A/N: This is a double update! The next chapter is in Harry's POV. Be ready for ALL the emotions ya'll!!!!!!
July 31st, 2016
"It is literally so hot." I say wiping sweat beads from my forehead as we take our bags from the cab and walk inside the hotel lobby. The busy sound of New York intensifying with every second. Cars beeping, people yelling in thick New Yorker accents and the smell of trash cans.
God, I love New York already.
"You haven't lost your English accent one bit, hey Tilly?" Harry says adjusting his black train driver hat.
"And I don't intend on it. I don't feel the need to change myself." I say sarcastically but something in him changes. His face drops ever so slightly.
"You okay, H?" I ask, my brow furrowing as I tilt my head sideways to look at him.
"Yeah. Let's get inside hey?" Harry snaps quickly, raising his eyebrows and smiling, close lipped. Something I said hurt him but after seventeen years of friendship, I know when not to pick at something and this is one of those times so I swallow hard and try letting it go as best I can.
We check into our room at the front desk and head to our room. Harry opens the door while I stand panting from the heat, despite the freezing aircon that billows the halls.
"Woah." I say with an attempt not to let my jaw hang wide open at the sight of the hotel room. Windows span from the pristine wooden floorboards to the high ceiling, the lounge chairs glossy white leather facing a large industrial fireplace. Matte black lights hang from the ceiling above the open loungeroom. The smell of linen washes over the room. I gasp and drop my bags at my feet in complete awe at what my eyes are fixated on. I walk to the windows and look below.
"H, I'm not sure if you're aware but we can quite literally see all of New York right now." I say and laugh.
"Can all of New York see us?" I ask genuinely concerned.
"Definitely not. They're tinted. Didn't think that would bother you. Aren't you used to walking in the street with your chest exposed?" He says and I huff, ignoring his remark.
I follow through to the kitchen and become acquainted with the black marble benches, cupboards the same colour black matte as the lights span around the kitchen. I walk to the fridge and open it, becoming increasingly aware it is very full of wonderful food that will be gone by tonight if I decide to pig out.
"Pretty neat huh? Check out the bedrooms. I'll let you have first pick at which one." He says and I spin around, showing him how shocked I am at the fact he just called the pretty much mansion 'neat'. He laughs and jumps on the white lounge, throwing his shoes across the room, making himself completely at home. I wouldn't eve dare touch the TV remote control in case I left a mark and here's Harry playing on his phone, feet stretched out across the most likely very expensive lounge.
"Sorry I forgot you're new to this." He says standing up, leaving his phone on the lounge. I look at him with my lips slightly parted, my head slowly nodding at him. He approaches me and escorts me to the bedrooms.
"Take this one. It's the smallest." He says and I laugh.
"Hell no." I say and walk to the bigger room further down the hall. I walk in and I'm met with a significantly larger room.
"I said take the smaller one because it'll feel less scary. When I first started touring with the band, I become overwhelmed and found out pretty fast I needed smaller rooms to feel less 'not at home' I suppose." He says leaning up against the door frame and I look at him with sympathy. I couldn't even begin to imagine leaving Dad at sixteen, let alone to tour the world.
I nod and walk back to my room for the next week. I am so ready for whatever New York has in store for Harry and I this week.
******
7:47pm
Dad: Hey Tilly Baby, how's the big apple?
Tilly: Dad! I think I am DREAMING! Harry and I spent the afternoon wandering around the streets, getting coffee this small café that had plants hanging from every corner and we checked out the Statue of Liberty. It was really busy though, so we didn't stay in case of paps.
Dad: How the other half live! Lol
Tilly: Dad, I miss you.
Dad: I bet I miss you more. Just be in the moment for me, will you? Remember each moment, each sight, each smell and every sound. I'm so proud of you my daughter.
Tilly: Is everything okay? X
Dad: Everything is perfect, I'm just so proud. X
Tilly: I love you. I'll call tomorrow okay.
Dad: Okay. Be safe kiddo!
Tilly: Always! X
******
August 1st, 2016
3:17am
"It really is the city that never sleeps." I say to myself looking out over the cityscape, cars flashing by and people that look like ants crowd the sidewalks. I sit cross legged on the floorboards, my forehead pressed to the glass and I have an uneasy feeling that the glass will disappear at any given moment but that's me being dramatic.
"But maybe you should." I turn around to see Harry standing shirtless in grey track pants, his hands in his pockets, his hair curly and messed up from sleeping.
"Jetlag." I respond and he comes and sits next to me on the floor.
"Press your head against the glass." I whisper and he doesn't question it. We sit there with our heads pressed to the glass, cross legged on the floor in silence for a little while listening to the sound of life below us until Harry speaks up.
"Hey Til..." He says not taking his head from the glass. I don't move either.
"Hey H..." I say quietly. Cars below us beeping and people yelling.
"Thanks." He says and I move my head from the glass and watch as he peers down below him.
"For what?" I question.
"For never giving up. Even when I did." He says and I gently place my hand on his shoulder hesitantly. But to my surprise he takes his own hand and crosses his chest to hold it.
"I never would." I say and he twists his head to look at me, his forehead still against the glass and I smile.
"Give me a second." I say and get up, moving to my room and I hear Harry call something out, but I ignore it. I take the blanket and pillows from the bed and walk out to him and throw them on the ground, Harry watching as I assemble them in a particular way. I place one blanket on the ground and two pillows at the window, throwing another blanket over it all. I get in the makeshift bed and tuck myself into the covers and roll onto my side, facing Harry who remained cross legged this whole time. I give him a weak smile and he returns it, crawling under the covers with me. We turn onto our stomach and look out over the city. This time I'm the first to speak up.
"Did you ever think this would be our life?" I ask. My chin resting on my arms folded in front of me. He copies my body language and sighs.
"Never." He responds and I turn to look at him. The darkness of the hotel room contrasting his face as the lights below juxtapose and shape his bone structure.
"I think you're really pretty." I say to him and he faces me.
"You do?" He asks.
"Very much so." I say, my voice breaking.
"Well I think you're really pretty too." He says, returning the favour.
"Go to sleep, Matilda Darla Jackson." He says and I laugh. No one ever calls me that anymore. I haven't heard it in years.
"I will if you do Harrold Edward Styles." I say knowing his full name isn't Harrold, but it makes him laugh. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep knowing I'm safe with him and that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than right here on the very uncomfortable makeshift bed I have made.
2:11pm
I roll over and my eyes gently open to a very sleepy looking Harry who lays on his stomach asleep, his cheeks mushed against the pillow, a mop of brown curls falling over his eyes. I watch as he breathes in and out, his back rising with every inhale. He mumbles little words that I try understanding but give up. I get up from the floor, cautious not to wake Harry and go to the bathroom and take a shower, washing my hair and scrubbing at my body.
I dry off and get changed into pink corduroy pants and a mint green cardigan I button up, blow drying my hair and doing light bronze makeup. I take a few mirror selfies in the bedroom, allowing the natural light to wash over my outfit. Melody says it's a good idea to begin frequent posting to up my social media following. I see the time and realise we've slept the whole day away.
"Damn jetlag." I say out loud. I walk over to Harry and gently nudge at him, poking his cheek.
"Don't be annoying, Tilly." He mumbles and rolls away from me.
"I'm going exploring." I say and he rolls back towards me and squints one eye open at me.
"Where are you going?" He asks me sleepily.
"Anywhere." I say and brush his hair out of his face.
"Can I come? I don't wanna be on the floor anymore. Your DIY bed was shit." He says and I tap at his head.
"I'd like it if you came." I say and he jumps up.
"Give me twenty. Then we're going to get the biggest feed of our lives." He says marching down the hall. I take the blankets and put them back onto my bed, making it ready to come home and crash out in.
"Okay let's go." Harry says, walking out in a black button up and matching skinny jeans, a pair of Ray Bands on his head. He mumbles something as he takes the hotel key and throws it at me to put it in my bag.
*Play song: Love You for A Long Time by Maggie Rogers*
We take the ferry across and spend the afternoon roaming Brooklyn, shopping in markets and buying various cakes and coffee. Laughing and reminiscing about what we have decided to call the 'before'. Before everything. Before X-Factor, before One Direction, before managers, before plane rides and jetlag, before chemistry readings, film crews, makeup artists and 'Pond'. Before busy schedules, red carpets and never being home but more importantly before he and I lost touch with one another.
"Hey, look!" Harry says and I'm pulled from my thought train. He pulls at a ladder attached to a series of fire escape staircases on a brick building. He begins to climb it and I laugh at him, watching as he leans out, holding one hand firmly on the ladder as the other stretches into the air and he sings 'Wouldn't It Be Nice' by The Beachboys.
"Follow me!" He says as he begins to climb further. I laugh and follow up the fire escape. We reach the top of the building and look out over the harbour. From one side the harbour separates central New York from Brooklyn and the other, old buildings and tall trees as far as we can see. The sun begins to set over the land scape, and we stand leaning against the railing.
"Wow." I say in awe at the world around me. This is happening. Right now, in this moment, I feel completely at ease. Nothing could touch me; nothing could hurt me. No one can reach me in this moment. I inhale deeply and close my eyes, feeling the warmth of the dying sun on my cheeks, the wind gently blowing at my hair.
"Yeah... Wow." He says gently. I open my eyes and look over the harbour, I extend my arms above my head and stand on my tippy toes.
"What're you doing?" He laughs at me.
"I'm feeling." I say, not lowering my body or arms.
"I want to feel as well." He says and copies me.
"Take a deep breath and just feel, Harry." I say back. We stand here on our tippy toes allowing the moment to completely and utterly consume us. I feel his hand gently caress mine, his fingers dancing around my own and my eyes widen. I look at him and smile, he remains focused on the sunset. I take his hand and hold it, our hands enlaced perfectly as we stand together on top of a random Brooklyn building.
This is it. Right here, this is it. This is all I'veever wanted for so long and I finally have it. I don't ever intend on lettinggo... But at the end of the day, I know we both have lives and jobs and peopleto see, things to do. This won't last forever, and I could lose him as soon aswe go our separate ways but right now, standing here with him I can't imaginemyself without him. Our friendship was always so easy, everything was simple. Isuppose that just isn't how it is anymore and that's okay. He's doing what he loves,and I can't imagine myself not acting. We grew up together, watching oneanother fail and succeed in all aspects of life. I think I'm finally acceptingthat it's okay to watch him grow from a distance. I think I'm okay to saygoodbye in four days' time. I love him, but he isn't mine. Not yet.