C H A P T E R
TWENTY-NINE:
Taehyung woke up the next day eyes swollen, head hurting from the fact that he barely got any sleep. He was up the whole night crying like a pathetic baby. But he couldn't help it. Everytime he tried to think about something else, somehow, he was reminded that no matter how hard he tried, he would never be enough. And every moment the night before was drowned in his memories from the past. How could he have been so stupid? How? Waking up, all he wanted to do was mope around and cry again.
But he knew that Jimin would break his door down if he didn't see Taehyung there, bright and early. And so Taehyung sighed, forcing himself out of his bed and into the cold atmosphere of his room. The window was left open the whole night, no one there to close it grumpily when the wind found itself creeping in, into the room without permission, and along the wind brought the cold, making Taehyung sniffle and shiver...great, he was falling sick again. He really should've brought some medicine, knowing the risks of being out in the cold, he could catch the flu.
Taehyung shuts the window softly, his eardrums sensitive, and as he walks over to his suitcase to grab some clothes, his eyes (on their own accord) glance over at Jungkook's neat bed. Why was this taking a bigger toll on Taehyung's mind than he thought it would?
His heart pulls at the fact that instead of an empty, made up bed, Jungkook is supposed to be their, sleeping soundly. Body rising up and down as he slept soundly. Hair standing up in messy little tufts. Taehyung smiles softly, trying to imagine the boy there, with him.
But it was hard to keep that image there, for every time Taehyung blinked, Jungkook would disappear from his mind, and in place, sad thoughts about how he didn't even deserve to even think about the bunny would come and take its place. It was sad, but Taehyung knew it was true. He shouldn't have treated Jungkook badly, it was all Taehyung's fault. All of it.
There was no going back now.
He had to move forward. He had to.
That's what Taehyung told himself, even though he was moving back. Back into his old ways. Back into the sliver of the person he hated.
But...at least it could all go away for one moment. At least he could smile thinking that all of the times he hurt someone, that this is purely karma. That this is what they wanted. They didn't want Taehyung to be happy. Because...he didn't deserve to be happy.
So why should he be?
Taehyung thought about how easy it could be, just to take away the pain for one moment. To relish in feeling nothing, feeling numb for one moment. To be inclusive, to be away from the world for just a second. He thought about how easy it would be.
Because, it was easy.
It was so easy to bleed out so many emotions that you passed out, it's so easy to cry so many tears that you feel dehydrated, it's so easy to throw up so much that you can't even feel your heartbeat anymore. It's so easy to give yourself the negatives because the positive things are so hard to grasp. And Taehyung just couldn't grasp that thread of hope that was floating around in the air mindlessly, because in that moment, it seemed like he had lost it, for what seemed like forever.
Taehyung sighs, pulling on his clothes, before picking up his phone, checking for any new messages. But he sees none, and instead sees many posts of everyone smiling and happy, even some pictures of Jungkook with Hoseok and Jin, smiling, and that made Taehyung smile, a hint of bitterness in it, but a genuine one. It was nice to see that Jungkook was a tad bit happy, even if Taehyung was the cause of his sadness, if Jungkook thought that Taehyung had to stay away in order for him to happy, then so be it, Taehyung would...stay away from Jungkook.
The blue eyed boy lets out one last, long sigh, before he walks out, plastering a smile on his face as he walks down the hallways and into the shared bathrooms, talking to some familiar people as he walked past. Until finally, he reached one of the empty bathrooms, and he found himself staring into the mirror, his smile gone, his eyes sad, and his shoulders slumped. He takes a deep breath, and washes his face, trying to rid his sadness from the night before away. And it almost works, until he looks into the mirror, and sees Jungkook standing sheepishly at the back, in front of one of the stalls.
It was like they were already strangers again, because Jungkook cast his eyes down the minute Taehyung locked eyes with him, he stepped forward, not a single word escaping his mouth as he quickly washes his hands and walks out. Taehyung opens his mouth to say something, his hand reaching out for Jungkook, but he pauses, and watches as Jungkook leaves hastily.
Taehyung's hand falls limp at his side. It was no use. He wanted to talk to Jungkook, but when he thought about it, he found himself lost at words. Nothing to say.
Sighing, Taehyung takes a tissue, and wipes his face, staring at the entrance longingly, hoping for Jungkook to reappear, but he knew that Jungkook wouldn't come back. No, Jungkook wouldn't want to see Taehyung. And that's the way it was.
But that was okay, because even Taehyung didn't want to see Taehyung.
Taehyung feels his eyes stinging but he shrugs it off, deciding that it's to early for the tears and the degrading thoughts of himself. He just had to be happy for today, and a few more days and then he'd be home, back to his void and then he could be real with himself.
Heading out of the bathroom, he immediately finds Jimin and Yoongi. Jimin runs up to Taehyung, grabbing onto his shoulders, a worried look in his eyes, "Taehyung! I'm so sorry about yesterday. Yoongi made me see that I crossed the line and I shouldn't have got involved, so I'm so sorry, and I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you!" Taehyung smiles, "dude, why are you worrying? There's no need, I'm fine." Jimin looks at Yoongi cautiously before looking back at Taehyung, "are you sure? Because yesterday you left and–"
Taehyung laughs, shaking his head, "I'm glad that you did what you did, it made me realize a whole lot of stuff, so in fact, I thank you. Anyways, let's go and get some food or something, I'm starving," Taehyung pats Jimin's shoulders and walks off quickly, not wanting to speak more on the matter. Meanwhile, Yoongi and Jimin stayed behind and watched as their friend walked away into the crowd and into the cold outside. Yoongi leans his head on Jimin's shoulders, "he's not okay, is he?" Jimin shrugs, holding his boyfriend's hand.
"He's acting like he is, but when you look into his eyes you can see much he's hurting," Jimin says softly, looking down at Yoongi. And suddenly, Yoongi gets the sudden urge to make sure his boyfriend knows how much he loves him. Yoongi stands straight, and holds Jimin's hands in his, Jimin looks confused for just a second, but then Yoongi begins to speak, "Jimin, you know I love you...right?" Jimin's eyes widen, "of course! And I love you too, but why are you telling me this all of a sudden? Did anything happen?"
Yoongi smiles softly, shaking his head slightly, "no..I just wanted to make sure you knew." He leans in, placing a soft and gentle kiss on his boyfriend's lips, Jimin uses his hand to hold the back of Yoongi's head, deepening the kiss, before the two pull away, the look of love in their eyes. Any stranger could tell that Jimin and Yoongi, were just meant to be.
"Come on, Taehyung must be waiting for us," Yoongi says, taking Jimin's hand, the two walking along side each other, talking about mindless things and so. Loud laughs could be heard from Jimin as the two walked into the cold, Jimin shuffles closer to Yoongi, feeling the cold attack his skin the minute they stepped outside.
Yoongi wraps his arm around Jimin, looking at his boyfriend with a smile, he didn't mind the cold much. Yoongi and Jimin look up, meeting Taehyung's soft, slanted eyes. Seeing that he's staring at them with a soft smile. Jimin returns the smile, holding Yoongi's hand tightly. The two walk up to Taehyung who was standing in the cold alone, waiting for Jimin and Yoongi. Yoongi smiles a little, "let's go, what are you waiting for?"
What are you waiting for Taehyung?
The three walk into the hall, and Taehyung frowns when he sees Lucas sitting next to Jungkook, too close for his liking. But he quickly covers the frown, he has no right to be angry. They all sit down, Jungkook refusing to look into Taehyung's eyes.
Jungkook knew that Taehyung was sad. He was good at hiding it, but when they almost bumped into each other in the bathroom, Jungkook saw it in his blue eyes. The cloudiness. And most importantly the sadness in them, like he was on the edge of exploding.
It had only been a day, but Jungkook saw that this was much more than losing a friend. It was so much more. But as much as Jungkook didn't want to admit it, he was also a coward, and he couldn't bring himself to talk to Taehyung. Especially not after he told Taehyung to stay away. And besides, wouldn't he be bringing much more pain to Taehyung by coming back to help him and then leaving again? Jungkook sighs internally, every bone in his body screaming at him to hug Taehyung, and get the older boy to open up, but there was something holding him back.
Like a fuse. If he moved, everything would explode like there was dynamite beneath the ground. Like Jungkook was about to set off a ticking time bomb, and the only thing to avoid it was to stay put. But at the same time, Jungkook was also avoiding Taehyung. And that seemed like it was doing more damage than the risk of a bomb being set off in his life. Jungkook tries to focus on his conversation with Lucas, but he just can't, knowing that Taehyung is sitting there, drowning in his own thoughts as everyone else around him was smiling, oblivious to the fact that he was hurting on the inside.
And that's exactly how Taehyung was feeling.
And he was beginning to see that he wasn't feeling this way just because of Jungkook. It was like he had been ignoring all of the bad things of his life, and now this one heartbreak set of a fuse in his mind that he didn't know he had, and now he was struggling to keep it together on the inside. Taehyung tries, trying to make the smiles he gave as believable as possible, he didn't want anyone to see that he was upset, or sad.
But Jungkook knew different. And he felt so guilty that he wasn't doing anything about it. But how could he? For once he wanted to think about himself, but he just couldn't when he knew the one he loves is hurting, and trying to be strong. Jungkook steals little glances at Taehyung, watching as he was engaged in a deep conversation with Namjoon, Jin and Yoongi. But when he glanced again, he noticed that Taehyung wasn't really conversing. He was just adding little comments while picking at his fingers.
Jungkook's heart thudded painfully, what could he do?
------
This chapter doesn't make any sense i-
CEO of not making the two main characters get together by the 29th chapter.
Anyways, follow @seouldancer on Instagram.
I hope you guys are keeping safe!
Vote and comment!!