Khamoshiyan ek raaz hai
Seene mein dafan hai kahin
(The silences are secrets,
Buried somewhere within you)
Day 11 dawned sad and lonely. After having sobbed into my pillow without any reason at well padt midnight yesterday, I felt demotivated to the core. Demotivated to study, to write and to do anything but as they say
The crying had taken some load off my mind. I didn't feel as used and worthless as before. The day wore on rather rough. But there were some people like durriza that are forever the support system. They take me through the day. Besides jinnis and the fun mentees group keeo me occupied.
Studies were still elusive throughout the day. I sat for a little while and then gave up. Isolation and studies are a bad combination, no doubt. I completed watching the webseries Cubicles and it really taught me a valuable lesson about why people treat me the way they do. Though it's not an explanation for everything, yet it explains a lot of things.
Mr Wizard had brightened uo my morning with a classical romantic 90s song accompanied with a short para on music of the good old days. It's funny how passionate he's about music and most importantly the shared interests and playlists.
KashishBelikov and obviously Miss Shining star also tried to make my day better amd at the end of it all, maybe I was smiling ☺. But then the college mess ruined it all... Yhey delayed food by a whole 80 mins and I kept waiting, ultimately had ro snatch a mask, go down 5 floors and confront the Warden. Amidst all this, anither boring day ended.
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Fun fact: I found a new way for blocking unwanted thoughts.
Yes, a Rubik's Cube. I solve, shuffle and solve again. Solving gives me confidence and the repeated motion gives me speed. But most importantly since I'm concentrating on the algorithm, my thoughts are pushed to the back of my mind. Who knew this small cube could pkay such a huge role in a thing we so recommend and make a practice in psychiatry?
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And today we had another discussion on love. A friend of mine says she likes love abd romance but thinking about marriage and the future makes her want fo run away screaming. She hates the entire concept and is frightened of it.
At this point I'd be very lucky if some guy genuinely says he loves me 😂 Arranged marriage is almost like a seal on my birth certificate 😂 but coming back to the real thing, if I find such a love, I'd hold into that like an anchor to my ship.
I believe when you're really in love and a bit older... I heard you understand it gradually... And your lover, husband whatever is an important part of the journey. I don't say 'the other half' cause you're never a 'half' but I said lover.... Hubby whatever 😊The increased responsibities is what does the haunting. That love is okay, romance okay... But beyond that?
There's no answer to that unanswered question. Only time will tell
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Song for today is
Khamosiyan Unplugged version
Khamoshiyan jo paas hain
Main tumse kahunga kabhi
Baant lunga main, saath mein tere
Milne to aao zara
(I'll tell you the secrets of my silences,
I'll share them, the silences
and my deepest secrets,
Come meet me someday)
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With that, Day 11 ended okayish! 3 more days to go and I know I can do it. There are good days and bad days and there are mixture days. Today was one!