It was pleasant having some time off with Ali. After breakfast I got packed and drove Ali's Mum into Hamilton. Ali bought a red Hamilton Acki's football top which cost an exorbitant £31. I joked, "you have more money than sense!"
Ali retorted, "you've been spending too much time with my Father. That's the sort of comment he would throw at me!"
"That Father of yours talks a lot of sense at times!" I threw back. He laughed.
I bought my Dad some Edinburgh rock as we both loved it so much. I think it was the melt in the mouth texture that was so appealing and the strong sherbet flavours that burst when I popped one in my mouth.
I found a really beautiful card shop and found a worthy condolence card, which I posted to Pandora. She had just lost her Father. I couldn't imagine what she was having to cope with. 'thinking of you while I'm in Edinburgh. I am so sorry to hear such tragic news. Sending you much love and hugs' I wrote. I waved the card on its way.
It was time to return to Leeds. Having filled the car with petrol I picked up biscuits for Mum and Dad who both loved shortbread. It was great to have company for such a long journey, for a change. This journey cultivated a real heart to heart set of conversations. It was just us and the road ahead. Ali confided, "most of the squaddies have wives and got married very young. It's a very lonely life being a squaddie."
"I imagine it must be too for their wives, being left behind all the time." I pondered.
"Well they have homes at the barracks." He thought out loud. "It sets them up with furniture which is a start and takes the load off financially."
"Yes but imagine not working or being with young kids, posted away from family."
"Yes." He confirmed, "the divorce rate is high." He fell into his own thoughts.
We stopped at Addingham, at one of my old favourite pubs, 'The Sailor.' I drove directly to Dad's. I had rung Dad earlier to say we were on our way. Ali was very uneasy about it and understandably so. I observed Ali sit in a chair and to help him feel better, I sat with him. I could feel that he didn't want to be alone. I could see when we left Ali was uneasy.
Tuesday morning I dropped Ali in Caernarfon and he me to carry all the equipment into the training room. It felt like a mountain of kit and of course it was heavy. We broke for lunch and I met up with Ali in town. I navigated the narrow streets to find him. Life was at a different pace here, and my ears filled with Welsh as I passed by locals, engaging in conversation with the odd punctuation of a word that stood out in recognition : 'Telephon.' Ali had been clothes shopping; a new coat and jeans. The photos we'd taken had come to a reel end so he had taken them for processing. Over lunch we giggled over the photographs and reminisced.
"I should be finished at four thirty." I smiled.
"Oky, peroky!" He smiled back. I was late meeting him as I wondered towards him, where he had been mooching around at the castle, which was so well preserved and its stone was so new and sharp in construction, I felt alive. I could taste the seaspray as it tickled against my face in the wind and the fragrance of the sea teased my nose. Life felt good again. Ali and had bought me a beautiful Celtic pewter hairslide. I gasped at it. It was a beautiful symbol of love. I tidied my curls like prisoners into its jaws, twirled and Ali confirmed it looked good. Ali picked up a sausage supper, we drove back to the B&B. We had yogurt for afters...
Tomorrow sadly would be goodbye and he would have to be in London. The plan was for him to be there for 10am and so catch the 6pm train from Bangor. Ali had decided he was going to get a flight had had a civilised time.
We got up and he didn't make the flight. I rang into work to tell them I felt very unwell and I had to ring in sick. We left the hotel at 10:30. It was a day for me to journey back anyway. Given the extra hours I had notched up Ali reminded me, I shouldn't feel too guilty for 'dogging it's as he described it.
"You're a bad influence over me Mr McGregor!" I chastised him jokingly.
"I do my very best to corrupt you!" He jousted back.
The camera came out again in Chester but parking was a problem. In Manchester we shared lunch together. Whilst there we decided it was a good time to visit a travel agent, look at the places presented to us for the dates we had, stick a pin in the map and seal our fate of destination. Ali needed a flight home too. It was £170 so I suggested we had to Campus travel instead and got the same flight for £133! The same flight with BA direct that very morning was £302 with forces discount, on their dedicated line. After collecting the ticket, Ali had to have his photo taken and I arrived home for teatime. I made tea and ordered pizza. We snuggled together in front of the television and settled into comedy. However Mum was really being a carbuncle on my happiness. I tucked Ali into my bed and joined him when Mum had retired herself. I didn't want to sleep without him and I had to stop him trying to make me laugh and giving the game away with his tickling. He had to be off at 0445 and I drove him to the airport where we said our goodbyes again. I had to acknowledge that I loved him with all my heart. I sat, left only with his photo alone again. He left his coat and jeans with me to sleep with. The wrath and pessimism were as expected, surely to follow from Mum, and sadly I was left very disappointed.
A week had flown by and all too soon, Ali returned to Berlin and he called from the Bar's pay phone. The Army's favourite haunt in Berlin was Oscar Wilde's. He was calling me from there so it was a cacophony of background noise. I had noticed a trend that he continued to call a lot from pubs!
"There were only four people on the flight out! It's been a tiring day".
"Travelling takes it out of you." I empathised.
"So I'm going to fly back next weekend. I've booked a flight. Are you coming up?"
"Yes I'll be there!"
"Cool, I'll head to the Scotsman so meet me there after work".
It was a lot of travelling but it certainly gave me something to look forward to at the weekend.
I reflected on our relationship and I wished I'd never met Richard. My dating history had had a common theme of disappointments and the thing common to them all was me. Dionisis had been the shortest relationship I'd ever had.
The following day one of my trainees asked me how I managed to fit a social life in? "What social life?" I asked. I wondered myself. I told her that Ali was over in Germany. "But I'm having a great social life in Oxford though!"
I was! I had the playhouse after all, the theatre percolating via Oxford to London once a week. There was an accessible cinema. I had all the pizza places I could wish for in the buildings that were just up my street, architecture wise. There were lots of boutique shops, cafes and eateries to explore. The pizza place just over the road did luscious pizza. The people I was working with made me feel like part of the team. I had never felt so 'in' as I did in my present company. Two men I worked with made a pass on a night out but that was pre Ali. I found trading standards and environmental health fascinating and I enjoyed learning about it. The magazine articles were scientific and interesting case studies. I adored Oxford, with its architecture, clean streets and did I mention the architecture? It had it all.
I knew Abid well. He had a bit of a thing for me but I didn't really find him attractive. He was ok to pass the time with but that was all. Abid was my new Quig. He invited me around to his house (that meant no one was home as I would not be allowed in otherwise). We were not allowed to be seen in public together in certain places, in case his Family members saw us together. When I refused to go around he said he had to be going, but not before he had told me that I had put weight on. Charming! I consoled myself in one of my favourite pizza places. I bought a cookery book from Pizza Express.
I was passed by a really nice man selling the big issue. We chatted and he recognised my Yorkshire accent (oh dear, is it really that noticeable?) I was so tired. The travelling was taking its toll. I was looking forward to getting home. I wished I was one of those people who could eat anything. Travelling and being away from home meant I had to eat in restaurants and there was nowhere to exercise. I did not have the energy anyway. I hoped I would be home for 21:30 tomorrow, weather and road permitting.
If I had a time machine, this is the moment in time I would go back to for many reasons.
"Is this the one?" One of my trainees asked me during a coffee break. I said "yes" without even thinking about it. I surprised myself. I had always categorised my time with him as transitory. I didn't take it all seriously as he genuinely let quite an irresponsible existence. However I thought about it and did not think it had been long enough to be thinking like that, but I could not help it. In my mind I felt so happy in Ali's company. I'm sure his time back in the UK again would go so quickly.
I went in for the day two session of the training and opened the blinds. This room got very hot.
Julie came in and slumped in a chair.
"Hi, how are you Julie? Ready for another day?" I soon regretted the question.
"I've had a row with Keith." Keith was the head of trading standards. "I have told him that this room is too hot to work in. It was unbearable yesterday wasn't it? I had brought in my thermometer and I showed him afterwards that it was 89 degrees Fahrenheit in here yesterday. That's ridiculously hot, to expect us to work in. I have gone in today to ask him what is happening about the classroom conditions and he called me a Prima Donna. A Prima Donna!" She exclaimed. She folded her arms and scowled. I expected her to stomp her feet and spit out a dummy at any moment in her tantrum moment. I held back a smirk painfully.
At that point Pandora came in. She was unusually very quiet and overheard Julie's grievances as she entered the room. She slumped in a chair.
"How are you today Pandora?" She burst into tears.
"Excuse me Julie, come on Pandora, let's go for a walk."
I took her into the bathroom and she mopped her eyes dry.
"What's up?"
"Mark and I had a blazing row last night and I think we are finished."
"Oh come on, you two are great together. It must be something you can work through. Mike's a reasonable guy."
"I have to face him this morning and I'm so upset."
"Well", I said, "I will try and make it easier for you if I can. Give your face a rinse, go and get a cuppa and you will sort it out, I know you will." I gave her a hug. I was very fond of Pandora.
"Ok." She sniffled, as she dabbed a tissue to her nose, "you're right, thank you." she replied sincerely.
"I always am, it's a burden but I've had to deal with it over the years!" Pandora laughed.
I returned into the classroom. Julie said concerned, "Margaret's just come in, her Mother has taken a bad fall. She has to go to the hospital."
I went into the office and found Margaret. "Are you ok?"
"Oh what a morning Megan, I'm sorry but I'm not going to make the session."
"Of course, it goes without saying. I put my hand on her shoulder. I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Let me know how it goes and if I can do anything. You look after yourself."
"Thank you." She replied but she was understandably preoccupied and worried. She left.
I returned to the classroom. Mark looked uncomfortable.
"Hey Mark, it's going to be one of those days by the sound of it."
He looked up at me from his chair. He gave me a smile. Julie was chewing Mark's ear off about Keith.
"Tell you what I'll go and put the kettle on and go and speak to Keith." I announced. Pandora came and sat down next to Julie.
I knocked on Keith's door.
"Come in!" He said, it was open.
I closed it behind me. "Would I be able to have 10 minutes of your time?"
"Sure Megan, how can I help?"
"It always helps with training if everyone is mentally receptive and open to a training session. I'm expecting six this morning. But there are events going on this morning that I wanted to make you aware of and ask you how you would like me to proceed."
I explained what had occurred, diplomatically and pragmatically to Keith. I knew he was a reasonable man.
"Ok, thank you for bringing this to me. You're right, people's predicaments make a huge difference. I'll come and speak to the class."
"Thank you, I appreciate your help." I added sincerely.
Keith was in the room when I brought in a tray of tea, coffee and biscuits and set it down. Margaret normally helped me but I could easily manage.
Keith spoke to Julie in front of everyone, and advised that there was a legal minimum temperature rule of 65 degrees and people can be sent home but there was no upper limit. He understood how difficult the temperature was so he said he would arrange for some fans to be on the desks and asked me if the noise will interfere.
"We'll work around it." I said. "It's important that everyone is comfortable."
He smiled at me. "That's the plan then."
I took the training off the agenda for an hour. We relaxed, talked and shared biscuits. I saw the mood of the room lift gently. We had a break and I asked Julie - "Margaret will be back for this afternoon's sessions, do you think?" She nodded.
"Ok, I said, we'll do the exercises so we don't cover anything new, so that Margaret isn't disadvantaged."
"That's a good idea." smiled Julie, gratefully.
I collapsed when I got back to the B&B. I was IT trainer, marriage councillor, peacemaker and goodness knows what else, it was a lot of hats to wear in one day.
When I got back home I had another situation to deal with. Mum's reproof. Mum always managed to put a damper on things.
"The novelty will wear off you know Rachel" she said in her usual know it all, spoil it tone. Was she right? I knew she was speaking from experience. Ali hadn't pulled the carpet under me and given me the silent treatment. Was I on the rebound? I couldn't see my feelings changing. She was right though – time would tell.
Niggling in the back of my mind was my desire to travel and become fluent in languages. Every so often the thought would creep forward. (I must start saving.) Where did all the money go? I knew recently that my time in Edinburgh was costing me a small fortune. I enjoyed that part of my life though. I wanted to travel extensively and I thought, how about Camp America? Maybe if I found another job I could take a month off and give my Company a month's notice. Then I could do some travelling. That would be the safest option. I was concerned and daunted about the thought of travelling on my own. I had done that in Greece and the outcome had been a bit risky. I will never forget that horrible ordeal.
I was tired and I was fantasising about AlI being around in the UK all the time. My mind drifted back to being in Dalkeith B&B with him. I enjoyed our time together. There was just one little week to go. I supposed that it would feel like a year before next week arrived. It just wasn't the same without him. The images of us together were fading from my mind and I didn't want them to. I clung onto them so that they would remain, vivid and strong. I just wanted to 'feel' him in my mind, touching me. I wanted to feel him brush my skin with his breath. I was also aware that it takes a long time to get to know someone. I had learnt that from being with Richard for so long. But the loneliness was palpable.
Mum read to me the postcard over the phone. He had written that he had wished I could have gone swimming with him in Italy that evening. Ali was sent to Luca with the regiment. I envied him. He mentioned on the postcard that he went skinny dipping. Ali was regularly embarrassing me in front of my Mother without even being in the room. That got my mind wandering about swimming with him, being in the water with him...alone...