Something felt off for a reason.
Jaebum should have trusted his intuition more than his best friend. He should have known better that Jinyoung was shading his problems with anger snaps and another million excuses to push everyone away.
It hurt though, it pinched his heart painfully the fact Jinyoung simply wouldn't let him in, wouldn't trust him enough...he wasn't enough, and he had no time for self-pity.
His legs slightly trembled as his feet made a rhythm with tapping against the floor, his slender fingers matched the nervous beat against his thighs. Deep breathing wasn't working, but he tried to swallow the fear for his pained friend.
Cause Jinyoung promised him, a lifetime promise he would never break.
Jaebum bit his lips as he watched his friend slipping into an endless loop of nightmares, barely unconscious for hours and all he could do was hold him when he shook or cry along the poor guy's loud cries without a way to throw the merciless pain away.
Again, he was useless.
Jaebum winced when Jinyoung whimpered again, heavy suffocating breaths filled the silent room as if they were back to his state years ago. He reached for his friend's hand to hold it tightly.
A loud gasp left the suffering boy's mouth, his back losing contact with the mattress as his crimson eyes opened wide for the first time since the begging game of the night.
"Breathe with me, Jinyoung... breathe."
A breath after breath till the count of seventeen, the panic dissipated, heartbeats slowing down, chest no longer heaving.
"You are safe, Jinyoung-ah... It's okay,"
"You were here for real," His friend whispered, giving his hand a tight squeeze.
Jaebum couldn't help, but give him a sad smile, leaving his and to pour a glass of water to the latter.
"How did I get here, Is Mark here?"
"Is that what matters now?" He didn't mean to snap. With his tired eyes closed, he tried to recollect himself. "Sorry, I didn't mean to. Jisoo called me when you collapsed, and I asked Mark to swap rooms, so no he witnessed nothing."
He ignored Jiyoung's frown and focused on drying the boy's sweat with a mist towel on his hand. The silence crippled between them again with Jinyoung studying his face like it was the first time he saw the pal while he avoided the confused eyes.
"Okay... I expected at least a knock on the head or a punch, not a quiet you." The light teasing tone of Jinyoung's voice tested his patience. "What's wrong, Jaebum?"
"Nothing, Let's focus on your well-being."
"This isn't my Jaebumie, don't lie to me,"
"I don't feel like talking about it, so let it slide,"
"No, I want to hear what you have in mind."
"You won't like it, and this isn't the right time."
"Damn it! Let it it out!" Jinyoung's voice became louder as Jaebum let out a tired sigh, his back meeting the chair's back.
"You care about keeping this hidden more than taking care of yourself."
"They don't matter to me that much to know." Jinyoung's defense said, crossing his arms.
"Jisoo and Mark?"
"All of what's a so-called group of friends will leave sooner or later. You know that and I don't want their pity."
Jaebum scoffed in disbelief. "Is that why you don't tell me about this too?"
"About what? You know this."
"Don't act clueless. What happened the entire night was more intense than before and has a reason behind it."
"Why are you making a fuss about it? It's the usual,"
Jaebum scoffed at Jinyoung's shrug as if they had known each other two days ago. "I'm not blind. I don't get it, why are you hiding this from me?"
"Because it is my problem! Because I don't want to be the one triggering your episodes for god's sake, why are you making a big deal out of this?"
Jaebum's lashes found it hard to blink, refusing that the said words were from his brother. His feet stepped back, struggling to untangle his mixed feelings.
He couldn't hide his disappointment though, eyes transfixed on the ground as a heavy shaky sigh left his chest.
"Jaebum, shit.... I— "
"I'm not maniac enough to blame you out of all people. Is this how you think of me?" Jaebum let out a dry sarcastic laugh. "I have been honest with you from day one and waited for you to open up at your own pace, to let me in, support you. I was a fool to believe that, fuck you."
"No, I didn't mean— "
Jaebum didn't let him finish, storming out of the room, hurt with heavy shoulders down and another crack in his heart.
'Morning, Jinyoung! How are you feeling today?' -Jisoo
'I worked on the assignment and submitted it for us, rest well!' -Jisoo
'It's past noon, where are you? Bam is asking about you?' -Jisoo
'We are helping him today, remember?'- Jisoo
'Jaebum has just arrived without you. Is everything okay?' -Jisoo
Jisoo sighed, staring at the messages left on read. She tried to swallow all the unsettled feelings clouding her mind. The shift in Jinyoung's behavior started with a few times zoning out, and then missing a class or two that turned into missing days.
She wasn't blind seeing how their bond drifted off back to the start point. She found it hard to believe that the reason behind that was the end of their truce and her having a free hand.
Jisoo bit her lips, following Jaebum who ignored them to the kitchen. With a few hesitant steps, she approached him.
"Hey, Jaebum. I just wanted to check if Jinyoung is alright."
She watched his hands stop cleaning the glass cup in hand, his eyes diverted to nothing in particular but certainly not meeting hers.
"He is... Fine," The latter said.
It was short, sad, and suffocated. It was hard to push more questions further, so Jisoo found herself leaving him alone.
"He is avoiding you deal with it and focus. We need your help here." Mark scolded, placing the unopened box next to the others that she was supposed to check hours ago instead of zoning out and checking her phone every few minutes.
"He isn't. He is going through something; can't you see it?"
"He is having the gun of his life, he hasn't changed. He was distracted, Jisoo."
"No, you don't get it."
"No, I do. I'm his roommate and we are back to fighting again because of his alcoholic shit suffocating the room." Mark's jaw clenched, taking a step closer to her. "What's wrong is how you act because I know you Jisoo and I'm worried about the amount of care you have for him."
"I don't care the way you mean it."
"Lie to yourself but stay away from him." Mark sternly said, before placing a cutter next to the piled boxes as a silent proof that she hadn't touched a thing, and her worry was indeed too much.
Jisoo didn't know when it turned to night after trapping herself between the packages all day. Her muscles were stiff and aching, her fingers cracking as she reached for her phone.
"I swear this is the last time to call you, idiot" She whispered to herself, tapping in Jinyoung's name to drop another call that she expected to go unanswered.
A muffled "Hi" by a loud background came out of her phone.
"Jinyoung! I swear— "
"Is this Jinyoung's friend?"
Jisoo's heart dropped for a second, her mind flashing the worst scenarios. "Y-yes. Is he okay?"
"I can't hear you. Jinyoung forgot his phone at the dark bar, and I can't see him anywhere." The stranger yelled against the pounding music.
"I'm coming to get it,"
Jisoo stopped in the dark alley with the neon lights shaking her vision, but not enough to blur the scene of the drunk people stumbling on their own feet or the shared smoke outside the place.
With a deep breath, she stepped into the loud crowded space with drunk people dancing, crying, or laughing hysterically as if they had gone insane.
Multiple pushes from strangers guided her to the bar stool as she managed to find an empty spot in the corner.
The bartender skillfully poured a drink to the wasted man next to her. "Excuse me!" She called loudly for his attention.
He placed the bottle, leaning close to hear her. What do I owe you for a drink?"
She shook her head, "I came to get the lost phone,"
The bartender frowned for a second before it clicked his mind, nodding before he disappeared behind the door.
"What's the beauty doing alone on such a lovely night?" A stranger's voice slurred as he stood too close for her comfort.
Jisoo rolled her eyes in response, stepping away for some space. She tapped her fingers nervously, her almond eyes searching for a certain person.
"Not your favorite place? Here's the phone." The bartender teased lightly, sliding the phone to her.
"Thank you, Can you leave him a note that Jisoo Kim took it?" Jisoo requested, slipping the phone into her bag.
"So, this is your name, princess?" The drunk stranger interfered, invading her space again. She took it as an indication to leave the place, but luck wasn't on her side as she felt a hand over her slender shoulder.
She slapped the hand away, "Do this again and I will make sure you regret it."
"Yeah, how? Come ok the night is still a young cutie."
The last slurred flirt attempt made her lose it, her knuckles turning white and before she threw a punch, her wrist was held by a familiar hand, swaying her behind the back she knew too well.
She regretted recognizing the man's scent and warmth in that place, not when he had another woman in his other grip, with her head on his shoulder, unbothered by the tense situation.
That wouldn't have happened if she listened to Mark when Mark had always been right.