I T ' S O K A Y
❛ you're better than the best, i'm lucky just to linger in your light ❜
( two )
y/bff/n = your best friend's name (gender neutral because i don't know your bestie's gender lol i just want as many people to relate as possible teehee 👉👈)
_
you felt y/bff/n place their hand on top of yours. you looked down at your hand and theirs before looking up and smiling sadly at them, even though they couldn't see it because you had a mask on.
y/bff/n smiled back at you only to glance uneasily at something happening behind your shoulder. you turned around and looked at what was going on for, perhaps, the fifth time.
timothée chalamet was with a rather large group of fans, most definitely signing pictures. well, at least you assumed he was there. there were too many people for you to actually see him, which was kind of the whole point of you being there.
yet you were a good few feet away from what was happening, sitting on a bench with your best friend.
"are you sure you don't wanna go over there?" y/bff/n spoke up, carefully. "just for a couple seconds?"
you scoffed. "no."
they sighed. "why?"
"because there's simply no way that i'm gonna be a part of that." you motioned to the group of people with your head. "if i'm gonna meet timmy, it's not gonna be like that. i'm not gonna shove a picture to his face and break social distance rules just so i can get a few seconds of his attention."
y/bff/n didn't say anything, and neither did you. you both just stared at what was happening.
you didn't even know why you were doing this to yourself. once you had decided you didn't want to meet timmy in such circumstances, you and y/bff/n could've easily just left. but you didn't want to; you still held onto the hope that, when everybody left, you'd pick up the courage to go say hi to him.
fifteen minutes or so rolled by. little by little, people started leaving. and then, it was just timmy.
but you didn't move.
"y/n..." y/bff/n put their hand on your shoulder. "should we... should we...?" you licked your lips, and nodded. what else am i supposed to do? torture myself? "hey." they wrapped their entire arm around you. "i'm really sorry."
"it's okay." you tried to say, but tears came out before you could even finish pronouncing those words. that lie. you hugged y/bff/n back, letting your tears wet their shirt mercilessly. you pulled away with a sniffle. "you know what? i think i'm just gonna sit here for a while. you can head home if you want, i just want to be alone here for a minute."
"are you sure?" y/bff/n whispered uneasily, as they tucked a strand of your y/h/c hair behind your ear.
"yeah. don't worry, i'm gonna be fine. i promise." you smiled, wiping away your own tears until your face was almost completely dry again.
y/bff/n nodded. "okay." they got up. "for what it's worth, i think that it was very noble of you to step back." they said. you didn't say anything. "seriously. i wish someone cared about me the way you care about timothée chalamet." that made you snort. y/bff/n smiled, satisfied with the effect of their words. "trust me. if the universe wants you to meet him, it's gonna happen. i love you. be safe." they kissed you forehead, got up and walked away. they didn't need to hear you say it back. y/bff/n knew well enough.
once they were gone, you took out your earphones and plugged them on your phone. you just felt like crying some more, with music to keep your company while you beated yourself up for being an absolute coward.
you went through your playlists to find a very happy song that could somehow be juxtaposed with how awful you were feeling.
you found your playlist of french songs. to think about timmy even more. it's like you loved hurting yourself or something.
one of your favorite french songs was a jean-jacques goldman song called "nos mains"; "our hands". it was pretty and it reminded you of timmy. it seemed fit.
[ please listen to it, it's a beautiful song even if you don't speak french :') ]
as you were listening to the song, tears started streaming down your face. you closed your eyes. you brought your knees to your face and hugged your legs, as jean-jacques goldman sang about how special it was to hold hands with someone, and all you could think about was timmy.
sweet, devoted timmy. amazing and wonderful timmy who you couldn't meet that day. an incredible guy whose hand you'd never hold.
and no matter how vivid the image of you holding timmy's hand was in your mind, you nearly screamed in fear as you felt a hand on your shoulder. thankfully you only gasped but you definitely could've yelled after seeing who was next to you. your first thought was that y/bff/n had come back.
but it wasn't them. someone else had come back.
you took of your headphones very slowly. "timmy?" you said, sounding almost dumb because, duh? of course it was timmy.
"i guess." he said. his voice sounded kind of muffled due to the mask on top of his mouth but it was his voice.
"uh..." you literally couldn't come up with a smart thing to say. not a single idea came to mind. and all of the sudden you realized you still had tears on your face, which you proceeded to wipe away quickly. "uh, what... i mean, wh-what are you -"
"well, you've been sitting here with your friend for like half an hour." he said, very matter-of-factly. you blushed. "why didn't you come closer?" he asked. he seemed almost concerned, which threw you off a little.
you sighed. "i guess... i guess i didn't want you to see me as a burden. there were so many people already and... i don't know, man, i just wanted to be respectful, i guess." you pressed your chin against your knee.
you looked at timmy. surprisingly, he was smiling. or at least that's what it seemed. "wow... i didn't think you'd be this nice."
you chuckled. "gee, thanks."
his eyes widened. "oh, i-i didn't mean it like that, i was just -"
"i know. don't worry, i'm just messing with you." you cut him off with a smile. i'm messing with timmy. holy crap.
he smiled back at you. he looked down at your phone which was now resting nicely next to you. "i listen to music when i cry, too."
your smile faltered slightly. "yeah, i... i was kind of sad because i thought i had missed my shot."
"at what?"
"at meeting you, genius." you chuckled nervously. "you make me... well, nervous." you muttered, looking down at your phone.
"hey." timmy wrapped his arm around you, and you could've sworn your chest was about to explode. "i don't bite. ask anyone who's ever met me, i'm an absolute delight." you snorted and when you moved your head down, your cheek accidentally grazed his arm. not that you were complaining in any way. "what were you listening to?" he asked.
youu shrugged. "jean-jacques goldman."
timmy's eyes widened again and he had a huge smile plastered on his face. "are you kidding me? you like jean-jacques goldman?"
"j'adore jean-jacques goldman." i adore jean-jacques goldman. you smiled brightly at him.
"ouais! jean-jacques goldman nation rise!" he exclaimes as he went for a high five, which you gave him. "so you speak french?"
"un peu, oui." a little bit, yeah. you said.
"alors si je parle comme ça naturellement tu comprends ce que je dis?" so if i speak like this, naturally, you undedstand what i'm saying? he asked with a little smirk.
you smirked back, because you had understood every word he had said. "t'inquiète pas, j'ai tout compris." don't worry, i understood everything.
"wow, not bad." he said. he looked at something behind your shoulder, and his smile dropped. "i... i think i should go."
you bit your bottom lip. "yeah, maybe."
he got up. "well... bye." and he walked away.
woah, that's it? gee.
but as you were putting your phone back in your pocket, you heard his voice again. "actually, uhm... i didn't ask your name."
you smiled in relief. "it's y/n. it's nice to meet you, timmy."
"nice to meet you, y/n." he smiled. he hesitated for a second but he walked closer, kneeled down next to you, and pulled you in a tight hug. you hugged him back. "don't you dare cry for me ever again, okay?"
"you're making that a wee bit hard right now, timmy." you said, fightning the tears welling up in your eyes. you didn't want to be anywhere else. timmy's arms had just become your favorite place in the world, and that was the only time you'd get to visit it.
he chuckled. "i'm serious." he said, pulling away. "you have such pretty eyes." he said, cupping your face with his hands. you smiled, a thick blush coating your cheeks.
after a little wink, he got up and this time, he actually left.
but you were thriving.
A FEW HOURS LATER.
instagram!
yourusername
hey it's y/n. thank you for
today ❤ it was very special
to me.
tchalamet
hey! i'm glad i could be
there for you
tchalamet
bisous bisous xxx
_
this is way too long Kkqkska also let's appreciate how hard this book is flopping lmao
this was actually inspired by an actual thing that just happened to timmy, he was signing pictures for a handful of fans and i'm over here like bitch?? social distancing?? and apart from that, timmy doesn't live for you bros why can't y'all just meet him like a normal person and not shoving a phone to his face?? idk