On the way home I can't help but think, which isn't a good idea. Maybe I needed to tell Luke no, it was easier to think clearly when his lips weren't on my body. It's not that I didn't want him, God did I want him. I just don't want to do this and then something go wrong and lose him. I couldn't lose Luke ever, especially not after this. Was I really ready for this?
Then I remember that I love Luke, more than I have ever loved anything. I wanted to give myself to him in every way. I know that he loved me and if he was just using me for sex, he would've tried a long time ago. I trust him, I know he won't leave. Especially after what happened with his brother. He needed me, and I needed him too. The answer to my question was clear and right in front of me. I was ready.
I just hope that my lack of experience doesn't turn him off.
When we pull up to my house, Luke runs around the car and opens the door for me. He takes my hand in his and leads me up the sidewalk.
"Hey honey," my mom says when we walk in.
Shit, my mom's here. We couldn't do this while my mom was here.
"I'm glad you're home, Troy and I are going to the movies so we needed the car." I sigh with relief. "Did you two want to join us?" She asks.
"No that's okay mom, thanks though," I hurriedly say.
"Okay well Bradley is over at Josh's for the night. I don't know when we'll be home," she says. "Stay down here please," she adds before walking out the door.
"Yeah okay mom," I yell as they exit.
I turn to Luke who is smiling. He walks over to me and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I felt very shaky and tense. I felt so awkward. Why was I so nervous? It's Luke.
"Wanna go upstairs?" He asks quietly. There was so much tension between us, it felt as if we were meeting for the first time.
I nod. Of course we weren't going to stay down here. We would have to make sure to come back down before my mom got home though. I turn and start to walk towards the stairs when Luke lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder.
"Luke!" I scream. I can't help but crack up and my loud laugh echoes through the whole house, causing Luke to laugh too.
When we get upstairs and in front of my door, he gently sets me down. I giggle and look up at him. His smile fades when our eyes meet. I swear I fall in love with him all over again every time I look into his blue eyes.
Before I can say anything, he bends down and kisses me softly while his hand caresses my cheek. That was all that I needed to ignite the fire that I felt on the beach. I pull him tighter against me, making his lips press harder. He pressed his hips against my own, causing me to back into the door behind me. I move my hand along the door and search for the knob, twisting it open when I finally find it. I walk back inside, pulling him with me still against my lips.
He closes and locks the door behind him before scooping me up in his arms, which makes us both laugh into each other's lips. He continues to kiss me, tangling his tongue with my own. I can feel him walk slowly and suddenly I feel him lower me onto my bed, keeping his lips on mine in the process. He pulls away and slips his hands underneath my back as he slides me up to the pillows. He then crawls on top of me and smiles before bringing his mouth back to mine.
I run my hands through his hair and he kisses my cheek, then my jaw, then moves down to my neck. He hits my favorite spot, kissing it then gently nips it, causing a quiet moan to leave my mouth. I feel him breathe against me, feeling the warm air spread across my body.
I can't take it anymore, I quickly reach my hands down and pull his shirt up over his head before doing the same to mine, needing to feel his skin against my own. He leans back down against me and my body is immediately warmed by him. I run my hands over his broad shoulders, massaging them gently. As he continues to kiss my neck, I slip my hands under his arms and move them to his back. His skin is so hot and smooth and every touch gives me butterflies. He moves his lips back to mine, breathing life into me.
I feel him growing through his shorts and decide that they need to go. I reach my hands down and unbutton them with ease before sliding them halfway down his legs, he sits up and pulls the rest off himself. I bite down on my bottom lip at the sight of the tight boxers against his skin. Before coming back up to me, he unbuttons my shorts and slides them off gently. I decided to wear my black lace bra and panties and looking at his expression, I'm glad that I did.
He brings his lips down to my stomach and kisses his way up to my chest. His warm hands slide behind my back and immediately unclasp my bra. He gently leads the straps down my shoulders, kissing every spot that they touch on their way down. Watching his lips move against my skin makes me go crazy. He slowly removes my bra and cups me with his large hands. I move my hand down to palm him through his boxers and the gesture makes his eyes go wild. I tug at the waistband and he arches his body up so that he can pull them down the rest of the way. When he lays back down, I feel his length against me and I am already starting to unravel beneath him.
He pulls his mouth away from me and locks his eyes on mine. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks nervously.
"More than sure," I smile back at him. "But I have something to tell you."
"What is it?" He asks.
"Luke, I...I'm a virgin," I say quietly, taking my eyes away from his.
He smiles and leans down to kiss my forehead. "It's okay. If you ever want to stop, just tell me," he says. I nod. "Promise me," he quietly demands.
"I promise," I whisper back.
His voice is shaky and I wonder why he's so nervous. I should be the nervous one, he's been with tons of girls and I've never done this before. I just hope that I'm not too terrible. I want this to be perfect, even though I've heard your first time is nowhere near that.
He leans back down and kisses me gently before moving his lips back to my neck. I tangle my hands in his hair and I feel his hand slowly slide down my stomach. He gives my thigh a quick squeeze before moving up. He rubs me through my panties and I can feel him groan against my neck.
He continues this action before pushing them to the side and sliding a finger in me. I can't help but moan, which causes him to go faster. Before I know it, he slides another finger in. His lips travel down my body and eventually meet his fingers. His tongue cures the pain, sending a chill throughout my whole body. Within seconds I am coming undone and my back arches off of the bed. I cry out, not caring how loud I'm being. We're home alone, nobody will be able to hear.
A flash of white appears in front of my eyes and my breathing is out of control. I feel Luke's lips return to mine and come back to reality as I kiss him back, sliding my tongue inside his mouth. I move my hand down and pump him slowly, causing him to moan loudly and bite down on his bottom lip. As each second passes by, I wanted him more and more.
"Oh baby, that feel so good," he whispers as I move my hand faster. "You're gonna have to stop now," he says and I smile.
I remove my hand and he gets up, walking over to his bag and pulling out a shiny, little package. "I keep them with me just in case," he blushes and walks over to me.
The anticipation was growing with each step he took. My breathing started to pick up. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I'm ready. It's Luke.
When he reaches the bed, he slowly pulls my panties down and lets them fall to the ground. He crawls back on top of me and I feel him brush against me. My stomach flips over and over again. As he hovers over me, he pushes my hair out of my face.
"I love you," he whispers.
"I love you," I whisper back.
He leans down and kisses me. He laces his fingers with mine and moves them to both sides of my head. I feel him line himself up with me and reality sets in, terrifying me for the pain that awaits me. Before I can think of anything else, I feel my body tighten as he pushes into me. I gasp as the pain shoots through my body, I grip his hands tighter. My eyes involuntarily close and I can't open them.
"Do you want me to stop?" He asks, out of breath already.
I silently shake my head. I knew I would have to get used to the pain. He slowly slides back and I think he is going to remove himself from me before he slides back in a little quicker. Tears form in my eyes when I open them again, but I push them back before they can fall. Luke slowly lets his body fall on top of mine, colliding his lips with my neck.
His mouth against my skin takes my mind away from the pain momentarily, until his hips collide with mine again. As he continues to rock back and forth against me, I move my hands to his back. I feel his muscles tighten each time he moves and I slightly dig my nails into his skin. His hands are still on either side of my head and his groans get louder and louder with each thrust.
I put one hand in his hair, tugging and massaging his head. I glance down and see him unraveling at my touch and that's when it hits me. Luke is mine, I am Luke's. I am overwhelmed with the feeling of love and almost all of the pain dissolves. I slowly begin to feel the pleasure and crave more.
"Faster," I whisper into his ear.
He lets out a deep moan and picks up the pace, breathing harder into my neck. I let out my first moan since he entered me and this drives him crazy as he speeds up even more.
"Oh Luke," I whimper.
He brings his face up to mine, piercing me with his now dark blue eyes.
"I love you so much Allison," he whispers in between breaths.
"I love you Luke," I whisper into his neck. I begin to kiss and gently suck on his skin.
He is going at a comfortable pace but I feel a tiny pinch as he inches deeper and deeper. His lips cure the pain as he brings them to mine. The cold, metallic taste of his lip ring is more pronounced than usual as he molds his lips into mine repeatedly. His hot, sweaty body against mine feels like heaven.
I was in love with Luke and his body. His tattoos, his lip ring, his arms, his back, his legs, his hands, his feet. The way he bit his lip ring when he was nervous, the way 'I love you' sounded coming from his mouth. Every single part of me loved every single part of him and I belonged to him unconditionally. As he looks me in the eyes while he comes undone, I see the love deep inside of him. The feeling I get sends me into another world, a world where only Luke and I exist. My mind flashes with memories of the first time I saw Luke, and the first time that he kissed me. I would have never thought that I would be this in love with him, with anybody. Luke was once nothing to me and now he was everything, everything that I never knew I wanted. The pain is not what brings tears to my eyes, it is the overwhelming sensation of love and compassion.
As my tears fall, Luke kisses each one away. He ignites the fire with every movement, setting the flame with every kiss. Each second feels like hours and I wonder how long this has been going on. I lost track of time the moment his lips touched mine, never wanting to come back to the real world. As his thrusts become sloppier, I know that he is close and so am I.
"Oh God," he whispers and moans shakily.
Watching his head roll back and his jaw tighten is enough to send me over the edge. We reach our high at the same time as his muscles tense up and contract quickly. He falls against my body, his breaths quick and heavy like mine. His heart pounds against me and he plants small kisses all over my neck and face.
I suck in through my teeth as he pulls himself out, leaving me cold and empty. He disposes of the condom and falls back onto my bed, pulling the covers over us as he tangles his body with mine.
"How are you?" He asks as he stares into my eyes.
I suddenly notice the discomfort and know it won't be gone anytime soon. "A little sore, but I'm good. How are you?" I ask back.
"Perfect. You're perfect," he says and I feel good about my performance.
"I love you," I say with a smile.
"I love you," he says back and kisses my forehead. "I'm never leaving," he whispers against my skin.
The promise is simple, yet so powerful. It sends a spark through me, heating my whole body. A promise filled with so much love, yet could be so destructive. The thought of Luke leaving frightens me, makes me tremble. I can't be without Luke and this promise is everything to me. A promise that consists of only three words, but has a million meanings. A promise that could be a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode. The damage that this promise could bring if broken is so terrifying. A promise so critical that could destroy everything in its wake. A promise that could leave my heart in a thousand broken pieces, impossible to ever be put back together.
With Luke, I knew the promise was everything to him. A promise that he would honor, never letting me fall into the darkness. At least not alone.