My breathing was shallow as I watched him study the article, before returning his gaze to me. And at that moment, I saw something I wished I would never see in his eyes. Fear.
He seemed collected on the outside, but the uncertainty in his eyes gave away what he truly felt.
A heavy silence hung in the air as I watched him unsure. He seemed at a loss of words which astounded me. He always knew what to say or what to do and the fact that he didn't, freaked me out.
''Are you all right?'' I asked, hoping it would start up a conversation and break the uncomfortable silence. He frowned and looked at me. ''That little bitch,'' he muttered as he stared at me, fury glinting in his eyes.
I was shocked by his sudden change in temper as he stood up, bowing over the desk. ''How dare she do this,'' he said to himself as he glared at the paper as if it was Lillian herself. I swallowed and said, ''Maybe it's not that bad?'' I tried with a subtle glint of hope in my voice.
He remained silent, ignoring my comment. My heart started thumping as I watched him standing there, seemingly unable to contain his emotions for once.
A lump was forming in my throat as I watched him. He seemed to have lost his cool or smug ways. ''Now everything is ruined!'' he yelled as he threw the paper away, his brows furrowed in rage.
At those words, anger started rooting in my chest. ''Why?'' I asked him irritatedly. Whatever reasons he had for not wanting anyone to know I was his daughter, made me feel degraded and unwanted.
If I would be finding out that after everything I had been through and after finally finding my father, I was unwanted by him, that he was ashamed of me, I would leave everything and go. I wouldn't need him. If that was the truth, I didn't want him.
He remained silent but his head did raise slightly so he could look at me. ''Why can't anyone know?'' I asked him, a little more forcefully now. I wanted answers. I wanted to let him know that if he'd say the wrong thing, I would be walking straight out the door. He must have a reason I won't like, otherwise, he wouldn't have so much trouble saying it.
So, instead of waiting for him to start, I said, ''Is it because of your precious reputation?'' I asked, my voice rising slightly. He remained silent, looking at me with empty eyes. ''Or is it because of your power? Are you afraid you'll be looking like a normal person?''
''Because that would be terrible,'' I said sarcastically. He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. ''Or maybe it's because you are afraid to have a weakness that people are aware of?''
He stood up, and I watched him momentarily. My anger only grew as he made his way around the desk and stood in front of it, looking down at me and shaking his head slowly. ''Then why? Why is this so bad for you?'' I asked him, yelling. ''Because...''
He couldn't do it. His inability to say it out loud only fueled my rage. ''What! Say it! It is because you don't want to be associated with me!'' I yelled.
He watched me confusedly and said, ''No, that's not...'' But I cut him off once more. ''It's because you're ashamed of me. It's because you would rather not have me exist. After all, it would be easier. For you, for your movement, for your life. Isn't that why you gave up mom?'' I was assuming things, but in my mind, this was the only explanation.
''No,'' he said calmly. My face twitched at his lack of emotion and my anger exploded. ''Then why!"
This seemed to be the last drop for him. He slammed his fist on the desk and shouted, ''To protect you, dammit!''
I faltered and stepped back as a reflex and felt my anger draining away as I watched him shocked. ''What..'' My confusion was clear and he looked at me, for the first time during that conversation we made eye-contact.
''To protect you,'' he repeated softly. Tears came to my eyes and before I could stop myself, I rushed over to him, throwing my arms around him as I hugged him tightly, feeling my anxiety and fear fading slowly.
His arms timidly found their way around me as he gently hugged me back, placing his head on my shoulder. ''I thought it was because you didn't want me. Because I'm not good enough,'' I whispered as I retreated and looked at his face.
''I thought you were going to tell me I'm bad for your reputation,'' I said, my tears of sadness mingling with those of joy. ''You listen to me,'' he said as he looked into my eyes intently. ''I risked my life and that of my followers by going to the damn Ministry to save your arse from Walker,'' he said. ''Don't you ever dare to think you're unwanted, youngling,'' his voice sounded stern but caring.
Now he laid it out to me it was quite obvious. However, I couldn't help but look at the ground and say, ''I suppose I'm used to not being wanted. My life hasn't exactly been joyful,'' I whispered. ''I've started to wonder if it'll ever stop.''
His eyes slowly glided to the big scar on my cheek and he slowly extended a hand, touching the sensitive skin. At his first touch, I moved away from him as a stinging sensation erupted from the sore wound. But when he looked at me for permittance I closed my eyes and waited for the second touch.
''I'm glad you came,'' I whispered as I looked up at him. ''It had started to become unbearable. I don't know how much longer I would've been able to survive,'' I muttered as I fixed my gaze on the floor. He gently lifted my chin and looked at me with confident, sympathetic and...caring, eyes. ''She's going to pay for what she's done to you,'' he said.
I tiredly shook my head and sighed. ''Sometimes I wonder if there's a reason why all this is happening to me.'' Tears came to my eyes as all the disturbing memories from the orphanage and Hogwarts came flooding back to me.
He stepped forward and hesitantly put his arms around me. He obviously hadn't shown a lot of affection in his life, because he seemed uncertain how to do it. But to me, it was the most wonderful feeling. I finally felt what it was like to be comforted by a parent. Every time I saw parents assuring their kids they loved them, I ached for something similar.
I hugged him back and closed my eyes as I rested my head against his chest, hearing his heart beating rhythmically. ''I won't let anyone harm you again,'' he said as he retreated and looked into my eyes sincerely.
I smiled and realized that we did have a problem. So I stepped away, wiped my eyes and cleared my throat as I beckoned toward the Daily Prophet on the ground. ''What are we going to do about the paper?'' I asked him softly. He sighed and dared a glance at the paper himself.
''I don't know. I don't want to openly admit it to the world, it'll put you in danger,'' he said as he stared at the Daily Prophet with uncertainty. ''I can protect myself,'' I said softly. He turned to me and shook his head. ''No, it won't be like that. People will send assassins after you. They will do anything to get their hands on you because they know that with you they can get to me,'' he said.
''No matter if they're rumours or facts people will still come after me,'' I argued. ''And now there's a lot of confusion among your followers, isn't there? So isn't it better to openly admit it than keeping it a secret and risking the loyalty of your followers?''
He watched me sceptically. ''You can be really annoying, did you know that?'' I was about to argue further but he cut me off, ''Especially when you're right,'' he said as he sighed. And a grin came to my lips
He shook his head and slowly went to pick up the paper. ''I'll immediately have people start planning. Make sure you're safe, don't trust anyone you don't know. And be cautious of those you do know. Because, as you said, loyalties can shift,'' he said softly as he glanced at the Daily Prophet in his hand. ''Don't be reckless and, please, don't do anything stupid.'' His concern seemed genuine, although he did seem to have some trouble showing it.
''Are you sure? When this is done there will be no way back,'' he said softly as he returned to his desk and put down the paper. I nodded confidently. ''Otherwise, I'm going to have to deal with a lot of other stuff,'' I muttered tiredly.
He watched me seriously and as I made eye-contact with him I swallowed and said, ''I'll leave you to it, then.'' Leaving him alone in the darkened room
As I opened the door, he called, ''Be careful. This was the morning edition, so there's a big chance that whoever you took this from, isn't the only one who knows,'' he warned as he sat down on the chair. I stared at him as I realized what he was saying and left the room.
I couldn't help but feel exposed and vulnerable as I stood in the cold corridor all on my own. I had no idea what time it was and hoped that it was too late for anyone to still be up. I tried not to touch the icy cold stone floor for too long as I walked past the flickering torches on the walls.
The wind was howling outside and the ferocious swaying of the trees made me feel uncomfortable, it felt like the weather was reflecting how I was feeling on the inside. I sped up my pace, wishing to be under the warm covers in my bed, staring at the ceiling and waiting for morning to come, because I knew, and expected not to get any sleep.
And as I finally arrived in front of my door, I threw it open and entered, leaning against the door as it closed behind me and thanking god I had not run into anyone. Until, suddenly, ''I've been waiting for you.''
I yanked my wand from my pocket and pointed it into the darkness. ''Calm down, (Y/N),'' the person stood up, approaching me and pushed down my wand, lighting their own. ''It's just me,'' Alyx said softly as she stepped away from me.
''Dammit, Alyx. You almost scared me to death,'' I said as I closed my eyes, steadying my breath. ''Well, then you know what that's like,'' she muttered as she turned away from me and stared at the wall.
I noticed that Robert was not in the room and supposed he was out and realized that I hadn't seen him in a long time and he must be worried. Another thing for me to fret about.
I swallowed as I watched her uncertainly. ''What do you mean?'' I asked her softly as I took a small step toward her. She seemed angry and I hoped it was not for the reason I feared. ''Why are you here?'' I asked her eventually.
She spun around in a flash and stared at me. ''Why didn't you tell me?'' she asked angrily as she watched me with furrowed brows. ''Tell you what?'' Playing dumb might not help me escape this situation, but it might keep my secret safe. If she doesn't already know.
''Don't lie to me. You're his daughter? How could you not tell me?'' she said as she stepped closer to me. ''How was I supposed to, we haven't said a word to each other in the past two days,'' I said innocently as I took a step back as she advanced toward me.
''Well, that wasn't my fault,'' she said loudly as she kept stepping closer to me. ''It wasn't anyone's fault,'' I said, taken aback as I pressed my back against the door, feeling trapped between the wall and her.
''I tried talking to you, but you ignored me in every single way you could,'' she said as she halted in front of me, her face inches away from mine. ''I couldn't help it! I was afraid,'' I said as I breathed deeply, looking into her eyes.
Her own breathing grew steady as she watched me. ''Afraid of what?''
My breath hitched as I felt hers on my face. ''Because I feel things. For you,'' I said, my hand lifting toward her cheek, only to shy away as I almost touched it. ''Things I don't understand. And when I don't understand my feelings, they make me afraid,'' I said my breath now shaking.
She suddenly smiled and looked away. ''You don't have to be afraid,'' she whispered as she took my hand and placed it on her cheek. ''You weren't really mad about the secret, were you?'' I asked her as I pushed a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. She shook her head, ''No. I was pissed because you ignored me. This was just a good excuse,'' she whispered as she started grinning.
But I couldn't get myself to smile. I was completely overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the past week that I suddenly felt my ability to think positive had left me. It seemed to be showing on my face because her smile faded and she watched me concerned.
''I was with you, most of the time when you were in the infirmary. They refused to tell me anything about what happened to you, but I knew it was bad,'' she said softly as she glanced at the scar on my cheek. ''They told me not to talk about it, that's why I didn't say anything when I saw you again. But you got me worried as hell and the way you looked when they brought you in, bloody and broken, I couldn't help but worry.''
I took a deep breath and sighed. ''I don't want to talk about it. I would rather not talk about anything for a while,'' I said tiredly as I leaned against her, burying my face in the crook of her neck. ''I know. I'm sorry,'' she said as her arms found their way around me.
I could feel tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes, but I fought them. This was the moment where everything was going to come out one way or another. Everything that had happened, everything that was revealed was now leaving me exhausted, overwhelmed and terrified.
As I retreated I looked into her concerned eyes, and asked, ''Will you stay with me tonight? I'm afraid of what might happen in the dark,'' I whispered as I let out a shaky breath. And before I knew it, I was lying beneath the warm covers, in Alyx's arms, feeling, miraculously, safe.