Authors note- just finished writing the entire book so I'll be releasing chapters more frequently. Let me know if you're as excited as I am!
It takes me a few seconds to regain my breath after stepping out of Jasmin's ridiculous pink range rover. This superhero catsuit with a plunging neckline was way too tight on me and was starting to give me an awkward wedgie. It is practically cutting off my blood circulation but Cassie assures me that it makes my breasts look enormous and I was guaranteed to make a lads head spin so fast it'd leave his body so I guess I'll have to get used to the pain.
I'm not even sure if I want any lads head to spin, maybe Parkers.
I stand sandwiched between Cassie and Jasmin looking out onto Kimberly Siu's huge Halloween decorated house. There were cotton webs streaked all over the walls outside with plastic spiders attached to them. The lights shined neon green which provided some sort of spookiness to the party. Plastic signs saying "Boo!" and "Trick or Treat!" are attached to the walls and a bowl of sweets sits on the porch. It looks like a lot of effort has been put into it but knowing Kim she probably hired someone to do it for her.
Cassie is dressed in a delicately beautiful tinker-bell costume with her long blonde hair pinned up high on her head. The green dress clung tightly to her skin and made her green eyes stand out even more. She has these little cute face gems stuck to her cheeks and eyelids which sparkled every time she smiled. Jasmin is dressed as Princess Jasmine from the Disney movies with light blue harem pants and a sequinned off the shoulder matching crop top. She let her hair flow down her back and added some little butterfly clips to a few strands to decorate it.
They both look ridiculously hot and I feel very out of place and not to mention, stepping into a party with two of the most sought after girls in Beaumont places a huge magnifying glass on me. What if I can't compete?
I don't know how long I'll be able to cope without reaching my social limit but I hope it's long enough to at least have fun with Parker.
Jasmin's bare tummy is showing with the blue ring on her belly button on full display. Her stomach was flat and she had curves in all the best places. Her full lips were painted seductively red and she pursed them at every opportunity, letting everyone imagine what it was like to kiss Jasmin Jelani.
Cassie looks a little uncomfortable in her costume but she manages to mask it well with a false confident smile. In reality, she's worried about seeing Sander and him not fancying her enough. To me, she looks as gorgeous as ever and I hope he seed that. Wisps of the pale blonde hair that didn't make it into the bun flow behind her in the wind.
Her lips were also pursed and glossed and she keeps tapping her gold polished fingernails irritably against her phone case.
"Are we going to go in or not?" She growled, impatiently. "I'm starting to get flipping frostbite in my toes."
Jasmin kicks some gravel with her heel in the direction of the open front door where a few people were lingering around smoking into the open air.
"Alright, let's go." She shrugs.
Kim's house in itself was huge but not as big as Jasmin's. I feel a little giddy about finally being in the 'know' for all the cool sixth form parties. This is where all the magic happens.
Jasmin looks over her shoulder, her hair swishing as her head moves. "You coming?"
I nod my head, suddenly aware of the fact that I hadn't left the spot we were standing in and start walking towards the doors.
The smell of marijuana and beer hits me as soon as I enter. The large speakers placed next to a table filled with snacks plays an old Rihanna song and a few people I recognise from school were dancing lazily in the middle of the living room holding plastic cups of alcohol and dressed as ridiculous characters.
I feel as if I'd entered an alternate universe. The contrast from how focused and serious all the prodigies were in school to how loose and free everyone looks mulling about right now.
A guy dressed as Dracula waltzes up to us with 3 bottles of beer in his hands which we all gratefully take.
"Hey, I saw you guys come in so I grabbed a few beers for you and the new girl." His painted red lips spread to reveal familiar nicotine yellow stained teeth as he smirked flirtatiously at me.
"She's not new." Cassie rolls her eyes at him and takes a large sip of beer.
His face was ghostly pale and I couldn't tell whether it was from the make-up or if it was just naturally like that. He runs a hand through his black, slicked-back hair. I could only imagine how greasy it must be.
"What's your name, cutie?" He slurs. The question is directed at me even though his eyes kept flickering towards Jasmin. I had a feeling he was only talking to me to make her jealous.
Cassie scoffs and rolls her eyes again. "Stop being so weird, Spencer. We've only been in here for like 3 seconds, give her a break."
It wasn't until she said his name that I recognised who he was. He was the one who blatantly ignored me and spoke to Parker during detention that one time, Spencer Lowe. His lanky body is concealed in a long black cloak, white dress shirt and red waistcoat.
Jasmin watches him carefully before speaking. "Thanks for the drink."
She sashays away leaving him gazing after her. Cassie runs after her like a lost puppy and I eventually lose the both of them in the crowd.
So much for a girls night out.
I almost trip over a carved pumpkin placed carelessly in one of the hallways leading towards the kitchen.
With one beer in my hand and my phone in the other, I force my way through the group of costumed teens and finally reach the garden.
The garden is even more enormous, it looks more like a park than someone's backyard. Only a couple of people were milling about smoking weed or on their phones.
The fresh air calms me down as I release the intake of breath that I wasn't aware I was even holding in.
How am I doing this? Why am I here?
I thought back to who I was a month ago.
Meek. Mute. Miserable.
Who am I now?
Still meek, less mute and much much happier even if a little more overwhelmed.
I sip my drink and shiver in the cold. The rain had stopped and the grass was now all wet and squelchy.
Less than an hour ago, I'd been in the most sought after girl in Beaumont's room letting her paint my face for a stupid Halloween party.
Less than a month ago, I celebrated 8 months of not speaking to anyone. 8 months of being completely and utterly alone.
Parker did this. He made me. I pinch myself for that thought.
I did this. I made me.
He just gave me a little push and that's fine but I did this. I have to give myself the credit this time.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and I shiver again.
"Hey."
I turn to face Dane Matthews, one of the twins in my year who was always causing mischief- or was that his twin brother Dale? I never could tell the difference.
He was wearing a black t-shirt with the words Boo! in yellow writing plastered on it. His normally green eyes were replaced with ice white contacts. He laughs awkwardly when I don't say anything. "It's Dane. The sane one."
"Oh," I say, politely. He smiles at me. He's got a lazy smile as if he's just woken up. I like it. His cheeks flush as he sees me blatantly analysing his face. I put my head down and curse myself. I need to stop doing that.
"I like your costume, " he gestures towards me, staring briefly at my boobs then he blushes and quickly looks away. I feel like laughing, boys get so uncomfortable when you get a bit of cleavage out. "You're a superhero, right?"
I nod my head, struggling to find words.
"You don't talk much, do you?" He chuckles, scratching his head. "I didn't mean to bother you. It's just I needed a break from my brother, you know? I do love him to bits, though sometimes he can be a bit of a handful."
"You're not bothering me," I squeak, honestly. It felt good to speak to a boy other than Parker for once. It reminded me that I can have conversations with people and I could be normal without him.
"You're in my photography class if I'm not mistaken? I love your work." He rubs his pink ear in the wind and shrugs. I remember his portfolio. Mr Carter showed the whole class it in the first lesson as well as mine as a representation of the quality he expects from us throughout the year. His pictures were amazing. Like each photo had a hidden story in it.
"No way, I love yours." I blurt out then immediately blush again.
He doesn't seem to mind as he ruffles his shorn down hair with his hands. He has a kind of military look to him. "Mines do not even compete with yours. Your still motion piece was like an immobile movie. If only I had your talent." He saw me watching him take a sip out of the cup he was holding. "Water. I don't drink."
"You brought your camera?" I noticed the case swinging around his neck like some kind of prized jewel. I was going to bring mine but I feared it getting destroyed by rowdy sixth form kids and I couldn't afford to get a new one if that happens.
"I bring it everywhere." He smiles again and he takes another sip of his water. He pauses as a thought appears in his head. "You never know when you might find a gorgeous girl to take pictures of."
I bite my lips. Was he...flirting with me?
"I actually took a few photos when I came an hour ago. Wanna see?" I nod my head enthusiastically and he removes the camera from its pouch. He leans in close to me and I could smell the musky aftershave he used. It smells like bergamot and sea salt.
He begins to click through a couple of amazing shots and my eyes instantly recognise someone in one of them.
"Wait," I say. "Go back."
He goes back and settles on the last photo. In the centre of the photo was Kimberly Siu sticking her tongue out in a sexy nurses outfit but my eyes instantly focus on the background. A man in a Spider-Man costume who has the exact same height and build as Parker has his arms around a girl in a Cleopatra costume. It looked like they were getting cosy.
I feel my eyes start to sting and I quickly rub at them, expecting the picture to miraculously change.
Maybe it's not what I think it is. I shouldn't jump to conclusions so quickly.
"Who's that?" I point to the girl with the heavy eyeliner. She had straight midnight black hair that reached her thigh and dark olive skin.
Dane squints his eyes and zooms in on the back of the photo. "Oh her? She used to go to our school. She was in the year above. I think her name was Crescent or something...Man, was she wild." He reminisces with a small smile on his face.
I didn't say anything. Crescent... That's Parker's ex-girlfriend.
My body suddenly went cold. Why did I feel so weird? Does this mean they're together again?
Again, let me not jump the gun but why would his arms be around her? Why was she even back in town?
Dane looks at me concerned, his thin eyebrows knit together. "Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?"
"I'm fine." I down the rest of the beer in one gulp. "Absolutely fine."
All of sudden, Dale, Dane's twin brother comes rushing in screaming wearing a thing 1 costume and a can of beer in his hand.
He drapes his arm around his brother with a drunk grin on his face. "Why the fuck are you wearing that, Dane? We decided on thing #1 and thing #2!"
He is clearly drunk and Dane just rolls his eyes and shrugs his skinny little arm off his shoulder.
"Leave it out, will ya?" Dane looks annoyed and embarrassed at the same time. He mouths "sorry" to me and excuses himself to take care of his twin. "I'll catch you later..."
"Harley." I finish. "Just Harley."
He grins at me. "I'll catch you later, Just Harley. Maybe we could do a collaboration project one of these days." He smiles sheepishly, his thin red lips revealing his sharp teeth.
"I'll think about it," I strain a smile. I couldn't even think about that right now. My mind is on Parker.
He waves goodbye and hauls his brother back into the house leaving me out here in the cold trying to calm my nerves.
I chuck the empty beer bottle in the dustbin bag sat on the floor but I narrowly miss it. I sigh as I turn around to go inside and grab another one. I don't even know when I became a social drinker but it just seems like the right thing to do right now.
"Look there she is, Cass said she'd gone outside." I hear a familiar voice say behind me.
I spin around a little too quickly and immediately fall into the arms of a boy. He has his mask on but I knew it was him by the tone of his voice.
"Woah, easy tiger!" He breathes, chuckling to himself, "I've been looking for you, Pencils. You look amazing by the way. Wow...like a proper superhero."
He takes off his mask and smiles shyly at me. Behind him, Zacchias in a Captain Jack Sparrow costume- which suits him amazingly -and Sander dressed oddly as Peter Pan was waving at me excitedly.
"Can't believe she's got you wearing green leggings mate. What happened to the Dark knight, eh?" Zacchias teases Sander who looks like he wishes the earth would swallow him whole. "Whipped little shit."
"Hey, her old Catwoman costume didn't fit her and she was very upset about it. I just wanted to match her Tinkerbell costume to cheer her up. Can I live?" Sander sighs.
"Fair enough," Zacchias raises his eyebrows at me and gives me a once over. "Damn, Harley, you look great."
I nod my head at him in thanks.
"Come on, let us get to the game room, I heard they're playing spooky uno." He says to Sander and the two of them wander off back into the house leaving me and Parker alone outside.
"I've got to get a picture for memories' sake." He pulls out his phone and snaps a few pictures of us together. "I'm not a professional like you but a lad can try, right?"
He squints down at the phone and then looks up at me with a confused expression on his face. "Wait... you're not smiling. Why aren't you smiling?"
Suddenly, he grabs my shoulders and pulls me to the side. "Are you okay? Are you having a panic attack? Do you need to leave? I can drive you home if you want." He asks, frantically looking for his keys in his pocket.
I hold his hands and stop him. He doesn't resist and relaxes his hand in mine. His stupid grey eyes curiously stare into mine.
I couldn't help but notice how cute he is with his lips all red from biting them and his face flushed from the heat of the mask. The light freckles on the bridge of his nose are starting to disappear now due to the change of weather and I wanted to trace my fingers all over them. I wish I could forget about the picture of him and Crescent on Dale's camera. I wish I had never seen it in the first place so I could just enjoy this moment with him right now.
"Spidey, I'm okay. Promise." I reassure him.
A sigh of relief escapes his lips and he wipes his forehead. "You sure?"
I nod. "I'm not a child." I remind him.
"Shit, of course. I'm sorry," he bites his bottom lip then rakes his hand through his hair nervously.
He puts his mask back on as a group of drunk boys run past us chasing each other around the garden.
"Ah, there's this really cool room I found upstairs." He gently pulls my arm inside and I let him lead me up the stairs. "I have to show you. You'll never believe what's in there."
If he was any other guy I would've immediately been plagued with the thought of what usually happens in the abandoned bedrooms of teenage parties, but he wasn't any other guy. He was Parker. My Parker and I trust him.
The second floor in Kim's house is massive, there are at least 6 different rooms all on this one floor as well as what looked like two bathrooms.
He stops in front of the third wooden and old looking brown door. He gives me a thumbs up and I squish my thumb against his.
The door creaks loudly as Parker pushes it open.
Inside was a four-poster bed with red velvet bed sheets surrounded by a circular bookcase. There was a film projector on the ceiling and a screen in a cove opposite the bed.
"Oh man, this is sweet!" He exclaims gleefully as he runs over to the nearest shelf.
I waltz over and take a closer look.
Comics. The room was filled with comics, loads and loads of comics. He looks so happy touching all the limited editions and running over to me. I smile to myself. He's such a dork.
"Oh...and this is even better!" He excitedly dives under the bed and pulls out a box of DVDs. "Movies!"
I laugh as he puts a DVD in and lays down on the bed. The opening credits of the first Spider-man movie appears on the screen.
"You know I had to." He smirks at me. I could tell he is much more excited to watch the movie than I am but I can't help but smile back.
I manage to haul myself on the bed and lay next to him, our shoulders barely touching. We lie there until our breathing matched. Him piping up whenever his favourite parts came on and eventually holding my hand and rubbing little circles on it.
I enjoy just being next to him and taking in his smell. He smelled like cinnamon and hot chocolate. How sweet of him to incorporate my love of movies and his love of Spider-man into one perfect evening.
He knew how much social gatherings made me anxious. He took me away from it all.
The movie arrives at the part of the famous upside-down kiss.
"Now, this is my ultimate favourite scene." He murmurs. The mood of the room instantly changes. Our hands touching began to feel like static electricity and my stomach turns to jelly. Neither one of us has our eyes on the screen anymore, they were both turned on each other. His eyes feel like a whirlpool and I was slowly sinking in it. He moves in a little closer and I realise what is happening.
He's going to kiss me.
But I can't get that image of him and Crescent out of my head. I just can't.
"Parker, why aren't we in the game room with all the others?" I reluctantly remove my gaze from his and stare up at the ceiling. There must be a reason for it. The way both Sander and Zacchias left us alone in a hurry made me suspicious. I clutch my hands so tight together, I thought my blood would stop circulating.
He pauses the movie abruptly and scratches his head. "I thought you'd rather watch a movie. You love movies."
The slight hesitant tone in his voice made me realise he's hiding something from me. I stay silent, even though the moment was already ruined.
"Harley, can you give me a hint as to what's going on? You've been acting off since I saw you." He scratches his head and leans on his arm, facing me. His eyebrows knot together and his cheeks tinge slightly red.
I shrug and clutch my hands even tighter. "I saw something...someone...Crescent."
His eyes widen and guilt immediately covers his face. "Harley, no you don't understand." He holds me by the shoulders. "She kissed me."
I don't know what I expected but it wasn't those words.
My heart melts into the ground and it feels as if I've just swallowed a boulder.
Kissed? Kissed!
A range of emotions begin to flood through me.
Anger. Hurt. Humiliation.
I, myself, have never even kissed anyone yet he's gone and done that with another person.
I thought he liked me. That's what he said. Was that all a lie?
"I didn't kiss her back, Harley-Blair." His eyes plead with me but I'm frozen. It's as if I didn't even know him. He has become a stranger in my eyes. "I swear."
"Kiss?" I repeat, slowly.
I know I have no reason to feel any type of way. Parker isn't my boyfriend, I'm not his girlfriend, we have no loyalties to each other in that sense but...I just thought...
Before I knew it, tears were falling from my eyes. I turn away so he can't see me.
"I'm sorry, I don't know why I feel like this. It's not as if we're together or anything." I apologise even though I know I'm not supposed to, I just don't know what to say.
I'm in shock.
"Don't be sorry, I'm the one that's sorry."
He looks down. "And even if we aren't together officially, you're mine and I'm yours always, Harley. Always." He tries to move closer to me and I move away. I can't even look at him right now. "If I had known she was going to be here I wouldn't have even come, we could've gone to our special place instead and had our own Halloween night."
I say nothing. I don't know what to believe. My heart was crushed and for what reason?
"Look, I know you don't believe in love but I just... I just thought..." My voice trailed off. What did I think? I'm not even sure anymore.
I couldn't say what I really meant not if I wasn't sure he felt the same way.
It turns out he isn't in love with me as I am with him.
I realise now in this moment that I am deeply, crazily and stupidly in love with the stormy eyed boy I call Spidey.
"Nevermind, I think I'm going to go." I finally say, getting off the bed and wiping my eyes. The false lashes and the tears were irritating my eyes, making them sting and I just wanted to go home and rip them all out.
Parker jumps up and grabs his keys from the bedside table. "I'll drop you home, it's too dark outside for you to walk alone."
"No!" I shout, closing my eyes. There's a silence and all I could hear was the low hubbub of music downstairs. "Just give me some space." He slumps back down on the bed and puts his head in his hands murmuring sorry over and over again.
I leave. Storming through the couple snogging obnoxiously on the stairwell, through the drunk teenagers chasing each other around the house, almost tripping on the litter of beer cans and bottles that missed the bin. I flee out the door and into the fresh air. The rain had stopped so there were just little puddles on the floor and raindrops scattered on the windows of people's cars.
I half expected him to run out after me because that's the type of person that Parker is. The type to insist on getting you home safe because he wouldn't be able to live with himself if anything happened to you. The type to keep trying even when it was hopeless. The type to love you even when you don't love yourself.
Although Parker doesn't believe in love. He's made that quite evident.
Who was I to believe that I could ever change him?
I feel ridiculous in this stupid costume. Like a pretender.
An actress.
I'm not beautiful and mysterious like Crescent, I'm not sexy and glamorous like Jasmin, I'm not dainty and fairy-like like Cassie.
I'm just Harley.
The one you don't fall for.
The one you don't notice.
The one you don't love.