After admiring the view we walked down the hillside and Dionisis bought me a cappuccino. I racked my brains; what could I buy him to thank him? I was so useless at that! Women are so easy to buy for. I did try to do my bit when I could.
Walking the streets of Heidelberg I thought it a strange situation that a McDonalds was installed in the most beautiful building in town. I paused to capture it on film. Next was Dionisis, standing tall in the Square with the backdrop dominated by the Castle. A camera was all he carried. I was next for the same spot to be preserved on film. Dionisis took a picture of a building and unwittingly captured the only sex shop in the frame.
Every time I looked into his eyes, I caught myself lingering there for too long, longer than I ought to and was socially directed to. I don't know if he realised how I felt about him and it was impossible to read him, probably because I was too busy focusing upon my own anxieties and insecurities so much and not reading any signs that might be there. I knew it could easily be the result of a clouded view, but the way we got on together made it even more confusing. The pragmatist in me knew I was only seeing the best side of him but yet, from the very first time I met him, I was completely drawn to him with attraction for both inside and out. I was almost drooling. Dionisis' demeanor was instantaneously magnetic. The way I felt about this man and the fact and opportunity for me to be with him was unfathomable and I continued to want him so badly. I wanted him to just wrap me up in his arms and kiss me. I was staying in his home, he was so attentive and yet we spent so much time with his friends. It was all so unclear. Yet Ann had been at pains to exploit his cleaning to poke fun at endearingly. To be able to see inside and get some insight, even from one of his friends would have been helpful. It was endlessly frustrating. We took our time strolling back to the apartment.
Soon Dionisis was turning the key and I was back in his room again. I sat on the bed looking at him as he came in. I had such a lovely time with him and it was even better we were together -just us. There wasn't anyone I would rather be with. I smiled up at him and he beamed back.
"Let me try something." he puzzled.
I glimpsed at my rose to stop myself staring at him, whilst he balanced his camera and waited patiently for him as he took his time.
Dionisis approached the top of the bookshelf. He deliberated over moving around some books and he perched his camera on the top shelf and positioned it so that the lens was pointing at me. I studied his actions involuntarily. I could see the concentration on his face and his movements were slow and deliberate. I could feel my mouth shaping, wanting to kiss around his. Every fibre of my being craved him. He stepped away from the shelf, towards me and put his arm around me after attempting to set the timer. I could feel his hand through my clothes. Every nerve was firing and responding to his touch. We waited for the timer to go off. Once the picture was taken, there was no doubt in my mind that he felt the same way too about me. Suddenly it was as though I could read his mind, as his face divulged an agonisation that mirrored mine. It was so apparent as his eyes searched mine and his yearning to lean in was palpable.
He pressed his hand into my back and we lingered as we gazed at each other. I felt rooted to the spot, partly with disbelief, partly with an enormous sense of relief. My skin took on a different sensory dimension due to the anticipation of him whilst his hand touched me. I closed my eyes by reflex of his being so close to mine and reached up to kiss him for the first time, longing to taste him. His lips were pressed firmly against mine. I was concious of a tingling, warm sensation that radiated around the bow of my mouth and reverberated across my stomach. His chest was close against me. His heart was pounding, hard and what I had wished for above anything since our meeting, was happening, it was really happening. For months I had imagined what this moment would be like and would feel like. Where his body was in contact with mine, I could trace his masculinity through his clothes. He felt strong, and tall and so muscular. We pressed hard together and I savoured his kiss that was gentle and it felt incredible. My lips felt the memory of the welcome pressing of his and they craved more. It is was so intense and it was beyond what I could have imagined. It gave me a feeling of an overwhelming surge of emotion, bordering on unbearable and incomprehensible. The emotion welled up in me, it felt in the pit of my stomach, like a pan that was going to overflow of heat; it was so intense that I genuinely felt light headed for a moment. I felt it move up my core and smarting my eyes. His arms naturally wrapped and folded around me with pressure that I relaxed into, idyllically at a choice moment. My back prickled and the tingles continued up like a massage to the base of my neck as his hand moved up to the back of my head through my hair. An ache enveloped my body and I wondered what sensations he was experiencing. He literally had all of me in the palm of his hands.
At that point my heart overruled all my usually calculated wisdom. I couldn't help myself and threw caution to the wind. It is not a very romantic thing to say, especially after our first kiss. But I knew what I wanted and sometimes you just have to make the most of the moment. Given that we, up until now, and been so polite to each other it was clear if I we carried on in the same vein then I would be returning home and I knew my own mind; there was something I just had to experience with him. In doing so I knew that of course there was a risk of sabotaging a relationship with him. Ultimately that is what I wanted above anything else. But it was a moment I simply did not want to, and could not pass by. Maybe I was intoxicated by my feelings for him. I went in for more. His lingering kiss did not disappoint. I pulled away gently.
"Dionisis?" I paused and searched for the courage in me ask him, "Have you got any condoms?"
"No" he said softly. Oh God, I immediately regretted the question. Had I been too brazen asking that? Yet strangely I was also relieved that he hadn't which meant he didn't expect anything from me. He paused. "We can get some." I guess that desire was also reciprocated then!
"Where from?" I asked.
"I don't know." he replied. I could see him thinking. "Maybe we can take the car and try and find some."
"Okay let's go!" I said bossily. It was early evening now. It was getting dark and it was damp outside with the rain. There was a new sense of purpose for both of us as we climbed into the car and as the seatbelt clicked I looked at him. He was pensive. I followed his instructions on the road. We stopped at a few obvious places but no luck.
"There are no condoms available but there's always beer! In garages too! I wouldn't see that back home."
Dionisis clearly didn't frequent garages and took in what I said.
Eventually he had the bright idea but to be honest it felt a little bit seedy. I stopped at the public toilets and he waved the box high in the air in his hand. There was something quite sordid and unromantic about it but it was what it was. We drove back to the house saying very little. I guess we were both deep in thought. I loved this man. There was no question that it as what I wanted and despite our 'hunt the contraception' the overall next step felt like the right, natural next step. I knew it was inevitable and it was the sensible action to make. I had made that mistake of not being prepared before.
He scooped up my hand with his hand and led me into the bedroom. Everything about Dionisis invited me to go on. In my usual overthinking way, at the back of my mind I had no view of a certain future. Given Una, it may end and my heart would be devastated. I had to take a leap of faith into hope and be optimistic. As for the rest, it felt so good! I just had to let go.
He was wearing a diffused lined, pale blue pinstriped shirt and I gently undid the top few buttons, observing his vest underneath, exploring what was inside with my eyes. I was slow and deliberate in my movement. But as he finished off removing the shirt, i couldn't help wanting him naked and to enjoy seeing his physicality. When I say perfect he was like a finely honed Greek statue. He had just enough muscle definition. I ran my hands of his pectoral muscles and continued to kiss him, proceeding nervously but at the same time, so excited. My hormones led me on.
What I also didn't find out until much later (and it all made sense once I knew) this unfolding event was, for reasons unknown to me, significant to Dionisis too. There had been no other girls.
I rested my head into his chest as I pulled him close again. Oh my God, the man smelt great. It was his own pheromone musk mingled with cologne. He lifted my chin to kiss me, and and we then separated. Dionisis reached and pulled his vest over his head and slipped it off. I explored his naked olive skinned chest with my mouth. He was firm and warm, and smooth. Slowly I kissed every curve, savouring the moment and feeling the delicious ache between my legs. I had been more ever hopeful, but it was way beyond my dreams. He lifted my jumper over my head and and undressed me carefully down to my bra. It was clear his mind was very much in the zone and apparent he was a breast man. The bra came off. He was so gentle and deliberate with his kisses.
There's always that moment where I imagine that mental punching the sky for a guy when he conquers and 'scores'. But I expect Dionisis put a lot of pressure on himself in his own mind. There's always the risk that he won't last and worse still, what about the expectation, that worry at this vulnerable time is so elevated. One thing was letting me know excited he was for sure; his heart was racing very fast. I had already felt it pounding firmly through his chest, against me.
After removing everything we climbed under the covers. He was warm and he was no burden weight wise on top, looking down at me, skin against skin. My hands rested over his shoulders and succumbed. Dionisis proved to be the same in bed as he was day to day. He was a gentle, attentive and a very considerate lover. Making love with him was easy and uncomplicated. I deliberately kept my eyes open to see him up so close as I now had his permission to stare, hoping it would never end. There are times when you're up close and personal like this and it's such a let down. This was not that moment. I couldn't have been so intimate and it wouldn't have been so meaningful and life changing like it was, otherwise. I lost a chunk of my heart to him as we lay in the afterglow. I felt such a deep connection to him.
However for him, It soon unfolded that it felt different from what he, himself had imagined it would be. He clearly had expectations, which took the edge off the moment, quite a bit.
"I thought you would've shaken, did you come?"
"Yes" I replied "I did!" I had. It's hard to take when you're feeling vulnerable. It was soon and too soon after. He didn't express disappointment, but it just felt like there was an air of the unexpected for him. I felt a little bit out of sorts as my perception of it all was it felt that the experience had resulted in disappointment. He continued talking. It was our first time and it can always be a bit strange and not at its optimum, but it was anything but disappointing to me.
Dionisis shared that, "With my previous girlfriend, she shook when she came, but you didn't." The last thing I wanted fresh in my mind was being compared with his girlfriend at this particular moment, feeling a deep vulnerability and it developing even deeper now.
"No," I responded "but I did." Indeed, the warmth of the experience radiated my whole body which I didn't want to end so I played with his hair and enjoyed his scent. There's that moment of intimacy when you're that close to someone and you want to be, when they talk softly to you and you not only hear them talk but you feel it. His arm was wrapped around me as I lay, draped deliberately over him. It was all I wanted. He locked lips with me again and we were there for hours. Time was very unkind.