bus no. 642 ; route 343 → circular quay
eddy stared outside the window as he caught the morning bus to get to sydney's central business district. it was kinda far from his home, and he had to leave early to make it by 7am to his shoot.
"you sure you don't want me to go with you?" hyung asked over the phone that morning. "no, hyung. i'll be fine," eddy said, tossing under his blankets. it made familiar noises as he moved under it. he couldn't help but be reminded that it's been a month since...
"eddy?" hyung asked again, when he realized eddy wasn't listening. "we have clients coming to the studio today, right? word is word," eddy bit his nail, trying to calm himself down. "i'll call as soon as i get a hold of free time, yea?" eddy sat up on his bed and watched the sunrise slide into his window. hyung hummed over the line and hung up.
it was going to be a rough day, eddy knew that. he silently thanked hyung for not pressing anymore. eddy coped by drowning himself in work, and that meant he barely got any sleep. when he stared at his reflection at the bus's window, he couldn't help but feel too pathetic at his droopy eyes. his sadness was at its tipping point, and it was about to spill into his work life.
especially when the shoot he's headed to is for a fashion magazine brett had a contract with.
it was really unfair for eddy, you know? no matter how hard he worked, pieces of brett slip into his mind, and manifest in real life, too. the company had booked this shoot upon hilary's recommendation before brett left for europe, and even if every bit of eddy's skin wanted to back down, he couldn't. word is word.
the studio in the company's building was bigger and eddy had more backgrounds to choose from. there were multiple models involved as he had to photograph group promotional material for the gala. the shoot took longer than eddy had anticipated, but it's just harder to direct more models, that's all.
not because hilary's also watching him from behind, and he found it distracting, no. she was in charge of these other models, too, so it made sense that she was there. but eddy was clearly bothered, as hilary drilled her stare into eddy's skull.
when the shoot ended, eddy hurriedly packed up his equipment, not bothering the models who were clearly trying to give him their numbers. when the models gave up and left for lunch, hilary stayed behind. eddy felt even more nervous now, since she hadn't said anything since the shoot started.
as eddy struggled to zip his tripod's case, a beautifully manicured hand slid in between the zip to remove stray threads that got caught. eddy looked up and saw hilary. "t-thanks," eddy stammered, grateful for the small act of kindness. he slung the equipment over his shoulder, "i really have to go, hilary." hilary moved in front of eddy and blocked his path.
"i know you have all the reason to be angry," hilary said, cupping one of her hands on eddy's cheek, trying to read his thoughts. eddy froze in panic, not knowing how to react. "but how much longer can you sleep with a heavy heart, eddy?" hilary sighed, as she traced the darkened circles under eddy's eyes with the tips of her fingers.
eddy sighed, trying to push back tears, "for christ's sake, hilary. don't tell me how i should grieve." she held eddy by the wrist with her free hand. "i'm not telling you how to grieve, eddy. but don't grieve over something you haven't even lost yet." the heavy truth hung in the empty studio as eddy realized the weight of it all.
god, hilary knew how much brett was suffering on the other side of the globe. brett had told the truth to hilary first, since eddy hasn't returned his voicemails. "is eddy doing okay, hilary?" brett had asked her countless times over the past month. hilary understood why eddy would not talk to brett, but seeing that neither of them were doing well, she knew she had to intervene. it was going to take a toll on both of their careers if this kept going.
"i'm going home, hilary," eddy said, removing hilary's grip on his wrist. hilary didn't fight. "and where's that, eddy? where's home for you?" hilary asked, desperation evident in her tone. eddy pursed his lips as he pushed the door to exit the studio. he tried hard not to look back, as brett's name came out as a whisper in between his lips.
too bad hilary didn't hear it.
bus no. 839 ; home → darling harbour via epping and lane cove
eddy was startled by the vibration of his phone in his pocket. he rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock in his apartment. it was already 7pm. eddy had fallen asleep on his working table, editing a video. he picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID. it was hyung.
"hey, eddy," hyung cleared his throat, "was kinda worried you didn't call since your shoot earlier." eddy hummed, "yea. sorry man, let me make it up to you." his stomach rumbled. eddy mentally facepalmed as he realized he skipped lunch. hyung laughed over the line, "i'm near darling harbour, wanna grab a bite?" eddy agreed, then he hung up.
during the bus ride, eddy subconsciously hummed to la mer that came next on his playlist. as the piece played, the scenery changed from boring cityscape to beautiful seascape as he neared darling harbour. eddy closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, as if saline air entered through his nose. for a moment, he felt at peace.
when eddy opened his eyes, he felt the need to take a picture of the sea. he fished out his phone and clicked. when he viewed the picture, his heart skipped a beat when it caught a short man with glasses in the corner of the frame, walking the opposite direction. as the bus sped up, eddy looked back, as if searching for the blurry man on the picture. it reminded him too much of...
...brett.
when eddy pushed open the door of his favorite bubble tea shop, the one brett had showed him before he left, he could no longer stop his tears. he hasn't been here since both of them went. it pained him that he wasn't able to keep his word.
hyung stared at eddy from across his seat, at a complete loss of words. he was completely oblivious to the fact that eddy had been here before with brett. he also wouldn't know how much this place held both happy and sad memories. happy and sad snapshots.
eddy won't tell you and eddy won't admit it but he has collected the voicemails brett had sent over the past month. he had listened to brett's voice grow scratchy, as if he spent 10 minutes crying non-stop before dropping him these missed calls. brett's everyday updates go from an overly-cheery "we performed well today" to a shaky "i miss you" to a tearful "i would get on my knees and roughen them up on concrete until it bleeds just to bring you back."
"i love him, hyung...fuck, i love him so much," eddy sobbed into his palms. hyung could only silently comfort eddy by rubbing his thumb over eddy's hand on the table. eddy was reminded of brett's persistence, how he really was taking him seriously. brett had been sending those voicemails religiously and eddy had been holding on to them all this time. how could eddy grieve when brett wasn't going to give up on them? when eddy didn't want to give up on them?
eddy hasn't told anyone that, except for hyung. when eddy finally stopped crying, he took a deep breath and let the words flow. he placed his phone on the table as he explained everything to hyung.
sydney / keukenhof
every time someone calls, eddy has to check the caller ID just to make sure it isn't brett. because if it was brett, eddy would not pick up. instead, he would watch his phone vibrate on the table until it stopped.
tonight wasn't supposed to be any different. as eddy watched his phone on the table vibrate twice, he felt his stomach flip as he remembered that brett will be returning to sydney tomorrow. hyung stared at the caller ID. "you should answer that," hyung said nonchalantly. he took a sip of his bubble tea and swallowed, "do it for both of your peace."
it was nighttime in a crowded bubble tea shop in darling harbour, while it was 12nn in amsterdam. two men from opposite sides of the world nervously fidget with their phone, voices trying to search for words.
"eddy? is it really you?" eddy's heart gave in as soon as he heard brett's voice. he knew that there was still some form of truth that wanted to unfold itself, and he could only hear it from brett. eddy hummed, afraid of responding anything else. "it's not what you think it is, eddy."
as brett spoke, eddy could only listen. he listened with an open mind, with an open heart. he listened to the soft outdoor winds blowing over the other line. he imagined brett's hair being messy and running his fingers through them to put the strands back into place. he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, as if he were breathing the same air in amsterdam.
"...and regret eats me up. because i hurt you first and foremost. you trusted me and i hurt you," brett's voice trailed off. brett had broken eddy's heart, there was no questioning it. eddy's chest tightened as brett finally admitted it, but it ached even more when he realized that brett was taken advantage of and he wasn't there to protect him. the amount of courage that the apology took out of brett made eddy fall in love even more.
hilary was right; hyung was right. how has eddy endured all those nights he slept with a heavy heart when brett was the only one who could give him peace?
"would you believe me that after all of this, i still love you? that i'll always come home to you?" eddy's breath came in hitches now, as the heavy realization hung itself in the middle of eddy's mind.
home. he was brett's home.
"and where's that, eddy? where's home for you?"
eddy has forgiven brett because he believes him. he has forgiven brett because love always forgets wrong. he would absolve brett of his mistakes over and over again, as long as he finds the courage to admit to them.
"i would hug you there right now, you know? maybe even take a picture of you crying," eddy teased. eddy laughed in amusement when he learned that brett was in a tulip garden.
if only his home could be decorated by them.
***
"and the whites mean 'i'm sorry,'" brett finished explaining the meaning behind the tulips' colors as he gave them to eddy. eddy had picked up brett from the airport and he'd been itching to ask brett what's in the box he's holding. eddy was confused; when he accompanied brett to the airport three months ago, he only had his violin case and his suitcase.
but eddy's confusion was soon cleared up as eddy opened the box when they arrived in brett's apartment. his eyes widened at the beautiful paper tulips, as if it were picked from a dutch paper garden. "well, the actual tulips would've died during the 24-hr flight so i figured..." eddy pulled brett into a tight hug and kissed his forehead gently. brett nestled his head on eddy's chest, careful not to squish the box of tulips in between them.
eddy showered more kisses on the middle of brett's eyebrows, on his nose, on his cheeks, on his chin. brett giggled as eddy's lips brushed on his skin.
eddy couldn't take it anymore. eddy cupped brett's face with his hands and pressed his lips on brett, knowing damn well what it's like to love him when he's sober.
brett's eyes widened, unable to speak, as the paper tulips in between them stood witness to what it's like to forgive someone you love. brett closed his eyes and returned the kiss passionately, licking the tip of eddy's tongue.
when the words finally found itself at the bottom of brett's throat, they effortlessly rolled out of brett's lips when they pulled apart from the kiss, "i love you, too, eddy."
it had been enough.
🌷
***
a/n: this is meant to be read alongside the previous chapter 😳