"I don't see the good in you."
Blowing smoke after a long day and into the night usually would help me get rid of anything; not this time.
Three weeks after she said those words and I still couldn't seem to get rid of it.
It's still some kind of joke to me how she was able to say that to my face. I never thought she had it in her. From the moment I saw that innocent face of her under the neon lights, never in a million years did I think she had so much of a chance of doing it.
She, her? Who am I kidding, the girl has a name.
Evangeline. I might have said that was a beautiful name but...nothing changed. It's still as beautiful as I first said it. And as for its bearer?
That's more than complicated.
"Hey, come back to bed, " I hear Jocelyn moan but I pay no attention to her. I continue to relieve myself with this half-done cigarette because I needed it more than I need her.
"Come on, really, why are you acting all so broody?" I hear her groan, "do you realize we just spent an hour going on with it?"
Someone tell me why I allow myself to be with this bitch.
"sta 'zitto, " I hissed, throwing the butt of the cigarette out the window before standing up, turning in the lights and slipping a shirt on.
"I don't speak Italian, " she groaned as I watched her shuffle in my bed half-naked and covering her eyes from the lights.
"I said shut up and now get out of my room, "
What was I thinking again when I agreed to this? When I came kissing her then fucking her straight after my mind was just confused, angry, and baffled. I wasn't thinking straight with all that alcohol in my system.
"Are you serious?" She shots up from the bed and my whole heart just jumped right out of my chest.
This isn't Jocelyn.
Those brown eyes, tanned skin, and plump, pink lips. The dark hair and innocent smile. That innocence- Evangeline.
"Hey! Are you seriously kicking me out?" She shouts and I blinked. The image disappears for a second - then I realize how stupid that was.
Why, out of anyone, would she be in my head like some type of forgotten dream?
I clenched my jaw and fists at the thought, knowing that she has been pestering my mind for quite some time now and it never gets any better. Those eyes are the kind that won't just disappear.
"Yeah, get out, " I growled, grabbing her purse and opening the door for her as she got dressed, frazzled by my call out.
"You're a fucking asshat, you know that right?" She cursed, carrying herself like a homeless girl outside the campus and I scoff.
"Don't be so fast on calling me an asshat, " I said, "you fucked me too you know?"
Her eyes widened, staring straight into my eyes like some kind of witch cursing me to hell and I could only smirk. That was it for her.
She leaves, cursing out my name as she walked out and down. Being the gentleman that I am, I slam my door close and left it before dropping down onto my comfortable bed.
It's only been three weeks after what happened and I still can't get her off my mind-not that she left in the first place. Every time I see her there is no doubt that she will do something that leaves her unforgettable. Even from the corner of my eyes, when I see her sometimes I just get taken by it.
Stupid thing. What's that about? All the staring I've done, the prying. I don't know why I had to.
Ever since that night at the party, I've never been more intrigued by someone. It's the way she rolls her eyes for a second then leaves people foolish the next. She had the power of putting people down if she wanted to - but she doesn't. In my eyes, she's a girl who could do something more than just reading off of books or talking about how parties are for stupid people.
I want to see that. Maybe that's why I'm so curious about her; I've met other people like her but they were worse, this one's got some fight in her and I wonder what's holding her back.
What a fucking treat would it be to see her mad? So mad that she could rip heads off because, from what I understand, the quiet ones are always the most dangerous. Not an excuse to be terrified of her. The girl can barely even croak a word when I speak to her. It's pathetic. In fact, it's so pathetic that I actually started to feel a little sympathy for her; I don't get that with anyone.
Whatever the hell it is that made me think of her constantly isn't something I should be dwelling on but I can't help it. I've observed her from afar, not for long but just enough to see bits and pieces into her mind. It's still not enough though.
I know she said to stay away and I'll be damned if I wasn't happy about that. Then again, there's a part of me that still couldn't accept it.
Three weeks of nothing but distant gazes and random passing by. She hasn't spoken to me, seen me, or even looked at me; but I was. I couldn't help it.
Fucking Evangeline.
I slam my hand on the side table and heard it crack just a little. My heart knocking on my chest with frustration. The music outside is still booming despite the one day when there's no party so I guess no one heard my outburst. It's a perk of living in a frat house.
Figuring out that if I don't rest now then I won't get any, I lay back in my bed looking up at the ceiling. I clenched my jaw as I stopped the intrusive thoughts of throwing my phone across the room or smashing the mirror beside my desk.
It's been a habit, anger issues don't come easy sometimes. Ever.
• • •
"There he is! Man of the hour, " Axel called from down the hall just as I finished my lesson and I already find myself in anger.
Ever since this guy got rejected and slapped across the face he has been nothing but a shit punk drinking nightly and smoking weed - like me. I can't say I hate it but I seriously thought he was decent until he became me. Even his shirt tells a story.
"What's up?" He raised a hand and I hit it before looking around at our group. The group I've been cursed with.
Axel, the newly turned asshat. Drew with his always fucked up eyes from getting high. Laurence, one who's always got contacts to anything we wanted and Cade- that one's changed now.
Cade's never been a close one in the group. He always stayed quiet while everyone talked, he drinks but is still saner than anyone here. He fits with the girl, Evangeline. A nerd and another nerd never goes wrong.
"So, I've got a guy that can hook us up to a new club this Friday. Celebrate those failed exams. What do you all think?" Laurence offered straight of the bat and I raised a brow.
"What makes you think we all failed them?" I said and everyone laughs.
"Because we are always fucking wasted or screwing a different girl each night. With habits like that, I hate to break it to you, but you failed." Drew laughed and I scoffed.
He isn't wrong but I know for a fact that I'm not gonna fail those exams. They might just be the end of the month exams but that doesn't mean I slack off. I may be just as bad as them but at least I still do work. One of the qualities I have that I'm actually not mad about.
"Dude, I definitely want to go, I need a new girl, " Axel said, perching himself up the wall and fo my dismay, blocking the view.
Behind him was Evangeline, her hair illuminated by the sun just out on the open area sitting across a black boy. She was smiling and laughing at something he said while they both ate.
I felt a slight pang in my chest at the sight of it, probably from utter disgust.
"Matteo? Earth to Matteo?" Laurence said, snapping his tattooed fingers in front of my face and I clenched my jaw trying not to break them.
"What?" I said.
"You wanna come then or do you have plans with Jocelyn?" He teased raising a brow at me. It was only then that I started to realize the anger brewing in me was not good.
With Evangeline sitting just a few yards away and these punks being annoying, it shouldn't be a surprise when I swing one of these dicks out the way.
"Fuck, Jocelyn." I hissed and everyone in the group laughed.
"Yeah, dude we know, you fuck her, " Axel laughed and that was it.
I rolled my jaw before pushing Drew out my way and grabbing a hold of Axel's shirt. I slam him into the wall as hard as I could, knocking the air out of him and his eyes widened. My grip tightened until my knuckles we're devoid of any color. I know everyone was looking now because of the gasps that rolled around but I could give two fucks.
"Whoa, calm down, " Axel croaked trying to catch his breath but not fighting back. His hands gripped my arm in an attempt to push them away but I only grab harder.
I've wanted to do this for a long time now; he had it coming.
"Try me again and you'll be in a hospital bed by morning, understood?" I threatened and he nods slowly, fear in his eyes.
"I'm coming, text me when and where," I said while letting go of him then I looked around.
People were whispering and staring back at me or at least what I have done but out of everyone that's witnessed everything there was only one person who's reaction mattered.
She was staring at me now like the boy in front of her, sitting at the picnic table. Her eyes met mine and I could see a slight tinge fear in them but the shock was etched all over her face.
Realizing what my mind had gotten to, I turned around and walked the other way, kicking down the bin in anger.
Why the hell would her reacting be the only one that matter?