I STARE AT Hiro, unable to speak. Oba mercifully takes over with a warm smile. "He's going to be staying with us for the weekend."
"If that's alright, of course," Hiro adds, looking at Aunt Amanda in question. She smiles at him lovingly and I fight the urge to run back out the door and see if I can catch Devin. "I'd hate to intrude."
"Nonsense," Oba responds, patting his back. She turns to me with a pointed look. "He got on a plane all by himself just to come here, Braylen."
I can't help it; I make a face. "What are you, eleven?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"Fifteen in a month," he responds back, smiling awkwardly. I knew that already, of course, from my Facebook stalking. He was an Aquarius like me.
I stuff my hands in my pockets, rubbing my cheeks as my high wore off. My mind was still a bit muddled and it seemed to take too long to get the words out of my mouth. "I—what are you even doing here, again?" I ask, glaring at him.
"Braylen—" Oba starts.
I scoff, breaking through them and crossing into the living room. "Just stop! Stop patronizing me and babying me, Aunt Amanda!" I shout at her and then turn to Hiro. "Look, I don't know who the hell you are, but you are not my brother. Yuko Nakamura is not my father. I don't owe you or him anything."
Hiro's face flashes in pain. I turn on my heel and head for the door again when he speaks. "He wrote about you," he says quietly. "In his will."
I pause with my hand on the door, heart crumpling. "You can burn it for all I care," I whisper, voice breaking.
I pull the door open and step back out into the cold air, tears staining my cheeks. I take a few deep breaths to calm myself and when that doesn't work, I start running.
My school shoes pound against the pavement, my backpack flapping as I ran faster and faster. My lungs protested and the cold bit at my skin but I kept running. I ran until the house was far behind me, ran until the sky turned from a blue to black, ran until the rain beat against me and soaked my entire uniform.
I ran until I was at his door, cold and wet and flooded with tears.
I pound at the door with all the strength I can muster, all the adrenaline leaving me in an instant. The door clicks open and I nearly sob in relief.
He's there. He's there and he's looking at me, eyes filled with worry.
"Sebastian," I whisper, feeling the emotion welling up in my chest again. "I—"
He steps out into the rain and wraps his arms around me, holding my head as I sob into his shirt.
"It's okay," he whispers. "You're okay."
He smells like he always does, expensive cologne and soap. He holds me like he always does too, not letting go until I pulled back. When I do, his golden hair is as soaked as mine and his eyes are looking down at me. "Come on," he whispers, pulling my hand and me into the house.
Sebastian jogs down the hall and returns with two towels, wrapping them both around me. "You're freezing, Brayls."
I shudder at his words and quickly realize he was right. Soft footsteps sound through the house and I see Rachel in a pair of dress pants and shirt, eyes wide. "Braylen. What's wrong?"
I open my mouth to speak and then close it. I didn't know what was wrong. How could I tell her?
"He's staying the night," Sebastian answers, looking down at me again. I look back up at him, the blue eyes I'd missed ever since I saw them last.
"Of course," Rachel murmurs. "I'll get you some clothes, honey."
Rachel begins to walk away and I wet my tongue. "Mrs. Rachel?" I call out softly. She turns around, her blue eyes wide in question. "I-I wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you that day you—"
"Nonsense," she responds, smiling sadly. "The one who should be apologizing is me. You've done nothing but love my son. You're welcome here, no matter what."
I smile as best as I can at her. She disappeared again and Sebastian takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen. He busies himself making a cup of tea for the both of us, handing me mine first. I open my mouth to explain myself or at least say something but he just cups my cheek in his hand, running his thumb along the skin. "It's okay. Take your time."
Tears well up in my eyes again at his words and I let out a shaky breath. The door clicks open and Rachel's there with a bundle of clothes and another towel. "Why don't you shower and get warm, Braylen?"
I turn to Sebastian who gives me a single nod. Taking the stuff from her, I trek my wet shoes through the hall and into Sebastian's room, stepping into the bathroom.
I turn on the shower and strip out of the wet clothes, stepping into the warm water eagerly. I'm not sure how long I stand there with the water warming me up and trying very hard not to think.
When I finally make it out of the shower, I dry off and pull on the clothes Rachel had given me: an oversized blue sweater and black sweatpants, both too big on me. The familiar scent hits my nose and I realize that they were Sebastian's. The thought comforts me.
I stare at myself in the mirror. My eternally red cheeks, dark brown eyes, wet and stringy hair. I was him. I was him and I was her and I didn't get a choice on being either of those things. I wanted them gone, wanted to shed them like a snakeskin and start over. But I couldn't. Maybe I never would.
"Braylen?" a timid voice calls. Sebastian taps on the door once and that's all the warning I get before he pulls the door open. He follows my gaze to the mirror, meeting my eyes in it. He's taken off the green hoodie he had on when he opened the door and was shirtless instead, sweatpants hanging low on his hips and a worried expression on his face.
I sniff once and grab my wet clothes from the floor. "I can take that," Sebastian murmurs. I glance up at him for a few seconds before handing him my school clothes and walking past him and out the door, ignoring the longing in my heart.
I sit on the end of his bed and rest my hands on my knees, taking a few more breaths. Sebastian sets my clothes in his hamper before sitting on the bed a safe distance from me.
"I've been thinking about what you said," I whisper slowly. "You know, that night at Hunter's party. How everything affects everything. If my mom wasn't so messed up, maybe my dad wouldn't have left. If he hadn't fallen in love with her, maybe I wouldn't have even been alive. Maybe I wouldn't have had to feel so...so empty all the time, Sebastian. I'm empty."
He doesn't say anything but I know he's listening. "I try so hard...I try so hard to leave all of that behind me, to not care. But I can't anymore. I can't because he was my dad. He wasn't there and he wasn't much but he was mine. And he's gone and I—"
A sob wracks my body and I lean down onto my elbows, crying earnestly. The tears seem to come out of nowhere, from a well I'd hidden deep within my soul, so deeply hidden I didn't know it was there.
"You give so much of yourself," Sebastian says. "To me, to Robyn. Oba, the twins, Hayley, Devin, Hunter. You don't have to be so strong anymore."
I sniff solemnly and look up at him. "Look at me, Sebastian."
He does, blue eyes looking deeply into mine.
I try to step out of my body, see him how everyone else does. I try to see that look that Cora mentioned, the love that my friends were so sure existed.
And when I look hard enough, I can. It's in the way he searches into my own eyes as if he's looking into my very soul, as if he saw his entire world in me. It's in the way he looks pained at seeing me pained, the way our emotions are reflected in each other's. It's in the way that his heart beats louder whenever he's near me, the way I can hear it right now.
"Tell me you don't love me," I whisper, eyes welling up in tears at the idea of him saying those very words.
Sebastian's chest rises up and then falls suddenly and I can see the battle behind his eyes. "I can't," he croaks. "You know I can't."
I nod once, feeling my heart fill up just a bit. It wasn't explicit, but it was there. That would have to be enough for now. "My dad's son was at my house after school. All the way from Maine," I mutter. The words come out more venomous than I'd intended.
"What'd he want?" Sebastian asks.
I shrug. "Got out of there before I found out. He said that I was in the will, though."
"Yeah?" Sebastian whispers.
I nod again. "Sometimes when I was little, I'd force myself to think of him as my father. I'd force myself to imagine him teaching me to ride a bike or helping me with math homework. I figured if I could imagine it then it could be real, you know? I'd never know the difference. He wasn't in my life but at least he existed in my mind.
"When I moved out here I threw all of that away. He hadn't called, he hadn't written, and I was so tired of waiting," I murmur. "He was dead to me. He's been dead to me. And now he really is. And I can't move on, Sebastian."
"You can," he whispers back. "You can and you will, Braylen. Moving on...it's not about forgetting people. It's about forgiving them. Accepting the things you can't change and letting them go. I think you should hear your brother out."
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "I don't know if I can."
"Your dad...he did an awful thing, Braylen. But that kid is innocent," Sebastian responds. "He's trying. You have to at least try to meet him halfway."
I sigh softly. "You're right."
"I know," he says with a cheeky grin. It felt so good to see him smile again that I was stunned for a moment. "But you don't have to do anything tonight."
I smile softly at him, too. "Okay. Where's the guest room?"
Sebastian raises his eyebrows. "That was a joke, wasn't it?"
I burst into laughter at his shock. "Your face!" I get out, holding my stomach in laughter.
Sebastian wraps an arm around my waist and pushes me against the bed, hovering over me and looking down at my eyes. I stop laughing completely as my heart palpitates.
Sebastian's hands weave into my hair and my breathing quickens as his fingers move up and down the sides of my face. "Not laughing now?" he jokes, but he's not smiling either.
My hands have a mind of their own as they settle low on his hips, clutching onto the soft fabric of his sweats. "I thought we were broken up," I whisper back. "I thought this was over."
Sebastian's eyes cloud over and he presses a soft kiss to my forehead. "This could never really be over." He kisses my nose, then both of my cheeks, devastatingly slow.
I close my eyes as I wait for his mouth to meet mine but it doesn't come. He presses a chaste kiss against my chin and I groan. "Sebastian...," I complain.
He laughs softly against my skin and brings his lips to the hollow of my neck, kissing the skin so softly I barely feel it. I'm not even sure I'm breathing anymore as his fingers tug slightly at my hair, lifting my face up to his.
Sebastian finally kisses me and it's well worth the wait. His body molds into mine to the point where I'm not sure it's possible to see where he ends and I begin. My heart pounds rapidly as his lips move against mine. This kiss was different somehow, with the truth known between us.
I loved him. And some part of him, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, loved me back.
Sebastian's hands wind their way up the sweater, instantly warming my skin underneath his palms. I fall into his touch easily and let out a shaky breath against his lips.
I knew that we should stop. I knew that we had to stop. But every nerve in my body was dancing along a high wire, every part of me wanted nothing more than to break the boundaries we'd set.
Sebastian kisses me feverishly and it takes all of me to turn my head and wiggle myself from his grasp. "Not like this," I get out. My voice was breathless and I was sure I looked exactly how I felt. "Your parents are right upstairs and...well, you know. Besides, no matter what insane hold we have on one another, this isn't going to be just some post breakup hookup."
Sebastian's blue eyes pierce mine. "You're right," he whispers. "I did want to talk to you. About us."
He slowly untangles himself from me and moves closer to the head of the bed, looking at me. "I didn't realize there was still an 'us,'" I murmur.
"Yeah. Yeah," he scoffs, running a hand through his already messy hair. Sebastian sighs and leans against his headboard. "I'm not the best at telling people how I feel. Emotions are hard for me. Talking about how I feel..."
I curl my legs up to my chest. "Okay. So what, then?"
Sebastian looks away from my face and fiddles with the hem of his pants. "I know that these few days away from you have been hell. I know that every time I see you hurt or upset I want to take it all away from you. I know that you love me and I know that you want me to love you. I know that's all you've ever wanted."
"But what do you want?" I ask, eyes wide. "Sebastian, how I feel about you is how I feel about you. Me loving you...it's not a transaction. I'm not asking for anything in return. All I'm asking is what you want."
Sebastian licks his pink lips. "I'm afraid of what I want."
"Why?" I press.
"Because it's you, Braylen. It's always, always been you."
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i freaking love this chapter AND the next one lol !