i couldn't sleep again.
i was too focused on whether aang was okay or not.
the pain from before had stopped - or at least calmed down.
the place where aang had been hit was still aching but it couldn't be him.
it had to be just a muscle memory thing. but i also have no idea how that would work.
if he was still alive - were they trying to find me?
or did they think i was dead.
i decided i needed to leave the fire nation as soon as possible.
even if they weren't there - i had to find out.
and i needed a plan.
---
'didn't expect to see you out here' said zuko, sitting next to me by the pond.
it was only about 7am and i could tell he hadn't slept either.
'you okay?' i asked, putting my head on his shoulder.
he threw some bread at the ducks and sighed, 'yeah im fine'
we paused, looking out as the sun rose over the gardens.
he noticed i was shivering and put his arm around my back, warming me up quickly.
i laughed and huddled in a bit closer to him, feeling him smile.
atleast he was feeling okay.
we could've stayed like that forever, just watching the turtle ducks paddle through the crystal clear waters as we lay in each others arms.
but we couldn't.
'spirits could you two do that anywhere else?' asked azula, stepping into the garden with ty lee and mai.
'hi azula' i said, not looking up.
'im sure you'll be joining us for breakfast?' she said, and i could feel her staring us down.
i looked up at his face and he nodded, 'we'll be there soon'
she scoffed and left, taking her friends with her.
'she still cross we won the volleyball?' i smirked.
'i wouldnt put it past her' he agreed, chuckling.
he took my hand and helped me up.
'm'lady,' i said, curtseing and leading him through the palace to where i thought the hall would be.
i had never been before but kind of hoped it would be easy to find.
but, sadly, the architect had done their best to make it a labrinth and we just got more lost as we went on.
we stopped at our fifth dead end and zuko spoke up, 'you have no idea where you're going, do you?'
i smiled and looked back at him, feigning surprise, 'how could you tell?'
he smirked and brought me to the hall.
it was giant. the table stretched all the way from one side of the room to the other, yet there were only about six chairs.
a big waste of space if you ask me but whatever.
'please y/n, sit down' said a servant, pulling a chair out for me to sit on.
i sat down next to zuko, who was at one end of the table, and mai whole ty lee and azula sat opposite us : to leave a space at the head of the table.
i have no idea how roku managed to live here for so long.
'so,' said azula, trying to get a conversation going, 'i hear you can't air bend anymore, y/n'
zuko set down his food and looked at her, angrily, 'azula serious-'
'zuko its fine' i said, calming him down, 'yes, that does seem to be the case,'
'oh that's such a shame!' said ty lee, 'i was really looking forward to seeing someone air bend.'
'ugh you've seen it before' said mai
ty lee smiled, 'oh but wouldn't it be nice to see it again?'
and that was what reminded me.
they'd murdered aang.
and i couldn't air bend anymore.
how could i forget? how could i be so selfish to be so caught up in this - all because of zuko.
if i hadnt hung out with him maybe id have found a way out of here by now.
even with my airbending gone.
i pushed my food to the side and stood up, 'im not hungry anymore. ill see you in a bit'
'azula why did you have to say that!' shouted zuko as i left, running behind me.
'calm down brother' i heard azula smirk.
i was as good as a traitor. oh if wan could see me now he'd be so disappointed.
i shouldve escaped by now.
i should've gone out that window.
i could've taken those guards down whenever i wanted.
i could've be with the gaang already.
why am i so damn useless i cant even find the courage to leave a stupid palace.
wan would be disappointed. kyoshi would be disappointed. mum would be disappointed. they all would.
why wasn't i strong enough. and why was i the only one left.
and just before i reached my room, zuko caught up with me and hugged me from behind, letting me bury my eyes in his arms.
he turned me around amd faced me, wiping my eyes.
'y/n if id known she'd bring it up -'
i broke down, my words almost unintelligable through my sobs - but i didn't care. i flung my arms around his shoulders, hugging him as tight as i could just to know someone was actually there, 'zuko they're gone. they're all gone. they're gone they're gone theyre gone. and its my fault. i could've just left with them. i could've picked myself up and gone out of the cavern with them. its my fault'
he hugged me tighter, shushing my sobs as my breathing became even more jagged, 'hey y/n its okay'
i squeezed my eyes shut into his shoulder - noticing my breath get faster as it felt like i couldnt take any air in. i was breathing, sure, but it felt as if something was blocking my throat so the air couldnt get to my lungs, 'no. no its not okay. okay? i made a mistake. i made a huge mistake and its costing me.'
'y/n breathe okay its alright.'
i must've looked so childish.
for spirits sake y/n why cant you just bottle it all up. diu could. why not you.
and zukos words didnt help. my head began spinning and when i opened my eyes again my vision was going out.
'y/n can you hear me?' he said, muffled.
i could feel his arms on my shoulders. it was like i was underwater - or in a vaccuum - or weightless in the air, because i couldnt feel his hands properly.
zuko was shouting at me - his screams muted as my thoughts enveloped me.
then i felt a sharp pain in my arm where the scar was, forcing me back to reality.
i stared into his eyes.
my breathing had slowed.
he looked scared, 'y/n im sorry i-i panicked i didnt me-'
how could i react to that?
'zuko' my throat was hoarse.
i looked at him - not breaking eye-contact.
it was like i was staring into a wall. almost as if he wasnt there at all.
it felt safer.
'y/n please dont beat yourself up about this' he said, reminding me of his presence.
i looked away from him.
why was this happening.
'zuko' i said again, coughing, 'zuko i think you should go'
but i didnt really want him to.
or maybe i did, i dont know it just felt confusing.
'y/n listen to me.' he said, taking my hand, 'its not your fault, don't beat yourself up about th-'
'NO ZUKO' i shouted. way too loudly.
i could see him wince.
i lowered my voice, letting my new temper subside as best i could. i didn't want to be angry with him.
'please could you just leave me alone for a bit'
he didn't move.
i picked myself up and began to walk away. he put his hand on my shoulder. but i shrugged it off and closed the door behind me.
---
i slid down to the bottom of the door and buried my head in my hands.
aang was alive it was fine.
he had to be alive.
but i watched him die - i saw him.
oh aang.
in a fit of rage, i threw a ball of air at the wall - and it worked.
i looked down at my hand and threw another one. this time it hit the insignia tapestry off the wall.
spirits.
why was it working now?
what had i done now that i hadn't done before.
i tried again and again, hitting basically everything in my room over.
and it worked every time.
i sat on my bed, trying to think of a way i could escape now that i had my bending back.
but then i got a knock on my door.
'zuzu said i needed to apologise, so here i am.' said azula from the other side of the door, 'so if you could let me in?'
i opened the door and she walked in, sitting on the chair by the wardrobe.
'it's quite quaint isn't it?' she said, but i didn't reply, 'ugh fine i won't bring it up again'
'thanks azula' i smiled half-heartedly, and she walked by the door.
'you're welcome.'
the door shut closed behind her and i felt myself start breathing properly again.
i had to hide my bending from them - keep them thinking i couldn't leave.
then all i had to do was catch them off guard.
and escape.
---
a/n
GUYS I JUST EDITED THIS CHAPTER AND ADDED LIKE 500 WORDS WHAT.
that was kinda fun tho HMMMMMM
WHYD I FORGET HOW GOOD EDITING CHAPTERS WAS YEEHAW WHAT.
my brain isnt working so sorry if there are any errors lol.
but ily guys and ty for reading <3
maybe ill get a chapter out tomorrow aswell maybe i wont.
ily
-addy <3