It was still kind of strange seeing the boy I grew up with in such a mature role. Even though I had my own studio and space on the farmhouse, I was still on my father's property, which was a far cry from living by myself in suburbia on a dead-end street.
The quaint home had an instant charm with fresh flowers displayed on the coffee table and a balance of modern and rustic furnishings scattered throughout. On the white mantel above the red, brick fireplace, Nate had displayed some of Jenna's framed drawings, her signature highlighted in the bottom, right hand corner.
Nate's home was extremely quiet, almost too quiet. I was never in my studio without some kind of noise, either chickens cackling outside or the sound of me strumming on my guitar experimenting with different melodies.
The silence in the air was interrupted as the door closed behind me, which startled me for a second. I refocused my attention back on Nate who pointed to the bags in my hands. He suggested I place them down in the corner of the room. I still didn't know what was happening or how I ended up there so I simply did what I was told and placed the bags down.
"What now?" I said softly as I glanced up and finally made real eye contact with him.
"You must be hungry from the long drive," he replied in a monotone voice.
I shook my head, I couldn't stomach a thing.
"I'd really like to take a shower," I responded.
He quickly obliged and grabbed my bags before escorting me upstairs to the guest bedroom. Silence returned until I heard the sound of the stairs creaking from our footsteps as we walked up the hardwood stairs.
When we reached the plain and simple bedroom decorated with neutral linens and an older bureau, he placed the bags down on the bed and pointed across the hall to the bathroom. His demeanor was standoffish, and his words were short and to the point, before he exited the room and left me alone. I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I wasn't going to begin a discussion or force one with Nate before I could regroup and sort my thoughts out in my head.
I stood underneath the shower, letting the warm water fall down on my head and back, trying not to let my emotions takeover. My muscles ached, probably from laying in an awkward position in the car ride to North Carolina. Realizing I couldn't stay in the shower indefinitely to avoid my problems, I made my way back to the room and changed into bulky sweats and a t-shirt. I was impressed with my father who seemed to have no problem searching through his daughter's messy drawers to find the things he needed to fulfill Lily's list.
As I made my way down the stairs, I smelt something familiar. I turned the corner to the family room and saw a grilled cheese placed on the coffee table with a glass of red wine sitting next to it. Nate's mom taught him to cook one thing and that was grilled cheese. Every time I'd go to his house when we were kids, he'd offer to make me one, even if I wasn't hungry. He perfected grilling the bread, slightly burning each side, just how I liked it.
As I walked over to the black, leather couch, Nate sat in an armchair across from me with a beer in his hands.
"I haven't eaten a grilled cheese since you last cooked me one," I admitted as I slowly sat down on the couch.
"How was your shower?"
"Great...," I said awkwardly as I started to eat.
The grilled cheese was exactly how I remembered it, crunchy, buttery, and cheesy. Nate simply watched me, making me self-conscious as he drank his beer staring at me. I washed down the bread with wine, and then sipped more wine until I placed the glass back down.
The silence was deafening, and I couldn't take it anymore.
"I know I've screwed everything up. I know Lily probably forced you into this arrangement, whatever you want to call this," I said before he interrupted.
"Forced me? No one forced me to do anything. Maybe in your world that happens but..." he said until I interrupted.
"My world? What does that mean?" I said defensively.
"The girl I knew wouldn't lie to anyone. Do you really think I cared that you slept with someone else?" he asked. "You made it sound like you were sitting at home alone at night," he paused, almost like he was talking about himself and could relate. He continued, "Obviously, that wasn't the case."
He glanced down at the ground, "Anyone could see that after you guys performed that night," he admitted.
"So...you did watch?" I said with regret.
"How could I not?"
"I'm sorry about that."
He took another swig of his beer, then stood up without looking at me. He mumbled about how late it was and that he would see me in the morning. I knew not to push him to stay and talk. I had no plan on what to do next, and I wasn't going to jeopardize the small amount of progress we had made in just a few hours by screwing things up by saying the wrong thing.
Nate walked to his bedroom, which was on the first floor, as I rested back with my wine in hand, replaying all the events that occurred after I arrived at his doorstep. I thought about every word, though not many, over and over.
After finishing my wine and putting my plate away in the kitchen, which was next to the living room, I finally ended up in bed. I tossed and turned in the dark, unable to forget Nate was just below me downstairs. My body ached for him, and I wished he was beside me in bed. I realized I was never going to fall asleep after obsessing over how much I missed him in every way.
I slowly crept down the stairs making sure not to make a sound. As I turned the corner to go into the kitchen, I saw Nate sitting on the couch. His head was leaned back and his eyes were closed. He wore the same sweatpants but had no shirt on as his muscular chest was exposed for me to admire.
I stopped in my tracks as he slept so soundly and quietly. I stared at him for a few seconds. After all those years, this guy still made my heart beat faster. The attraction, physically and emotionally, was almost too much to bear.
"Couldn't sleep?" he said, opening his eyes wide, startling me.
"You're awake," I said, surprised and embarrassed at being caught staring at him.
"You could say that," he said, sitting up. He glanced over at me with his big, brown eyes that I could get lost in for days.
I hesitated not knowing what to do, then I walked over to the couch and sat beside him.
"Do you remember that night when the storms rolled in? We were caught up in the treehouse. The thunder shook, and the lightning seemed like it was right on top of us. I was so scared, but you said you wouldn't let anything ever hurt me," I said.
"I don't know, maybe..." he said, not very convincing that he didn't remember.
"I was trying to protect you. Reed and I were always better off as friends. Our relationship was NEVER like you and me. I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea," I said, trying to reach into his heart and make him understand.
"Don't you think I know that?" he said unexpectedly. Frustrated, he put his fingers through his hair, "It's all I could do to stay down here and not come upstairs to see you," he confessed.
"Then why didn't you?"
"The same reason why I didn't text you. Yes, I was mad at first. Then I cooled off. I know who you are and what you're not."
"You're really not mad at me?" I said completely confused.
"We live in two different worlds. Your world is high profile, all eyes on you. You can't mess this up for yourself."
"So...you don't hate me?" I asked.
"You need to focus on your career."
Nate started to get agitated and told me I wasn't listening. He tried telling me he didn't want to make things even more complicated. He reiterated the press was even more vicious this time around with the discovery of the new pictures.
"They smell blood in the water," he said emphatically.
"I don't care!"
"You should care!"
I looked away from him. I felt exhausted from the discussion and from the implications of what he was trying to tell me. I just couldn't listen to what he was saying anymore.
"Look at me," he said, touching my face with his hand so I'd meet his gaze. "You're in serious trouble right now," he said, staring into my eyes with concern that I had never seen before.
"Don't you think I know that," I said as my emotions began to build up. "But all I care about, right now, at this moment, is being here with you," I said as the floodgates opened and tears streamed down my face. "I just need you. I need you so badly!" I said, covering my face with both hands as I was overcome with sadness.
Nate took me in his arms and held me tight as I wept on his naked chest. At that moment, I nestled in, feeling protected and loved, without any expectations, not knowing what the future would bring.
I woke up in the morning and realized I had fallen asleep on Nate or on the couch. I wasn't sure, because I laid on the couch with a blanket over me, but Nate was nowhere to be seen. All of a sudden, he appeared, coming from the direction of his bedroom. He was dressed in a button-down shirt and tie and seemed to walk with purpose.
"I'm going to be late," he said, grabbing a leather satchel that sat near the door on a chair.
"Where are you going?"
"Work..." he responded.
"You're going to just leave me here?"
"Lily didn't really give me much time to set things up at school," he said in a hurry.
"But what am I going to do?"
He told me to relax, and that he would be back late afternoon. He also said not to go out in the front yard, just in case someone recognized me. He also pointed to the kitchen and told me to help myself to anything I'd like.
With that, he exited his house. It didn't take long before I explored his kitchen cabinets and made some much needed coffee in his Keurig. I walked outside to the small, fenced-in backyard, which had a little patch of grass and a stone patio with a table and a couple chairs. I held my coffee in my hands as I sat listening to some bird making music in the background, which reminded me of my own music.
I realized Lily and my father had forgotten to pack my guitar, my lifeline in many ways. The instrument would've helped me pass the time and not make me feel so helpless. I was literally cut off from the world, no phone, tablet, or computer, which kept me in the dark. I didn't know if someone was trying to get ahold of me or what lies were being spread about my fake love triangle.
A wave of anxiety fueled my desire to know everything that was going on right then. I began to search the house for anything I could use to tap into the outside world. I found myself upstairs and in the other bedroom, which was decorated with a twin bed made with cute, pink sheets and floral comforter on top. The other part of the room was a makeshift office with an antique desk in the corner with a computer sitting on top.
I sat down at the desk and moved the mouse to wake the computer up. Of course, the device was protected by a password. I thought for a second and tried my name first. No dice. I tried multiple football terms until I circled back to names. As I looked around the girly room, the password became clear to me. I entered Jenna's name and the computer came alive.
I literally sat there for hours, staring at social media sites and gossip columns. I read everything and anything I could find, and Nate was right, I was in big trouble.
The broad array of posts and comments basically summed up one thing, my innocent, good girl image that Walt had nurtured so carefully had vanished. In return, I was the new bad girl of country music, who was obviously living a promiscuous life in the shadows while secretly deceiving everyone, including Reed. Some fans defended me, but the overwhelming amount of comments were about Reed's feelings and about how I crushed his heart into a million pieces.
I started to feel sick to my stomach as reality set in. I was truly alone to fight a fake story about a non-existent, love triangle while hiding out in Nate's house, not knowing the status of our actual, real relationship.
Yeah, Nate was right, my career was in jeopardy, and I had no clue what to do.