but she wasn't as good at faking it as Penny was.
"So, you got two hydra?"
Penny nodded. "One almost got away from me, but I caught it."
Lily raised one eyebrow archly. "Did you finally bring me some teeth?"
Her sister snorted and rolled her eyes, acknowledging their age-old joke. "You know I can't do that, Lil."
"Not even for a necklace?"
"Oh, wow, you really did ask me that part, didn't you?"
"You promised me you would when you were strong enough."
"And then Father talked some sense into me. What's your point?"
Lily heard her sister's light tone wobble slightly as she mentioned the King. Five years since Neithe, and the scars hadn't really faded from either of their hearts.
"Mmm. You looked nice today. I knew there was a way to make that russet look good on you."
"Or less like those resurrected monstrosities from Ishin, at least."
"Nonsense, Pen, you looked nice." A little tired, maybe, but nice. Lily reached out and laced her fingers with her sister's, staring at Penny's calloused and strong hand in contrast with her own delicate one.
"You looked nice too." But Penny's voice sounded strange.
After a moment of silence, Lily looked up abruptly.
"Are you really alright?"
"Well, you know." Penny made a helpless gesture. "I always said it was a mistake to make the Champion and the Heir the same person. Besides, you're better at these things than I am, and this way...." She trailed off with a smile, but Lily already knew this tactic.
"Penny. Are you OK?"
"I..." Penny shook her head and swiped at her eyes with a free hand. "I'll be alright. I never wanted to be Crown Princess anyway. This is how it should be."
"It's not the position, is it? It's Mother."
Penny was visibly shaking now, still clinging to control. "Lil, please, let it go."
"I..." Lily looked at her sister's distressed face and nodded helplessly. "If that's what you want. But... you know you can come to me if you need anything, right?"
Penny nodded and took a deep breath. "Right. Thank you, Lil." She seemed to be thinking, then she switched topics. "Did you see the Ambassador's face when he saw the throne room? It was amazing. 'How big was the dragon that made that thing?' You could see him thinking it."
"No, my... my attendants were busy dolling me up. They must have put fifty heart shards in my hair. Do you know how heavy those are when they're on your head?"
Penny shook her head. "Right. You were busy."
"Pen, I wanted to come see you at the gate, but Mother insisted, and..." And I didn't want to make a scene. Lily had the vague feeling that her sister might have been punished for things that Lily had done, at least over the last five years, and she didn't want to make things worse.
"Of course she did." Penny laughed, but it sounded hollow and bitter. Lily's heart clenched and she reached out, pulling her sister toward her, her vision blurring.
"I'm sorry, Pen. I should have gone. I shouldn't have listened."
"No, you would only have made it worse." Penny took a deep breath, her face buried in Lily's shoulder. "I... It's not the crown, Lil. I didn't want the crown. It's the Queen."
"She...." Lily swallowed her question. Is it habit that makes Pen call her the Queen, or is she still refusing to let Pen call her Mother? She didn't know, and she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to the question. "Oh, Penny."
"I... It wouldn't be that bad if she just made you Crown Princess, Lil, but she smirked at me through the whole banquet, like she knew I had to be suffering inside! That was the hard part! I don't mind that you have the crown. I don't mind that I sit at the Champion's place now; people are more interesting down there anyway. But... she wanted me to be hurt. She was watching for me to be hurt." Penny's deep breath seemed suspiciously soblike. "It's been five years, Lil."
"I know, and it's not right." Lily spoke around the lump in her throat. "I know you did all you could."
"But I didn't!" Penny's hand clenched around Lily's, as if she was trying to cling to control. After a moment of terrible silence, her voice sounded quietly, almost too calmly. "I should have been there, Lil. If I had been there, maybe he would have come back. Maybe... maybe it would be different. But I wasn't there, Lily, I was stupid and I wasn't there."
"Pen–"
"And you know I could have changed it, Lil! You know I could have!" Penny's voice rose to a scream. "Father never had that power, but you know I did! I could have survived it! Or I could have saved him afterward! But I wasn't there and he died all by himself and it's all my fault, Lil, it's my fault and he died all alone and I–"
"Peregrine!" Lily shouted, pushing her sister away from her and shaking her, tears pouring down her face. "Peregrine de Avalon, look at me!"
Penny gave a choked half-sob and looked at Lily's blurred eyes in surprise. Lily hated that look. It was as if Penny didn't even understand that Lily could feel her pain.
"Peregrine de Avalon, listen to me. It was not your fault. OK? Hear me, right here, right now. Father's death was not your fault."
"Lily, I–"
"No." Lily shook her head furiously. "I don't care what you're about to say, Pen. It wasn't your fault. Neithe made a decision, and they acted on it. Their actions aren't your fault."
"It's my job to stop them, Lil. I'm the Champion. I was supposed to keep Father safe. I..." Penny's face crumbled and she collapsed into Lily's shoulder, sobbing. "I failed him. The one time that it really mattered, Lil, and I failed him."
Lily gently stroked Penny's shoulders with her free hand, trying to keep her own breathing calm. "You wanted to prevent a war, Penny. That's not a bad thing."
"Yes, but the war still happened. All I did was get Father killed. She's right, Lil. It's all my fault." Lily could feel her shoulder getting wet where Penny's face rested on it.
"But it's not, Pen. Mother is wrong. She's absolutely and completely wrong." Lily paused for a moment to wipe her eyes. "She's still angry, and I don't blame her for that, but... it wasn't your fault, and one of these days she'll realize it."
"It's been five years, Lil. How long am I supposed to wait?"
Lily felt her heart crack. "I don't know. I really don't know. We all feel things differently, but she's going to figure it out. It just takes some time."
"I know, it's just.... I'm starting to believe her more than you. I can't keep doing this, Lil. I can't. I can't."
"I know." Lily held onto her sister until the tears subsided. Finally Penny sniffed and sat up. "I'm sorry, Lily."
"For what?"
Penny stared down at her hands. "Keeping secrets. I..." She hesitated, seeming to think carefully. Finally, she whispered, "There are things happening in Avalon that I can't tell you."
"I could use my authority as Crown Princess."
"I'm the Champion. You can't make me tell you anything." Penny gave her sister a wavering smile. "Don't worry, it's not something I can't handle, but I just... I can't explain it right now."
"Mm." Lily sighed. "I guess I'll have to accept that, won't I?"
"For now."
After a few minutes of sitting comfortably together, Penny stretched.
"Well, I have to deal with the logistics of all this tomorrow, so I do need my sleep. And you're going to have to deal with being Crown Princess, starting tomorrow, so you need sleep even more than I do. Good night, Lily."
Lily nodded slowly at this clear dismissal and let go of her sister. "Good night, Pen." She stood and, after a moment of hesitation, added, "Please remember I'll always be on your side."
"Thank you, Lil."
Lily turned toward the door and her steps faltered. The wall by the door was marred with an unbelievable number of gashes. They hadn't been there last week; some of them seemed to have been burned in by magic. In one of them, a hot coal still gleamed.
Lily said nothing and returned to her room, but she tossed and turned for most of the night, wondering what could have made her sister angry enough to wear herself out tearing holes in the wall.