Chapter 23
Joe's Pov...
(John Cena, my idea of what Mike looks like------->)
I felt my stomach flip over and threaten to spill the contents of my late lunch when I saw the security detail Damien had assigned for me since he left early this morning to fly to London to surprise Gavin. Our poor baby had called home in tears night before last night, he was feeling home sick and he was missing us. It took both Damien and I hours to calm him down and remind him that Corey's art tour was almost over, and then that they will both be returning home where they plan to stay for a very long time. Corey and Marcus had both agreed that this tour was the final worldwide exhibit show that Corey was going to do. He has successfully made a name for himself in the art world over the years and now he can concentrate on opening his own his own gallery.
Gavin has been by Corey's side through all of it as his Personal Assistant, so where ever Corey has gone, so has Gavin, and they have been away for going on six months now. Damien and I have spent more time in the air rather than on dry land going to see him when his homesickness got the better of him, and when he needed us the most, or when we just plain missed him. I was more than pissed this morning when Sir left to go see Gavy and I couldn't go because of the launch party and book signing I had planned for one of my best selling Author's latest book. It rocked to own my own publishing company, but at a time like this it sucked. There was no way could I get out of not being at the release party and supporting my authors to go and comfort my little love.
Good Lord, but the sight of the mountain of a man patiently standing next to Damien's Jaguar not only made my mouth water, but he also brought out my feelings of shame because I am so attracted to him even though I have the most loving pair of men in my life. I resented the way Michael made me feel. Was I nuts or something? I have a Master Dominant that has the ability to make me come all over myself with just a heated glance in my direction. Damien takes care of my every need and he loves me to the point of obsession, the good kind. I also have a play mate that worships the ground I walk on, he makes me laugh, and he needs me in such a way that always made me feel wanted and useful. Making our three-way relationship work is almost effortless once I had let go of some preconceived notions I grew up believing about romantic relationships. I relaxed and let my men love me and I in return loved them. But I am beginning to question my feelings and it's all because of how this one man made me feel.
Michael "Big Mike" Sheppard has been working for the private security firm that Marcus has used for as long as I have known Mr. Marcus Roche, mega business man extraordinaire. I found out that Michael actually owns the security firm and he personally took care of all of Roche, Carter, and Jennings security needs both personal and business. I met the big guy for the first time years ago when there was a fiasco with Marcus' crazy brother and sexual assault claim against the club. Poor Corey and Marcus' relationship was publicly outed and it took them hiding away in a hotel to escape the media. Finally after a lot of stress, money, and time everything was cleared up and Marcus' brother was put behind bars and is currently receiving the psychiatric treatment he dearly needs.
Now it seems that with every corner I turned the man was there like temptation incarnate. And every time I looked into those pale green eyes of his, I went weak in the damn knees. The man hasn't openly encouraged me aside from some very heated glances here or there. I would never betray Damien's and Gavin's trust by acknowledging those glances. I just wanted the lustful thoughts about the man to stop because I feel like I am cheating on them every time I look Michael and desire all that hard packed muscle on that tall..."Stop it!" I screamed in my head and quickly made my way across the side walk and scrambled into the car without glancing at the man in question.
I mumbled a greeting to both the driver and Michael as he swung his bulk into the front seat. Then, I steadfastly turned my head and gazed out the car window while berating myself the entire car ride back to Damien's, or I should say our condo. We have been together for almost ten years now and I still find myself separating things in my head from our joint holdings, and that alone told me that I was still holding back from my men and that never ceased to make feel like a fraud. I've wanted to give them everything that was me and put it into this relationship as much as they have and I can't seem to doo it and it killing me. Why can't I do it, it's not like they don't know me inside and out and vice versa. Gah...It's just so fucked up and I am tired of Damien telling me that it's alright and that he will love me no matter what, and Gavin's look of pure unadulterated trust when ever his pretty blue eyes landed me made me feel like even more of an asshole.
"We have arrived, Sir." A deep rich baritone broke into my tortured thoughts and my head snapped up to see Michael half turned around in his seat. I couldn't see his eyes behind the dark lenses and I thanked the good Lord for that small favor. I nodded my head and quickly unbuckled my seat belt as Mike got out of the car, scanned the sidewalk and the surrounding area before opening my car door. He held out his hand to help me from the car and I unconsciously placed my palm in his much larger one. And I gasped and had to bite my lips as little electric tingles that ran up my arm from triggered by his touch. My heart pounded a little faster in my chest and I needed to get away from Michael, like right now.
I snatched my hand away and marched straight across the sidewalk and into the lobby barely nodding at the doorman in my haste to get upstairs, and away from Micheal and whatever it is that had my mind and my body responding this way to him. Curse Damien and his over protectiveness. If he wasn't here to watch over me and protect me, he always made sure to have a member of his security team do it for him. That negative thought against my man's need to see me safe made me feel even worse because it's just another way to show me how much my Master, my boyfriend cared for me and my safety and I should be appreciative instead. Fuck, I need a drink.
Breathing a sigh of relief once I made it inside m y home and stuttered out that I am staying indoors for the remainder of the night to Mike, he gave me a brief nod and excused himself for the evening. I closed and locked the front door once he took his leave and I made my way over to the wet bar and poured myself a shot of Tequila and quickly tossed it back. I welcomed the burn of the alcohol as it coursed down my throat and the warmth spread throughout my stomach. The house seemed too quiet and I hated being home by myself. I missed my men when they weren't here. I put the glass down and shrugged out of my suit jacket and carried it into the master suite to hang it back in our massive walk in closet.
I quickly stripped down to my boxers and headed for the bathroom. It took no time at all to shower and soon I was fresh, warm, and scented as I hauled on a pair of comfortable sweat pants and trudged my way to the kitchen to figure out what to do about dinner. The silence in the house was almost deafening and the thoughts that I had rattling around in my head about Mike and how unfair that line of thinking was to my men had me going almost bat shit crazy.
I needed a distraction and food wasn't going to be a sufficient diversion. I back tracked my way to the bedroom and found my cell phone, and I picked it up. I swiped my finger across the screen and pressed the speed dial button for my sister, Bethany could distract a rabid starving animal from it's last meal, but God, I loved her anyway. Hopefully she doesn't have plans tonight with Micah and they could separate themselves from each other long enough for me to snatch my sibling for one evening, I really needed her company and her advice.
The call connected and after a couple of rings I heard my sister's voice mail pickup and with a heartfelt sigh, I just left a message for her to call me back at her earliest convenience. I disconnected the call and placed the phone back on the dresser. I tapped my fingers on the polished wood surface and racked my brain to try and figure out what it is I was going to do with myself for the remainder of the evening. I checked the time on the bedside clock, Damien's jet wouldn't have landed yet and I didn't want to spoil the surprise of his visit by calling Gavin on Skype.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell echoing throughout the quiet condo and I sauntered down the hall wondering who could it possibly be. The front desk concierge didn't call to announce a visitor. I took a second and peeked through the peephole and my breath got stuck in my throat when I saw Michael standing on the other side of the door. Why did he come back when I had specifically told him that I wasn't going to need his services for the rest of the night?
Running a hand through my hair, I opened the door. "Yes." I was pleased that my voice didn't reflect the uneasiness that I was feeling on the inside.
"You forgot your case in the car, Sir." Mike stated as he handed me my briefcase. Damn, I totally needed to get myself together. There were several things inside that case that I was definitely going to need for the release and signing party tomorrow for my client.
"Um...thank you very much, I don't know where my head was at." I said going trying to sound blase instead of a person drowning in turmoil.
Michael's beefy hand went up to his sculpted face and he removed his dark glasses from shielding his eyes. Holy hot damn, the man's eyes were so freaking gorgeous, bright green with long dark lashes. The big man was staring down at me, his gaze was intense it raked over my body and it dawned on me that I was shirtless. "Oh Hell." I thought as I stood there and struggled with the blush that was threatening to explode across my face.
The big man shifted his stance and looked down at me for another nerve wraking second or two before he utttered. "Have a good evening, Sir." And he replaced his dark glasses and indicated with his hand for me to lock the door before he leaves.
I nodded my head and I stepped back and waved at him before promptly closing the door. I purposely flipped and engaged the lock so that he could have heard it from outside. I held my breath and peeked through the peephole again, and I watched as he turned and made his way down the hall towards the elevators. And the air I was holding whooshed out of my lungs and I deflated like a balloon. The only thing that was holding me up was the door itself.
Fuck my life, this situation was getting out of hand and I didn't have a clue as to what to do about my attraction to that man. Maybe I was going to have to sit down with Damien and tell him how I feel about his head of security. Maybe I needed to be up front with Michael and see how he really feels about me. Did I want to risk everything I have with my men for a passing infatuation? The fact that I have an infatuation with someone and I am in a committed and loving relationship is telling in itself and I don't have anyone else to blame but myself.
I hung my head in defeat and I pushed off the door and trudged down the hall to my bedroom. Food was no longer an issue since I have lost my appetite altogether. I flopped down face first onto the bed and I knew I was in for a long ass night. I rolled over and glanced at the picture of the three of us on the bedside table. My eyes misted over and the image got blurry, I am a bad boyfriend and an even worse third in this relationship and that was and has always been the bottom line. And I knew I was going to have to make some hard decisions and I was going to have to make them soon. It's been too long and I need to be fair to myself and my men.