"I... I like y-you too." I managed to stutter out despite my best interest.
"Gray," he started to say, but I cut him off.
"I like you, but we can't, I can't be what you want or need."
"I don't need you to be anything Grayson. Just be you." Just be me. He didn't want to know who I was. "Please just give us a chance. Give me a chance?" He asked. I thought about it as I looked in Trent's deep green eyes. I wanted to launch myself over the coffee table and plant my lips on his. But I also felt my breathing constrict at the thought of it. How could we be together?
"I want to," I found myself saying despite my better judgement. "But if we do, this isn't going to be, be l-like other relationships you've had. I-I'm going to n-need time."
"We can go as slow as you need, Gray," he assured. "Can I, um, move a little closer?" He looked at the empty space on the couch next to me. I took a deep breath, reminded myself that Trent promised to never hurt me, and nodded my head. He got up and walked over to the empty spot, carefully sitting next to me. I tensed up slightly as I felt the warmth of his body next to mine, but I breathed in that familiar scent of tobacco and sandalwood and my muscles relaxed. Yet again, he simultaneously terrified me and made me feel more at ease than I ever have.
Trent and I sat together on the couch and watched TV until my parents came home. I jumped slightly when I heard the door unlock and Trent nearly jumped out the window. "It's okay, you can stay."
"I'm not usually very well-liked by parents."
"Just be you." I said, using his own advice to me against him.
"Hi honey, oh, Trent!" Mom plastered a fake smile on her face when she saw Trent. I couldn't quite tell what she was actually thinking, but I had a feeling that maybe I should have let Trent go out the window.
"Hi Mrs. Daniels, it's good to see you again."
"Trent, how are you, son?" Dad asked, shaking Trent's hand firmly.
"Great, sir, how are you?"
"I'm doing well," Dad replied, eyeing Trent suspiciously as he put his briefcase down.
"Did you want to stay for dinner, Trent?" Mom asked, purely out of obligation. I tried to send Trent the signal to say no, but he missed the message.
"That would be lovely, thank you."
"Um, we're just going to go up to my room." I ran out of the kitchen without another word, Trent following closely behind me.
"Grayson, what the hell?" Trent asked as I shut the door behind us once we got to my room.
"Why d-did you say you'd s-stay?" I asked
"Because I want to make a good impression on your parents. Should I have said no?"
"My mom was being... weird."
"My reputation precedes me, I suppose."
"I-It'll be okay," I half whispered, trying to catch my breath. I was not ready for any kind of fight with my parents, I wasn't ready to try to defend whatever this relationship with Trent was.
"It will be, I can cancel, I'll say my dad called me home?"
"No, that'll make it worse."
"Dinner!" Mom's voice called from downstairs. We braced ourselves and headed down to the dining room table. Trent and I sat next to each other, Mom sat across from me, and Dad sat at the head of the table. "Trent, I had no idea you and our son were so close," Mom said, taking a bite of her salad.
"Well, we just met recently actually, I helped him after his fall last week."
"So, what exactly is this friendship? I mean you took him to that part the other day," Dad asked.
"Dad, please," I begged.
"We're just curious, Grayson." Mom argued.
"There's nothing to tell, we're just hanging out." I insisted. Mom gave me a questioning look and I ignored her, looking down at my plate and not looking up until dinner was over.
Trent left shortly after dinner; I immediately went back up to my room. I was absolutely not in the mood to listen to my parents' disapproval of Trent. I didn't know if I could even argue with them, defend him. I liked Trent, he was gorgeous, he was kind to me, he was a different person around me. But who was he really? Who would he have been at that party if I weren't there? Would I like Trent if I saw the real him? And, maybe more importantly, would he like me if he saw the real me?
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at my door and before I could answer my parents were entering my bedroom. Mom sat at the foot of my bed and Dad stood just behind her. I rolled my eyes as I awaited their harassing questions. I knew exactly what they would ask, what they would say. Did I know who Trent was, what he did? Was it smart to get involved with someone like him? I know they would just be looking out for me, but I honestly was not sure how to answer.
"Grayson, do you realize who you're getting involved with?" Told you.
"I'm not 'involved' with him, Mom." I replied, an irritated edge to my voice.
"Don't lie to us, Gray."
"I'm not lying, I don't know what we are right now. Like I said at dinner, we're just hanging out."
"Grayson, he's not a good guy," Dad said. "He's had multiple run ins with the cops, drugs, fighting."
"I know. He's not even gay, guys."
"Could have fooled me," Mom scoffed.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I saw the way he looked at you, Grayson, all googly eyed."
"We just don't want you to get hurt, son," Dad said.
"I won't." I said matter of fact.
"He's dangerous,"
"I think I'll decide that for myself. Now if you'll excuse me, I have homework to do."
Mom and Dad left my room without another word. I tried to process everything that had happened in my life over the last week or so. Trent Rodriguez, for whatever reason, likes me. He took me to a fucking house party for Christ's sake. My typical torment from Kyle has increased exponentially, but at least for now I didn't have to worry about it. My parents were now on my case about my maybe, maybe not relationship with Trent. And on top of it all I'm trying to figure out how to cope with my past. I was feeling overwhelmed by it all, to say the least. My existence as a quiet loner got turned upside down seemingly overnight. Everything I had worked so hard to build was breaking down around me. I had been a fortress. Sturdy walls kept me protected from the dangers of the world. No one was let in, not even Nat or my parents. I held everything that I had been through inside, it was easier that way. Enter Trent Rodriguez, someone who should be mercilessly beating me and making fun of me, but he makes me feel safe, comforted, I want to let him in. That thought terrified me, letting someone in, especially someone like Trent. Mom and Dad weren't wrong, not at all. Trent was dangerous, and I knew that. But I was also right, he was different around me. But how long would that last?
As my thoughts continued to spiral my anxiety rose. The dream of Trent abusing me popped back into my mind. The dream distracted me for a moment from my spiraling thoughts, but then the two become entangled. It was then I realized the thoughts had always been entangled. I could never separate what Adam did to me from anything, any relationship in my life. He was in everything, he was everywhere.
I couldn't let Adam control me anymore, isolate me from the world, from friendship, from love. This hold he had on my life, while not even being here, it had to end. I had to be able to breathe. So once again I turned to the only thing that gave me that sigh of relief. My mind cleared and every muscle in my body relaxed as I felt the cold metal on my skin. With my mind at ease I tucked myself under the covers and shut my eyes, falling, for the first time in years, into a deep and peaceful sleep.
I awoke the next morning feeling well-rested. It was a strange feeling, being free from the constant exhaustion I always felt. This was the first night in years that I didn't wake up screaming from my worst nightmare being relived over and over. There was a voice nagging in the back of my mind, telling me not to let my guard down though. This was such a rare feeling, a surreal moment, that part of me was already preparing for it to come crashing down. So, while reserved, I was still going to enjoy this moment while I could. I was going to take this moment and try to better myself and my relationships. I got ready for school, wearing my usual jeans, tee shirt, flannel, and vans. They somehow felt better on me today.
As I headed out the door, I looked down the driveway and quickly found Trent's truck. A smile spready across my face as I headed down the driveway. Trent quickly got out of the truck and made his way to the passenger door, opening it for me and closing it once I was safely sat in the passenger's seat.
"Hi," he smiled as he buckled himself in.
"Hey," I smiled back.
"You seem happy today."
I took a deep breath and focused on the words I wanted to say in effort to stop myself from stuttering. "Happy as I can be."
"And what inspired this happiness?" Trent asked. I tugged at my shirt sleeve, rubbing it against the open wounds on my wrist. I thought for a moment about how to explain it to him. Could I be that honest with him yet?
"I... came to some realizations."
"Do you want to talk about them?" He asked me.
"No, I'm good. But thanks."
"I just noticed, you haven't stuttered once this whole conversation," he smiled.
"I'm making a very conscious effort not to right now."
"Well, you're doing great."
"Thanks. So how has suspension been?"
"Honestly? Awful. I'm bored as shit. I thought not being at school for a week would be sick, but I just sit on my ass and worry all day," he admitted.
"Worry? About what?"
"About you." My cheeks flushed.
"I-I'm fine," I mumbled, my stutter betraying me.
"All I can think about is if Kyle and his goons hurt you again, and I'm not there to protect you," he said through barred teeth.
"Trent, you don't have to protect me."
"You were getting beat up, every day before we met."
"I've been through worse, trust me. I can handle it."
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Forget about it." Trent's truck pulled over to the curb as he approached the student drop off area. He parked the car a little way down the street and turned to face me.
"Gray, before you bumped into me in the hallway that day, I didn't give a shit about anyone or anything. But ever since I saw your face it is all I can think about. And seeing them hurt you..." his voice trailed off. "I can't let that happen to you again."
"Trent, I promise I'll be okay. You don't have to worry about me."
"That's not going to happen, I do nothing but worry. Not just about you, about everything," he laughed. I laughed too because damn was that relatable.
"I have to go, I don't want to be late," I grabbed my bag and opened the door to the truck, "I'll see you after school?"
"Of course, 2:12, right here. Oh hey, there's Brayden." Trent honked the horn, which startled me, but grabbed Brayden's attention. He walked over to the truck and gave me a small smile.
"What's up man?" Brayden asked Trent.
"Can you walk Gray to class?" I smiled at him calling me Gray, I knew he's done it quite a bit but it still makes me happy.
"Of course, c'mon man." I waved to Trent, who winked at me and smiled before driving off. I followed Brayden into school and through the halls. "So, what's the story with you two? Are you dating Trent?"
"H-he hasn't told you?" I asked, genuinely curious that Trent hasn't talked about me to his best friend.
"Trent's a very private guy, especially with things he's confused about."
"Confused?" I asked.
"Trent's not gay." My heart sank, and Brayden could see it. "No, that's not what I mean, I just... he's never been with a guy before, he's never really been with anyone before. He doesn't really do relationships. He just does hook ups. But he's only ever been with girls."
"S-so what are you saying?"
"Nothing, I mean maybe he's bi or pan, I don't know. But he's going through something he never has before. The way he's acting, it just isn't like him."
"I don't know what Trent was like before, but with me he's sweet. And I don't th-think we're dating. Just... talking."
"Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up. You're helping him."