A/N: ok ya'll be prepared
"We're here." I hear the faint voice say as a finger moves my hair from my face to behind my ear. I look around me and notice we're landed in Manchester airport. I scratch at my hair and wipe away at my eyes as I look at Harry whose getting up and taking our bags from the upper luggage compartment and I open the window, it is sinking in that we're home for Christmas.
"Holy shit." I say a little louder than what I wanted too, an elderly couple looking at me with furrowed brows.
"Sorry!" I whisper shout raising my hand and stumbling as I get up. Harry laughs as he slings his bag over his shoulder and takes my backpack in his hands.
"I can take that." I say offering my hand.
"No, you look like the walking dead and you just slept for ten hours. Probably not a good idea." He says walking down the aisle of the airport, and I shake my head laughing.
"There's gonna be paparazzi, isn't there?" I ask nervously as we walk down the terminal and he doesn't say anything, rather he smiles and nods. I throw my hoodie over my face, concealing it from the world around me as I notice a group of tall muscular men approaching us. Harry takes my hand and reassures me that they're just bodyguards. Does he always travel with bodyguards?
The walk through the airport to our hire car was painful to say the least. He and I walked close to one another after collecting our suitcases, but something felt off, the moment he saw a camera his hand unlatched from my own. Untangling our fingers with a huff, pushing his hair back and out of his face.
The drive home was slightly awkward, I think he realised I picked up on his body language. But nevertheless, I won't let this trip go to waste, it's not like last time. This time he and I are on really good terms and we're establishing our relationship as something more than friends. Maybe being home we can unravel some of the intricate details. We pull into the driveway of my house; Christmas is at ours this year. I look at the house and notice Dad's grown ferns across the house. Mum would love it. Being home always brings back memories of her.
"Fuckface!" Gemma says as she runs from out the front door and crashes onto Harry, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Hey Gemma." He says softly as he hugs her back.
"And you! Ahh how's the big life Tilly?" She asks as she jumps on my back and I run around with her as we shout and laugh. Gemma jumps off my back, planting her feet in the ground as she throws her hands on her hips.
"Something is different here... Between you two." She says raising an eyebrow and I look to Harry who quickly turns to the car and gets out our suitcases and luggage. I look back to Gemma and shrug my shoulders as she gives me a devilish smirk.
Then I see him. Dad. Followed by Anne who has a glass of wine in her hand.
"Dad!" I say as I run past Gemma and crash into him. I wrap my arms around him and smile, inhaling deeply as I smell the scent of Christmas biscuits that linger from him. I feel overwhelmed as I hug him. I've missed him so much; his laugh makes me feel overcome with pure happiness and I pull him in tighter.
"Any tighter and you'll slice my in half, kiddo!" He says as I let go and stare into his blue eyes that tear up.
"Don't cry! Then I'll cry, Dad!" I say pulling him back into a hug, his arms wrapped around me as he kisses my forehead. He coughs and holds a fist to his chest, and I step back.
"Dad, are you okay?" I ask worryingly.
"Yes, I'm fine... I've missed you, Matilda." He assures me and I smile warmly. This feels so good to be here with my family. I turn and wrap my arm around Dad's waist and look to Anne who hugs Harry. Gemma taking the suitcases inside. This is it right here. This is everything I've missed all year, it feels longer.
"Dad?" I say as I rest my head on his shoulder.
"Yes, my darling girl?" He says and I smile.
"I love you." I say and he says it back.
We walk inside and spend the next two days catching up and talking about everyone's life and current affairs evening talking about our work, I fill everyone in on the Spielburg movie and everyone congratulates me. Gemma talks about her blog and the multiple brand associations she's doing which makes Dad very excited, occasionally asking if it means he'll get a discount code which makes her laugh but throughout it all, Harry remains quiet. Christmas day by smoothly. Gemma and I fulfilling our Christmas tradition of consuming three boxes of Christmas Occasion Chocolates, now we're all sat around the table laughing and I'm pretty sure Dad and Anne have had slightly too much to drink. They dance around the kitchen laughing.
"I think we need music, where is our gifted boy?" Anne says laughing, handing me another glass of wine.
"Well I'm not gonna bust something out right now." Harry laughs as he turns his body to face everyone as he sits on the lounge.
"What about the album?" I speak out and I watch as his face drops which makes me confused. Why would he be afraid to show us the album?
"Yes! The album! Mum, didn't you say your favourite was Ever Since New York?" Gemma shouts and my eyes dart to Harry.
Ever Since New York? Surely that's not about...
"No, no. That's Martins! I love Sweet Creature; the gentle guitar is what strings at my own heart strings... mind the pun!" She says and Dad laughs.
Sweet Creature?
I look to Harry again who's sculling the remains of his wine.
"I don't mind Carolina... It's definitely a song you can dance too." Gemma says smirking at Harry, and I know that there's more to what she just said than what she's letting on by her smirk. She looks to me and asks what my favourite song is, but I look to Harry.
"I actually haven't heard it yet." I say glaring at him.
"What do you mean you haven't heard it yet? Harry, you didn't send her the demo tracks?" Gemma asks softly.
"No, he didn't. Which is funny considering we we're just-" I answer for him but stop realising what I'm saying.
"Gemma, darling, why is it always you who brings up these very awkward conversations?" My Dad asks and Gemma shrugs her shoulders.
"Well, let's listen to it now?" Anne says and I nod my head letting any preconceived feeling I have fly out the window. I take a deep breath and smile at Harry, placing a hand on his knee.
"I'm sure it'll be fine." I say smiling and he gives me a half-asked smile.
What's going on in his mind?
Harry comes downstairs with his laptop and sits it in front of us, moving away from me when he sits down which makes my heart race. What's going on with him? The album starts and the soft strumming of a guitar accompanied by gentle piano strumming and I smile at him. Everyone sat around the loungeroom nodding their heads, allowing the music to fill them. Then something strange happens, Harry's vocals lift, and he begins to sing 'I gotta get better' and look at him with my lips slightly parted. He doesn't look at me, rather sits with his eyes fixate on the laptop before us. Before the net song begins, he announces that this will be his single. I listen to the soft yet emotionally powerful notes of the piano. His deep voice sings out 'Just stop your crying it's a sign of the times... welcome to the final show, hope you're wearing your best clothes.' I nod my head feeling emotionally connected to the song but I'm unsure why. He continues to sing in a higher pitch, Dad making jokes that he could never do that. The drums pick up and Harrys voice overpowers the room, his voice driven by something, but I can't pick what it is. 'Just stop your crying have the time of your life.' Soon after followed by 'Remember everything will be alright'. I feel an ache in my stomach as I look to Harry who meets with my eyes. Mum. This song is about Mum. He's singing about her final words before she died. She told me to live my life and not to worry about her. She told me she'd always be there. He's singing about my final goodbye with my mother. The song finishes with a gentle key of the piano and I feel a hard swallow in my throat, the tightness in my chest consuming me.
"Tilly?" Dad says softly but I keep my eyes on Harry and I notice the tears rolling down my cheeks profusely. I bite down on my lip and inhale a sharp breath. Harry pauses the song and asks if I'm alright. I don't respond to either he or Dad.
"I want to hear the rest." I say gently.
"Tilly maybe it's not such a good idea." Dad says and I shake my head.
"The song is beautiful, Harry." I say wiping away at my tears chuckling to myself.
"God I must look like a mess!" I laugh out and everyone follows as they relax, knowing I'm feeling better.
The next song begins to play with a smooth note as I nod my head to the song, and I'm reminded by a blues/rock composition. 'She's got a family in Carolina, so far away but she says I remind her of home. Feeling oh so far from home.' I smile at the cheeky lyrics until one line comes along and I feel myself become confused... and slightly angry. 'Moved all the way cause her Grandma told her, Townes, better swim before you drown.' I feel my teeth clench when he begins to sing about how 'good' whoever this Townes feels. My eyes widen as Harry skips to the next song and I take a deep breath.
"Are you okay love?" Dad asks and I smile with wide eyes which I think scares him a little bit because he sits back in his chair slowly.
The next song begins, and the soft drums and electric guitar make me feel less stressed but I'm still fuming about 'Carolina'. 'Same lips red, same eyes blue. Same white shirt, couple more tattoos.' It's the song he played for me all those months ago in London. I let the song consume me. 'Fridge light washes this room white, moon dances over your good side'. That's what he said to me in New York... The whole song is beautiful, and it makes me grow sad. We really aren't who we used to be.
The next song begins with an acoustic guitar and I remember the notes as soon as I hear it. 'Sweet Creature'. It sounds so beautiful finalised. It almost makes 'Carolina' disappear from my brain. I look to Harry who's smirking down at the laptop, hands in a fist as they rest under his chin. I shake my head at him with the same smile. The next song is very different from the others and I see his smirk grow wider which makes me feel uneasy. 'A woohoo' He sings out and my head whips around to the laptop on the coffee table. My eyes widen as he sings the first verse. My lips part and I feel myself blush when he sings out 'Turns out she's a devil in between the sheets and there's nothing she can do about it'.
He did not write a song about us having sex, surely fucking not.
I look to him as the vocals in the background of the song mimic and screech sex sounds.
Oh. My. God. He did.
The song finishes and I don't look up from the floor because I can already feel my fucking father staring at me through his thick eyebrows and I feel like I want to curl into a ball and sink into the floor. And then the next song begins.
'She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes. Hard liquor mixed with a bitta intellect'. The hard rock of the song solidifies what it's about and I try to act as normal as I possibly can to ensure no one catches on but I'm fucked because they definitely already have... 'She goes home to a cactus, in a black dress... she's such an actress' at this point I lose all cool and dart my eyes at Harry who sits there smirking as he sits back on the single seater lounge, a glass of wine in his hand. I pierce my eyes at him and hear Dad speak out.
"Oh... right..." He says, the realisation in his voice and I cover my face as the song ends. All the movies, acting classes and screentests couldn't have prepared me to act normal in this moment. The next song begins, and I feel myself lift my head from my hands. The instruments take me to an entirely new place. I listen to the lyrics until it hits me when he mentions Brooklyn. This is Ever since New York and it's definitely about us. 'There's no water inside this swimming pool'. The rain. It rained the weekend I left. The song finishes and I look to Harry who no longer smiles, rather is in his own world.
"Should we just search romantic comedies on Netflix and see what we find?" I hear the voice sing. I said that to him. The fingers run along the piano and I look to Harry.
'I'm selfish I know... But I don't ever want to see you with him...'
James.
'I hope you can see the shit that I'm in while he's touching your skin.'
Oh my god... he thinks James and I have had sex.
The electric guitar takes over the song and I get the courage to look at Dad who's sitting still, straight lipped. I look across the room to Gemma and she's got her eyebrows raised. The song finishes with a single 'woman' and the room goes silent... until the soft strumming of a guitar begins. I listen to the lyrics and close my eyes. He wrote this about the morning I left him in the hotel room. He wrote this about me leaving. I feel myself grow weak and I feel small as the song finishes. Silence fills the room.
"Does anyone else feel like we just intruded on something private?" Gemma says.
"I've listened to that album every morning on my way to work in the car since I received the demo and I can only say one thing... I am truly disappointed in myself for being so very naïve." Dad says standing up and taking everyone's empty glasses.
"Well, I think we call it a night. Anne, I've made up the second guest room, Gem you take the first and Harry... Well I was gonna say crash with Tilly for old times sake but um... Look I'll let you two figure that out, if not the third guest is messy but just move... You know what, you guys can sort that out, I don't know how this works." Dad says and Anne clears her throat. I keep my eyes locked on Harry as I swallow hard as I begin to process all ten songs sink deeply into my brain, my emotions leaking from my eyes.
"I'll second that!" She calls out.
Anne sits in the room and walks over to me and kisses my forehead and gives me a warm smile before walking out, leaving me with Harry. I look at him searching his face for an answer, but he doesn't give me one.
"I think we should talk..." He says softly and I feel my mouth drop wide.
"And I think my Dad has been listening to a song about his daughter having sex every morning... Oh god." I speak out quickly as the realisation sinks in and Harry laughs.
"Harry... whose Townes?" I ask softly, axiety crippling me as I play at the sleeves of my sweater.