C H A P T E R
TWENTY-THREE:
Jungkook awoke with a soft smile on his face. The smooth duvet wrapped around his body like a protective shield, the natural, morning light sheening into his not yet opened eyes. He just wanted to bask in the warm sheets, the smell of Taehyung's musky, orangy scent before he opened his eyes. Jungkook dared to open his eyes because he knew that the minute he would open them, he'd be hit with the immediate memories of the night before. Blushing, he gathered some of the blanket to his face, he couldn't believe how daring he had been.
Jungkook then reaches out, feeling for Taehyung's warm body. He pats the bed with confusion before springing up. Looking around the room, Taehyung was nowhere to be seen. Worry draws itself on to Jungkook's features as he bundles himself up in the duvet. He's probably in the shower like always, Jungkook thinks, lying back down on Taehyung's bed, staring at the ceiling.
Flashbacks from the night before play in Jungkook's mind like a new movie arriving at a cinema, and he blushes, trying to cool down his body, which was slowly burning up, the temperature through the roof.
Yesterday, something clicked in Jungkook's mind. Like nothing before. Like he was trapped in a treasure chest, the scarce room suffocating him, trapping his mind from being able to run freely in the flower fields. Bht yesterday, it was like Taehyung had found the golden key, held the chest tightly, unlocked it, freeing Jungkook in the process, as well as finding more treasures to keep for himself.
Was this true?
Was the feeling Jungkook had been having urges about, finally showing itself?
It couldn't be.
In addition, the pain Jungkook had from losing his best friend all of those years ago, was slowly fading away as he found himself regaining the light in Taehyung again, his emotions forming to reach out for Taehyung's heart so that the two could mend, and form an even stronger bond than before.
Jungkook was finally starting to understand his own feelings.
The butterflies, the sparks, the confidence, all of the temptations to grab Taehyung and kiss him hard, all of those were slowly adding up, pouring into Jungkook's mind and heart like it was ice cold water on a hot Sunday evening. But Jungkook was beginning to love it. Love the feeling of finding a purpose once more.
All this time, he didn't understand. He was too scared to understand. Moulding himself into what he didn't want to be, a hypocrite. When the answer was standing right in front of him all along. And the cherry haired boy knew it himself, that answer was not going to disappear any time soon, so he had to make do with it, and love it while it was there, care for it while he had it, nurturing it forever, until one day, the answer leaves with a resounding mark on Jungkook's body, he finally learned how to love himself, allowing himself to love others.
And the answer?
Was a blue eyed, wavy haired, sun kissed boy named,
Kim Taehyung.
Jungkook's doe eyes sparkle, trying to keep his breathing calm, but he can't. He just can't. It took him some time, but as he layed there, alone with his feelings, for the first time in...well, ever, he realised that the reason he couldn't let go of Taehyung, or bring himself to hate Taehyung properly, or to stand up to Taehyung when he was mean to the cherry haired boy in school...was because his love for him as a best friend, turning into something else entirely.
And it took one stumbling to get there, but Jungkook was finally ready. Ready to express his feelings to Taehyung. He wasn't going to lose Taehyung, and he was sure of that. He wasn't going to let go again. He was going to fight for what he wanted, and Jungkook knew indefinitely that he wanted Taehyung. So when Taehyung walks through that door, Jungkook was going to tell him. Tell him his feelings, open his heart one last time, he was finally going to reach up, and grab that happiness that was teasing him for years on end.
So Jungkook sat there, almost falling asleep twice, but he vowed to himself that he was going to speak to Taehyung. Leap onto the taller boy and scream up to the sky how much he had loved him, and would continue to do so. Because that's what the both of them deserve, even if they didn't know it, even if they didn't want it, they were going to happy. And in the moment, that's all Jungkook knew. To smile, to let the past dissolved away, ready for the future to pour into him.
Half an hour passes, and Jungkook finally decides to get out of bed, pulling a bathrobe on his naked body. He sighs, cleaning up the messy clothes on the floor, before cleaning Taehyung's bed, and then walking around, pacing back and forth.
Where was Taehyung?
Had he gone to shower? Even if he did, he wouldn't have been in the shower for that long. Had he gone to get some breakfast? But the breakfast from the food hall wouldn't have even been ready to eat at such a time.
Jungkook was starting to get even more worried. But he decides to remain calm, gathering his towel, spare clothes, and some shower gels and shampoos, Jungkook heads out of the room, rushing to the shower rooms to find them empty.
Not even a droplet of water on the walls.
Once more he sighs, heading into the shower. He starts to wash of the dirt from yesterday, scrubbing his body slowly, thinking of Taehyung. Taehyung could have been anywhere. Jungkook sighs, massaging the soapy shampoo into his red hair, which was now starting to fade from his roots from the amount of warm showers he had been taking over the last few weeks.
Pulling on his clothes, Jungkook had rushed back to his room, thinking that just maybe, Taehyung had come back from wherever he went.
Jungkook readies a soft smile on his face, eyes dazzling, his body smelling like exotic fruits. He opens the door, his smile dropping to the ground. The room was exactly how Jungkook left it.
Like a slap to the face, Jungkook begins to see that Taehyung had run away from him, like he was a meaningless one night stand. And all in that moment, the pain starts to bubble and froth, slowly coming back to Jungkook.
------
Jungkook runs into the room, tears filling up his eyes, he chokes out a little sob, wanting to curl up into a little ball, feeling used. He stumbles to his side of the room, grabbing his small bag that he had brought along side his suitcase for extra things like medicine. He empties out the backpack, filling it with clothes, necessities, things he'd need over the next week. Because he wasn't going to stay with Taehyung anymore.
He just needed to get away, and stay somewhere else. Because he couldn't shake the sad feeling of how his happiness had only lasted a mere twenty minutes. And that was a sign from the universe. The universe didn't want Jungkook happy, and so Jungkook just felt like he had to accept it.
The cherry haired boy takes one last at the room, before heading out, wiping his eyes.
Jungkook almost runs to Hoseok and Jin's room. He holds in all of his sobs of sadness and pain until he knocks softly on the door.
Jin was a light sleeper, and had heard, so he awoke, feeling groggy and ready to shout at whoever had decided to disrupt his beauty sleep.
"Okay why in the world would you– Jungkook?"
Jin's eyes widen immediately, staring at the younger, smaller and vulnerable boy with worry. He quickly pulls Jungkook into his room without question, shutting the door behind him. And that's when Jungkook immediately breaks down, his loud, choking sobs making it difficult for him to take in breaths.
Hoseok also wakes up, confused, but when he sees Jungkook on the floor crying, Jin also on the floor with his arms wrapped around the cherry haired boy in a comforting manner, he jumps up in worry, rubbing his tired eyes, "Jungkook? What the hell? What's wrong?"
Hoseok moves over next to Jungkook, holding him tightly, while Jin tried to reach Wendy's cellphone multiple times.
When she finally picks up, it's only minutes later before she's knocking on the door rapidly. Jin opens it and motions towards Jungkook who still has large tears streaming down his flushed face.
She wipes his tears, "Jungkook? What's wrong?" She whispers, before hugging him. He hiccups into her ears, "it's a long story," he says back. To which all of his friends shake their heads in unison, "and you have plenty of time to tell it."
After a while, Jungkook is sitting in front of his friends, his lips puffy and pink, nose flushed and eyes a little bit swollen from the tears. He takes a deep breath, letting his hands fall into his lap, the feeling of being used climbing his skin, making him feel so uncomfortable and uncontrollably sad.
"I'm so stupid," he begins, eyes downcast. Hoseok tilts his head in wonder, "rest assured, I dont think you. Whatever happened, or whatever you did, it happened for a reason...so you shouldn't feel stupid, you should be proud that it happened, and grow from it."
Jungkook shakes his head, tears brimming once more, he looks up to the ceiling, "I spent so long running from myself, that when I finally found what I needed, I couldn't have it anymore."
Wendy takes Jungkook's hand, "...what did you want or need to feel complete?" The cherry haired boy thinks for a moment, "love."
Jin gasps silently, watching as Jungkook looked so broken, so lost, and most importantly, in so much pain that the smaller boy couldn't handle it anymore. "Did something happen between you and Taehyung?"
Jungkook nods, his fingers shaking as he brought the already soggy tissues to his damp eyes, wiping softly, "I know how bad it looked when I was with Lucas, be he told me how his best friend died and I offered him a hug, nothing more. And in the night I wanted to talk to him, but he didn't want to. So I left his side, but he told me to stay."
Wendy's eyes widen, "oh my God...did you guys sleep together?"
"Wait, sleep together as in sex, or cuddle?"
"What the fuck is even happening?" Jin mumbles.
Jungkook shakes his head, "...it's not sex, but it's also not cuddles. Guys, I'm really upset, I just feel like he used me and I don't know what to do because I woke up today and like an idiot, I waited for him. But he didn't show, he ran away from me like I was some fling that he wasn't ever going to see again."
Wendy sits next to Jungkook, her head on his shoulder, "I know you're sad, Jungkook...you're my best friend, and if there's anything I can offer you, it's advice. But right now, I can't give you that, none of us can, because anything from now, anything that happens, anything that you or Taehyung say, do, think ...it's up to you. Because, clearly, you guys are in for just more than mending a broken friendship."
Hoseok smiles approvingly at Wendy, before asking the question everyone was wondering, "when you woke up today, how did you feel about Taehyung?"
Jungkook takes a deep breath, pausing so often to try and think of the correct words to say, trying not to make a mistake. He knew what to say, but at the same time, he didn't. It was like looking through a mirror that deceives you everytime you glance at it. Taking another deep breath he says,
"I knew that I love him."
------
Jungkook finally admitted it, 23 chapters later.
Guys, recently on tiktok and twitter a lot of ARMYs have been bullying taekook shippers into leaving the fandom because they think it's wrong to ship members with each other.
But I've only seen this with taekook, not any other ships. And honestly it made me cry and want to delete all my books.
They hit us with "tae said it made him uncomfortable. You guys are the reason kook doesn't post anymore. Leave the fandom. Ship as friends." And sometimes I understand, like Tae feels uncomfy so we should stop saying taekook on live, and publicaly making the two seem romantically involved.
But when they tell us to leave the fandom it really upsets me because that's being so hypocritical of them. ARMYs are all the same, and we should love each other and BTS the same.
Like some taekook shippers are mean, defensive and shit, but most of us just want to watch videos of their special bond and read fanfics while continuing our daily lives.
And guys, if you ever encounter something like this, just ignore it because then they say "yeah but we're just doing what the members want"
But I'm pretty sure the members don't want you to bully fans, making them leave the fandom. It's just sad to see ARMYs bullying each other.
Now I'm not saying/defending taekook shippers because sometimes I do see the things they say, and it's disgusting. To the point they cross the line. But I'm also not defending those who bully others. So just be nice everyone, please.
And the only biggest ship that I will forever continue to ship is
ARMY × ARMY
So don't make that ship go sour by excessively disrespecting others or by bullying people into leaving.
....unless it's saesangs you know...SORRY
Also the UK's heat is really getting to me.
[No meme for today]
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