Rachel's POV
Don't count your chickens before the eggs have hatched, they had warned and I should've listened. But no, the minute Lucas said those three magical words to me, I had to go ahead and make those ludicrous college plans with him in it and every other plan that I made in the last ten months of being with him. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I feel so stupid now that I realise all those plans I made for my future with Lucas are never really gonna get fulfilled, at least not in this lifetime because it all seems absurd even if I try and push my luck.
Well, guess what, I'm not the smartest person in the world out there. I mean I was a smart kid in school with a GPA of 4.00 but when it comes to life decisions, I don't know what happens to me. Like, look at me now, quoting cliches at a moment that is not really one of the best times of my life. I mean tears are rolling down my eyes, my face is a hot mess, my heart is breaking with every word that I'm writing in this goodbye letter to my lover, my best friend, my soulmate whom I'm probably never even gonna meet again and to whom I'm not even planning on giving this letter to but I'm still writing it. Yeah, Stupid! Don't you think I know that by now!
My hand is trembling, my sobs are wracking my body barely allowing me to draw a breath and robbing me of my ability to speak or mutter a word but I'm still here writing. Just a last few words, I say to myself as I continue.
I know that this all might be confusing and frustrating for you, I do. But, even though you aren't here, even though I'm to say this in a Letter that will never reach you, I can't make myself say it to you; I can't.
Nonetheless, I have to tell you about it. The thought alone hurts me to the core, but you deserve to know the truth, and the truth is that I'm...
A teardrop slips down my eyes as I hold the pen in my ice-cold hand. Just last two words and it'll be over forever.
Love,
Rachel.
The pain I feel comes out as a quiet scream from my mouth, and hot tears keep falling from my eyes one after the other, with zero-hint of stopping. The trembling whimpers wreak against my chest, tearing through my muscles, bones, and organs, ripping me apart in the process.
I fold the letter and leave it on the table with my quivering hands as I turn off the lights and walk up to my half-closed curtains. Placing my hands in my hoodie pocket to keep them from shaking, I stand there staring at his closed windows in all darkness cause the only light coming in is from the moon. Actually no! It's not mine! The hoodie I mean! It's Lucas's! But does it matter now? Because I returned all of his belongings to him yesterday except this hoodie because this hoodie holds lots of memories of him, of us, of all those comforting nights when he held me to sleep and I need this to comfort me because Lucas ain't going to be there to comfort me anymore. I softly whisper, "I'll miss you," to no one in particular, but still accepting an answer as all the sounds fall into a haze, and so does the world. A cold breeze sends a chill down my spine and my heart clenches as I shut down my window and walk back to my bed laying down on it. My tears have dried off on my face but my chest is still hurting as I blankly stare at the ceiling.
Have you ever wished to be the lead heroine in a romance novel? You know where the hero falls in love with her, and then they get their happily ever after.
Have you?
Because I have almost a million times. Maybe not the heroine but the girl whom he fell in love with. The boy next door, my best friend, Lucas. Lucas James.
I know those kinds of love stories are almost always too good to be true, but that never stopped me from dreaming my happily ever after.
And then when I finally had it all, I let it go, just like that. Sometimes, you don't have a choice, sometimes you just have to let go of the person you love, not because your love for them had faded away but because you care about their happiness more than yours. And no matter how painful it is, you just want them to move on. It doesn't mean that you stop loving them; the love only grows more potent than it ever was. But all you can do is hold onto their memories and cherish them forever.
And I had enough memories with Lucas to last me a lifetime.
It all started during my tenth summer.
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