I love both of you. The statement waltzed through Tulip's mind like in infinite merry-go-round. She didn't know what she was supposed to do with that statement. On one hand, she was happy that he admitted to loving Sidney. She knew it was the truth, she'd known it from the way he lit up when feeling the baby kick for the first time and the delight he had while watching her stomach grow during her last two trimesters. But the notion that he loved her just wasn't sitting right with her soul. How was she to digest his admission? And could it possibly be true after what he did? If you love someone do you abandon them in their time of need?
She wanted to find the portion of her brain that those six words were stored and take a pink eraser to them. Unfortunately, she couldn't perform such a task so she went to the kitchen instead. The growls of her stomach finally grew louder than the noise in her head and she was once again happy for her big appetite. She left the two of them to do the finishing touches around the baseboard. Once she exited the room she heard them shift right back to the language that was still kicking her ass even though she had downloaded Rosetta Stone and Duolingo. Her slow progress wasn't a shock to her. She carried a steady 'C' in Spanish all throughout high school and college. She didn't have the tongue; her 'r' didn't roll and her brain didn't compute the accent sign. This is why she loved math. It was universal and consistent.
The shine of the pendant lights throughout the living room and kitchen became more vivid as the last remains of the evening sun faded and night claimed the horizon. Tulip didn't have to do too much heavy lifting for dinner tonight. Since she was tired from dragging a paint roller up and down walls she decided on sandwiches. They were easy to make, healthy, and required minimal clean-up.
The prep was done; tomatoes and cucumbers sliced, lettuce patted dry and crips, turkey breast slices poised from her to plucked, three pretzel buns, and a butter knife in the jar of chipotle mayo. She was ready to begin preparing the best sandwich Sidney was going to ever sink her teeth in. It was a big claim but Tulip watched a YouTube video and she was confident in her skills. Was she going to tell the world that she watched a how-to video to make a sandwich? Not at all.
As soon as she started spreading mayo over the buns, Jasper strolled in with a quirk to his luscious lips.
"Cool setup." He reached the island and took all the ingredients. "You trying to put Subway out of business?"
Tulip didn't have to look up to know that he was smiling at his own words. She fought the curvation her lips wanted to take and concentrated on the task at hand; spreading the meat on the bread.
He nodded when a reply didn't slip from her mouth. "Sidney's in the bath." He slid on the barstool across from her. His eyes rested on her as if she was a book he was ordered to study and he was making sure he'd ace the exam. "She's a talker. I didn't know a ten-year-old knew that many words."
Tulip said nothing, just placed two slices of tomatoes and a pair of cucumbers on the sandwich. She didn't make eye contact with him although she could pick up his frame from her peripheral. He was sitting ramrod straight with his hands in his lap being annoying when he could go sit at the dining table and swipe through his phone like a normal millennial.
"Where are the pickles?" He asked, gesturing to the vegetables in the glass dishes between them.
Tulip eyes him rigidly. "At Popeye's. You can skip there if you like."
"Nah." He shook his head. "I'm good. Cucumbers are cool. Do you want me to help? I'm good in the kitchen."
Of course, he was. She rolled her eyes to herself as she placed the top on the bun on the sandwich. "This is my kitchen. I know my way around it." She handed him the plate. "Eat this and then you can go."
"Um...I can't." He retrieved the plate from her and before she could pop off he said. "I promised Sidney I'd read to her tonight. Is that okay?"
"I mean...why are you asking me." She slapped the bun on an empty plate. "You do what the hell you want. Fuck what I think."
He knitted his hands behind the plated sandwich that would back anyone's mouth water. "You're right. I should've asked. That's my fault." He nodded slowly then glanced down at his hands. "She's just so...enigmatic and sweet. I just want to make her smile."
"She doesn't need to be spoiled." Tulip quipped, slicing the finished sandwich in halves then fours just the way Sidney liked it. "You won't be here every night to read to her. She can't get used to that. She doesn't even need to get used to you being around."
"Why?" He concretely asked.
Tulip leered at him for a moment, saying nothing as the nineties R&B swirled around them, remaining her of the time in his apartment they had a full-on discussion about who was better, Brandy or Monica. It resulted in a binge of the songstresses' discography and videos until the beginning of a new day. Neither one of them strayed from their corners; she still repped Monica and he still claimed Brandy was the best but they agreed that it was fun listening to both.
She thought about going for the obvious reason but didn't want to beat a dead horse in the ground so she went for the second one. "You don't live here. You're up in Fredericksburg, remember."
His shoulders relaxed as if he was holding tension or was preparing to take the blows or a powerful strike. "But I can. There's nothing for me to do. The wine is aging and my fields are resting. I'm free until the beginning of next year. You know..." He scooted closer to the bar. "Just hear me out...Sidney told me about her new sitter and since I—"
"Let me stop you right there, playa," Tulip said, holding up her hand. "You are not being her sitter." She shook her head, adamantly. The last thing she wanted to do was see him every day after work. "No. Hard pass."
"But Tulip..."
"No. Jasper." She pulled open a bag of chips remembering that Sidney had never tasted Doritos, which she thought was a crime. "You must not understand what to 'earn trust' is. Why would I give you the privilege to be in our lives every day when you didn't put in the work. No."
"I'm trying to put in the work."
"You painted one room and apologized." She shrugged. "How does that prove you won't just sky up again."
"I'll give you my company." He spat out.
Tulip took a step back, blinking. She researched him that night after the baby shower. She knew what company he was talking about; his winery. Young Winery was worth a couple million.
"I don't want your company." She shook some chips on the plate. "Or your money."
"But I'll use it as collateral." He nodded as if he cracked the code. "Like a bank would. If I flee like I did last time...which I won't then you and Sidney get everything I own. We'll get you to trust me. I'll give you everything, Tulip. Everything I have."
Tulip dropped the bag on the counter as she took in frantic breaths. "Just throw money at it. Does it look like I'm suffering." She gestured to her surroundings. "I have my own company. My own money. I don't need yours. You can't 'quick fix' yourself into our lives. I don't trust you and you can't buy trust. Get that through your head." She gripped her waist. "You can take your sandwich to go. Just go."
She pointed towards the door and his eyes followed the trail then turned back to her. "Is that the cause of the problem...me leaving?"
"You're right, Jasper. I'll think about...just give me ten years and I'll give you an answer. Until then." She gestured to the doorway. "Have a good night."
He peered at her for a moment clenching his jaw as if he was holding back words then he rose from the barstool and ambled out the kitchen. He stopped in the living room and turned back to her. "I'm not disappearing this time. You have my number and address let me know what you decide and if it's ten years...then so be it." He demurely smiled. "I meant what I said earlier. Good night."
Long after he was gone, Tulip was still frozen into place. This was all too much too fast. She was shell shocked and teeming with conflicting emotions. Was she being too harsh? Was she trying to make him suffer? Should she take his offer? She didn't know and the headache that was forming wasn't going to subside until she decided on some answers.
Is Tulip being harsh?
Should she take Jasper's offer to be Sidney's sitter?
Is Jasper's idea of putting up his business as collateral a good one to get her to trust him?
What's your go to easy meal when you don't want to cook? Mine is wings and fries or a wrap and chips.
Who do you pick? Brandy, Monica or both? I chose both actually.