The music on the other side of the door was loud so instead of knocking again Tulip decided to text Jasper and hoped his phone was in earshot. As she waited for the verdict she scrolled through the texts that accumulated on her phone while she was working. One was from Will asking her if she'd seen the latest season of The Walking Dead, which she hadn't. The next one was from Niesha asking if she had made it home yet. While she began tapping on the screen informing her friend exactly where she was a lock clicked and the door to loft 214 swung open.
Cool air rushed out of the abode, sending goosebumps on the flesh that the spaghetti-strapped slip dress left bare. Her mocha eyes flicked from the device and instantly matched his bypassing the corded muscles making up his abs before his cotton t-shirt tumbled down his torso. Confusion and surprise battled with frenzy in his eyes and it brought a faint quirk to her glossed lips. She didn't bother to text or call him, texting while driving was a crime or something like that and she wanted to catch him off guard. It was better to get the truth from people if they weren't able to prepare the lies ahead of time.
"Hi," Jasper said, drawing out the word longer than it needed to be. He glanced behind her searching for something or someone. "Um...come in."
Tulip shook her head. "I don't need to. I just came by to get something off my chest." She shivered just a bit not knowing if it was the breeze from his air condition or her angst from the truth she was about to spill. "You want me to forgive you, to move on but I can't until I tell you everything that I went through."
"I—" He started but the shrill cry of kettle yanked his attention and hers. "I need to..." He took a tentative step still holding the door then halted at the apprehension in her sight. The kettle screeched louder, not taking wait for an option. "Come in. Do you like tea?"
Tulip sighed then stepped over the threshold entering the chilly loft. She took in her surroundings as he jogged to the kitchen which was a straight shot from the foyer. The loft was startling white with sleek alabaster floors, pewter stone accents, and granite countertops in the kitchen that was opened like the expansive living room. The silver appliances in the kitchen matched the silver tubing in the ceiling of the industrial modern loft. The leather couch, side chairs, coffee table, and artwork on the wall spruced the living quarters with color. The night sky and twinkling lights from the expansive patio were needed to remind her that it was still night.
"Green, Oolong, Rooibos, Black." He gestured to black canisters on a row in the cabinet next to the stove. "Or do you want a mixture?"
Tulip wasn't a tea person so she went with the one she heard the most about. "Green." He plucked the canister off the shelf then reached from one he didn't offer her and curiosity got to her. "What's that?" She pointed to the mysterious blue canister in front of the mugs.
"Valerian." He said and her eyebrows furrowed as she placed her clutch on the mahogany dining table. He faintly grinned at the inquiry painting her face. "He relaxes me." He dipped the tea bags in the hot water and joined her at the table. "Here."
"Thanks." She softly said, extremely grateful for the warmth of the ceramic mug against her palms that surged up her arms doing its best to alleviate her chill. As he claimed the seat across from her she continued with the thought that led her to his dwelling in the first place. "I wasn't completely honest with you at the cafe."
He nodded after taking a careful sip of the hot liquid. "Okay."
"Um..." She rolled her shoulders back, then lowered her eyes to the mug. "Forgiveness is hard for me, especially about you." She began toying with the string the teabag was attached to feeling the emotions that came with the events she experienced after birthing their child. "My recovery after having Sidney wasn't simple. Not like how they portray it in movies. The bleeding was heavy. My body didn't miraculously snap back and..." She stopped as a tear plopped next to the mug. "My hormones were everywhere but where they needed to be and um..." She wiped her eyes and then looked up at him but more tears fell regardless. "And Brianna had a half bottle of oxy..."
"Tulip..." He breathlessly uttered with pain flooding his face or maybe it was regret and guilt she couldn't decipher. "You didn't."
She weakly shrugged a river of tears rolled from her eyes. "I guess I'm not the strong Black woman everyone thinks I am."
"You shouldn't have to me." He cleared the burn of emotions from his throat as a watery film sheathed his eyes.
"But I had to because I lost my baby and the man I loved. Did you know that?" She leaned closer to the table as her hand began to shake from all the emotions teeming her body. "I loved you. I loved you so much and you broke me. How can you do something like that to someone you're supposed to love or were you just lying to me...for sex? Was that what it was?"
"No." He quickly shook his head. "When I told you I loved you I meant it." He swallowed hard letting his sight travel past her to the darkness of night behind her as his thoughts took him away. "I was just selfish and only thinking of myself. My pain. My feelings and I left." He refocused on her. "That's the truth. It was too much for me so I left. Vanished and moved on but...it didn't move on from me."
"What?" She asked, her cheeks started tingling as the air began drying the moisture. "What didn't move on?"
"This tea that I'm drinking isn't just something I love drinking." He gripped his hand tighter around the mug. "I have to. It's a part of my nightly ritual. A ritual I have to go through every night to sleep because I tried moving on but guilt doesn't let you." He took a deep breath and then continued. "After I transferred, school kept me busy. Then when I graduated, creating a brand kept me occupied but when I moved to the country for the winery I couldn't avoid it anymore. The silence gnawed at me and the nightmares came back, haunting my nights and I stopped sleeping until I had a breakdown."
Her lips parted at his admission and she uttered. "Oh." She just assumed that he moved on without a care.
"My parents helped me get helped and my investor helped me keep it off the radar and made sure I had privacy but it was my therapist that helped me realize what I needed to do."
"Which was?" She asked.
"Find you."
"So, you didn't do what your therapist told you to do."
"I did." He said, sitting up straighter. "How do you think my assistant chose you to be her party planner?"
She shrugged. "Word of mouth."
"From my mouth." He tapped his index finger on the side of the cup. "I had been trying to work up the courage and formulate a plan to see you and then she needed a baby shower so I referred her to you and—"
"It was a coincidence."
Jasper shook his head from side to side. "No, but Sidney being there wasn't a variable I added in."
"Well...damn." She fell back in the chair. "She likes you which you probably already know and I want to protect her from getting hurt but I can't stop her from wanting to see you."
He nodded. "I don't want to hurt her either. I never want to do what I did to you ever again. And you're right my words aren't enough so just let me show you that I learned from my mistakes and I can be that person you loved."
"Jasper..." She halted as she thought of the right words for what was going through her mind. "This isn't about us. Not anymore. I don't want to hurt your feelings so that we're clear... there's nothing here for you but Sidney and a partnership to be good co-guardians and/or parents for you. Are we clear?"
"We're clear." He answered. "So, when can I see her."
Tulip took a sip of tea, it was warm enough for her and not that bad. "Tuesday I'm teaching Sidney how to skate at the park, you can join us if you're free."
"I'm free." Jasper quickly said. "Send me the address of the park and I'll be there."
She tilted her head, "With skates, I hope."
"I need skates, too."
"Yes." She smirked. "It's a group activity."
"Then I'll be there with skates." He clarified, then took a swallow of tea at the same time as her.
Tulip let the warm brew slide down her throat trying to get her mind right for the ordeal she had committed to. Part of her hoped that Jasper was just going to breeze in and out of her life after seeing him at that baby shower but she had a suspicion that he was going to be around for longer than she hoped. Could she keep up the walls that trapped the affection she once felt for her or would he tear them down brick by brick?
When she got back in her car she felt a weight off her chest and typed up a text to someone who was waiting for an answer. It had been a couple of days since he asked but she felt like a new person now.
Tulip
If the offer still stands, then yes I'll go on a date with you.
She tapped send and hoped the text found Austin well.
Why do you think Tulip changed her mind about the date with Austin?
Since Tulip and Jasper shared their secrets about their recovery, will it have an impact to how they deal with each other?
Is Tulip right about her not being a 'strong black woman' after popping multiple pills to stop her emotional pain?