The party was at the house of Kyle Barker, a wealthy, popular and athletic Grammarville student, and one of Cash's many friends. It was being held in Kyle's large two-storey, and it was the kind of party that didn't require an invitation-You just kind of showed up.
And as soon as Robert and I pulled up to the curb, I knew we were out of our depth.
Music reverberated loudly, spilling out onto the street and making the floor vibrate beneath our feet. Lights flashed in the windows, changing colours so quickly it made me dizzy. And the scent of cigarette smoke permeated the air in thick clouds as we stepped up to the front door.
"Wonder how the neighbours stand it," Robert snorted, pressing the doorbell.
A second later the door flung open, and we both jumped back as a very drunk and very shirtless man stumbled from the house.
"Wassup?" he asked, words slurring together. "You guyss here t'partay?"
"Yes," Robert said, lifting his chin. He spoke loudly and slowly, enunciating each word as though the man were hard of hearing. "We are here for the party."
"Ah ha! Ha!" The man laughed loudly and pointed at each of us in turn. "I knew it!" He seemed to be having trouble focusing on us; his eyes kept darting from our faces to the street beyond, and then back again. "Well, come in! Come in!"
He ushered us frantically inside, sweeping his hands forward in sharp movements.
"Great," Robert muttered, stuffing his hands into his pockets. The door shut with a resounding thud behind us, and we both flinched as the man shoved past and darted upstairs, laughing the whole time. "I'm already regretting this."
"Cheer up, you grump," I teased, trying to quell my own nerves.
Around us, the party was in full swing. Music thumped at an obnoxious volume through the house, seeming to shake the floor and walls with the magnitude of its sound, and people were clustered everywhere in small groups. A few couples were making out by the stairs, and four particularly drunk people were staggering clumsily by the speakers, dancing awkwardly to the music.
"So...What to do first." Robert clapped his hands together in mock enthusiasm. "Shall we get sickeningly drunk? Try out some moves on the dance floor? Eat some germ-infested chips?"
I rolled my eyes and tugged Robert from the entrance way, pulling him into a hallway beyond. "Let's just...Get a drink."
When he raised a brow, I quickly added, "Of the non-alcoholic variety."
The hallway lead to a large, spacious kitchen that seemed to function as the centre of the party. Kyle himself was sitting on a countertop chugging from a beer, while two guys from the football team cheered him on.
I quickly scanned the room for Cash, deflating when I realised he wasn't there. He'd said he was coming at eight-thirty. Where was he?
"Dudes, look who's here!" Kyle crowed, spotting us.
I winced as he leapt to the floor and strode over, raising his arm in greeting.
"Don't usually see you guys at these things!" he announced, face red with intoxication. Luckily, he seemed too drunk to really care that we were there. "Can I get you something to drink?"
Robert stared determinedly in the opposite direction, chewing irritably on his cheek, but I called back "Do you have any coke?"
"Coke?" Kyle laughed delightedly. "Dude, didn't know you were that hardcore!"
"No, no." I shook my head quickly, then craned my neck to better be heard. "Like, coke cans? As in the drink?"
"Ooooh. Yeah, for sure." Kyle lead the way to the fridge and wrenched open the freezer. He thrust a can into my hand, but when he offered one to Robert, he shook his head.
Kyle raised his palms. "'ight man, suit yourself. Well, have fun, dudes."
He slapped me on the shoulder as he walked past, and I stumbled backward, almost dropping my opened can.
"Alyx, what are we doing here?" Robert groaned, reaching out to steady me. "Let's just go back to my place. We can rent a movie, order a pizza-"
"Robert, please," I insisted, exasperation leaking into my voice. "Let's just stay for a little bit. And then, if it ends up sucking-"
"You'll be paying for my therapy," Robert interjected. But he must've seen something in my face, because his gaze softened, and he sighed in resignation. "Fine. We'll stay."
I grinned broadly and threw an arm around his shoulders. "You're the best."
"Uh huh." Robert carefully extracted my arm. "Alright, where to next?"
"Let's go out to the patio," I suggested, indicating the sliding doors nearby, and the deck beyond. "I think there's a few people out there."
Like Cash, maybe.
"Oh, great. People." Robert sighed again. "Where there's people, there's fun."
"You know," I mused wryly, sliding the doors shut as we stepped onto the patio, "I don't think you really mean that."
The atmosphere outside was a bit more subdued; the music was muffled, and people were mostly sitting around on couches, and leaning against the balcony rail, talking and drinking and generally keeping to themselves. There were fluorescent LED signs hanging about, and trails of fairy lights had been wound around the balcony rail. Tiny paper lanterns even hung from the wooden beams above.
It would've been nice-If smoke didn't hang thickly in the air. And if most of the people sitting on the deck weren't complete, well, assholes.
For one, Casey Truman and her friends were settled around a small firepit, passing around a bottle of vodka and a pack of cigarettes.
For another, a large group of football jocks, including Bryce, Tyson and Cash were sitting in a corner, draped over couches and old dining chairs.
"Ugh," Robert sneered, regarding the setting with obvious distaste. "Boy was this a bad move."
My heart thumped painfully against my chest as my eyes landed on Cash. He was lounging lazily over the back of a couch, wearing a bomber jacket over a white t-shirt. Bryce was muttering something in his ear, and Cash was laughing, his entire body rising and falling with the movement.
Those brilliant eyes twinkled in the fairy light.
And he looked so elegant, so superior-A golden king on his golden throne.
"Alyx, lets go back inside," Robert suggested, grasping my shoulder. "Before they see us."
"Ey, it's the nerd squad!" Bryce called suddenly, beady gaze locking onto us. He grinned a vindictive grin and lifted his beer. "How about joining us for a drink, fellas!"
"Nah, they're all set," Tyson snorted. "They've got soda."
Cash remained silent; his eyes slid to me for a minute, then darted away and stayed fixed on some point in the distance.
"C'mon, Alyx," Robert said again, tugging me backward.
I let him take me back inside, trying to ignore the mocking laughter behind us. Why had I gone out there? What had I expected?
"Those guys are such fucking dickheads," Robert spat, visibly furious. "I don't-I don't understand what they get out of treating people like shit-"
He cut off suddenly, seeing my expression. "Hey, you okay, man?"
"Yeah," I said quickly, rubbing at my eye. "I just, ah-I just got smoke in my ey-"
"Don't let them get to you," Robert interjected. "They're all assholes. All of them."
"I know." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Sorry for making you go out there."
He snorted. "You didn't make me do anything, okay? I want to do this with you. I want to be here."
"Really?" I asked sceptically.
"Okay, no. But I'm here to support you." Robert tugged thoughtfully on the hem of his shirt. "How about this: Let's swing by the fridge, I'll grab a coke can, and then we can head upstairs. See what else is going on in this hell hole."
I nodded slowly, feeling my mood slightly lift. "Okay."
Upstairs was decidedly quieter, to both of our relief. It consisted of a large sitting area overlooking the backyard, and a variety of rooms, all with their doors shut. The lights weren't even on, and all the light came from the bonfire reflecting through the windows from the backyard outside.
It was nice. Calm.
And although there were strange noises emanating from a few of the rooms, I was glad for the chance to sit somewhere peaceful.
"Bet I know what's going on in there," Robert muttered, settling onto one of the couches. He took a sip of his can and grimaced. "Oh, yuck. That is flat."
He stood abruptly. "I'm going to grab another one. Be right back."
"I'll meet you back here," I agreed, also standing. "I just need to use the bathroom."
As Robert went back downstairs, I hesitantly approached one of the rooms.
"Please be a bathroom," I prayed under my breath, turning the knob. I hadn't seen one downstairs, and now that I'd escaped the party, I was reluctant to go back in search of a bathroom. "Please, please be a bathroom."
It was not a bathroom.
"Get out!" a girl shrieked as I opened the door, throwing a shoe in my direction.
"S-Sorry!" I cried, horrified. I hurried to shut the door, my heart beating wildly, then raised a hand to my forehead and blew out a long, ragged breath.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
A throaty laugh sounded behind me.
I whirled around, and there was Cash, leaning casually against the staircase railing.
"Miller, you perv," he snickered. "Spying on people? That's nasty."
I took a few paces forward, my face on fire, hands shaking with adrenaline. "That was not-I didn't-" I broke off suddenly and buried my face in my hands, cringing. "Oh my god."
Still laughing, Cash moved closer and carefully pulled my hands away. "Don't worry," he soothed, smoothing the hair from my eyes. "I'm sure they won't remember it was you."
Then he was leaning even closer and we were kissing, moving rhythmically to the beat of the music downstairs. His hands were in my hair, on my waist, lifting my hoodie and moving up my stomach. And I was just gripping his shoulders, holding on for dear life as everything that was good and brilliant and wonderfully Cash seized me so completely.
"Wait," I had half a mind to say, "I just remembered that I'm mad at you." For what? It was hard to think outside of this perfect space, the space that was mine and his and no one else's.
"For being with your friends," I'd say.
No, that didn't sound right.
"For being one way with them, and a different way with me."
What was the difference?
"With me, you're better, so much better. But when you're with them, you change. When you're with them...I forget you're mine."
Was he mine?
I opened my eyes briefly, watching Cash's face in the half-light, watching his eyelashes flutter as I brushed my thumb across his cheek.
"Are you mine?" I wanted to say. "Are you?"
But I didn't say any of that. I didn't say a word.
Until Bryce's voice called from downstairs.
"Oi, Cash! Where are you, mate?"
We broke apart slowly, hesitantly, like we were waking from a dream. A dream. Yes, this was just all a nice dream, wasn't it?
"How did you get away from the rat pack?" I asked as Cash began smoothing his clothes. The arm of his jacket hung askance on his right shoulder, and I leaned across to fix it. "Did you have to stage a grand escape?"
Cash flashed me a blinding grin. "I just told them I had to deal with a problem." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and closed the gap between us, kissing me briefly on the mouth.
And then he was gone, striding downstairs with his hands in his pockets, as casually as if he'd just come back from a leisurely stroll.
Sighing heavily, I retreated to the couch and stared forlornly out the window, gazing into the backyard. People were gathered around the bonfire, drinking from cups and laughing loudly, without restraint.
Why did I feel so conflicted? I'd just made out with Cash. If that wasn't a confirmation of his affection, then what was?
Maybe I was torn because now we had to return to our original roles, to our original lives. Now I had to continue living in a world in which Cash and I were enemies and nothing more-One in which I had to pretend we didn't trade kisses in the dark, secret spaces between our opposing lives.
And maybe it was because he'd called me a problem. It'd been a joke; I knew that. But it'd gotten me thinking: Was I a problem?
I knew I would be, if anyone ever found out about us.
"Hey." Robert sat heavily beside me, cradling a fresh can in his hands. "Sorry I took so long. People decided to form an actual conga line from the kitchen to the living room, and I had to decline an invitation to join it, like, five hundred times-"
I laughed appreciatively. "I thought those only happened in movies."
Robert sipped from his can. "I think they did it ironically."
We sat in silence for a moment, both of us staring into the backyard beyond.
Then Robert said, "You know, I really don't get the big deal with parties."
I yawned loudly and rested my chin on the back of the couch. "Me neither."
Robert took another sip of his can, then laughed suddenly. "It's so stupid. Drunk people dance badly to bad music, it's just bad-"
I laughed, too, my shoulders shaking with the movement.
And then we both dissolved into chuckles and exchanged incredulous glances, not entirely certain why, exactly, we were laughing.
"Still," I said finally, breathlessly, as we began to calm down. "Thankyou, Robert. For coming."
Robert looked at me, really looked at me, and smiled. It was a simple, quiet kind of smile, but in it was an acknowledgement of all we meant to each other. Of the friendship we had found.
"Anytime."
A/N: Thankyou for reading!