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"That's right, class. A nice flick and Immobilus," Professor Flitwick called, watching them practice it from his perch of a chair.
"James, partner up with Peter. I want to pair with Remus," Sirius commanded, nudging his friend with his elbow.
"I'm never doing anything you say ever again," James pouted, giving Sirius a distressed look that was more bitter than it was dramatic.
"Oh come off it, James, I didn't know you'd make that much of an arse of yourself," Sirius quickly whispered since they needed to pair off now.
"You know I can't talk to her because of I...like...I don't know! I freeze up...my brain goes to mush. I think she's cursed me...or maybe a Slytherin. Really, Sirius, I think there's something wrong with me," James mumbled, now sounding worried.
If Sirius wasn't rushing James to agree to pair with Peter so he could pair with Remus guilt-free, he might have been a tad more sensitive to James' plights. Well, maybe not.
"Or here's a suggestion." James looked at Sirius hopefully, "you like her."
"Like her?" James asked slowly as if the concept was something foreign and he'd never even heard of it before.
"You know, have a crush. Like you want to hold her hand and kiss her and...," Sirius trailed off, grinning too hard to continue as James' face had gone as red as a tomato. So red that Professor Flitwick called to Sirius that he had done the wrong charm and to 'practice the freezing charm today, please'.
"I do not. Don't say that!" James groaned, sounding disgusted. Sirius felt a bit bad, but James had taken so long that Remus and Peter had already paired up so he mostly felt annoyed.
"Why not? You know it's true."
"No, it's not. SHE cursed me," James yelped.
"Cursed your heart, more or less," Sirius scoffed and James physically swayed where he stood. Again, Sirius felt a bit bad. But life was more or less filled with hard truths and James just had to face it. Sirius had to face his own hard truth as soon as he talked to Remus, which was now delayed because of the sod, so the least his friend could do was face his own.
"Stop that. Don't say that," James argued, half-arsedly waving his wand around in the pretense of focusing on class.
"Why not?" Sirius demanded, taking his wand out of his robe pocket.
"Because it's not true," James replied stubbornly. Sirius flicked his wand trying the charm, only because that's what they were supposed to be doing, not because he wanted James to shut up, no that wasn't it 'at all.'
"Do you want to hold her hand?" Sirius countered, believing himself to be quite an expert at crushes since he'd heard his cousins talk about their own many times. James went silent for a bit, and Sirius could almost see the cogs in his brain trying to come to any conclusion besides liking Lily. To be fair, Sirius could sympathize. Lily would never like James, after all, and his friend was mental for falling for her in the first place. So he just had to accept it and get over it quickly.
"Well, you hold Remus' hand all the time," James retorted proudly. Sirius blinked a few times then started laughing.
"You dimwit, that's different! We're friends," Sirius shook his head at how bonkers James was asking.
"So are Lily and I," James attempted weakly, his wand dropping to his side as Flitwick turned his attention to Jeremiah Cattermole, who was struggling badly with this spell.
"No, you aren't," Sirius scoffed, lowering his voice as Peter and Remus glanced over at them.
"Well...then we'll become friends and then it won't be weird," James concluded, sounding relieved. Sirius tried to be patient, tried to remind himself that James grew up without older cousins to explain these things to him. Because as wonderful as James' parents were, he couldn't see them sitting down to explain to James how to know when you have a crush anymore than he could imagine his parents doing so.
"You're an utter moron, James. Friends don't want to snog each other."
James glanced around quickly as if Sirius had just said a very dirty word. "I...I...I don't..," James stammered, sounding more like Peter than himself.
"Just admit it, James, so you can get over her and--" Sirius knew he was goading James quite a bit, but he didn't expect his git of a friend to point his wand at him.
"Immobilus," James stated with confidence. Body going completely rigid as a jolt uncomfortably ran up Sirius' spine, he glared at James and his wand, unable to do anything else.
"Oh, well done, Mr. Potter! Five points to Gryffindor for excellent execution. Most don't get it right until the end of class. Well done, indeed!"
James grinned, puffing up, though his face was still red. Stupid Potter and his stupid annoying knack for charms. Lily shot a similar glare at James, only she was still able to move and speak. Then Lily turned back to Marlene, looking a little red in the face herself as she concentrated, probably too hard, on trying to catch up to James.
"I think I like you better this way, Black," James smirked, no longer blushing. "Maybe I'll keep you like that until the end of class," he teased.
Sirius' expression was stuck in the glare he had on his face before James froze him, because it was so very hard to be patient with the massive berk sometimes. But even if the dark expression had been a matter of choice, Sirius would still be glaring at his stupid best friend. That was what Sirius got for caring about James' feelings too much. Next time he'd just pair up with Remus without consulting James first. It would serve him right to be stuck with Pettigrew for a while.
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Remus listened to James and Peter chew out Sirius once more on waking them up so darn early when the visitors weren't arriving until dinner time, as they all left class together.
"Dinner time, Sirius! I could have slept in," Peter lamented dramatically.
"Yeah, you need your beauty sleep, Pettigrew," Sirius teased, still jovial. It was cute that he got so excited about holidays, but then again Remus didn't have to worry about Sirius actually waking him up at odd hours because of that excitement because he was typically already awake, usually.
"Har har har," Peter mumbled.
"It's a bloody shame Flitwick unfroze you so quickly after my brilliant charm. You would have deserved to stay like that for eternity, you wanker. They aren't coming until dinner time!" James shouted once more in outrage, only half-joking now. Remus read as he walked and listened with amusement to his crazy friends.
"I thought they were coming at breakfast!" Sirius protested his innocence loudly, earning the looks of a few Hufflepuffs they were passing in the hall. Remus heard one of them whisper 'blood traitor,' and hide a smirk. He glanced at Sirius relieved he hadn't noticed, feeling bad for his friend. Remus wishing he could have been there for him when he had gotten the howler.
Remus had been filled in on what had happened while he was in the hospital wing, his jaw having been so severely broken from the wolf ramming itself into the shack, more desperate than usual to escape, that it took days to heal. Madam Pomfrey said jaws were particularly tricky to heal since something about nerves or tendons, but that didn't help Remus who still looked like a human punching bag. He knew the matron was doing her best, but it was still really frustrating.
Of course, he only had himself to blame, well the wolf. A wolf who was indeed growing bigger, rapidly bigger. "With changes to the wolf will come changes to you," Madam Pomfrey had explained calmly, though Remus still had an odd feeling she was holding something back.
Dumbledore had made note of his exhaustion, though Madam Pomfrey hadn't seemed too concerned about that. The matron instead had just made him promise not to take a sleeping draught without her express permission. Remus still thought it was odd that he had reacted that way to such a low-risk substance, but maybe that was the wolf too? Sometimes it was hard to figure out what the wolf was causing and what was just...him, whatever that meant.
Another change had been that his irritation had been growing, at least around the moon. He had a hard time admitting that to Dumbledore, who said he'd come by to check up on him after every full moon now. It seemed weird but the headmaster had pleasantly said with a great deal of amusement that it would. "Give Mr. Lupin' a chance to become better at chess and give this old headmaster a break from much more 'unpleasant tasks,'" which Remus supposed was true. Besides the young werewolf had just been relieved that upon reluctantly telling Dumbledore about his growing anger that the headmaster had not looked at him as if he was a monster but merely explained that was normal.
"Might I suggest the aid of humor when you feel frustrated, Mr. Lupin? Giving yourself that outlet for your frustration may provide fewer casualties," Dumbledore had advised him, and Remus for once completely understood the advice and planned to follow it. Problem was that it was easier said than done. Even when not near a full moon, he often wanted to give his friends a good shake sometimes. Madam Pomfrey had said that was normal too, sounding quite amused, and had congratulated him on not throttling his friends yet. Remus felt this wasn't quite fair. Yes they were annoying at times, but they also weren't mentioning his bruised jaw and were letting him keep his secrets, for the time being. For that, he was overwhelmingly grateful.
"We need to send him over the plank," James declared passionately. Remus wasn't sure how they had gotten to pirates, but the tone was more teasing now rather than the outrage it had been bordering on before so it seemed fine.
"Arg, I ain't done nothing wrong you scurvy...er, scallywag," Sirius cried out, holding out his hand like it was a hook and closing one eye which was probably supposed to represent an eyepatch.
Remus laughed, Sirius' impression of a pirate might be his worst impression so far. This was the result of his friend reading The Ghost in the Noonday Son several weeks ago, and naturally, reenacting the book to all of them. Remus had, regrettably, been the one to suggest the classic Muggle book to Sirius about a boy getting kidnapped by pirates, whose fits of boredom could bring even the most patient person to insanity. The werewolf only mildly regretted suggesting the book because of the ridiculous impersonations it led to.
"Yes, you did," Peter pipped in, not even trying to sound like a pirate, he had been doing homework the night Sirius had gone on about the book.
"Arg, you did, arg! You...um, arg...." James attempted to communicate, sounding utterly ridiculous in the process.
Remus rolled his eyes, feeling great fondness for his friends. They were truly good mates even if Sirius robbed him of some of his precious and rare sleep every now and then, and James botched up impersonating Muggle pirates because he thought every other word had to be 'argh.'
"See, I didn't do anything wrong," Sirius pointed out quickly, sounding satisfied.
"No, arg! You, arg....took...arg...umm..."
Remus wasn't sure if James had honestly forgotten what Sirius had done wrong, a highly likely possibility knowing his foolish friends, or was just trying to find some pirate-sounding term for what he'd done wrong.
"He's a marauder," Remus pointed out helpfully, deciding to give James the benefit of the doubt and assume he hadn't already forgotten Sirius' lack of judgment about the visitors coming at dinner, not breakfast.
"A what?" Peter asked, confused. Sirius looked at Remus, unsure whether the term was something good, in his defense, or a term that condemned him. Remus gave Sirius a mischievous smile that would leave no room for doubt about which of the two options it was.
"Come on guys, we have to go to class...," Sirius cut in, coming to the right conclusion that Remus was not helping his case. Remus laughed as Sirius squirmed, unsure just how bad the term was. He thought about drawing it out, since teasing Sirius was just somehow more satisfying than teasing the others. The now-worried boy was the most nosy of the bunch. But Remus decided not to be mean, especially since both James and Peter were pestering him to tell them what on earth that pirate term meant.
"It's not really a pirate term, it's a 17th-century French word meaning a raider or a robber," Remus pointed out, personally finding the word to be an adept description. They looked at him blankly as Sirius coughed 'swat' shooting a gloating look at Remus. "Basically, since Sirius robs us of our sleep he's a marauder," Remus explained patiently.
"Oh, I like that!" James decided eagerly.
"You marauder," Peter accused dramatically. James laughed and even Sirius grinned.
"I like the sound of it, it has a nice ring. Sure, I'm a marauder. Whatcha gonna do about it!" Sirius called out tauntingly and took off running through the halls with a whoop. James and Peter followed him laughing.
Remus thought about joining, but he was still terribly sore and the last thing he needed was to get even more banged up. Besides, his friends were running towards potions which Remus somehow just couldn't make himself do since always tried to put off going to that class as long as he possibly could without being late.
"Remus, wait up," came a horrifyingly familiar voice from behind him. The werewolf froze, going cold and scolded himself for not dashing after his friends and their reckless boyish abandon he couldn't even pretend to have. He didn't want to face Lily, but it's not like he could hide from her until his face healed, well at least not practically anyways.
"H...hi, Lily," Remus stammered. He turned around, though by the sound of her voice she was still quite a ways further down the hall than him. Maybe this way he wouldn't see so blatantly the shock and hurt that would appear on her face. He tried not to look as her footsteps stopped abruptly.
Lily knew he was a werewolf.
He was nearly certain of this uncomfortable fact now. She had woken him and saved lives, though Madam Pomfrey had assured him he would have been into the Shrieking Shack long before transforming inside of the castle became a possibility. But still, Lily had woken up Remus, knowing exactly why it was so important.
"Are...of course you aren't alright. Um, is there anything I can do?" she sounded as sad as he knew she'd be, and also sounded sympathetic. But that just didn't make sense. She knew what he was and even though Lily had been sympathetic to dark creatures in class from day one, part of him expected her to come after him with a mob and pitchforks.
He still couldn't meet her eyes. Did she know that he knew she knew?
Probably. It made simple interactions become a minefield of scary possibilities. He had to be careful not to make a misstep, otherwise the whole situation would explode. Maybe she wanted something from him? To study him? He supposed she was studious enough. Perhaps for an extra credit assignment? His mind whirled, painfully aware of the long silence stretching between them.
Did she want him to admit it? How long had she known? Surely she wasn't playing with him? He thought better of her than that...right?
"Uh, Lily-" Remus began with no idea of how to end.
"Oi, Remus we..." Sirius trailed off, probably having come back to fetch him. Remus cursed this terrible day. Black was possibly the only person that could make this situation any worse.
What if Lily told Sirius? What if she already had?
Remus felt his chest constricting as the anxiety he'd been forcing down threatened to choke him. He wasn't dying, even if it felt a bit like he was at the moment, though Lily could kill him if she wished simply by reporting him. Because then he wouldn't be at Hogwarts anymore, and that, Remus decided, was worse than death.
"Hi, Sirius," Lily called cheerfully to Sirius as if she wasn't facing a monster in the hallways of the school. As if she wasn't fearful or disgusted. Remus' head spun faster, nothing made sense and he had to talk to her but he couldn't, he just couldn't.
"Glad to see you, Lily," Sirius replied good-naturedly.
"You are?" She sounded surprised, finally pulling her eyes away from the werewolf, leaving him some room to breathe. It was marginal airflow, but enough to get by without being reduced to gasping at the feeling of cold darkness clawing at him which led to him feeling some relief. Although there was another part of him that wanted to scold her for turning her eyes away from a monster who knew you knew what it was. Hadn't she learned anything during their D.A.D.A class last year?
"Yeah, cuz I'm going to steal Remus for my partner in potions today," Sirius explained. He didn't ask, didn't make sure it was alright, just stated it as fact. Remus felt Sirius' hand clasp his, and was grateful for the physical presence that kept him from collapsing where he stood.
"You alright?" Sirius asked, sounding like he knew he wasn't.
"Yes," he gasped out shakily, betraying that he really wasn't if Sirius didn't already know. But what else was he supposed to say? "No, Sirius. I may have just lost a friend and if I have upset Lily enough I may have even lost everything."
"Why'd you want to sit next to me?" Remus asked instead, forcing himself to sound calm since he was now beyond the possibility of being calm. At least he could fake it, that was something, something to grasp onto as the hall both seemed to tilt and close in on him at the same time.
"I need a reason to want to sit next to one of my best mates?" Sirius laughed. Did it sound forced, or was Remus imagining it?
"It does if said best friend is the world's worst student at potions," Remus pointed out, blissfully sounding calm. He thought about pointing out to Sirius that he could walk now, that they could stop holding hands. Only Remus didn't want to stop holding Sirius' hand. It felt secure and safe. He needed that, he desperately needed safe. So he didn't point it out just let Sirius still gently tug him along, Lily left behind.
"Think mighty high of yourself there, do you?" Sirius scoffed.
"I call it as I see it," he pointed out, sounding less teasing, more low self-esteem than he'd meant it to.
"Well, I'm good enough for the both of us," Sirius retorted, sounding amused, thankfully letting Remus' prior-almost too serious-comment pass.
"Think mighty high of yourself there, do you?" he asked back, finding it easier to breathe now. Sirius glanced over his shoulder at him, smirking.
"I call it as I see it," he replied cheerfully.
Remus smiled back as they turned the corridor meeting up with the rest of the class which was oddly waiting outside. Sirius dropped Remus' hand quickly, in a fashion that left him feeling as if they were doing something they weren't supposed to. James was looking at them smiling with a little wave to signal them to come over. Sirius cleared his throat and Remus thought his face looked a little red before his friend went ahead without him. The werewolf was left to maneuver his way through unrelenting students, alone.