December 31st, 2016
Tilly's POV
Dad and Anne went out for a New Years' Eve party tonight and Gemma left early yesterday evening to go home to London so I'm sat here in my living room, buried under numerous blankets, laying on the lounge, watching The Conjuring and stuffing my face with a bag of microwavable popcorn in a dark room, the only light coming from the glow of the TV. This is the third horror movie I've watched in a row and if Dad knew he'd probably become very worried. It started after Mum died, I suppose. My obsession of horror movies. I was seven and came downstairs to see Dad asleep on the lounge with the 1978 film, Halloween playing on the TV.
October 1st, 2000
I walk downstairs and my body runs cold as the cool air inside the living room hits my skin and I tighten at my dressing gown. The house hasn't been too warm since Mum died. I look to my right and see Dad asleep on the lounge, a beer in his hand as he snores softly, the TV glowing against his face. I creep around the corner and see the TV. I watch in awe at what Dad must have been watching before he fell asleep. The man gets a beer from the fridge and in an instant, he is stabbed in the back by a masked figure. I stand back and gasp, knocking the lamp on the side table over. I look to Dad who grumbles and rolls a little bit, another snore escaping his lips. I bite down on my lip and clench my fists into balls, holding them to my mouth. He doesn't wake up, so I move to the TV and sit in front of it, wrapping the purple blanket that rests on the floor around my shoulders.
It still smells like her.
The film ends with a montage of places indicating that the masked killer could be anywhere, and I sit here staring at the credits. The TV turns off, causing the room to go dark and I jump and turn around to see Dad with the TV remote in his hand. I look to the clock and see it says '1:57AM'.
"Darling, what're you doing?" Dad asks sleepily.
"I couldn't sleep." I lie.
"Ahhh Tilly." He says softly as he gets up, taking me in his arms and carrying me upstairs to my bedroom.
"Dad?" I say as he covers the blanket over me and kisses my forehead.
"Yes sweetheart?" He says.
"Do you think Mum went to heaven?" I say, watching as he leans in my doorway.
"I think your mother was an angel who went back to heaven. Get some sleep." He says as he walks out of the room and closes the door. Leaving me in a dark room alone. I lay still and look at the ceiling, recounting the movie I just watched.
That man's death was so simple and so fast. Nobody cared that he was dead or how he died. Is that how everyone else treats death? I watched Mum lay in a hospital bed as she lost her hair and her skin faded from tan to ghastly. Why was his so... so... easy? There were no consequences, and nobody cried for him. Maybe I should watch horror movies more often.
December 31st, 2016
Harry went out with friends from school tonight and I was invited I just didn't want to go out to the pub with, I suppose I just felt like I wanted to stay home. It also doesn't help that Harry and I haven't really spoken since Christmas. I spent the week at home buried under the same old blankets. I finish the movie and shuffle deep into the lounge, folding my arms over my chest as I think about the last week of being home. Harry and I really didn't talk now that I think about it. We discussed going out with friends but that was about it really. We had dinner at Anne's most nights after Christmas, but I sat myself next to Gemma, Anne or Dad. Anyone but Harry. Things have been weird between us, exchanging the occasional smile or awkward glance but I can't stop thinking about Townes.
Who is she?
When did they meet?
Did they date?
I know they had sex but when?
He and I have been... well I'm fucked if I know what we are. He promised we'd talk about it and we never did... and we leave home in three days, returning to busy schedules. I turn the TV off and go outside to the pool, still wrapped in Mums blanket. I sit on one of the pool lounges and curl myself up, placing my knees to my chest, lighting a cigarette. The air is cool but the heat from the pool emits steam, disappearing into the thin winters air. It's strange looking at the pool as an adult, it always looked so much bigger as a child. Some of my favourite memories are in that pool.
*Play song now: Bloom by The Paper Kites*
I throw my cigarette onto the ground and step on it, picking it up and throwing it into the garden bushes. I wrap the blanket around me tighter and stand still next to the pool, closing my eyes and I deeply inhale the cold air. I drop the blanket to my feet, not opening my eyes. I feel at the hem of my black sweater and slowly begin to lift it above my shoulders, my hair falling to the side of my neck as I do. The cool air caresses my collar bones and a shiver runs down my spine as the cool air embraces the rest of my torso. I inhale as I untie my sweatpants and drop them to my feet, stepping out of them. I stand here in my bra and underwear looking into the heated pool.
I hold my breath and dive in head first.
I glide through the bath warm pool underwater, twisting and turning my body, my hair swaying around me as I do. As I lift my head above the water to draw a breath, I run my hands over my eyes and remove excess water that seeks refuge upon my face, running them down my hair and squeezing out any water. I fly back and gently float above the water as half my body is exposed to the cool night air whilst the other feels the sensations of the overly hot pool water. The sky above me is littered with billions of stars that glimmer unlike any other sky I've seen. I suppose it makes me sad. As a child I'd personify certain stars, giving them names and personalities. When Harry left, talking to the stars made everything easier. I truly believed they could hear me; I was just too far away to hear them. I throw my arms behind me and glide through the water, swimming around in the heat.
"You're a sight for sore eyes." I hear the familiar husky voice speak out. I gently glide through the pool not bothering to look at him. He startled me at first but when has he ever not.
"Don't you have your own home to go too, Harry?" I ask, closing my eyes and continuing to float on my back.
"Yes, however, mine doesn't have a pool." He says as he jumps in, cannonball style.
I come off my back and stand in the water watching for him to come up, but I begin to notice he's gliding under water. And he's swimming further towards me. Before I can move away in one swift motion, he lifts me up from the water, grabbing my hips and throwing me over his shoulder.
"Stop it Harry!" I say as the cool air sends painful shivers across my body exposed to the night air.
"Have some fun, Matilda!" He yells out and I kick at him, he drops into the water and we both go under which gives me a chance to part and swim away.
"You can't do that; you could've hurt me, Harry!" I speak out, splashing water at him as he laughs.
"Ease up Tilly baby." He says as he swims towards me.
Baby. I almost lose my breath.
"I was perfectly at ease until you interrupted. shouldn't you be out having drinks?" I say as I float onto my back again.
"I wanted to be with you for New Years. Its 11:56pm..." He says as he checks his watch which I hope is waterproof.
"I'm pretty content here, alone, I must add." I say as I close my eyes. I glide around until I feel two big hands gently slide under my back, one on my lower back as the other rests under my shoulder blades.
"What're you doing?" I practically whisper.
"I'm holding you up, friends support one another remember?" I can practically hear the smirk in his voice, but he speaks softly, and I feel completely safe.
"If that's what friends do..." I say gently as he begins to gently move me around the pool, water gliding over my stomach as he does. We've done lots of things that 'friends' wouldn't do.
"I didn't know you had a tattoo?" I hear him whisper and I open my eyes to stare into the dark night sky.
When I was twenty, I got my first and currently only tattoo on my hipbone which is a small linework cherry.
"Why would you?" I ask innocently.
"Because I remember kissing every square inch of you down there... I suppose I didn't really look." He says softly and I feel myself blush hot red, my cheeks burning. It definitely doesn't help that my cheeks are so hot.
"I guess there's a lot of things that you don't know about me." I say back.
His watch sets off a soft continual beep noise and I open my eyes.
"Happy New Years, Matilda Jackson." He says softly, pulling me into his chest, his hand resting under my knees as the other holds my shoulder blades in place, the beeping ceasing.
"Happy New Years, Harry Styles." I barely say back. No matter how hard I try, no matter how long we've known one another he makes me so nervous.
"I'm supposed to kiss you now..." He whispers, his nose touching mine.
"Then why don't you?" I ask nervously.
"Because you're mad at me." He says and I feel myself grow anxious as I await his lips. I wrap my hand around his shoulders, flattening his slicked back soaked hair.
"Harry, I could never be mad at you... Not for long." I say as I lean in and kiss him gently, our lips hesitant as we slowly divulge in one another's kiss. We embrace in the warm water as our lips tremble. I savour every fucking second, I can get because I know this won't last forever, but right now it feels like it could, and I wish it did. I taste the whisky on his lips, and it makes me want him even more. I know he's been drinking, and he could be very drunk for all I know, but the way he kisses me intoxicates me more than any liquor ever could. He pulls away from the kiss and rests his forehead against mine as we breathe heavily.
"Tilly, Tilly, Tilly..." He whispers.
"Harry, Harry, Harry..." I whisper back.
"You drive me wild." He says and I rest my head under his chin, against his chest.
He kisses my forehead and carries me out of the pool, at first, I begin to question it, but I don't say anything, rather I kiss lightly at his neck which causes a gentle moan to escape from his lips and it makes me smile. He carries me upstairs and into the bathroom attached to my room and sits me on the bathroom counter. I cover my stomach with my hands folded, covering the rolls that form with my back hunched over and I straighten my back hoping they go away.
"Never cover yourself up from me." He says as he takes my hands in his ever so gently and moves them away from my stomach.
He makes me crazy with vulnerability and I sit here, his hands pressed against my thighs.
"Tilly baby?" He says.
"Y- Yes?" I say back nervously.
He leans down and presses his lips against my neck and leaves a trail of kisses against my neck, down my collar bone and I feel myself shiver.
"Can I ask you something?" He whispers back into my ear.
"Anything." I respond. Anticipation killing me.