To declare someone's death, doctors look at the ECG machine to check the heartbeat.
When there's the up and down—or what we call as 'heart rate'—it means you're alive..
Kaya walang permanente sa mundo, kahit kasiyahan, kasi kapag puro saya nalang para nading flat line yon.
It was really kinda irony na gusto natin mabuhay pero ayaw natin malungkot kahit isa yon sa nag-sasabeng buhay pa tayo.
But I don't want this happiness to just end. I was so happy for the past few months, I somehow forgot na may mga problema pa din na nakaabang aside from school. I just received a call from my sister. She's always checking on me kahit ako ang dapat nagawa noon kasi ako yong ate.. and she's sick.
Bumibisita naman ako every free time pero minsan binibigay ko na din yong ibang free time ko kay Ansel and Hurricane.
And there are times.. I also felt so guilty for being happy kahit may sakit ang kapatid ko. Gusto kong mag-sorry kay Charlie kasi masaya ang ate niya ngayon kahit na hindi dapat. Kahit na dapat siya ang inuuna ko muna.
Hindi yong sariling interest lang.
"Boo!"
Cyclone screamed behind, holding both my shoulder and trying to frighten me but as usual, it's not effective. Tinignan ko lamang siya bago binalik ang tingin sa case na binabasa ko.
"Tsk, akala ko pa naman mas magkaka-reaction ka na since you're dating my twin."
"Dating Hurricane doesn't equivalate to me losing myself."
"OA ng losing! Change lang."
"Why would I change?" I asked as I looked at him.
"Okay, fine I am shutting up. Geez!"
Ibabalik ko na sana ang tingin sa binabasa ko ng ipakita niya sakin ang isang invitation card. Naka-print ang name ni Light, their only sister.
"You're invited. Light told me she also dmed you but she still wanted to give this."
I nodded as I accept the invitation. Bukas na ang birthday pero wala pa din akong regalo! Nilagay ko na sa reminder ko e nong nag-chat si Light pero nakalimutan ko pa din. Guard, buti hindi ko nalilimutan ang mga sagot sa exams.
"Will Ansel come?"
"You know the answer."
Of course. I heaved a sigh before looking at Cyclone, he looks so stressed. "Are you still okay?"
He smiled at me, "Yeah. Let's not talk about that."
I only nodded. As much as I wanted to comfort him both of us can't handle the drama. Ayaw niyang pag-usapan at hindi ko din alam ano ba ang dapat sabihin. But.. "If you want to let it out, I am here."
"I know, bud." He was about to ruffle my hair pero agad na akong umiwas at tinapik ang kamay niya. He just laughed in return. Ayoko talagang ginugulo ang buhok ko.
When dismissal came, dumiretso ako sa building ni Hurricane. 30 minutes nalang naman ang iaantay ko. Sa condo ko siya ngayon tutulog since it's weekend tomorrow. Napagkasunduan namin na every Friday samahan nalang niya ako, pero don siya sa bed ni Ansel kesa lagi siyang nag-sasayang ng pamasahe at nag-papagod.
This will be the first time na aantayin ko siya.. gusto ko lang mag-pasama sa pag-bili ng gift for Light kahit kaya ko naman na mag-isa.. iba lang siguro talaga kapag kasama siya.
And I am really hoping na this will make him happy. Me, waiting for him, I mean. Kasi laging siya yong nage-exert ng effort sa amin. Kung hindi siya nagsa sacrifice everyday dumalaw sa condo hindi talaga kami mag-kikita kasi hindi ko talaga kayang isingit makipag-date except for my very few 'free time'. Ganon din naman siya madami siyang inaaral but he's doing what he promised when he's courting me. Making this relationship work.
And I want this to work too, so I am really hoping sumaya siya tonight. I am planning to treat him din for dinner.
I am not really quite sure anong room niya kaya nag-antay ako sa may labas and to make sure I also messaged Martine if nasa room pa sila but I didn't say na I am waiting for Hurri.
I was reading a pdf file for tomorrow nang makita kong isa isang nag-labasan ang mga classmates niya.
Agad kong natanaw si Patty, Casper at Eric na mukhang may pinagtatawanan. Sa likod nila si Kenzo at Martine na mukhang nag-tatalo, then pinaka-huli si Miguel na binalikan nila Casper.
Where's Hurricane.. and Barb?
"Chandy!" Casper shouted as he ran towards me, beaming. Martine and Patty kissed my cheek nang magkalapit lapit kami.
"Hi."
"Naks! Sana all sinusundo!" Nag-apir pa si Eric and Casper. Napatingin ako kay Miguel na mukhang nagulat for some unknown reason pero ngumiti padin.
"Where's Cane?" I asked Patty.
"Ah! Ano, kasama si Barb, ano Martine saan nga sila nag-punta?" Patty scratched her head as she looked at Martine who looked shock nang mabanggit ang pangalan.
"Oh..oh sorry, hindi ko nasabe."
"Na?"
"Nag-cut class sila e." Kenzo supplemented when Martine cannot answer.
They all got quiet. My face remained impassive, the air felt colder. Nagkaka-tinginan sila. Conversing with their eyes. Parang mas dumilim ang gabi.
So.. he cut class with Barb? Why? Does he have a problem? Or maybe Barb..?
Well, it's not like he cheat. Best friend naman niya ang kasama niya and he's really not obligated to tell everything he's doing sakin.. but I was kinda hoping na sana nag-sabi siya.
He called naman kaninang lunch.
But again, hindi lang siguro siya sanay. And even before, when we were in high school the two of them used to cut a lot. Hindi ko lang din siguro ine-expect na hanggang law school dala dala nila yon. Old habits die hard, I guess.
"Okay. Thanks, I'll go na." I smiled a little.
Nagkatinginan ulit sila, guard, hindi sila pwedeng mag-abogado agad kung ganito sila kahalata.. si Casper ang unang tumawa. "Nako, hatid ka na namin! Asan ba kotse mo?"
"Sulutero!" Eric joked.
"Luh, sayo lang ako."
"Utang na loob, Casper!"
"Don't worry Chandy, may problema lang si Barb lately so Hurri decided to give her some air." Patty assured.
She doesn't even have to. I completely understand the situation. I'm just a little disappointed but hindi naman kasalanan ni Hurricane. Hindi naman ako nag-sabe na pupuntahan ko siya dito tonight.
"I understand." Then I faced Casper, "No need to walk me sa car. I can handle myself but thanks."
"Sure ka?"
"Yeah, I am fine."
They all smiled before I turned my back at them. Wala namang masama.. it's my fault na hindi natuloy ang plan ko.. pero bakit hindi ko mapigilan na kada hakbang mas bumibigat sa pakiramdam..
Gosh, Chandy. You're just to stressed. You should treat yourself, and this is a great time for alone time, yeah? Yeah.
Solo akong pumunta sa mall para bumili ng gift for Light. Pagdating ko sa condo nag-luto nadin ako if ever uuwi siya at hindi pa kumakain. I waited until midnight pero hanggang sa nakatulog ako hindi siya dumating.
Kahit text wala.
When I woke up the next morning, nakahiga na siya sa kama ni Ansel. Nakadapa. I looked at my wristwatch, seven am palang. Mamaya pa siya gigising. Normally, siya ang naghahanda ng breakfast pero I decided na ako naman muna ngayon. Pero hindi ko na siya inantay mag-almusal.
When I was done, I took a bath then continued with my readings. Mamaya pa namang gabi ang debut ni Light. Bukas, kay Charlie ako dadalaw.
Ten am nang lumabas si Hurricane sa kwarto, "Good morning." He greeted. I looked at him na bagong ligo lang.
"Morning."
"My head hurts." he said massaging his temples.
"From?"
"Hangover."
So, they drink last night. Kaya hindi siya nakapag-text, buti naka-uwi pa siya. I remained my calm as I stood up to get him water and medicine. Nakaubob lamang siya sa dining table.
It's a good thing na may banana lagi na stock kaya I made him a smoothie para mas umayos ang pakiramdam niya since it's really good for hang-over.
"Here,"
Nilapag ko ang smoothie sa harap niya. He lifted his head up, mukhang masakit talaga ang ulo niya. Gaano ba kadami ang ininom nila? As much as I wanted to get mad, hindi e, it's their thing even before I came into his life.
He smiled at me before reaching the smoothie, "Thanks, babe."
I only gave him a nod before walking to the couch. Naramdaman kong sumunod siya at tumabi sakin. "Hey, are you mad?"
"No." I answered without taking my eyes off my readings.
"Babe.. I'm sorry, nakalimutan ko mag-text kagabi."
"Sure."
"May problema lang si Barb."
I know. I guess, hindi pa niya alam na pinuntahan ko siya sa building nila kagabi. Well, I really don't have any plan on telling him that.
"Is she okay now?"
"Yeah. Nag-break na sila ni Jake."
With that, napatigil ako sa pag-babasa but my eyes remained on my trans. Feigning nonchalance. I licked my lips as I flip the page.
"Why?"
Napatingin ako saglit sa kanya. Nagkibit balikat lamang siya bago sumandal sa couch at pumikit saglit habang humihigop sa ginawa kong smoothie. "Mutual decision daw. Wala ng parehas time, buti tayo hindi." He said before placing his head on my shoulder. Mas tinaasan ko ang balikat ko para hindi siya masyadong mahirapan.
"Hm." was my only answer.
"Batch mate niyo si Jake dba?"
"Yeah."
"Nakikita mong may kasamang ibang babae?"
"I don't give a damn about other people's business, Hurricane."
"Right, sorry. By the way, this smoothie was good."
"Will you attend your sister's debut mamaya?"
I asked, napa-ayos naman siya ng upo bago tumikhim. I guess, hindi padin siya okay sa family niya? I really wanted to ask what's his problem with his family pero ayokong lumabas na masyadong nanghihimasok. I want him to open up ng kusa pero mukhang hindi pa siya handa.
"Uh.."
"Samahan mo'ko. You're invited, right?"
He smiled at me. "Yeah, kasama sa 18 dance."
"Okay, it's settled then."
He heaved a sigh, halatang nahihirapan mag-decision kung pupunta ba o hindi. "They all want you to be there."
Nginitian lamang niya ako at hindi na sumagot. Now, mas na-curious lamang ako. I am really wondering what happened pero pinili ko nalang muna manahimik. Maybe some other time, pag hindi na talaga kaya ng curiosity ko.
Around lunch, bumalik na si Cane sa condo unit nila ni Cyclone. Hindi na daw siya sakin sasabay, I don't think hindi na din siya pupunta. It was so obvious nang manahimik siya kanina. Ayoko naman na kulitin o pilitin siya so I stayed silent nalang.
Anime ang theme ng party. It was required na mag-suot ng anime related stuff. I wasn't really prepared for this, buti nalang Charlie's an otaku. Super dami niyang costumes na pinagawa niya when she was still healthy. Hiniram ko muna yong kimono dress niya. White top with big red flowers printed, high-waist skirt that ends few inches just above the knee. Ankle length white sock and kimono slipper ang footwear ko.
It was really cute.
Charlie advised to braid my hair in pigtails so I really did. Simpleng make-up lamang ang nilagay ko but I put on a red lipstick to go with the costume.
It was exactly 6:00 when I arrived at the venue sa Mahogany Place Tagaytay. The place screams classic and elegance, and almost everyone wears anime costume. Even the staffs. Para akong nasa cosplay event. Ang daming may espada. Even foods, lahat Japan inspired.
How I wish Ansel's here with me, she loves Japanese characters too.
"My Chandy!"
Napalingon ako sa tumawag. It was Cyclone, he was wearing Luffy costume—which I know kasi I watched One Piece when I was in high-school—talagang gusto lamang ni Cy ipakita ang abs niya e.
"Woah! Sinong ginaya mo?"
"I don't know. I just got it from Charlie."
He only laughed before snaking his arms around my shoulder, leading me to the assigned table with him.
"Where's Hurricane?" he asked nang maka-upo kami.
"I don't know. I assumed he's not coming."
Hindi din naman siya nag-reply sa text ko which is very unusual, knowing him sobrang bilis niya mag-reply. Inisip ko nalang na baka nag-aaral siya ngayon kaya ganon.
I was really so tempted na ayain ulit siya pero baka kasi wala din siyang costume since mukhang wala naman talaga siyang plano pumunta based on his reaction kanina.
"What? May costume yon, e. Tsk, dapat talaga umuwi ako kanina sa Manila para napilit siya."
Right, nag-rent sila Cy and his family ng house dito sa Tagaytay for this event. Suddenly, I felt bad for my boyfriend na siya lamang ang hindi kasama—except for his brothers na nasa abroad.
That's why I never want him to feel alone, kahit super kulit talaga niya minsan or clingy never ko siyang tinaboy or pinaalis except kapag kailangan na lamang talaga niya umuwi.
I want him to know he's not alone anymore.. he can open up to me now, he can depend on me too. I can be his support system if he needs one.
"Cy.."
I don't know if this is a good idea but..
"Yeah?"
"Is he still not okay with your parents?"
Cyclone's brows furrowed, frowning at me. Parang naguluhan sa tanong ko, what? Yon kaya ang sinabe niya dati, Hurricane's not okay with his parents!
Then he shut his eyes tightly, shaking his head a little, "He's not telling you pa pala.."
"Ang?"
Cyclone looked at me as he smiled a little, "Better wait for him to tell the story."
Now.. that made me even more curious but I chose to just shut up and follow Cy's advice because what else can I do, right?
"Oh! He's here na pala!"
He looked behind me kaya agad din akong napalingon. Hindi ko napigilan ang excitement! Akala ko talaga hindi siya a-attend, I am really too happy na he did come!
I automatically smiled widely, waiting for him to catch my eyes. My heart was beating loud and fast with excitement and surprised. Gosh para akong teenager na may crush sa campus heartthrob!
He's wearing a black costume and a wig! Black wig, omg! He's really prepared pala talaga. He looks dashing even in cosplay costume. I feel proud to be his girlfriend.
"Who's he portraying?" I asked Cy, still smiling.
Hurricane stopped as he looked behind him, parang may sinisilip, medyo kita ko ang side niya kaya kitang kita ko kung paano siya ngumiti ng malawak. The kind of smile he gives everytime he sees me.
His eyes glimmered as he extended his hand to another person..
"Kirito.. and Asuna.."
Cyclone answered as we both watched Barbara reaching for his hand, their eyes both filled with mirth.
I watched how he whispered something and how she laughed with what he just said.
I watched them holding hands..
Parang may sarili silang mundo, masaya.
Agad akong umayos ng upo at muling humarap sa lamesa. Cyclone caught my eyes as his face turned serious.
"Don't worry, they're just best friends. You know that, right?"
I smiled at him. "Of course. I understand."
"What they have is what we have."
"I know."
Everyone's reminding me of that.. and I trust their friendship.. I respect what they have.
"Smile Chandy."
"You know I don't always smile."
I don't have the heart to.