C H A P T E R
TWENTY-SEVEN:
But was it still too late?
Taehyung's heart races as he grips the door handle even tighter, sweat beginning to form on his temples. With his free hand, he wipes it away. And he lets out a soft breath. What could he do? He had to stop being a coward. He had to stop pushing people away because he was scared. He had to let Jungkook know that...that Taehyung loved Jungkook so much that he feared to lose him. And if he didn't tell Jungkook, than he damn near should consider Jungkook as lost.
No one really understood Taehyung. Ever. And Taehyung had grown into being accustomed to be shown as misunderstood. Taehyung knew he was complicated. Knew that he was so difficult. But at that moment, he knew he had to strip all of that away. He had to stop being complicated. He..had to open himself up. It was going to hard, but if he wanted to prove to Jungkook that he was sorry and that he'd try his absolute best to be a better, the bestest, person. And Taehyung decided it wasn't too late. It wasn't too late to walk into that room and hug the shit out of his bun.
Because Taehyung realized that they were both the bloody same. Just broken, in different ways. And this time, Taehyung saw that he couldn't just pick himself up, he had to lend a hand to Jungkook. And all along, Taehyung finally saw what Jungkook wanted. His little bunbun, his Koo, just wanted a shoulder to lean on. And he wanted it from Taehyung. His childhood friend, the person he'd been sleeping beside for the last couple of weeks. Taehyung sighs, the last ten years flashing through his mind.
Why was he such an asshole?
He was mean, he was a bully and he was an absolute fuck about. But ever since Jungkook had opened up that one night, spoken to Taehyung, he didn't want to be that type of person anymore. He didn't know why, but it all just seemed so wrong. And now it was becoming clear. Jungkook was changing Taehyung, and he didn't want to let go of that. He didn't want to let go of the fact that there was a better version of himself. He didn't want to let go of the fact that he would find happiness in Jungkook.
If only he could turn back time.
Taking one last breath, Taehyung rids himself of every thought in his mind. It isn't too late, he repeatedly says to himself. No, it wasn't. And he's going to do right by Jungkook. He's going to give Jungkook an explanation. A reason as to why he pushed him away ten years ago, why he walked out earlier, and finally why he lied. And it would be hard to make Koo to understand, Taehyung knows that, but this time, nothing would stop him from doing so. Not even God.
Taehyung twists the door handle, pushing the heavy oak door open slowly, feverishly, he steps in, immediately being caught with the sight of Jungkook, who was sniffling, head tucked into his knees as he held himself tightly. Taehyung's heart pangs harshly when he realises that he was the cause of Jungkook's tears. Taehyung steps forward, trying to be as quiet as possible. All he wanted to right now was hug Jungkook, and tell the smaller bun that everything was going to be okay. And even if Taehyung was an asshole, he still cared for Jungkook with all of his life. And he wanted to apologise for taking so long to realize it.
The blue eyed boy tried his best to be as quiet as possible, but fails when he coughs.
Jungkook's ears perk up, "Hoseok, I know Wendy told you to– oh," Jungkook says, bitterness in his tone when he sees Taehyung. Taehyung almost flinches back from Jungkook's tone, but instead, he gives a small smile, sitting down in front of Jungkook, legs crossed, bare against the wooden bench of the changing rooms. Jungkook shifts uncomfortably, what was Taehyung even doing here? And why did Jungkook just want to scream out in tears again?
"Go away," Jungkook mumbles quietly, but still loud enough for Taehyung to hear the sharpness in his voice. Taehyung doesn't say anything, silence ridden all over his body and mind. He came in here thinking that he was just going to open up, explain everything to Jungkook, and now, he was sitting in front of the angered, sad bunny and he sees that's it's going to be harder than the thought. Soon, Taehyung opens his mouth, trying to think of the best way to speak, or well, the best way to start to speak. But when Jungkook glares at him, his mouth clamps shut.
After a while, Jungkook sighs exhaustedly, "Taehyung, what are you doing here?" But once more, Taehyung can't bring himself to answer. Instead, his blue eyes shift down to his fingers, that were timidly playing with themselves as he tried to rid of his cowardness once more. Jungkook, tired of feeling like he was talking to a brick wall, stands up slowly, looking down at Taehyung, "I came here to be alone, and once again, you had to follow me and ruin my peace. And on top of that, you're just sitting here in silence, so I'm leaving Taehyung. Do what you want."
He sighs, quickly collecting his things, rushing out. But before he can, a soft, gentle hand is on his wrist, stopping him from leaving. Jungkook gasps, tingles running up from his arm to his heart, but he immediately shakes that feeling off, to look at Taehyung with confusion. Taehyung's eyes are downcast, hair falling into his sad cerulean eyes. And Jungkook almost feels sorry for him. But then is reminded with the past, and anger overcomes his feelings again.
"I'm sorry," Taehyung mumbles softly, his voice deep as always, but this time, concealing an emotions that Jungkook just couldn't put his fingers on.
Jungkook doesn't reply, but instead, pushes Taehyung's hand away, "you don't need to feel sorry for liking someone else. I'm not petty. I'm not an idiot. I know when my feelings aren't going to be returned," Jungkook bites out, and Taehyung freezes. "No, i– it's not that. I'm sorry for everything."
And that's when the hard expression and Jungkook's face starts to melt, the ice cold harshness heating up once more, and now he's stripped away for what he's worth, staring at Taehyung with shock and confusion. He's...sorry?
Taehyung sighs, sitting down on the wooden bench, letting his head fall down into his hands with a groan. Jungkook just watches Taehyung in silence. It was clear that Taehyung was struggling to control his words and actions, so Jungkook didn't interfere. If Taehyung had something he wanted to say to Jungkook then he had to get there by himself, with no help, otherwise it wasn't genuine.
After a while, Taehyung looks back up with a sudden girth in his eyes. "I know you're not petty Koo," there it was. That damn nickname that made Jungkook want to fall to his knees everytime Taehyung uttered it, "but I was. I'm so sorry for causing you pain all those years ago."
Shock drips onto Jungkook like the first few raindrops before a storm, and his fingers shake as he sits down next to Taehyung, still silent, an unknown force delaying his speech. Abruptly, Taehyung turns to Jungkook, taking his hands into his own larger ones, holding them tightly.
"I...I was jealous of you. All those years ago. And that's why I ended our friendship."
"What?"
Taehyung sighs, distraught written all over his body and expression, "when my dad left," Taehyung began, and Jungkook immediately froze, Taehyung talking about his dad was a soft spot, or a nerve that no one should hit because when Taehyung does, he turns into a ticking time bomb, "I thought I had lost my one and only hero. He left and he promised that he would come and see me. That he wouldn't leave me and mum all alone. But not once in those few weeks did he come by and check up on us. At first I had thought that he wanted to give us time to settle into the feeling of not having him around, but then those weeks turned into months, and then years and now a decade."
Taehyung pauses, looking down at Jungkook's smaller hands, that were no rubbing circles on Taehyung's palm, almost as if to comfort the older boy. Jungkook didn't know why, but it was like his body was acting on his own accord, and he hand to reassure Taehyung that he cared and that he was listening to the older's explanation. That one simple act urges Taehyung to continue to speak, urges Taehyung to put his heart on the line, urges Taehyung to risk it.
"I regretted it you know, the minute that I shut the door on your face, I...I wanted to hug you and apologize. But you had already left. And the one day I came to the park hoping that you were going to be there, and you were, and then I seen you with your dad and all of a sudden that petty jealousy rised up again," Taehyung shifts closer to Jungkook, eyes sad and glistening with tears holding on for dear life. "I'm so sorry for being the biggest asshole to you for the past ten years."
Jungkook leans his head on Taehyung's shoulder with a little sigh, his heart finally dropping it's guard, all of the walls crumbling down once more the last time, "why..why did you just realise now?" He whispers to Taehyung, closing his eyes tightly when his heart pangs harshly, making his breath stop in his throat.
Taehyung's breaths turn deep, "because I was scared of expecting more and then being let down. I wanted to protect my own feelings so that the people I loved most couldn't one day up and leave like he did, so I pushed everyone out, but now I'm seeing it's doing more damage to me that letting people in. And... importantly, it's hurting the people I love the most."
Jungkook looks up, Taehyung's eyes hinting to Jungkook something unknown. And in that moment, both of the boys are trapped. Caught in each others heated gaze. Jungkook is internally begging Taehyung to say those few words that he needed for everything to fall into place. And Taehyung is trying to hint out that he does acknowledge his feelings for the other, but it's hard for him to say it.
"So...w–where does that leave us?" Jungkook croaks out, staring straight ahead.
But he sees Taehyung shrug from the corner of his eyes.
"Honestly Koo, I don't know. We're both equally as messed up as each other. And I want to stop hurting you. I want to be with you. I want to kiss you every day. I want to able to love you. But I'm scared. Scared that one day I won't be enough for you. Scared that one day I won't know how you feel about me. So I don't know where we are, but we're...somewhere, I think we just have to find each other first."
Jungkook completely avoids everything Taehyung says, knowing that the older boy is right. They might know what they want from each other, but they still haven't found each other.
Sighing, Jungkook says, "Taehyung. You know how shitty it is, that you realise what you want after you hurt me? And, you're right. So in that case, I think the best thing to do is to stay away from each other."
Taehyung's heart falls to his shoes, crumbling into little pieces, "w–what?" It's like his whole world is spinning, and the only thing he can comprehend is Jungkook's sad expression.
"...So sorry, but I just can't let you hurt me everytime. I..I love you Taehyung. But I can't show you how much until you figure yourself out. I know what I want, I want you. But I'm stuck on this chapter waiting for you. And I don't know how long I can wait for you Tae."
Taehyung stands up, nodding. He knows that whatever Jungkook says is only the truth. But he was going to try. Try his best.
Jungkook gathers his things but Taehyung stops him, "b–before you leave, can I ask you two things?"
Jungkook shifts, looking at Taehyung's sad expression and he gives in, "yes."
"Lucas. Do you feel anything for him?"
Jungkook lets out a bitter chuckle but covers it up with a slight smile, "I barely know him, how would I know if I felt anything for him?" Taehyung's nods. Right. He was so stupid for thinking that there was something going on between the two.
"What's the last thing?"
Taehyung shifts on his feet, never feeling more vulnerable than right now, "can you kiss me?" Jungkook's eyes widen and Taehyung immediately shakes his hand, "no, not like that. Can you..just kiss me on the cheek...like as a last goodbye?"
Jungkook nods, and steps forward, pressing his lips against Taehyung's cheek softly. Taehyung closes his eyes, sucking in a breath. Before Jungkook steps away and leaves. The only thing remaining was the silence, and the ghost of Jungkook's lips against Taehyung's skin.
And that's when Taehyung let's the first tear of pain silently roll down his cheek, the rest following after each other.
Everything was just so fucked up.
------
so if you're confused with what's happening, let me quickly explain. Jungkook realised that he had feelings for Taehyung FIRST but never acted upon it. But when Tae realised how much he cared for Koo, he saw that he had to open up first to act upon it. And then Jungkook told him that he loves him. But it isn't groundbreaking, it's just in a caring way.
What do you think is going to happen next? Vote and comment!!
If you haven't already!!!!
Please follow my shared BTS account with my friend "n".
We post BTS related things and we just got started on the account, so it would mean the world if all of you reading right now followed us and liked our posts.
If you do follow us, let me know on wattpad so I can message you~
Any post (recent ones) with "k" under them is moiiiiiii and the beautiful dance covers are "n"
Please follow us, "@seouldancer"
It would mean the absolute worldddddddd!!