== n i n i 's p o v ==
a few hours earlier -- the maids quarters in the royal castle
"who, red's friend? i think he plays for the other team, so-"
"not that one, the other one!" gina nonchalantly points to ricky across the grand foyer while all of us work to polish and wax the staircases. its ginormous, so there's no chance they can hear us. gina's been going on about how she needs a date to the masquerade ball, and it's become pretty apparent that she's an obvious hopeless romantic.
"um, what about the prince?" i suggest, hoping to give e.j a little more game. ashlyn and gina look up from their work and laugh, thinking i was trying to be funny.
"i'm not joking!"
"seriously, jaz? he's the prince," ashlyn repeats.
"i mean, it would be a dream.."
"see what you did? you gave her false hope," ashlyn jokes, which earns a hit on the shoulder from gina.
"i don't know, i think you two would hit it off. and his name is e.j, not the prince," i tell them, continuing to mop the floor.
"and how would you know that?"
"because he's my friend?" i look up to see both of their jaws practically on the ground.
"what?!"
"how-"
"how else did you think i scored us those invites?"
"why don't you go with him, then?" ashlyn says.
"oh, um, i kind of..i have, it's like..because like--so, i..yeah."
"i'm just gonna pretend like i understood a word of whatever you just said," gina laughs.
"anyways, red and i are wearing classy black.." ashlyn tells us, going off about the dress she made.
"wait, why aren't you guys wearing red?" gina jokes.
"because i made jaz this adorable red gown with a detachable skirt," she tells us.
"okay, i'm honored," i laugh.
"at least you and red can match, anthony and i are still in the awkward talking stage," gina tells us.
oh.
"wait, that anthony? the one over there?"
"yes, the not gay one, we've established this," ashlyn jokes.
"and you guys are like..?"
"mhm, i think so? i don't know, it's confusing. i mean, he's not my first choice, but, you know how it is."
"so you two are.."
"i guess? is there something wrong with that? jaz, be honest, is this a race thing?? because if i want to date a white guy that has nothing to do-"
"what?! no!! i'm happy for you guys. really. i've just..got to use the lou. cover for me?" i choke out with a smile, setting down my broom and walking out into the hall. i lean myself up against the wall, taking a deep breath and tipping my head back as i try and hold back tears.
i should've seen this coming.
no, you know what? my heart's not broken or anything. it's not like i'm in love with him. we dated in high school. he's allowed to be with other people. i'm okay. i'll just--
"jaz, you good?"
i turn my head down and look at e.j, who just so happened to be walking down the hall. this happens way too often.
"oh, no, yeah, i'm fine."
"you look like you're fucking heartbroken, and that's a word i don't use lightly."
"i will be. i'll be fine."
"okay," he says, bringing his hand up to wipe a tear from my face. i swat it away though, because i don't need anyone to wipe my tears for me. i can handle myself.
"i don't need you to do that. just..go do your prince things and i'll do my maid things."
"whatever you say," he holds his hands up in defense, "but you look like you need to like..get out your emotions. prince's orders."
"i'm-"
"fine? yeah, sure. for now," he starts to walk off, turning around and walking backwards as he speaks, "you need to just let it all out! i mean it, jasmine!"
ricky and nini's temporary living space, later that night
i go the rest of the day without any more tears, because there's no point in crying if i'm just going to do it again later. i'm sitting in the bed, ricky long gone at the night shift.
let it all out, nini.
i eye his keyboard and a notepad, grabbing them and having a seat on the floor. it feels so weird to be in front of one of these again, about to make up a song. the last time i sung one of my songs, my entire world flipped upside down. but now..i'm not writing for ricky. i'm
writing for myself. i hesitantly strike one of the notes, hearing the crisp sound of an a flat. i close my eyes, letting my muscle memory take over as i strike random notes and let the thoughts flood out of my head.
found this guy, tells me that i'm his star
he holds the door, holds me when i'm in the dark
this boy, he's perfect on paper
and he loves my "pretty" face
but i've become the kind of girl who needs a clean slate
because this same boy, he's from my past
we fell in love but it didn't last
'cause the second i figured it out
he let my heart decay
and i won't fight for love
but now he wants to meet halfway?
oh, i say that i'm through..but this song's still for you..
all i want is love that lasts
is all i want to much to ask?
is there something wrong with me?
all i want is a good guy
are my expectations far too high?
try my best, but what can i say?
all i have is myself at the end of the day.
but shouldn't that be enough for me?
wow. i guess i never forgot how to write songs.
i feel tears drip down my face, which is reasonable considering i just let out everything from the past eight years. am i mad at ricky? no. because when has it ever been out of character for richard bowen to break my heart? i guess he just can't help himself.