"How's the salad?" Danica cautiously asked as I dip my fork into the leaves like it's some kind of spear. Slowly and miserably.
"Evie, seriously, just talk to us or something." Cade shakes me by my shoulders and I just hum a response.
Ever since last night, I haven't really had the energy to do anything. Biology class wasn't any fun when it usually is and I didn't even send my usual morning messages. My routine definitely derailed the moment I slipped into those dumb monsters inc pajamas last night. Also, with the horrid conversation that I had with my mother and that traumatizing confrontation I had with a certain someone, I'm sure my routine is the least of my worries.
When Danica walked in on me muttering to my dead phone at dawn, she knew that something was wrong and decided to accompany me at break today. I won't say I'm disappointed but I also wouldn't say I'm happy. The last thing I want is for others to feed off of my own self-loathing. I'm sure they've got better things to take care of than a sad lump of nerdy romanticism and melodic mind frames.
"Evie, you're literally killing all of us, "
"Yeah, girl, you've got a new friend here, like, he'd listen, " Danica sips on her juice, "I know I would."
I sighed at her encouragement, sliding the plastic container of a garden salad to the side. It's barely eaten but the leaves are definitely a goner; after all the poking I did, there is no way they are good for eating.
"There's nothing to speak about, " I lied with a fake smile and Danica rolls her eyes in frustration.
"So you walk out that party with tears in your eyes because of something Matteo did and now you there's nothing to speak about?" Cade jokingly slams the table, "I call bull, "
"I second thee, " Danica raised a finger.
"Hey, what do you do for her again?" Cade snaps and my interest is suddenly piqued.
"Oh, come on Cadey boy, are you seriously doing this now?"
"Well, if you had been a nice friend then maybe it would've been easier for her to open up don't you think?"
"Uh, let me remind you, you've known her for approximately four days. I've known her for two years." Danica hits back with venom on.
Ay Dios Mio.
I lay my head upon my hand trying my best to prevent it from exploding while listening to this nonsense.
"Clearly you've been nothing but useless to her in all those time, " Cade retorted, "Bet I've done more in those four days, "
"Alright, that's it!" I hear Danica engage and my eyes widened.
Well, clearly I'm still dealing with a few kids on this level of adulthood.
"Hey, stop it!" I called out and Danica stops, her knees on the table and an arm outstretched to grab Cade's hair but he didn't even flinch.
"Can you both stop acting like children?" I said, "please?"
She looks at me then glares at Cade who had a victorious look on his face before dropping back to her seat, muttering curses.
Sometimes I really just want to be alone. Better yet, run away. I love Danica and I appreciate Cade but I really hoped they didn't do that today. My head is already aching as it is. I don't have to be pulling dead bodies from each other in mid-day.
"Look, I really don't have the energy to be breaking up a fight between two twenty-year-olds. Cade and I got a philosophy class in a few minutes, might as well go." I stood up, grabbing the few things I've got and he follows me up.
"Not even an explanation?" Danica pouts and I shake my head.
"I'll talk to you later Danica, "
With that, Cade and I walked towards the auditorium, breathing out the tension he had.
"I never would have guessed she's friends with someone like you, " he commented and I chuckle.
"Neither would've I. I guess that's just what happens when you live together."
It is. I remember walking into that dorm like it was yesterday. Danica perched on her bed writing in her journal like I usually do. Yes, she used to be a geek. She had piles and piles of books and notes and all the fancy things one would find rather peaceful than what she is now. Though back then, she already had her extroverted character which I suppose made it easier for her to get influenced by others. It's such a shame actually but it's her life- not mine.
"So..." Cade cautiously began, "are you really not gonna talk to me about what happened?"
We stop by the door into the auditorium and I turn to him, taking notice of the concern in his voice.
"I think I owe it to you to say something actually, " I admitted. After leaving him at that party and making him feel like it's his fault, I sure feel guilty.
"No, you really don't, " he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I do. I'm sorry for being selfish last night and just driving away, " I said, placing a comforting band on his shoulder. "If it's to compensate then...well, let's just say I don't think I have ever been mad at anyone the way I was mad at Matteo."
His eyes studied mine for a second as they were painted with regret and I too felt it. I wish I could explain it better than just making it sound like it was all his fault or that he had a responsibility to it but truthfully, I've got no other way of saying it.
We walked in and sat down on our usual places while the class itself began pouring in.
"Matteo does that to everyone," Cade said as we settled down, "I don't think he has been nice to anyone. Even to Jocelyn-you know what, I really don't know why they're still together." He laughed and I joined him.
For a guy who is very confident with himself and doesn't seem to have any problem insulting everyone and anyone, I think it's fair to assume that Matteo is the most hated creature here. Maybe not by everyone but it's close enough.
With Miss Galen coming up to the podium and the lights dimming, Cade and I stayed silent- until someone decided to join us.
"Quite the night right?" That unfortunately familiar Italian accent almost made me jump.
In my mind, I have already died but right now, my heart is in my throat and my body is as stiff as a rock.
I shift in my seat, hoping that Cade would take notice but I doubt he would, considering how the class is already underway. Immediately my palms started to sweat and my heart raced.
"Did you get home safely?"
"Funny you should care about that now, " I snapped, whispering as I turned to face the perpetrator. His face was inches from me, close enough that his cigarette breath tickled my nose.
"Would you rather me insult you again?" He whispered back with his throaty voice and I shook my head, leaning back.
"I'd rather you not talk to me, "
"That's funny, " he said, too close to my ear while I tried to pay attention to the lesson. Clearly, I can't when there's a demon whispering in my ear. "I doubt we'd be able to arrange the no communication thing considering you and I are meant to be working-"
"-Seems like I'm the only one working don't you think?" I remarked a little louder than I would've liked but the continuation of the lesson tells me it wasn't much of a problem.
The air around us was thick and dense enough to saw through. Although my mind lacked the capability of letting him go and ignoring him, I am trying my hardest to win this one. It was progress last night but I hoped I'd never had to see him again. Though, as he said, that would not be possible.
Why did I have to meet him again? Oh, right; cause the universe got a funny way of leading you on different roads and leaving you to figure out if it's the right one.
"I'm trying to be civil here, " he admitted a little harsher than liked and I laughed at his condescendence.
"What? So you saw me cry and finally realized how much of a dick you are?" My whispers are getting louder and I can only concur that that's the result of my frustration.
"Hey, princess, you're not some special person who I'm gonna treat differently just because you're so innocent. You should be thankful I'm not being as much of a dick." He hits back and I turn to him again, his glaring eyes burning holes in my skin. His jaw was tightly locked and his right hand is fisted.
I couldn't help but just shake my head at his unbelievably terrible attitude.
"If you're trying to apologize-"
"I never apologize. I wasn't taught like that."
"Oh, you mean you're way too tolerated by everyone that you think being unapologetic is morally correct?" I screwed up my face in disgust and he scoffs.
"A good mouth will get you far in life you know that right?" He winks with pure arrogance and I could feel my anger building up again, higher and further than ever.
"Did...did it ever occur to you that the words you say actually hurt people?" I croaked. My anger always manifests in tears and this time, I'm trying to stop it. I can't cry in front of him again, no matter how frustrating it is.
"No, " he said, "because if they can't take the truth then that's not my responsibility. That's theirs, "
"Doesn't mean you go around telling people things that clearly will upset them. They're human unlike-"
"Ms. Collins!" I hear Ms. Galen's piercing voice echo. Oh no.
"You seem to be having some interesting topics over there, " she crossed her arms and I felt the whole class looking at me, "do you want to share it with the class?"
In defeat, I look down at my notes pretending to busy myself and shook my head no. She mutters a little reminder of class etiquette and I nodded my head to try and not anger her.
The rest of the class went on like that, with me having a sense of impending doom every five seconds when I felt my seatmate move. I knew he was tensed to but I didn't care. Why would I? He never cared about me or anyone so there's no point in taking notice of him.
When the class ended, I quickly packed my bag while Cade and I spoke about my band and how our gigs we're slow; a mere distraction from the other guy beside me who didn't seem to be going anytime soon. However, as soon as I reached the door of there auditorium, I was caught up again.
"Collins!" Matteo called and Cade and I walked faster. No questions asked but I knew I needed to go.
"Hey, " I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turned around swiftly, my chest moving up and down with emotions I didn't know. Anger? Exhaustion? Annoyance? I didn't know which one it was but the look on his face made that emotion grow stronger; bit by bit.
"Ok, fine, " he started, "what I said was fucked up, I get it and I didn't know how messed up it was until you were bawling your eyes out, " his eyes studied mine, knowing that between us he was the calmest one.
"Matteo, can you leave her alone for once?" Cade defended but was shut down when Matteo said,
"Stay out of this Holden, "
I looked at Cade as he scowled but didn't protest.
I guess people really are scared of him.
"What is it with me that makes you want to rip me apart until I'm nothing; hm?" I gritted my teeth but my vision this time was 20/20. It wasn't blurred by tears or anything, it was just plain and clear anger.
For a moment his eyes flashed with what looked like empathy or guilt but that didn't last. In the end, his eyes were still just as dead.
"I might realize how fucked up it was but I'm not apologizing for stating the obvious, " he said, "I've known people like you and they are worse than Satan himself."
"How many times do I have to say-"
"That I don't know you?"
My eyes widened for a split second and I gulped.
"I know I don't fucking know you and frankly, I don't give a damn. If you hate the thought of seeing the truth then live with that. But don't blame me for your fake reality, " he continued and the lump in my throat only grew. "And if it strokes your perfect little mind..." He takes out a paper from his pocket before grabbing my hand and placing it firmly there.
"I've actually done some work, "
He turns around and walks away but I couldn't let him just do that, not without an answer to my question:
"Why does it concern you how I live my life?"
He turns around a great scowl in his face, tight lips, and piercing eyes. Seeing him like a perfectly captured image creates a bigger monster to me than I had already known.
"Because in this fairy tale, " he said, "you're the weakling."
As I watched him walked away, finally breathing while Cade rubbed my back in comfort, I repeated his words in my mind...
Because I knew that he meant I was just an easy target.