There were no Senate meetings today or parties or political gatherings of any sort scheduled after Padmé and her retinue had returned from visiting Naboo. Queen Neeyutnee needed counsel on a wartime tax being implemented on Naboo. Uké could still see her in royal regalia, dark black and red Cyrene silks trimmed in purple, talking once again about how awful the war was.
While Queen Neeyutnee was mature for her youth, she heavily relied on other's caution so she could then choose the correct path. The Queen listened and then took quick action. She was slightly paranoid, but rightfully so.
"Please Senator, do what you can in the Senate to end this war. I do not wish to wear this paint much longer." She had said before Padmé had walked onto the Naboo Cruiser with Uké and Karté, who was a substitute for Dormé, behind her.
Naboo's war paint was a grave symbol to wear, rather than the blood red worn as a reminder on a normal monarch of Naboo's paint, it was a darker and somber ruby. Instead of smooth dots, spearheads adorned the Queen's white face. All of it in accordance with Naboo tradition and formality during wartime. Queen Amidala had once been scared that she might have had to bear those same marks during the occupation of the Trade Federation. Watching Rabé practice on Sabé's face in preparation had planted a seed with the weight of a black hole inside of her.
And now there was war.
It hung over everything. Padmé, while the image of beauty and perseverance had dark hallows underneath her eyes. Dormé's hands sometimes shook when applying creams to them from lack of her own sleep. Uké had taken multiple ice baths after training Motehi, a new handmaiden recruit, in hand to hand combat, she felt more bruised than usual.
After the recent death of Onaconda Farr, Typho had wanted to find handmaidens to fill Cordé's and Versé's places. It might have sounded cruel, but it was necessary. Motehi Delako looked similar enough to Padmé, even if she had a longer face she would still be a good decoy. She was picked from the Academy where she was training for the Naboo Security Guard. Motehi's original plan was to go to the University of Chemistry and Natural Biologies in Theed.
"So in other words she's good at poison?" Dormé had asked when Uké and Typho introduced Motehi's file.
Typho nodded, "Which is what we might need considering the means of Senator Farr's passing." He said the last part softly.
"He was poisoned by his aide for personal reasons," Padmé started, slight airy indignation rising in her voice, "And nothing else."
Uké twitched her nose and spoke loudly, putting her opinion in, "Well, I don't think it would hurt to have her."
Motehi had tried to step in and take care of the miscellaneous things Uké and Dormé couldn't, but each of them had their own specializations and until they had Motehi trained and another recruit fully trained, they would be running themselves thin for the time being.
Even Captain Typho and the other Naboo guards were weary. Everyone in charge of the protection of Padmé Amidala sat waiting, ready, on the edge of a knife.
Uké missed Artoo, at least she could've counted on the whirring of his wheels all over Padmé's apartments. While she never learned Binary, Artoo had that charm that let you know whatever he was trying to convey. If one could curse in Binary, Uké was sure that it was the entirety of white and blue droid's vocabulary.
Where Artoo would've been a welcome presence nowadays (despite Uké's dislike of his new holder), C-3PO seemed to add to the anxiety more than soothe it.
The handmaiden jumped when she heard the golden droid call out in the otherwise quiet veranda, "Oh my! Master Anakin!"
Uké's fingers ghosted the handle of the orient blade tucked under the sleeve of her apricot robes and jumped up from her place on one of the pillow bedecked tan-colored sofas.
As C-3PO and Anakin babbled to each other, Uké observed the Jedi Knight. His honey hair was still growing out and no new scars decorated his face, Padmé wouldn't have anything to be worried about so far.
Uké stood up and clasped her hands in front of her, and smiled genuinely.
"Hello Anakin."
He sent a smile back to her and nodded his head. "Is Padmé—"
Uké drew up her hand. "We returned from Naboo earlier today and Padmé is here. I'll go get her."
Artoo slid from his place in Anakin's speeder and beeped a hello to her and followed her.
As she and Artoo made their way past the pillars and drapes, the smile on her face dropped. Uké walked the way to Padmé's bedroom, where she knew the senator would be, watching Dormé and Karté play Sabacc so neither of them would cheat.
Artoo coming into the room announced Anakin's arrival and Padmé jumped up with a smile. "He's here—?"
The handmaiden nodded.
"Well I think this calls for that pink dress." Dormé said moving up from her chair, a giddy smile on her face.
Karté giggled as she picked up the cards on the table. "Isn't that a little too much for a simple dinner."
"No, I think it looks perfect." Padmé looked extraordinarily pleased as Uké and Dormé brought in pieces of the ensemble.
The dress was close-fitting in the torso, with a criss-crossed pattern of a darker thread. It left Padmé's shoulders bare. Her arms however, were adorned with pearl armbands that had sheer lilac fabric acting as flowing sleeves with tassels at the bottom. The skirt of the dress was pleated.
"If anything, I think the dress looks more purple." Karté said, swooping Padmé's soft brown hair into semi-crescent buns held in place by delicate carved pastel hairpieces.
Dormé set a pearl circlet onto Padmé's head. "Really? Because I could swear it's at least off-pink."
"It's off-pink at best—"
"Oh, it's definitely purple." Uké said with an air of authority. Padmé laughed.
"Well whichever color it is, it looks beautiful." Padmé grabbed Dormé and Karté's arms in thanks. The handmaidens both smiled.
Uké quietly sighed. This was perhaps the happiest she'd seen Padmé in a standard month. So Uké simply watched as her Senator dabbed perfume onto the pale curve of her neck and wrists. She stayed watching as Dormé and Karté added a few finishing touches on Padmé. Dormé sent a quick look Uké's way before offering to serve Padmé and her husband's dinner with Karté. This was something Uké was grateful for.
As the trio left the room (not without a fleeting smile from Padmé, nearly bursting with joy), Uké stayed.
This was becoming an increasing problem. One that had been bubbling up for a while. It was a combination of resentment, loneliness, fear, and jealousy. And Uké hated it.
It was the sort of thing that find that bit the edges of Uké's mind throughout the day. It was a kind of poison she'd been choosing to ignore. It was like the smog of the lower parts of Coruscant, always present even if out of view.
It left a sort of unsavory imprint in Uké and her just sitting and staring at the damn gold lining of Padmé's bedroom wasn't helping. In some sort of manic fashion, Uké got up and paced. She then stripped herself of her handmaiden uniform and threw different ones on.
This was technically a night off and she might as well use it.
As she strode through Padmé's apartments, she came to the dining area. The table was set with rich-smelling food and Alderaanian Toniray wine, a gift from Senator Organa. Uké grabbed Karté and quietly told her she'd be going out.
So with a hardened face, Uké left Padmé's and her husband's laughs, in search of something more.
. . .
The rooms under Padmé's apartments were meant for guards and the crew of the J-Type Star Skiff that had been commissioned for Senator Amidala since the beginning of the Clone Wars. But under those quarters, were the apartments of Naboo's Junior Representative, Jar Jar Binks (who at the moment was off planet) and his attendants (the specific attendant Uké was looking for, was coincidentally not off planet).
Uké strode through the lantern lit apartments which were supposed to mimic the look of Otoh Gunga. A large glass aquarium wrapped around the hallways held an array of marine life. The muted tunic and leggings she wore left her with a slight chill. Goosebumps rose on her skin despite the feverish feel to it.
Finally, Uké stood, looking at the blue and bronze tinted carpet when the door in front of her slid open.
Sabé looked relaxed. Her hair was in a low bun, which was typical, but straight strands fell out of it to frame her face and fall on her neck. The deep burgundy she wore accentuated the brown—near black—of her eyes.
"Uké?" Sabé looked her up and down, taking in her slightly frenzied appearance. "I didn't know you were coming tonight, and while you're not unwelcome, what about Pad–?"
Uké interrupted, pulling down the loose scarf on her head and messily kissing Sabé. Uké only pulled away to say, "Dormé's staying there." Then she drew Sabé back to her. Sabé quickly cupped the side of Uké's face with her slender hand and deepened it.
They made their way through Sabé's suite, slightly stumbling along as they kissed. Uké unfurled Sabé's bun before they made it to the coach.
Uké tilted Sabé's chin up, lips meeting the curve of her jaw. Her face was oval compared to Padmé's.
A sweet sigh Sabé had been holding left her lips. Her lips were fuller than Padmé's.
"Uké." Sabé grabbed the handmaiden's wrist. "We need to talk." Uké looked into Sabé's eyes, more deep-set than– "This won't help you or me."
That singular terrible truth gripped Uké with such violence. Sabé was not Padmé and Uké had no right to pretend so. Sabé was Sabé. Uké stilled, her eyes became blurry as tears filled her vision. This is horrible.
"I'm horrible."
Her voice cracked like a planet with magma pulsing at its surface. Earthquakes tremor underneath her breasts, her own lungs filled themselves with air like she's dying. She let it all burn inside of her, lava had been burning her for so long she didn't realize how much it was rising. She had been the mountain, so steady, she didn't shake nor falter. But now her pain in the form of lava—no, tears (is there a difference?)—broke out of her. Would this carve up her skin the way it carved up her insides, leaving festering wounds over and over, only to build into the eternal scars she kept?
Why did it come to this. Why did she let it come to this?
"No. You are not horrible." Sabé's voice was water, set to smooth her into obsidian glass and softer than Uké has heard in a long time. "It hurts, I know, I know."
"I just thought–" Uké's words became caught. "If I could–" Again. "Just be–" Again. "There. It wouldn't be so–" And again. "Hard."
Sabé pulled a soft white cloth from her breast pocket and dabbed at Uké's cheeks with care. It grounded her. Made her not quite so undone.
"But I guess–" Again. "That's what made it–" Again. "So hard."
Sabé set her hand on Uké's cheek. "But it's Padmé."
Uké laughed, sounding both relieved and broken. Happy and indescribably sad. Padmé's name meant more light to her than it ever will be dark. "I'll go through it all because it's–" And again. "Padmé."
Sabé gripped her shaking hand. Uké laid her head on Sabé's shoulder as her breaths fell more easy, not so choked. Sabé's other hand found it's place on Uké's head. It stayed.
The rest of the night is spent in a symphony. Uké's cries and sobs rise in a crescendo only to quiet in calando.
Then like the director raising his hands, it begins again.
It's exhausting and long but Sabé stays. This is a pain they know. It is only right it is them sharing it. It only ends when Uké fell asleep, too raw and sad to continue. A dreamless sleep follows, her nightmares too tired to begin.
Then again, they might have just been scared of Sabé, who held onto Uké protectively, as if loosening her grip might let Uké drown.
. . .
"You know, I used to not be able to stand the sight of you and Padmé walking together."
Uké pulled the pale green porcelain teacup full of Karlini tea away from her mouth. Its floral sweet and warmth left her senses. A thoughtful expression formed on her face. "Are you talking about the first half of her second term?"
Sabé nodded as she sat down her own cup of Felucian imported caf. Sabé had always adored it during their time in the Royal Palace, often having it in her hand as the handmaidens all went through new protocols or had to rise early for training.
"If it makes you feel any better," Uké started, resting her head on her free hand, "I think was going to break one of the sculptures at Alderaan's Royal Palace when I found out you and Padmé would be having a private breakfast."
Sabé laughed. "Well at the time I was in some sort of relationship with Tonra. At the moment I wasn't looking to further my relationship with Padmé. And honestly it was around that time that I think I had finally realized that I would never be you." Her voice became heavier.
Uké shook her head, her heavy coiled hair slightly moving, eyebrows furrowed. "That doesn't mean you wouldn't have a close bond with her. I think you're just as close as I am to her."
Sabé fiddled with the grip on her cup. "While we both have close relationships with her, we mean different things to her. I will never mean what you mean to her. Padmé and I worked in great synchronization and could communicate things no one else understood." Then she stopped, like she was weighing what to say next. "While still affectionate, our relationship was built on formality. But Uké, you have always understood her. I'm her right hand. But you are always able to see who she is. To add to that, she knows you're there and always will be. It's like... knowing that even during the day, the moons are still there. They may not be in view, but they are still circling you.
"But isn't that the worst part?" Uké looked at her teacup in her brown hands, the light amber colored liquid soothed her. Made the truth easier.
Sabé nodded, taking a sip of her caf. "Yes... she will always need you, but never in the way you need her."
. . .
The truth is much easier to forget when Uké is pressed against the soft blue skin of Iri Asichi, one of the aides of Pantoran Delegation.
Or a Naboo guard named Meeny Rervaa.
Or Daneska Varbarós, a Naboo pilot.
Or some other women who could make her feel better for even a little bit.
At least it makes it easier to be around Padmé and her husband. And Uké will take it. Because at least it's something.