|Chapter|29|Chance|
I took a deep breath as I enter my daughter's room, kausap niya si kuya, nagtatawanan sila at kinikiliti pa ni kuya ang anak ko habang panay iwas si Dyesebel. Kuya stopped when he saw me, at dahil sa pagtigil ni kuya ay napalingon sa akin si Dyesebel, dahan dahang nawala ang ngiti niya, nanikip ang dibdib ko dahil sa pagkawala ng ngiti niya but I didn't let my guard down. Tiningnan niya si kuya, tinanguan siya neto at tinulungang makababa sa kama. Nagkatitigan kami ni dyesebel, dahan dahan at maliliit ang bawat hakbang niya halatang nahihiya.
"Come here dyesebel." Mahinahon kong tawag.
Nakita ko ang pagtulo ng luha niya saka umiiyak na tinakbo ang pagitan namin, mahigpit niyang niyakap ang beywang ko at ibinaon niya ang mukha sa tyan ko.
"Mommy... I'm sorry, pleaae wag ka ng magalit... hindi ko kaya kapag galit ka sa akin, wag mo na akong layuan mommy... I miss you... I love you."
I smiled and bite my lower lip at the same time to stop myself from crying too, marahan kong hinaplos ang buhok niya at niyakap na din siya.
"Sorry din anak, mommy didn't mean to shout at you, hindi naman galit si mommy eh."
She keeps on sobbing but she managed to talk. "B-bakit h-hindi m-m-mo na a-ako dinada-dalaw?"
This is it. "Nakikipagkita ako sa daddy mo."
Saglit siyang natigilan at unti-unting niluwagan ang pagkakayakap sa akin. "D-daddy?"
Tumango ako at nag-squat sa harapan niya, I caressed her cheek. "Do you want to see him?"
Hindi siya nagsalita o kahit tumango o umiling man lang, pero kahit wala siyang ginagawa ay kitang kita ko ang pangungulila sa mga mata niya. Ano kaya ang magiging reaksyon ng daddy mo? Will he accept you? I'm more scared for you.
"Beauty." Tawag ni kuya sa pangalan ko. Binalingan ko siya ng tingin, he is frowning halatang naguguluhan kung bakit ko iyon sinabi sa anak ko.
Binaba ko ang tingin ko at huminga ng malalim saka ibinalik ang tingin kay dyesebel.
"But I can't promise you anything except that I'll try my best, ok? Your daddy doesn't know about you kaya maghahanap ng tamang timing si mommy."
Hindi parin kumibo si dysebel. Kaya nangunot na ang noo ko, Nilapit ko ang mukha ko sa kaniya only to find out that her sickness is attacking again, nahihirapan na siyang huminga. Agad akong nagpanik buti nalang at mabilis akong tinulungan ni kuya para buhatin pabalik si Dyesebel sa kama at tawagin ang mga doktor.
The doctor said that she must have experienced a strong emotion earlier, she must be overwhelmed by something, over happy, or over worry. I can't help but blame myself, I know its all about her father, is this a sign that I shouldn't let Rogue in our life? Sinasabi ko palang sa anak ko ang tungkol sa ama niya at inatake na siya, paano pa kaya kung nakikita na niya ito?
"Ty.."tawag sa akin ni kuya pero di ko siya nilingon patuloy parin ako sa paglagok sa bote ng alak na hawak ko. "Stop it ty." May pagbabanta sa boses niya pero di ko siya pinakinggan.
Ng maubos ko ang alak ay nilubog ko ang ulo ko sa backrest ng couch na kinauupuan ko, nanatili sa kisame ang mga mata ko, where different lights are dancing with the loud music played by the dj, and if I'm not mistaken the dj is my cousin from my far relative Angelo Thyre Ashley, he owns this bar, he is a businessman but his passion is playing music. He is damn lucky, he can do both everyone wanted him to do and what he wanted to do himself.
"Ty, alcohols can't solve anything of your damn problem."
"And you can?" Sarkastik kong tanong.
He sigh. "I can't, but at least I am here for you. I maybe can't solve your problem but I can stay here by your side and help you."
My eyes watered. "Best kuya ever." I mumbled and move my head to look at him. My vision is blurry but I know he is now wearing his serious face. "Your wife is lucky, kuya. She has a very handsome husband, caring, loving, strong, brave, sweet, and is always there whether she needs you or not... how come I can't be like her?"
"You can be."
Mapait akong napangiti. "I tried to test my luck." A lone tear escape my eye, and then followed by another. "I tried to make my family, whole." Mapakla akong tumawa. "But it looks like, there's no chance at all."
"Inatake ang anak mo kanina dahil sa sobrang tuwa, ty."
"Tuwa? I can't see any happiness in her eyes earlier. More like she is worried. And I am too! I am so worried! Fucking worried! Na baka hindi siya matanggap ni Rogue! Na baka maransan niya ang mga naranasan ko! At sa tingin ko ganoon talaga ang mangyayari sa oras na malaman ni Rogue-"
"He loves you, ty."
"Another lie for me, I see." Pagod kong sabi.
"Na-coma siya six years ago diba? Kinuha siya ni Joy, nagising siya after five years, gusto ka niyang makita pagkagising niya pero hindi siya hinayaan ni Joy, wala siyang choice kundi ang sundin si Joy, sinakyan niya ang plano ni Joy, at pinalabas na sinusunod at mahal niya ito. Ty, Let yourself understand, wag mong pigilan."
Tama si kuya. Pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong intindihin ang lahat, kasi natatakot akong maniwala, dahil alam kong kapag naniwala ako malaki ang posibilidad na masasaktan ako sa huli kasi nga naniwala ako. The hardest part of accepting an explanation is believing it, because you'll never know if its a lie or not.
"Give him a chance, ty. And I swear if he ever make you cry again, I'll kill him myself."
"What do you mean?"
As if in a cue, Rogue appear from his back, he looks in hurry, hinihingal pa siya, and when our eyes met, All I can see is worry. Why is he worried? Nagmamadali niya akong nilapitan, hinawakan niya ang kamay at pisnge ko at sinuri ang kabuuan ko.
"Why are you here?" Lasing kong tanong.
"Your brother called me, he told me your drinking too much and you wanted to harm yourself. Baby, please don't you ever think of doing something like that.."
Nangunot ang noo ko at tiningnan ng masama ang kuya kong ngayoy inosenteng nakatingin sa akin, he motioned his finger on the exit. I sigh before facing Rogue again. Ngayon ko lang napansing hindi pala siya nakasuot ng usual attire niya, he is now wearing a simple v-neck white shirt and black cargo shorts, his hair were messy but its wet, he smells like a baby with a safe guard scent on him. My heart beats wildy inside my chest just by looking at him.
"I love you." Nanlaki ang mga mata niya dahil sa sinabi ko, halatang nagulat siya. "I love you so much that it hurts." Lumambot ang expresyon niya. "It hurts because you always lied to me, It hurts cause you always makes me believe that your real, It hurts cause You're a great actor who never fails to make me fall harder for you everytime." Nangingilid na luha kong sabi.
I have high confidence because of the alcohol I take. But it feels good to say those words.
"Do you love me?" I aks out of the blue.
He never seems to expect my question but he and immediately. "I love you-"
"Why?"
"What do you-"
"Why do you love me?" Tanong ko habang nakatitig lang sa mga mata niyang, halo-halo ang emosyon habang nakatingin sa akin.
He stilled, I saw how his adams apple moves up and down as he swallowed hard. "Because your Beauty Lin Ashley who makes my heart flutter whenever I see you or even think of you, your the one who makes me believe that love is about accepting someone's dark side, accepting the flaws, the monster inside of someone."
"Accepting? But you always was into revenge, because I killed your parents-"
"Baby... I don't have a-"
"-a choice. You always don't have one."
Guilt was evident on his eyes, masuyo niyang hinawakan ang mga kamay ko, he was about to tell me something but I cut him off.
"I am giving you choices. And I want you to choose the choice you wanted." Inagaw ko ang mga kamay ko sa kaniya at inayos ko ang pagkaka-upo ko. "Leave me alone and have a peaceful life." His eyes saddened, hurt flashes through his eyes too. "Or stay with me, and be miserable. "
I am giving you the chance to choose what you really wanted.
"What's peace if you're not with me. Do you think I'll be peaceful knowing you might fall inlove with other guy? Knowing you can build your own family with other man? I can't. I rather choose the latter. "
A/N: Malalim po ang pinaghuhugutan ko sa story natu, kung napapansin niyo, may mga scenes na patungkol sa pagkwestyon ni beauty patungkol sa pagmamahal ng ama niya sa kaniya.
Itutuloy pa...