Kabanata 27
"Ocean Adventure and Zoobic Safari! Tapos sightseeing na lang tayo sa sa Subic Bay." I suggested as we narrowed three places to visit.
"Okay." Adren nodded and talked to his driver. Kawawa si Manong dahil naging third wheel pa siya bigla. Wala kasi akong tiwala na pwedeng kaming dalawa lang sa byahe. We're still teens and vulnerable to danger.
Unang lugar na pinuntahan namin ay ang Ocean Adventure, we were able to see different types of sea creatures.
We went inside the aquarium area and it was really dark, only the aquariums itself illuminates light. Siguro para mas mabigyang pansin ang mga isda.
Pangarap ko talaga nung bata ako pumunta sa mga lugar na ganito pero kapos si Mama sa pera. Hanggang sa palengke lang ako nakakakita ng mga aquarium na may lamang tilapia na magiging ulam namin sa bahay pag-uwi.
"Hey, let's try the dolphins or sea lions?" tanong ni Adren habang ang tuon ng atensyon ko ay nasa mga isdang lumalangoy.
"Sure." I nodded my head.
We went for the shows exclusively for the dolphins and sea lions. They were really friendly and cute. Nagpapakita sila ng gilas sa mga tao, para kaming bata ni Adren na humahanga sa simpling tricks na pinapakita nila.
"Hey, we can actually have a close up encounter with the dolphins." Adren suggested and I was thrilled.
Nagpalit kami ng rash guard bago lumapit sa mga dolphins. We were able to hold them and play with them. Syempre may mga nagbabantay pa rin pero kung gaano sila ka-friendly kanina sa show ay mas may ikaf-friendly pa pala 'yon. When it was time to bid goodbye to them, the dolphin dive down and waved it's tails at us.
We also went for a stroll in Subic Bay. Sobrang linis ng Subic, para kang nasa ibang bansa. The establishments were also for those who really have money to spend since some of them were obviously branded. One day, I'll tour my family here when I have enough money.
I plopped myself to my bed when we arrived in our rooms at the hotel we're staying in. The dim lights really made the whole room look fancy. Tumingala ako at nag-isip kung ilang oras na lang ang natitira.
Bakit ang bilis ng oras kapag pinipigilan mo ito? Ang bagal naman kung gusto mo itong bumilis? It's as if time wants you to know that it repels your expectations.
Sa sumunod na araw ay sa Zoobic Safari naman kami pumunta. Althought the whole tour was fascinating, I really enjoyed the Tiger Safari and the Croco Loco part.
In the Tiger Safari, we rode a jeep where we can actually roam around along with the tigers in the safari. Pwede mo rin silang pakainin at ilang beses akong napakapit kay Adren dahil sa takot at kaba. Ligtas naman ito dahil hindi ka naman talaga masyadong abot nung tigre.
"Bakit tumatawa ka lang?" Naiinis na tanong ko kay Adren.
Adren was still laughing. "You're cute when you're scared."
Ngumiwi naman ako.
In the Croco Loco, we walked in a steel grated walkway and fed the crocodiles using a fishing rod.
Ilang beses din akong napapikit at muntik na mabitawan ang fishing rod dahil sa pagabot ng mga crocodiles sa manok na pinapakain sa kanila. Adren on the other hand looks oddly relaxed.
Sa tingin ko kung kasama ko si Adren sa isang horror house ay siya pa mismo ang katatakutan ng mga nananakot. He doesn't even flinch or what. Sobrang poker face lang ng mukha niya.
"Uuwi na tayo bukas ng umaga." I suddenly realized when we were on our way to the hotel.
"We can go back here in the weekends if you're not busy." Adren rested his head on my shoulder and close his eyes. "I'm tired but it was fun."
"Paano kapag ikaw 'yung busy?"
"That won't happen." A smile appeared on his face. "I'll always make time for you."
I smiled too despite knowing that I'll bring him pain sooner or later.
Nang nasa palapag na kami ng mga kwarto namin na halos magkatabi lang ay agad kong nilapitan si Adren. He looks at me with confusion and his eyebrows were furrowed.
"Why-"
Marahan ko siyang tinulak papasok ng kwarto niya bago ko ito ni-lock. I smiled at him sheepishly as he arched an eyebrow at me.
"Nope." He said, popping the 'P' sound. "Bumalik ka sa kwarto mo."
Lumapit ako sa kanya at umatras naman siya. Ilang beses pa akong nagtangka na lapitan siya pero tumawid pa siya sa kabilang parte ng kama para layuan ako. He was avoiding me at all costs and it seriously pissed me off.
"Bakit ka nakikipag-patintero sa akin?"
"Bumalik ka muna sa kwarto mo." He sounded annoyed and his eyebrows were furrowed.
"Para kang ewan! Bakit ka lumalayo?"
"Bakit ka lumalapit?" he fired back.
"Bakit bawal?" nagtaas ako ng kilay sa kanya.
Umupo si Adren sa kama niya habang tinatanggal ang sapatos niya. He looks up to me when he noticed I was staring.
"Arri, what do you want?"
"Gusto mo ba talaga malaman?" I wiggled my eyebrows and went near him. Umupo sa tabi niya at tumikhim.
"So, legal age na tayo 'di ba?" I stated the obvious.
"Hm?"
"Pwede naman na siguro tayong..." uminit bigla ang pisngi ko.
"Pwede na tayong matulog nang mahimbing." Ngumisi siya habang tinatanggal ang relo niya.
This guy is enjoying it!
I pouted. "Adonis..."
I stroked his face as I leaned my lips to his. He gave me a long and deep kiss. At first, I was surprised but I gradually followed his lead even though he was exploring my mouth. This was the wildest kiss I've ever experienced. Halos kapusin ako sa hininga nang lumayo kami sa isa't isa.
"Arri..." he continued the kiss. It was ticklish as his kisses trailed on my neck. I tilted my head and close my eyes as my hands travelled through his hair.
As he was busy showering me with kisses, I was unbottoning his polo. He stiffens when I reached for his belt.
"Arri." He stopped and shakes his head. "I can't. We can't."
I cursed when I saw how serious he was. Agad siyang lumayo sa akin pero pinigilan ko siya.
"C'Mon! Gusto mo ba may parent's permit pa bago natin 'yon gawin?!" I cried in frustration. "Terno pa naman 'yung suot ko ngayon!"
Adren's lip twitched as he bit his lower lip. "No, I just don't think it's the right time."
"We're already legal!"
"Arri..." his eyes softens as he sat next to me. "Believe me, you don't know how much this means to me."
I was crying. I didn't care if I looked desperate infront of him. I didn't care if I looked like I wanted it so bad. It was the only thing I could give to him to prove that in this life, I loved him first. Tangina. Napahilamos ako habang nanginginig sa kakaiyak.
Dahil alam ko na hindi ako sigurado kung may mababalikan pa ako. Hindi ko alam kung mahihintayan niya ba ako kapag kaya ko na siyang i-paglaban. Kung makikita pa ba niya ako kapag nasa tuktok na siya.
I just wanted to make him feel that I really loved him. Kahit ngayong gabi lang. We are still too young, I know. And maybe I'm being deluded by the possible longing for him once I leave him.
"Arri, I'm sorry." He kissed the top of my head. "I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I really want to do it too but it's just not the right time yet."
"D-do you hate those who engaged in premarital sex?"
Maybe he's religious? Maybe he's primitive? Bakit ba ayaw niya?!
"No, of course not," Umiling-iling siya.
"It's their body so they can do whatever they want with it and sex is normal, Arri."
"E, bakit ayaw mo?" napapaos kong tanong, ramdam ko ang pamamaga ng mga mata ko nang iangat ko ang tingin ko sa kanya.
He wiped the remaining drops of tears in the side of my eye. "Do you want me to be honest?"
"It felt like you're obligated to give it to me..." he continued to kiss me on my cheeks. "But it shouldn't be that way, we have all the time in the world."
"Pero mahal kita, mahal mo rin naman ako..."
"A sexual intercourse isn't needed to prove that, Arri. You don't even know how much you make me feel loved and it's clearly enough for me." he chuckled.
You're wrong. This was our last night. It should have been memorable...
Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya.
"I love you, Arri." He cupped my face and made me look at him. "I do not know how long I will live, it's not going to be forever for sure. I can't promise you I'll love you always because we're not exactly always in love, but I'll try to love you every single day during the time I live with you."
"Ayaw mo talaga? Final answer?" humihikbi ako, pero tinawanan lang ako ni Adren.
"There's always a right time for that. At ayoko naman isipin ng Mama mo na kaya tayo umalis ay para roon. I respect your family, Arrisea. And honestly this hotel isn't that fancy enough for my taste," biro niya sa akin.
Pinalaki ako ni Mama na maging matapang. I was born being judged simply because they didn't like my Mom and I had no father. The last time I cried this hard was because I learned that my Mom had to work four shifts just to make sure we'll survive in this world.
Adren was kissing my eyelids as I continued sobbing.
"Mahal na mahal kita, ha?" I opened my eyes and forced myself to smile. "Tandaan mo 'yan, ha? Kahit anong mangyari saatin, tandaan mong mahal kita. Hindi 'yon magbabago."
"I love you, everyday." Adren sounded breathless.
Nanghihina akong lumapit sa kanya upang halikan siya. I kissed him with the remaining strength I have.
That night, nothing happened. Yet our kisses were as if it was the last time we'll ever kissed each other.
He even insisted that we should still sleep in separate rooms. Kinonsensya pa nga ako na sayang 'yung bayad sa kabilang kwarto kung hindi ko ito tutulugan. Hanimal, alam niya talaga na big deal sa akin ang gastusin!
"Happy Birthday." I greeted Adren as I was brushing his hair while he was asleep. "I'm glad we were born in the same lifetime, same place, and same universe."
I reached something from my pocket. It was a ring with a moon encraved on it. I slide it on his ring finger as I kissed his knuckles. Time may passed but just like the moon, I'll always come back every night. You may love me everyday, so give me the opportunity to love you every night where the sun isn't there and only the moon is your light.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
I realized how important dreams are for those who are still starting with their lives. It serves as your motivation to move forward despite the constant obstacles you have to face. As long as you have your dreams, you're motivated to do better and look forward for life.
"Bingi ka ba? Ang sabi ko, ayoko na sa'yo." I can taste the bitterness in my tone.
Adren was looking at me with disbelief. I've been practicing this line for as long as I remember. Kumakabog ang dibdib ko sa kaba na baka bawiin ko 'yon. I have no choice, I have to adhere to what most think. Ginamit ko lang si Adren dahil mayaman siya. Gano'n naman ang tingin ni Tatiana, ng ibang tao at ng mga di alam kung ano talaga ang relasyon namin. Maybe if I used that excuse, Adren would believe me. Our break up was sudden and I'm aware that he might not even believe me. He knew me too well. Hindi ko nga alam kung kakagat siya rito.
"What the hell, Arri? Is this a prank?" Tumawa siya pero huminto."It's not funny."
The look on his face makes me tremble in fear. Natatakot ako na baka hindi ko ito mapanindigan at malaman ni Adren ang totoo.
"Alam mo 'yung mga tsismis na ginamit lang kita para linisin ang pangalan ko? That's true." Ang tingin ko ay nasa mga kuko, iniiwasan na tingnan siya. "But you're boring."
"What the fuck, are you trying to say?" his breathing hitched.
Hindi ko mapigilan ang lumingon kay Adren. He looks mad, desperate and hurt. His eyes kept on blinking and lips are parted.
"I s-said l-lets break up." Pumikit ako nang mariin. "I don't want to be involve with you anymore."
As I was about to turn around. I felt his arms embracing as he rested his head on my shoulder.
Don't make this hard for the both of us, please.
"Adren, tigil na natin 'to." sabi ko habang pinipilit tanggalin ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin.
Nagsimulang mamula ang gilid ng mga mata niya.
"I can't lose you. I can lose everything but not you."
"Edi sorry na lang sa'yo. Lalaki ka lang. Kaya kitang mapalitan." Pinilit kong ngumiti. Mapakla ito at kahit ang sarili ko ay hindi ko makumbinsi na masaya ako.
Nakita ko kung paano gumuho ang mundo niya sa harap ko.
His face lost its color.
Malalim ang bawat paghinga niya.
Adren. Mas pipiliin kong masaktan ka ngayon. Ayokong balang araw ay pagsisisihan mong minahal mo ako- dahil hinding-hindi ko pagsisisihan na minahal kita kahit gaano kasakit.
"You're lying...Please tell me you're lying." Mas lalong humigpit ang yakap niya. Nararamdaman ko ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso niya.
"Hindi kita mahal. Ginamit lang kita kasi mayaman ka. Tama naman sila, I wasn't the girl you thought I was, hindi ba gano'n naman ang tingin ng lahat sa akin? You should probably just believe them." Tinulak ko siya para matanggal ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin.
Lumandas ang mga luha sa mata niya. "I love you, Arrisea. I don't care if it's the money. You can use me all you want —"
"May mahal na rin akong iba."
Sa pagkakataong ito, napatingin siya sa akin. The agony was evident in his face, para siyang pinipiga sa sakit. And my heart is feeling the pain just by looking at him.
"How many lies do you have to tell me? Do you really want me gone?" napapaos niyang tanong.
Pinipigilan ko ang mga luha ko na bumagsak.
"Obvious ba?"
Napatingin siya sa akin. Sarkastiko siyang tumawa. Nararamdaman ko ang sakit sa kanyang boses.
Magiging okay ka rin, Adren. Hindi ito ang unang beses na nasaktan. Makakalimutan mo rin ako. Pero hindi kita makakalimutan.
"You shouldn't have come to my life if you didn't plan to stay." Nanginginig ang boses niya bago niya ako tinignan sa mga mata.
I can only see betrayal in his eyes.
"Tangina. Tinuruan mo ako magmahal ulit para lang durugin ako. Maraming salamat, Arrisea." Pumikit siya nang marahan bago ako tinalikuran.
Napasalampak ako sa sahig.
Hindi makapaniwala sa mga sinabi at ginawa ko. I didn't know how to let him go without hurting him.
Gusto ko siyang habulin at sabihing walang katotohanan ang mga sinabi ko.
Pero hindi ko magawa dahil hindi ko naman kayang matustusan ang magiging kabayaran nito.
Our love was risky from the start. Ang pagmamahal ay para lang sa mga taong kayang sumugal. Alam ko iyon kaya naman kaya kong isugal ang lahat ng meron ako para sa kanya pero...Hindi ko kayang isugal ang pangarap ni Adren para lang sa pagmamahal namin. Hindi ko kayang makita siya ang mawawalan para sa aming dalawa. The thought will haunt me forever.
I would rather lose our love than see him lose himself for us.
"Pst," a voice came from the second floor. I look above and saw Etienne leaning on the railings with a sly smile on his face.
"Hala ka, Ate. Pinaiyak mo." He gestured it using his index finger.
❛ ━━━━━━･❪☽༓☾❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜