-Emilia-
"You stupid bitch! When are you ever going to learn your lesson!" Ryan yelled as he grabbed a fistful of my hair and dragged me down the hallway. I kicked and screamed for him to let me go as tears left my eyes.
"I'm sorry!" I cried out, knowing what was about to happen. I tried to detangle his fingers from my hair and run but his grip was strong. I was close to getting rug burns from my legs scraping against the carpet in our bedroom.
Ryan opened the door to the closet and he threw me inside of it. I smacked against the wall and looked up at him with tears in my eyes.
"Please don't.." My lip was quivering and shaking as I watched him grab the handle of the door. There was nothing but pure anger on his face as he looked down at me.
"You're going to sit here and think about what you did until I tell you to come out." He growled out at me and the light that I saw completely turned into darkness as he shut the door and locked it behind him.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and I buried my face into them as I started crying. My body shook with every sob and my dark hair kept sticking to my face from the tears. I didn't even deserve to be in here. I hated it when he put me in here. All because I told him no when he asked me to grab him a fucking beer.
This isn't the first time he's done this. The other times it was over more stupid reasons than me saying no. If I didn't look him in the eye when he talks to me, I'd get put in the closet. If I didn't answer him, I'd get put in the closet. You must be thinking, 'well why don't you just leave?' Trust me I've tried to but I have nowhere else to go. My mother kicked me out when I was sixteen, my fathers a dead beat and I have no connection to the rest of my family. I also don't have many friends because Ryan says that the only thing I need is him.
I know my relationship is toxic but disregarding the times where he isn't sober, he's somewhat nice. He has his good and bad days. Today was a bad day.
"Shut the fuck up!" He yelled at me from the living room because I was crying too loud. I whimpered and sobbed silently as I looked around the closet. I couldn't see for shit. I stood up and pulled on the string to the light.
"You idiot." I whispered quietly to myself and wiped away my tears. I grabbed one of my books inside of the closet and I made a spot on the floor with clothing that fell off the hangers. I made a pillow out of shoes which was highly uncomfortable and I laid down as I distracted myself with my imagination.
Sometimes I wish that I never met him. If I could go back to the day where I met him in the coffee shop, I would have never agreed to go on a date with him. At the time, my living situation was pretty shit. I never had a stable place to stay so I would hop around between my old high school friends houses if they allowed me to stay. Eventually I stopped talking to them because Ryan didn't like the fact that I had friends and other people in my life besides him.
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his-his-...goddamnit." I muttered to myself quietly as I read To kill a Mockingbird. One thing amongst most things that I hate about myself is the stuttering problem I have. Sometimes when I read, I get stuck on really easy words and in this case, the really easy word I'm trying to say is point.
My speech had never been a big issue before until Ryan entered my life. Just thinking about him gives me anxiety and fills me with dread. I stutter mostly when I'm nervous, scared or if I'm not feeling any of those things, it just comes naturally.
I continued to read the book in my head instead of out loud because I was getting tired of hearing myself repeat like a broken record player. I sniffled and I felt myself dozing off as the book laid open on my chest.
-
I woke up to hearing the door rattle from the outside of the closet. I quickly put the book away and turned off the closet light before sitting back down in the darkness. I wondered how long I was asleep for.
The door opened and I felt my heart hammering in my chest as I looked up at Ryan. He looked down at me and stepped back for me to get out. I grabbed onto the side of the wall and I pushed myself off of the floor before stepping outside of the closet. I stared down at my feet and fiddled with my fingers as I felt his gaze on me.
"Have you learned your lesson?" He asked me and I nodded my head. He grabbed my chin and moved my head up so that I would look at him.
"Emilia I asked you a question." He said rather calmly and I cleared the lump in my throat as I looked into his eyes.
"Y-yes.." I said softly and he let go of my face. He closed the bedroom door and I just stood there, waiting for something else to happen. He started to take off his clothes until he was in his boxers and he laid down in the bed.
I walked into the restroom and I cracked the door because he doesn't like it when the doors fully closed. I looked in the mirror at my reflection and I bit down on my lip to hold back my tears. I turned on the sink and I ran cold water over my face. I sniffled and I flattened out the silk gown I was wearing. Before I went back into the room, I let out a shuddered breath and I walked over next to him and pulled back the covers before slipping inside.
I laid stiffly next to him and he leaned over and turned off his lamp. He then proceeded to pull his arm over me so that we were almost cuddling. I'm sure he could feel how fast my heart was beating.
"I love you." He mumbled out and I felt my stomach become uneasy. A few tears rolled down the side of my eyes and I sniffled a bit.
"I-I love you too.." I muttered quietly. It seems like lying is the only way I can protect myself. He pulled me closer to him and he placed a kiss on my arm.
He left kisses all the way up until he found the crook of my neck. Unwanted tears escaped my eyes and I quickly wiped them away before he could see.
"You're so beautiful." He mumbled and it was only now that I realized that he was drunk considering the smell of alcohol coming from his breath. I put on a smile and he pulled the strap of my dress off of my shoulder before leaving kisses there too.
His hand found its way over to my thighs where he gripped them tightly and ran his hands up and down lightly.
"M-maybe we can do this some other time?" I said quietly and he stopped moving. My breathing dramatically increased and I gulped as my eyes fell upon his.
"It's just-just because you're drunk..." I muttered softly as my eyes never left his. He stared at me and clenched his jaw. He got up from the bed and he walked over towards the closet and pointed for me to go back in. My eyebrows pulled together with sadness and I got out of the bed and went back in the closet.
"I'll let you out in the morning." He said and closed the door shut. It locked behind him once more and I let out a deep sigh as I began to fix the spot on the floor again. Believe it or not, the closet made me feel safer than I did when I shared the bed with him.
I stared at the ceiling as my eyes tried to adjust to the darkness once more. I pulled one of his sweaters over me to use as a blanket and I heard him shuffling outside. I closed my eyes quickly and I turned on my side before forcing myself to go back to sleep.
-
I woke up in the closet again and I could see the sunshine on the floor from underneath the door. I had no way of telling time but I grabbed the door knob and turned it. It was unlocked and my heart skipped a beat with excitement. I walked out of the closet and closed it behind me as I searched every inch of the house. He was gone for work.
Immediately I felt myself become at ease after I knew he wasn't around. My stomach was growling considering I didn't get to eat dinner last night.
I opened up the fridge and I looked at how empty it was. There was only left over Chinese food from a few nights ago and half drunken beer bottles sitting inside. I sighed and opened the cabinets. There was little to no food inside. I grabbed the bread from the top of the fridge and I grabbed the peanut butter from the cabinet. I slapped some on top of the bread and mashed the two slices together before licking off the knife. I washed my knife and put it away.
From the kitchen, I could see the white powder on top of the coffee table with a rolled up twenty dollar bill next to it. I sighed and rolled my eyes seeing as he was using drugs again. After eating my 'sandwich', I walked over and cleaned up the living room. There were empty beer cans and bottles all over the place and the couch was a mess.
Gathering all of the trash, I walked over to the garbage bin and dumped everything inside. I fixed the pillows and I folded the blanket.
"Stupid slob.." I mumbled and popped my back from bending over for too long. I walked back into the bedroom and I noticed that there was a note on the dresser. I quickly walked towards it and I looked at it.
Use this to go buy groceries. Don't forget to get me a pack of beer.
I looked down at the dresser to see forty dollars on top. Forty dollars was definitely not enough to keep the house stocked with food but it would get us by for at least a few days.
I quickly stripped from my gown and pulled on a pair of jeans and a long sleeve before slipping on my white shoes. I did my hair and my morning routine that included brushing my teeth and washing my face. I grabbed the money and shoved it into my pocket before heading out the front door.
I didn't have a car and I also didn't have a bike so I had to walk. It's a good thing that my shoes we're comfortable, otherwise this would be a completely different story. Walking to the outlet part of town took forever but when I finally reached the store, I felt at ease. I grabbed a cart and I began to push it as I made my way through the aisles.
The first thing I grabbed was a box of cereal because we ran out. I made sure to get the kind that Ryan liked or else he'd bitch about it and throw me in the closet again. I picked up a box of spaghetti noodles and I put it in the cart because I wanted to make dinner tonight. Ryan may be the biggest asshole in the world but he lets me do things. Mainly the things that he doesn't want to. Like cooking. And cleaning. And laundry.
Picking up spaghetti sauce and analyzing it for a few, I turned around to place it in the cart and I bumped into someone. The jar slipped out of my hands and my eyes widened as I watched it almost hit the floor. Before it even made contact with the hard ground, a tatted and very nicely looking hand caught it. I looked up to see who it was and it was an insanely handsome man with light stubble on his face. He had tattoos on his arms that led all the way up under his shirt. His eyes were a gorgeous blue color and he had dark hair that looked so soft that it made me want to touch it.
"I-I'm s-sorry!" I stuttered out and immediately regretted opening my mouth. He looked down at me with a smirk on his lips and I felt my cheeks flush red.
"Don't worry about it." He smiled at me. I noticed he had a thick accent in his voice that made my stomach flutter.
"Are you Italian?" I blurted out and raised my eyebrows as I cupped my hand over my mouth. He chuckled softly at me and I bit the inside of my cheek.
"I see that you're very observant." He replied and I gave him a smile as the blush refused to leave my cheeks. I couldn't stop staring at his eyes. They were so enchanting. It was like looking at a blue ocean with calm waters. We both stood there, him looking me up and down and me watching his gorgeous face.
"Spaghetti?" He asked as he looked at my cart and I snapped out of my daydream.
"Oh yeah, I'm making some for me and my boyfriend." I blurted again. I mentally face palmed myself. "Sorry, I'm sure you didn't want to hear the last part." I chuckled nervously. I felt so embarrassed that even the closet was sounding like a good place to hide right about now.
He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and it only seemed to make my eyes dart to them. They were so pink and plump..I wondered what it would feel like to kiss them.
He reached his hand out towards me and I subconsciously flinched a bit and he raised an eyebrow at me. Realizing what I'd just done, I looked down at his hand and noticed he had a tattoo with the word 'fuck' spelled out on his knuckles.
"Your sauce that you dropped." He said and I nodded my head and grabbed it from his hand. His fingers slipped past mine and it sent a warm feeling through my body.
"T-thank you.." I said softly and he pocketed his hands in his slacks. I put the jar inside of the cart and we both stood there. I felt like I needed to say something else in order to get rid of the awkwardness I was feeling.
"I-I'm Emilia." I offered him a smile as I held my hand out towards him. His eyes flickered to mine and down at my hand where he took his in mine and brought it towards his lips. I let out a scattered exhale and my body felt hot. My skin was touching his lips....and boy were they soft. He looked at me with a smirk on his face before taking my hand away.
"It's a pleasure meeting you..Emilia." His Italian accent and my name fused together, creating an explosion in my heart. I nodded my head.
"I was actually looking for the uh...how do you put this...the keety cat section?" He said and I furrowed my eyebrows.
"You mean Kitty?" I asked him and he furrowed his brows back at me.
"Is that not what I said?" He quizzed and I bit down on my bottom lip as a smile made its way on my face.
"I believe it's somewhere in aisle 12 next to the dog food but I'm not sure though." I told him as a soft laugh escaped my lips. He returned a side lipped smile as he looked at me.
"Thank you Emilia." He said gently and walked away. I watched his retreating figure and my eyes darted to his nice ass. I quickly turned back around and continued to shop for the rest of my groceries.
I felt myself smiling harder than ever as I kept thinking about the gorgeous Italian man I just encountered with. I grabbed the last thing I needed and I put it in the cart before heading out the check out section.
Waiting in line took forever but when it was finally my turn, I laid my items out on the conveyor belt and waited until my total appeared. The lady scanned them and my heart started beating fast as I watched the total increase way over the amount of money I had.
"Okay, your totals going to be 63.25." She said and I pulled out the forty dollars from my pocket. I stared at the line of impatient people and I gulped.
"I-I don't have enough.." I told her softly and she looked at the forty dollars in my hand and then back up at me. The people in line behind me started groaning and my hands started trembling.
"Okay well do you want to do debit or credit?" She asked me and I felt tears of embarrassment burning my eyes.
"Can I just put a few things back?" I asked her biting the inside of my cheek nervously as I clutched the money in my hand. That sentence received groans from the customers.
"Why shop when you don't have enough money?" I heard a lady scoff in the line and I felt my throat tighten up. The clerk just stared at me flatly and then her direction turned behind me and she immediately fixed her hair and put on a flirtatious smile.
"Allow me to help you." The Italian man I had met not too long ago came up behind me with his credit card out. My cheeks immediately flushed red and I just stared at him as he paid for my things along with his. He had a bag of cat food that he added on top and the lady scanned that too.
"Would you like a receipt?" She asked, looking him up and down and biting on her lip. He continued to look at me as I just stared up at him in awe.
"No grazie." He replied to her and then immediately took his gaze away from me. "No thank you." He clarified and she nodded her head. By the way her cheeks turned light pink, she also had found his Italian accent attractive.
She bagged my things and I reached to grab them in my hands. He grabbed his stuff and I made my way out of the store. I turned to look to see that he was right behind me.
"I forgot to thank you." I told him and offered him a smile. "I really owe you one." I added and he just nodded his head.
"Here..since you paid for my things..." I said setting down my groceries on the side walk and dug into my pocket. "Take the rest of my money. It's the least I could do." I smiled and held my hand out for him.
"I don't want your money." He told me flatly and adjusted the bag of cat food in his hands. I pressed for him to take it and he rolled his eyes.
"Please? I feel bad for making you pay." I told him and he bit his cheek and grabbed it. I smiled at him and picked my bags back up.
"Have a nice day!" I smiled as I continued to walk down the sidewalk. He just stared at me and furrowed his eyebrows.
"Emilia." He called out and my stomach fluttered at the sound of my name being released from his mouth. I stopped walking and turned back around.
"Where are you going?" He asked me and I adjusted the bags in my hands. I looked around at the parking lot and then back at him.
"Home?" I said in question seeing as I didn't know what else to say.
"You're walking home?" He asked and I nodded my head with a smile. He chuckled softly and dug into his pocket.
"No you're not. Get in the car." He told me and I backed up a bit. It was pretty sketchy of me to get in a car with an absolute stranger.
"How do I know you're not going to kidnap me?" I asked him a bit jokingly as I laughed. He smirked at me and then continued to walk through the parking lot. I thought about following him and then I thought about how my hands would be brutally sore by the time I got home from walking with groceries. I sped walk to catch up with him but his legs were so long that I was basically sprinting.
I looked back and forth between the cars wondering which one was his. They all seemed pretty normal except for the sports car that was parked next to a beat up white truck. I've seen a few movies about kidnapping and the kidnapper always drives a white van or truck.
"I don't suppose that this car is yours, right?" I laughed a bit and he clicked the button of his keys, making the sports car beep next to it. This guy is attractive, Italian and rich? He's basically like the Holy Trinity.
He opened the door for me and I smiled at him before stepping inside. The red interior of his black car really made my body tingle for some reason. He got in on his side and I set the groceries on my lap.
"Thank you for paying...and for the ride." I told him and he nodded his head. "I guess I owe you double now." I laughed.
We pulled out of the parking lot and the car was filled with deafening silence besides the loud noise the car would make when he'd speed up. I grabbed onto the side of the door and leaned back in my chair and he chuckled to himself.
"Want me to go slower?" He asked me and my face contorted with interest as I imagined him saying that in bed. Emilia what the hell is wrong with you? I nodded my head and he slowed down the car.
"Give me the directions to your house." He said and I explained to him where I lived at. A smirk pulled over his face and he made a sharp right. I shifted over onto his side of the car, my face so close to his body that I could smell the lovely scent of his cologne.
"Mi dispiace, principessa." He chuckled softly and I cleared my throat as I returned back into my normal seat. [translation: I'm sorry, princess.]
I didn't understand what he said so I just nodded my head with a smile. He made it to the street that I lived on and I got out of the car and grabbed my groceries.
"Thank you again..for everything." I told him before shutting the door. I watched as his car sped down the road and I smiled as I made my way back into the apartment.
Ryan still wasn't home so that gave me enough time to relax for a bit and cook dinner before he got home. I unloaded the groceries and stored them in their correct places. I sat down on the couch and I watched some tv for a while before deciding to get up and cook.
-
After making the dinner, I caught myself smiling as I continued to think about the man. I'm not one to believe in love at first sight but there was something different about him. My face dropped when I realized he never told me his name. Today was probably the last time I'd ever get to see him and I didn't even bother to catch his name.
I washed the dishes after plating the spaghetti for Ryan and I. He would be coming home any minute now and I could only feel myself slightly tense. The door opened and the keys clattered against the counter, signaling that he was home.
"Hey baby, it smells good in here." He said and I smiled as he walked into the kitchen. I set his plate down at the table for him and I pulled out his chair.
"I made spaghetti. Your favorite." I smiled at him and he came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I sat down at the table and waited for him to come sit.
"Did you go shopping today?" He asked me and I nodded my head. He opened the fridge and I watched as his body movement stopped. My face dropped when I seen his jaw clenched.
"Y-yes." I told him. My stutter was back and my body was shaking nervously. "Is something w-wrong?"
He slammed the fridge door shut, the cereal boxes falling down from it and I flinched as I looked at him. My chest rose and fell as I watched him get closer.
"I asked you to do one simple thing and you can't even fucking do that right?!" He yelled at me and I furrowed my eyebrows with fear as I watched him get closer to me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him, my voice soft but quivering and he grabbed a fistful of my hair again, making me whimper in pain as he pulled it back.
"You didn't get my fucking beer!" He shouted and I felt my stomach drop. I was too busy thinking about the mystery man that I had completely forgotten to grab it.
"I'm-I'm sorry..I forgot." I said quietly as tears threatened to come out of my eyes. My throat tightened, telling me that I was going to cry sooner or later.
"You forgot?!" He quizzed angrily and I closed my eyes.
"P-please just sit and e-eat..I'll make it up to you." I said quietly as the tears finally came. This only seemed to anger him even more.
"I don't want to fucking eat!" He yelled as he picked up my plate and threw the spaghetti onto me. The spaghetti sauce coated me and I looked down in my lap as I watched the noodles and sauce spill onto it. He grabbed his plate and dumped that onto me as well. I broke down into tears and he pushed my head away and let go of my hair. He grit his teeth and ran a hand over his jaw.
"Stop fucking crying and clean this shit up." He said pointing at the kitchen floor. I nodded my head as I continued to cry and I picked the noodles off of my lap and put them down on the plate.
"Fucking useless." I heard him mumble under his breath as he walked away from me. I silently cried to myself as the tears in my eyes mixed with the spaghetti sauce on the floor. I grabbed a towel and began to wipe it up quickly so that it didn't stain. Then he'd have another reason to be mad at me.
-
When I finished cleaning up the kitchen and washing the dishes, I walked inside the bedroom where he was at and I made sure I didn't bother him. I walked over towards the bathroom and he stopped me.
"You know what you have to do Emilia." He said sternly and I squeezed my eyes shut when I knew what he was talking about.
"Please Ryan..can I shower first? I'm covered in sauce." I asked him, hoping he'd hear the desperation in my voice.
"Don't talk back and get in the fucking closet." He snapped at me and I bit my quivering lip. I stood there debating on whether I should listen to him or not. I was covered in spaghetti, head to toe and it was disgusting to smell.
"If you're not in that closet by the time I count to three, I'm beating your ass." He said sternly and unwanted tears made their famous entrance once again.
"One." He started counting and I felt like my feet were glued to the ground, gravity trapping me in place.
"Two!" He said getting up from the bed and I quickly ran over to the closet and crouched down in my spot as I watched him get closer.
"Next time you disobey me, I'm not going to be so nice." He spat and slammed the door shut, causing me to flinch hard. It locked behind him and I sniffled and wiped away my tears.
Once again I was trapped in the darkness all alone.
♠
Chapter 1! Done! Wooh!
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading Chapter one of my new book Emilia.
I do realize that this can be triggering for some seeing as it is slightly abusive and mentions a little bit of drugs but I'll make sure to put in warnings if there's any more of these types of situations.
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