"I was good at car racing" He revealed
"Car racing?" I repeated, stunned by his revelation. I could not imagine him horse riding, but I could definitely imagine him behind the wheel of a modified import that shot out flames
"I started out young, climbed my way up the rankings. Before I was 15 I'd competed in over a hundred races, mostly taking out 1st and 2nd"
My fingertips were fiddling with the mane in between my hands. I couldn't brush anymore. I was far too focused on what Jesse was saying.
"I was 21 when I finally found a sponsor and then..." He looked down, breaking our gaze. His hands were on the horse, creating long strokes against his neck "I got cocky and a week before my big race, I had an accident that nearly killed me"
My breathing halted, my eyes un-blinking. He lifted his gaze back up "I broke my leg in two different places, I had a fractured skull, internal bleeding, I was in an induced coma for 3 weeks"
"Wow" I mumbled, stunned
"It was in hospital that I met Tricia, she'd just had her appendix out" He scoffed "Just one mistake after the next I suppose" He sighed, half grumbling as his expression lightened again
I gave a snicker "We all make mistakes, some of us are just better at it than others"
Jesse's smile returned, the air settling around us again. He understood what hardships meant, it was refreshing. Jesse had experienced near death, and I supposed that was why he was as optimistic as he was now. It was why he was always trying to persuade me into being more hopeful.
Jesse gave a long sigh
"Talon seems persistent on you, he tried to come and see you when Ronan came back up"
"Tried?" My fingers returned to brushing out knots
"I talked him out of it"
"Thanks" I appreciated
"He isn't the only one persistent on you either"
My heart jumped in my chest, nervous of his words. I looked up at him, unsure as I narrowed my eyes
"Ronan" He answered my stare.
Unexpectedly my heart fell a little, disappointed
I blew out a breath of air, calming my rigid lungs "It doesn't really matter how persistent they are, I can barely stand near them let alone think of them in any other way. It's like that with any man now thanks to Talon"
Jesse's eyebrows pulled together in the middle, as though he was confused
"What?" I questioned
He hesitated, and then continued with an unreadable expression "In the boiler room... the way you explain your negative experiences now, why didn't you punch me in the face when I did what I did?" He spoke, his eyes narrow as I dropped my head
Heat rushed to my face. I was having trouble understanding why I hadn't punched him too. On the contrary, I had thought of the complete opposite of punching him. And that wasn't the only time. I dropped my face as far down as possible, afraid he'd notice the colour in my cheeks change
"You haven't.. you haven't been like the others have, Ronan, Talon, Mason..." I didn't want to sound vain, but it was my only understanding "I guess I don't really know.."
Jesse wasn't fighting for my affection like the others were, they were being pushy, they were being abrupt and making very obvious moves, all of which Jesse was not. He seemed barely interested in me most times.
"You know that I would never throw myself at you the way Ronan does, or force myself on you the way I assume Talon has.." There was something dark inside his voice, something that fell flat and angry at his own assumptions
"I know" I agreed, urging the colour in my face to disperse
Our conversation was like a rollercoaster. One minute we'd be smiling, sharing our childhood pasts with each other, the next we were diving in an emotional pool head first. We certainly had one thing in common – bad choices.
"You should have told someone.." Jesse broke in, his eyes held fiercely on my face
"About what?" I played stupid
"About Talon"
I shrugged, my fingers picking at a stubborn thorn caught in the horses mane, the horse now asleep
"It wasn't..." I stumbled to verbalise the awkward explanation "It wasn't forced per say, I was just too stupid to say no" I told him, looking up at his stern expression
He shook his head, averting his gaze as he shifted on his boots
"I was just a dumb teenager, all my friends had done it, and the way they talked about it..." I rambled off, unashamed to talk about sex with someone who seemed to take a sincere interest in my trauma "They talked about like it was the most magical thing in the world.." I shook my head, forcing back the memory as best I could "It hurt like hell.." I scoffed "I thought it would get better over time, but... it didn't"
Under my fingers, the burr finally gave way, separating from the knotted strands of hair. I gave a sigh and flicked it to the ground, Jesse's eyes intent on my face.
Suddenly, I didn't want to talk anymore. These were parts of my past that I had spent years forcing back. For almost 3 years I had managed to keep at bay my experiences with Talon.
"You shouldn't have told me that" Jesse mumbled, moving himself to the front of the stall
"Why is that?" I asked, brushing more thoroughly
He rubbed the back of his neck "It makes my restraint on wringing his neck that much more unbearable"
I gave a small crooked smile, unsure if he were entirely serious, but when I turned my head to glance at him, I could tell he was deathly serious
"Usually I wouldn't be opposed, but if anyone is going to do it, it's going to be me" I told him, attempting to lighten the situation
Jesse gave a small grunt in response, and then he was gone.
-
After spending the night combing through mane, tail, burs and knots, by the time I'd fallen asleep, it had been about 2 in the morning. I hadn't felt all that tired, but my arm was paining me more than I cared to acknowledge. I had intended to take a small break, lying down on a pile of stale yellow bales of hay shoved in a corner nearby, but within five minutes, I was asleep.
Sharp pieces of hay stabbed me in the back, itching at my skin. I could feel dry sticks tickling my ankles where my jeans had ridden up my leg through restless tossing and turning. It was what had woken me up.
I grizzled and groaned, adjusting my pants in an attempt to fix the issue and drift back to sleep. My arm was numb from leaning on my wound, and it only made me want to return to darkness further. My eyes remained closed, my mind half on earth, half on the moon. It was close to sunrise, I could hear the birds on the roof giving their morning call. The heat around me had eased up, leaving a cool wind rushing through the barn doors over my face. I needed just a little longer, just a tiny bit longer to recover from my all-nighter spent with my future family of quiet, voiceless animals.
Unfortunately, the itching on my leg became more frantic, almost as though someone intentionally held a straw stick, tickling the flesh above my left boot. My eyebrows creased, and I let out a final growl of irritation. If it was Jaxon, or Ronan, I was not going to be a happy camper.
"Seriously?" I groaned, rubbing my forehead
Seconds before I decided to smack the cause of anger on my ankle, I felt the breeze from outside the barn, block. Someone or something was cutting it off, and then I felt pressure on the hay bale beside my body. My hand found my knife on my belt, my heart-rate exceeding normal as I entered reality
"Arrow" The familiar voice of Jesse spoke calm and quietly, the warmth of his hand on my chest, holding me down
"Don't move an inch" He warned, his tone serious, frightening
My eyes darted open, his body beside mine, his eyes were on my feet, wide
"What is it?" I begged, alert, attempting to lean up, his hand gently pushing me back down
"Don't move, and don't panic" He told me, hushed
"What the hell is going on?" I reacted, panicked
The tickling on my leg wriggled again, only this time, something about it felt off now that I was entirely focused and awake
I tried to move my leg, the tickling creating an itch, but Jesse's other hand was on my thigh before I could move. His palm pressed into my jeans, which caused me to flinch. He was touching somewhere I thought to be of an intimate space. I was unsure of how it made me feel, but I didn't have time to overthink it, because Jesse's gaze became unbearably apprising
"Tell me what's going on" I demanded
His eyes moved swiftly from my feet to my face "I'm going to move my hand off of your chest, but you need to stay exactly where you are" He instructed me, the lanterns in the barn lighting his face up in a more menacing way
Hesitantly I nodded and slowly, Jesse moved his hand from my chest. I watched his face, waiting for what was to come next.
My breathing sped up, my palms sweating. My fingers flinched as I felt Jesse's hand reach for mine where my grip remained on my knife half pulled from its pouch. Carefully he pulled the weapon from me, his eyes back down on my leg where the wriggling continued, this time more defined
"What is that Jesse?" I mumbled, my eyes on his face
I was becoming more aware that whatever was on my leg was not a piece of rogue straw. It was something more sinister, I could see it in Jesse's face
He seemed to concentrate hard, his right hand taking grip of my knife with tense adjustments. He edged closer to my ankle, his left hand remaining on my thigh, keeping pressure
Again Jesse looked to me, his hand ready to take a stab at my leg
"There's a snake" He told me "It's moving up, I need to aim this perfectly so I don't hurt you, so you need to stay completely still, do you understand?"
The sentence came out faster than I could comprehend.
I didn't say anything, my eyes wide, my hand over my mouth, shaking
"Do you trust me?" He questioned, his eyes smouldering mine
Dubiously, I nodded
I couldn't watch, I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes and focused on anything but the idea of a poisonous snake slithering up my pants
Wouldn't that be the way for my life to end in such a time? A snake bite, out of every threat I'd ever come across, a snake bite. It seemed impossible to believe in anything other than Creatures taking my soul, yet here I was, life or death. If the snake were to bite me, it would be slim to none chance of me finding anti-venom in time. I would slowly succumb to the shutdown of my nervous system; blood would ghoulishly leak from my nose and ears.
I braced myself for either the bite, or the misjudgement of Jesse's aim.
Seconds later, as I squeezed my eyes shut I could hear Jesse take a swing, the feeling of my pants pulling around my ankle where the knife had sliced through the side. Frantic wriggling followed, my breathing and Jesse's breathing rapid, filling the silence
"You can breathe now" Jesse sighed, retracting the knife through thick flesh.
Was it my leg, or the snake?
I let out my rough in-held air, rigid
"This is becoming habit" He snickered, flicking blood off of my knife as I slowly leaned upwards.
On my elbows, I could see a thick long stretch of a black snake, it's tail end motionless from inside my pants. My skin crawled, shuddering. I kicked my leg out, the dead snake falling out on the hay in front of me, a clean knife wound between its eyes
"That's disgusting" I snorted, repulsed, forcing myself away, my legs pulled up to my chest as I stared at the deadly creature that had almost ended me
This was my fear. Not Creatures, not the idea of death, but snakes. They were the one thing in the world I could not ever deal with.
"One bite from that thing, and you'd be dead within a few hours" Jesse informed me, creating another shiver over my skin, my body scooting back instinctively more
Jesse huffed, almost in surprise
"What?" I asked, my eyes remained on the dead dark snake
"I never thought I'd see you cower to something as... insignificant"
His eyes were on me, which were unknowingly closer than expected.
In the midst of me scooting away from the snake, I'd pushed myself into him, our sides pressed together. Heat ran over my body, replacing the fear.
"I hate, hate snakes" I emphasized, my voice unsteady
"I noticed" He half chuckled
My skin twitched in which he didn't seem to notice or mind. I wanted to pull away, but my body refused to move. Jesse had saved my life, again. The fact in itself should have made me angry, angry that I was failing at protecting myself, yet I couldn't move
"How did you know, about the snake?" I asked, curious as to why he had been in close enough distance to notice the snake slithering up my ankle
"You were out here for a while after I left, I wanted to make sure you were okay" He answered honestly, his voice humble
"Oh" Was all that I could respond with
"I guess you going back to sleep now would be out of the question?" He sighed, his face turning, looking at me for the first time since I'd noticed our dangerous proximity
"What do you think?" I shivered, making the ultimate mistake of turning my eyes toward him
Our faces were as close as they had been after I'd been shot. I knew where the space between us was going instantly
My eyes were locked into a fierce battle between what I should have done, and what I shouldn't have done. What I should have done was push him off of me, bolt from the close space and demand that he not touch me even in the simplest of ways. But it was never intentional, when Jesse and I were close it seemed to happen in quick speed with no cause, no force.
Rather than taking that option, the right option, I took the one that I shouldn't have. My body stiffened and I prolonged the stare, giving in.
The last two times we'd closed the space, it had been Jesse to react first. This time, it was me.
I moved my face forward, edging closer, being cautious in case Jesse decided otherwise. I could feel his breath on my nose, and when my eyes closed, I made a quick swift move in, my lips crashing against his. Heat radiated up my body, starting from my feet, quickly rushing to my face. I leaned nearer, needing more.
When I had kissed Talon, it had been forced, it had been rough and unnatural. With Jesse, it felt raw, an urge pulling me closer, further. It started out soft, gentle, but before I could catch my breath, my arms found his neck, pulling him into me. I could feel his hand return to my thigh, sending my heart into a stutter.
I pulled at him, bringing our bodies together with intense desperation.
I could barely focus on anything around us, the birds calling, the sun rising, the horses blowing air through their noses to announce their awakening. My hands were at the base of Jesse's neck, my fingertips finding his loose hair.
My breathing was desperate, as was Jesse's. I held on, not intending to let go anytime soon. I could feel every movement, every time Jesse moved his lips against my own. His hand moved from my thigh to my waist, and in one swift movement he had pulled me onto his lap, my legs on either side of his hips. My breathing hitched and my lungs burned. Jesse's mouth was glued to mine without an inch of space to suck in air. I was suffocating, suffocating on the intensity of smoke from the fire burning between us
"Jesse?!" The faint calm of Jaxon broke through my ears from behind the barn
Instantly we were torn apart.
I was thankful, yet annoyed
"Jesse?... Where are -?" He rounded the corner, noticing our subtle suspicious positioning.
We'd been caught off guard, our breathing still rapid, the back of my hand running over my lips, wiping away any leftover intimacy. He had noticed, he wasn't stupid. His eyes narrowed on the both of us, standing a few feet away from each other, still reeling
"Bad time?" He quirked an eyebrow towards us
"No" Jesse shook his head, his voice dark "No, what do you want?"
I wanted to believe that he sounded as frustrated as I was, but I didn't want to come to conclusions in case I was wrong. I hadn't intended on kissing Jesse, and I was sure he hadn't intended on kissing me. It was a mistake that would haunt me, yet I wanted more in a sick and twisted way. Clearly being away from people for as long as I had, had somewhat effected my decision making skills
"The others are getting restless, asking where you are, why we aren't leaving yet" Jaxon spoke, his voice still unsure, his hands on his hips
"Tell them to meet us out here in ten minutes, we're taking the horses" Jesse told him with authority, clearing his throat
He nodded, but gave a small smirk "Sure thing boss"
The minute he was gone I began busying myself in getting the horses ready for travel. They were still in their stalls, flinching off the night.