"Under loves heavy burden do I sink..." the words of Shakespeare passionately rolled from her lips as she turned the page.
The tired eyes of the soldiers watched her intently as she continued to read. Rain pattered against the windowpanes, creating an orchestra for her emotions to follow. Her audience remained riv
"...this wound keeps me down I can't leap any higher than my dull sadness. I sink under the heavy weight of love."
Her mind immediately travelled to the image of Moritz, resurfacing a painful memory. She quickly shut the book with a snap and laid it in her lap. Her eyes surveyed the faces of the men, making her heart break more.
"Thank you for your attention, gentlemen, but I think I am going to stop for the day."
Ignoring their disproval, she rose from where she sat and took Ulrich into her arms. Her eyes locked onto the child, reminding her of the man she loved. Her thoughts removed Moritz and focused on Albert.
She pressed a soft kiss onto his cheek and left the room, which soon became engulfed with joyous chatter. For a moment she turned to look at the commotion, wondering what news could bring such a reaction. Her heart leaped with slim excitement, hoping that the war had ceased.
In the distance she caught a glimpse of Adeline who hesitantly neared them. An unusual somberness was present in her eyes. Eloise studied the woman's peculiar behavior. In her hands, she could see a newspaper folded.
"Have you heard, Eloise?"
A look of confusion came over Eloise as she shook her head, "Heard what? Has the war finally came to an end?"
Adeline let out a long sigh before reaching her paper to Eloise. Bold letters read Top German Ace Killed. Eloise felt her heart begin to pound violently as she continued reading. In the print, she saw the words she dreaded to most. She felt her knees weaking as she read the words again. As she opened her mouth to speak, nothing could escape. A lump began to form in the back of her throat, holding back the emotions that were bursting within her.
The world around her instantly stopped. Where she once felt the beating of her heart, she felt a cold emptiness consume the space. Her gaze found Ulrich, who remained happy. The sight of Ulrich broke her, for she could only see the face of Albert looking back at her. She felt hot tears pricking at her eyes as she looked around. Her eyes fell shut, hoping that she could regain her composure.
"I am truly sorry for your loss." Adeline finally whispered, pulling her into a sympathetic embrace.
Eloise remained stiff, refusing any comfort. "I think I should take Ulrich and be alone for a while."
"I am not sure if being alone is a wise decision for you right now." She remarked with concern. "Why don't you come and stay with me for a while. I would feel better knowing that I could see you."
"No." Eloise's response was sharp as she turned away from Adeline.
She hurriedly fled the open area, ignoring any remarks toward her. She rushed past people without any acknowledgment. Strange looks from bystanders followed her up the stairs, where she disappeared within the sanctuary of her room.
The dimly lit room eased her whirling mind. Her breathing intensified as her memory recalled the newspaper. Her heart denied what her mind knew as true. She placed a gentle kiss upon Ulrich's head, hugging him securely.
"We will laugh when the war is over," she hoarsely whispered, taking her lower lip into her teeth. "Albert will be alive and come for us. This will be a dreadful misunderstanding."
Her eyes remained fixated on Ulrich, thinking only of Albert. She let out a long breath of air which she had been reserving for a moment alone. With Ulrich clasped tightly in her arms, she fell to the floor and began weeping. Hot tears streamed freely down her face. Gentle sobs spilled from her until she felt nothing more but emptiness.
Sitting in the middle of the hollow room, she sat perfectly still succumbing to the numbness that consumed her. The soft hands of Ulrich found their way to her tear-stained face, easing the stinging pain she felt in her heart.
"I love you, Ulrich," she said, kissing his small hands. "I promise you will know how wonderful your father was. I promise you that I will love you forever, just as I promised him." She cradled him against her breast, stroking the blonde whisps of hair. "I will take care of you always."
She rose from the floor and plopped onto the bed, placing Ulrich beside her. Softly, she began to sing German lullabies into his ear. A calming sensation overcame her as she watched him drift into a peaceful slumber. Her eyes stared at the dark ceiling, allowing her mind to spin with wild thoughts. Somewhere in the darkness she fell into a restless sleep. Dreams of Albert played in her mind.
Eloise woke to a loud banging against the door. Her hand felt for Ulrich in the darkness, feeling his steady breaths beneath her. She reluctantly rose from the bed and approached the knock. With every passing step, she straightened her composure with hopes that the stranger wouldn't notice her grief.
She took a deep breath and eased the door open. Thomas Ramsay stood silently outside the frame. Upon seeing her, he quickly removed his hat and bowed respectfully. In his eyes, Eloise could see sympathy. She could feel remorse radiating from his solemn expression.
"Hello, sir." Eloise whispered calmly in the silence, hoping that he could not hear the sadness in her voice.
"Miss Eloise," he offered her a sympathetic smile. "May I have a word with you?"
Eloise glanced down for a moment, before stepping away from the entrance. "Do come in, sir."
Thomas timidly entered. His eyes roamed around the dark, empty room. Eloise gently shut the door and neared the bed where Ulrich had woken. She sat down and took him into her arms. The creak of the bed broke the melancholy silence.
"He is a very handsome fellow." Thomas remarked, easing down onto a nearby chair.
Eloise eased Ulrich onto the floor and glanced up to see him carefully observing them. Her eyes quickly fled onto her hands, spinning the ring on her finger. Heat began to radiate from her reddening face, fearing her could see her brave act crumbling.
"Thank you, sir." Eloise replied, forcing back the lump in her throat.
She watched with pleasure as Ulrich crawled around the floor. No worries plagued the child as he played alone. Thomas waved at Ulrich as he rose from the chair. The hard steps of his heavy boots echoed in the small room as he made his way to her side. He eased down onto the bed, shifting her closer to him. She nervously brushed her hands along the top of her head before scooting away from him.
"If I were his father, I would be very proud of him." He stated, crossing his leg across his knee. His eyes remained on Ulrich.
"Yes," Eloise meekly stated. "He is a child to be proud of." She nervously clutched her arms around her body. Her fingers raked over the disheveled fabric of her dress. "I am very proud of my son."
"I can understand why." Thomas turned to face her, staring at her with sympathetic eyes. "I know you never speak of this dear, but what happened to his father?"
An immediate silence fell over Eloise as she fixated her stare back onto Ulrich, letting the words seep into her mind. The. The question rang through her mind, surfacing into her memories where Albert remained. "He is gone."
"Gone?" Thomas raised a surprised brow. "Is he dead?'
Eloise remained silent. The question pierced her heart greatly. The image of the newsprint flashed in her mind, recalling the moment she found out the information. She wondered of how Albert might've felt, what he thought. She wondered if he had fear or pride. She knew Albert was dead but dared not to mention it. She could not afford the pain that she knew it would bring.
"He is dead." Thomas answered straightforwardly, pausing to reposition himself. He rested his hand on Eloise's back causing her to face him. She stared at him with a blank expression, nervously biting her lower lip.
Eloise shook her head and shrugged, "I'm not sure, sir."
"I know it must be hard for you," he paused reaching into his coat pocket, hiding his hand in the deep woolen fabric. "but I think that your child's father should be known. I do believe that I know the identity of your man, but I would never make such an accusation."
Eloise remained silent watching his strange behaviors.
"I am truly sorry about the loss of your love. I know that you must hurt deeply." He sympathetically answered as pulled out his hand. The visual of a brown photograph was clasped in his hand. "I believe that this belongs to you. If I am wrong, dear, do correct me."
He reached the familiar image to Eloise, who quickly took it from his possession. She trailed her finger of her picture that encased herself and Ulrich, the same image she had given to Augustus months before.
"Where did you get this?" her voice trembled as she stared at the photograph.
"After he was shot down, I was the first one to arrive at the wreckage of his plane. I looked inside to see if he was still alive and saw that he had the photograph clasped tightly in his hand." He began. "When I saw your photograph, I just assumed that he was the one whom you never spoke of. I took it from him before anyone arrived. There is writing on the back."
She quickly flipped it over, finding a small inscription beneath her words. The cursive print scrawled in German read: my world upon the ground.
As she read the words, hot tears began to prick her eyes and soon fell from her face. She slowly looked upward, fixating her eyes upon a flower painting as she fought back the urge to cry. The trembling in her chin became faster along with the beating in her chest. The numbness she felt gradually began to break apart, flashing the bottled emotions she had gathered over the years. Tears began to trickle freely down her cheeks. Her mouth fell open, longing to scream out the mixed emotions she was feeling. No matter what she desired to shout, silence was all that could surface. Her body began to tremble under the pressure until tears began to pour from her eyes. Thomas pulled her into his arms, patting her comfortingly on her back. She buried her face into his chest, nestling into the folds of his rough uniform. She could finally feel something breaking inside of her.
"Was he dead instantly or did he suffer?" She asked muffled through the tears and fabric.
"He managed to land his plane onto the ground and he lingered for a few minutes longer; but in those few minutes he did not suffer." he paused, pulling her outward staring into her eyes. "There is something else you need to know."
Eloise's eyes grew wide, "and what is that, sir?"
"Everett is the one who killed Albert." Thomas spoke bluntly. "He is expecting that this victory will win your hand in marriage. That is what he is telling the men. He has already announced your engagement."
Eloise felt her stomach drop immediately. A sick feeling flooded over her as she rose. She staggered toward the vanity where she plopped down violently. The hollow eyes that stared back at her only brought pain. She buried her face into her hands and began to cry once again. Firm fingers massaged her shoulders, bringing a sensation of momentary peace.
"What if I reject his proposal?"
"I am not telling you what to do, Eloise, but perhaps you should consider it," Thomas paused, watching her appalled reaction. "for the sake of Ulrich."
"There is no consideration." Eloise rebutted, turning sharply to meet Thomas. "Ulrich would have his real father if it weren't for Everett."
"We are in wartimes. Death happens. It is inevitable." Thomas spoke, taking her by the shoulders. "Albert is dead and your son is alive. This war will come to an end and there you will be alone with your son. You have to make the choice for your son."
Eloise looked at her child, then back at Thomas. No words came to her mind, knowing that Ulrich was the only person she loved. She would do anything for him.
"Ulrich looks like his father." Albrecht said as he studied the smiling child. "I know that he would have been proud."
"He never met him," Eloise sorrowfully stated, shaking her head. "He only saw him in this photograph."
Albrecht glanced at her. "I think that Everett could learn to love him very much. I know that it does not take the place of Albert, but at least he can have a father figure in his life."
Eloise swallowed hard and nodded without a response.
"If I had been younger, I would have been honored to take such a place."
"I am no man's wife." Eloise remarked, offering him a kind smile. "You could still potentially take that place."
Albrecht shook his head. "I'm far too old for you, dear." He answered kindly. "And I am no pure man."
She laughed slightly, "And I am no pure woman myself." her breath hitched for a moment. "I only wish Albert were still alive. I don't even wish to have conversations such as this."
"If it would be of any consolidation to you, I know where they have buried him." Thomas informed her, moving toward the door. "I could take you there and you can have your closure."
Eloise forced a smile onto her face, "I would like that very much."
Without a word, he nodded and vanished through the door. When it shut, she dropped to the ground and placed Ulrich onto her lap. The words of Thomas disturbed her mind to the point of tears. The tiny finger of Ulrich swiped away the moisture on her face, creating a smile.
"My son," she whispered, taking his hands into hers. "I love you. Do forgive me for the choices I will have to make. Everything that I will do, will be for your sake. Please do not hold me accountable for that."
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