CHRYSANTHEMUM
"You should thank me," Gallego said as soon as I went out of the back stage. Inirapan ko lang siya. "Hindi gagalaw 'yon si Jyll kung 'di ako nag-bid ng malaki!" Proud na sabi pa nito. Hindi ko siya pinansin bagkus ay lumapit na lang ako sa buffet table at pumila. Hindi ko alam ang kung anong trip niya pero nakasunod lang siya sa akin.
"Akala mo siguro gagastos talaga ako ng 100,000 'no?" Natatawang tanong niya sa akin. "3 months allowance ko na 'yon, 'no!"
"Ang daldal mo, Gallego." Sabi ko saka kumuha ng isang maliit na puto at pinasak sa bunganga niyang panay pa rin ang pagsasalita.
"Ang brutal mo!" He said as he try to chew and swallow the food in his mouth. Ang dugyot lang kasi may nalalaglag pa sa bunganga niya.
"Ano bang trip mo kasi kanina?" Inis kong tanong sa kaniya. "Gumawa ka pa ng eksena."
"Gusto ko lang sanang magsayang ng pera para asarin ka," napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. So, tama ang hinala ko kanina? "You know, madami masyado, eh." He shrugged as if it's a small thing. He sounded like bragging.
"Ang yabang mo," sabi ko saka kumuha ng plato at naglagay ng pagkain dito.
Hindi na nagsalita ulit si Gallego which is a good thing. Peaceful ko lang na pinaglalagay sa plato ko ang lahat ng pagkaing magustuhan ko. We didn't limit the food para sulit ang entrance nila. Isa pa, medyo malaki ang kinita ng auction kanina.
"Kaya ka tumataba, eh." He commented when we're done getting our food. Naglalakad na kami ngayon papalapit sa table kung nasaan sina Jyll at ang iba pa.
"So?" Mataray kong tugon. Itinaas ko pa ang kilay ko.
"Wala kain ka lang, sabi ko nga shut up na ako," he said. Itinikom niya pa ang bibig niya ng todo at pinakita sa akin.
The music is still playing but everyone's busy getting food and eating. I sat on my chair as soon as we reached our table. Wala doon si Jyll that's why I got curious. Simula noong nilayasan ko sila ni Zaine kanina ay hindi na kami nag-usap.
"Jam, nasaan si Jyll?" I asked. Bakante kasi ang upuan sa tabi ko kung saan siya nakapwesto. Nakita ko kasi siyang nakaupo kanina dito.
"Uy, hanap agad! May one hour moment naman kayo mamaya, e. 'Wag kang atat, Pres." Pang-aasar ni Jamea. Tinarayan ko lang siya kaya nag-peace sign siya. "Nag-cr ata, Pres."
Tumangu-tango na lang ako at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. The others are talking about stuff while eating. Ako naman ay ninanamnam lang ang pagkain hanggang sa bumalik si Jyll na may dala na ring pagkain. Muntik na akong mabulunan.
"Round 2, Jazz?" Asar ni Gallego nang maubos ko ang pagkain na nasa plato na ikinatuwa naman ng mga kasama namin sa table. Inirapan ko na lang siya at saka kinuha ang phone ko sa pouch at nag-scroll sa facebook.
"Anong plano niyong gawin sa one hour niyo, Jyll at Chrysa?" Tanong ni Mad. Muntik ko nang mabitawan ang hawak kong cellophone dahil doon.
"Secret," Jyll said.
"Hoy, bawal ano ha!" Jam said, sounding malicious.
"Ano?" Kunyari ay clueless kong tanong.
"Ano-- wala, enjoy niyo na lang moment niyo baka 'yon na pala ang daan ng comeback niyo," nasamid naman si Gallego na nasa tabi ko dahil doon. Uh, people are acting weird or inaasar na naman ako nitong si Gallego?
"Are you guys done eating?" Tanong ng emcee. Most of the students answered yes.
"Very well, it's time to party!" Matapos niyang sabihin 'yon, tumugtog ang isang upbeat music which made the students and my co-officers stood up from their seat and started dancing. Hindi ba uso sa kanila ang nagpahindag?
"Partyyyy!" Sigaw ni Zaine nang lumapit siya sa amin, nakahiwalay kasi ng table ang student council. Hinila niya sina Jyll at Gallego na agad namang sumama sa kaniya. She gestured me to follow pero nag-stay lang ako sa pagkakaupo.
I just watch people dancing to the loud music. May ilang naghe-headbang pa. Iisipin siguro ng marami na ang killjoy ko. Halos lahat kasi ay nakatayo na. Nagulat ako nang may humawak sa kamay ko at hinila ako patayo.
"Bawal kj dito, sayaaaw!" Sigaw ni Gallego habang hinihila ako patayo. Tss.
Wala akong nagawa kundi sumama na lang sa dance floor at nakisabay na lang sa beat. Halos paa at ulo ko lang ang nagalaw. Sina Zaine ay nakataas pa ang kamay habang yumuyugyog ng todo.
"Bago ka lang ba dito?" Biro ni Zaine na pinauso namin way back grade 8. Hanggang ngayon pala ay ginagamit pa rin nila ito tuwing may party music.
Hindi ko na namalayan na nag-enjoy na rin ako sa pakikipagtawanan sa kanila dahil sa pag-tumbling tumbling ng baklang kaklase nila Jyll.
Suddenly, the music stopped and it changed into some sort of love song. Nakita ko kung paano nawala ang pagiging wild ng mga tao. Ang ilang kalalakihan ay nilapitan ang mga kababaihan saka sila nagsimulang magsayaw but then the music stopped again at saka nagsalita ang emcee na nasa stage.
"I know all of you are excited for a slow dance pero bago 'yon, magsipunta na muna dito ang mga ladies and gentlemen of the auction at maging ang mga nakabili sa kanila. Your moment is about to shine!" I silently walk towards the stage. The music continued and everyone who's out of this business continued dancing with their friends, crushes, partners and whatsoever.
Nakita ko rin si Jyll na papunta sa gawi ng stage kung nasaan ang iba. Nauna akong makapunta doon sa kaniya. Pinagpapares-pares na nila ang mga naroon. Kaagad akong hinatak ni Jamea dahil ibibigay daw nila sa amin ni Jyll ang pinaka-special na spot.
"Jyll!" Tawag ni Jam nang makarating na si Jyll sa gawi namin. He just looked at them. Kanina pa siya parang bored na bored. Even no'ng nagsasayaw kami with party music ay parang wala rin siyang gana.
"Come, follow me." Sabi ni Jam sa amin saka naunang maglakad. Sa gilid kami dumaan para hindi maistorbo ang moment ng mga nagsasayaw. Napalingon pa ako sa isang gawi kung saan nakapulupot na ang gown ng isang babae sa dalawang couple ata na paikot na nagsasayaw.
Jam stopped at one corner of the hall. Alam ko 'to dahil kami ang nag-ayos ng corners na 'to para sa mga special dates kuno. Dinala nila kami ni Jyll sa pinakasulok kung saan may nakalagay na fruits at cakes pati na rin red wine. Sa gilid ay may fairy lights.
"Enjoy!" Sambit nito bago kami iniwan ni Jyll doon.
I took a seat and Jyll did the same. For some minutes ay may kakaibang awkward silence sa pagitan namin. I can hear my heart beating like a drum and it's coming your way, don't you know like boom boo-- char. Seriously, my heart is beating so loud and fast. Mas wild pa ang beat nito kaysa sa mga tugtog kanina. Napalunok ako secretly dahil sa kaba.
"Hindi ka na dapat nagsayang ng pera," I said just to break the silence. Hindi nga ako sigurado kung tama ba ang topic na binuksan ko.
"That's for a charity naman," sagot nito at ngumiti. Gosh, ngumiti na rin siya sa wakas! Kanina pa kasi ito seryoso. "Bakit kanina mo pa ako iniiwasan?" Tanong nito na ikinagulat ko. Ha? Iniiwasan ko ba siya?
"Hindi naman kita iniiwasan," sagot ko. "Ikaw nga diyan 'yong parang ang sungit kanina pa." I pouted.
"Kasi nga iniiwasan mo ko," he said. Pinagdikit ko ang dalawang daliri ko habang iniisip kung iniwasan ko ba siya kanina.
"Ah, si Zaine kasi ang awkward ng mga tanong. Tsaka, masakit kasi ang paa ko sa heels kaya kailangan kong umupo kanina at iwan kayo." I answered.
"Gusto mong sumayaw?" He said as he stood up from his seat. Lumapit siya sa akin at inilahad ang kamay niya upang tulungan aking tumayo.
Inabot ko iyon. The moment I held his hand, I felt a little amount of current passing through my skin. I can feel the warmth of his soft hands on mine. As if on cue, the music changed into something that makes me remember a lot of things about us.
Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
But bear this mind, it was meant to be
And I'm joining' up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me
I stared at him just like how I used to be before. The sparkling lights from the hall glimmered in his face. He is looking at me too. From the song and by the way he looked at me, flashbacks of our memories pierce into my mind as my heart beats so fast.
He put his other hand around my waist and pulled me closer to him. Inilagay ko sa balikat niya ang isa ko pang kamay na hindi niya hawak. We slowly step our foot sidewards, moving with the enticing music.
I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes
When you smile
You've never loved your stomach or your thighs
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I'll love them endlessly
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do, it's you, oh, it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you and all these little things
I was just staring at him the whole time, maging siya ay ganoon rin. Walang nag-abalang magsalita kahit sa isip ko ay gulong-gulo na ako kung dapat ko bang itanong at sabihin sa kaniya ang mga bagay na ilang linggo at araw nang paikot-ikot sa utak ko.
You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
Maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me
The song reminded me of everything we used to be. Ang galing ng timing, sakto. It's our theme song. Everytime I hear this, he comes to my mind. Naalala ko noon, kinanta niya pa ito sa akin habang sinserong nakatingin. And now, I can't believe that we're this close with the song in our background.
I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape
You never want to know how much you weigh
You still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you're perfect to me
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true, it's you, it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you and all these little things
You never love yourself half as much as I love you
I know everything he used to be, and vice versa. All those little things that make me insane. All those little things that until now, haunt every piece of me. All those little things that left a huge scar inside me.
And you'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to
If I let you know, I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you, oh
And I've just let these little things slip out of my mouth
I'm here, always. I may gave up that time, but I'm here. Nandito pa rin ako Jyll, hindi makausad. Nandito pa rin ako na umaasang baka maayos pa natin 'yong tayo. Nandito pa rin ako na pilit kumakapit sa'yo, na humihiling na sana hawakan mo ulit ako. Kasi kung gagawin mo 'yon, pinapangako ko, hindi na ako bibitaw.
'Cause it's you, oh, it's you, it's you they add up to
And I'm in love with you and all these little things
I hope he can hear those thoughts that are running in my head. I hope he can see through my eyes by the look I'm giving him. I hope he can hear how loud my heart screams his name. I hope so, but I don't wanna keep on hoping. I want answers.
Bumuntong hininga ako bago matapos ang kanta. Inipon ko lahat ng lakas nang loob ko upang maibulalas ang saloobin sa isip ko. Napayuko muna ako bago tumingala ulit sa kaniya.
"May sasabihin ako." Our gaze met and we were both shocked. Jinx. I suddenly got curious about what he's going to ask.
"Ikaw na mauna," sabay ulit naming sabi.
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true, it's you, it's you they add up to
I'm in love with you and all your little things
"Lady's first," mahinahong sabi ni Jyll habang diretsong nakatitig sa mga mata ko.
Bumitaw ako sa kaniya nang matapos ang kanta at saka huminga ulit nang malalim. I don't know if I will get the answer I wanted, but at least I tried.
I looked at him with my eyes full of emotions that I hope he can read, "about the flowers delivered to you the last time..." I said. Para akong nabubulunan kahit wala naman akong kinakain. My words are stuck inside my mouth.
"What about that?" He asked with his blank face. Hindi ko rin mabasa ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya.
"Uh... Ikaw ba 'yong nagpapadala sa akin ng mga chrysanthemums?" I asked while avoiding his gaze.
"What made you think so?" He said. Aba, tinaasan pa akong kilay!
"K-kahapon..." I didn't finish my sentence hoping he could get the context.
"Hindi ako," he said. I was hoping na bawiin niya ang sinabi niya, but he didn't. "That flower is for Jade. Tsaka kung ako man 'yon, hindi ko na itatago ang identity ko at maglalakas-loob akong magpakilala sa'yo." Nakakahiya! Disappointment can be seen in my face.
I can feel my eyes starting to water. I shouldn't cry in front of him! I looked up to the ceiling so that I can't prevent my tears from falling. Nang masiguro kong mapipigilan ko na ang pag-iyak, humarap ako kay Jyll at ngumiti. My own expectations failed me.
"I just ask—" I was cut off by Gallego approaching us.
"Pwedeng hiramin si Chrysa?" He said. He didn't wait for Jyll's response and just dragged me out of the hall.
———
Featured song: Little Things by One Direction
You can listen to it, and the other songs that will be featured in the series, through this Spotify playlist:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3QbIVT5z25yUn8I6g51v7t?si=3e88e4789af54740