Billie and Cynthia sit in silence, avoiding each other's eyes as the class around them is alive with chatter, pairs pouring over the comprehension questions Mr Symes has set with finishing Robinson Crusoe.
At the front of the room, in the very first row, is Ponyboy and Liz Cowan: the All-American perfect girl. As they work on the questions, Liz laughs loudly at something Ponyboy has said, head thrown back in laughter as her soft curls fall across her face. She rests a hand on Ponyboy's arm, whispering something in his ear that has him smiling.
Something bitter and vicious coils in Billie's gut, poisoning her insides as she can't tear her eyes away from Ponyboy and Liz. They're both smiling at each other, matching soft, timid smiles like they're the only two people in the world. It's the same smile Ponyboy gave Billie on Friday night, when they were sitting on the hood of a car and it felt like Billie was floating, like she was far away from everything and her world only consisted of her and Ponyboy in that moment. Like being with Ponyboy was the only thing that mattered.
Once again, the white-hot, vicious feeling thrashes in Billie's stomach, screaming out to Billie that something is very, very wrong. Billie knows she's frowning, but she can't help it. Seeing Ponyboy and Liz actually enjoying the other's company, laughing like they were friends, like they were something more ⏤ whatever it is, it feels wrong. Like the world's axis has been flipped on its head, and Billie is the only one who can sense how wrong it feels.
"For the questions to be answered, you two girls actually have to talk," Mr Symes says, standing over the table, eyebrows raised with the lack of process Billie and Cynthia have made with the questions. His presence makes Billie look away from the front of the room. "It involves opening your mouths and words coming out."
"Yes, sir," both girls mumble without looking at each other.
"Oh look! You both know how to talk. Now answer the questions. They are to be done before the end of class." Mr Symes then leaves, checking the process of the two boys in the row behind Billie and Cynthia, who have turned their question sheets into paper airplanes.
Billie and Cynthia make a start on the questions, mumbling answers to each other softly and scribbling down what the other was saying. Billie's heart wasn't in it, not when the only thing on her mind is Ponyboy and Liz.
Billie doesn't know what is more unsettling: seeing Ponyboy and Liz work together willingly or her reaction to Ponyboy and Liz working together willingly.
When Billie arrives to lunch after Home Economics, Ponyboy isn't there. She ignores the sinking feeling in her gut that is telling her something is wrong as she starts to eat her sandwich, listening to the conversation Scott and Leo were having about sophomore-level Maths.
Ponyboy arrives to their spot behind the cafeteria halfway through lunch, sitting down in the empty space beside Leo. Laura raises her eyebrows as she eats her sandwich. "Where have you been?"
"Class," Ponyboy responds shortly as he takes out his own lunch.
"For half of lunch?" Laura questions.
"Why does it matter to you?"
"Geez, sorry for having an interest in what my friends have been doing," Laura mutters, rolling her eyes at Ponyboy's snappy attitude.
Billie averts her eyes away from Laura and Ponyboy. She hates conflict, with it akin to the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Billie feels like curling into a ball at the inclination of conflict, and with Laura, it's almost certain that a fight will break out.
Ponyboy doesn't hear Laura, or he ignores her, as he takes a bite out of his sandwich. Billie breathes a sigh of relief, the tension and fear leaving her body as the probability of an argument dwindles. Billie wants to delay their group's first fight for as long as possible, to not break the world of peace and solitude they've found in each other.
Laura stands up, grabbing Billie's hand and pulling her up. Billie almost trips on her feet as Laura drags her away from the boys and into the direction of the school.
The corridors are empty as Laura and Billie walk through, with Billie practically jogging to keep up with Laura's fast pace. "Laura, where are we going?"
"Bathroom," Laura responds and pushes open the door to the bathroom. Billie follows her inside where Laura jumps up and sits on the sink, legs swinging.
Billie folds her arms and leans against the wall, waiting for Laura to start speaking about why she dragged Billie away from the boys.
Laura, legs swinging as she leans forward on the counter with her hands on the edge on the counter, furrows her eyebrows, lips pursed into a thin line. "What the hell is going on with your boyfriend?" she asks.
"He's not my boyfriend," Billie corrects.
"Fine, your friend," Laura replies, rolling her eyes. "He's been acting shitty."
"It was one time," Billie replies, hoping that if she gets Laura to see that nothing was happening, she'd let it go.
"Can't you see that he was lying?" Laura questions, eyes narrowed at Billie. "You know him better than me, and if I can see that he was lying, why can't you?"
Billie swallows the lump in her throat. She had an inkling that Ponyboy was lying, but who was she to call him out on it? He was entitled to his privacy. But after that encounter in English with Liz Cowan, his attitude just now seemed too coincidental. It makes the sinking feeling in her stomach from English return.
Billie doesn't tell Laura what happened in English. For all Billie knows, it was nothing. And if she went and told Laura, she'd just storm over to Ponyboy, which would erupt into a full-blown fight as she yells at Ponyboy for talking to Liz Cowan. To Laura, it would be personal; Liz Cowan is Cherry Valance's cousin, who is dating Bob Sheldon, who has decided to make Laura's life a living hell since the start of school.
So no, Billie won't tell Laura what happened in class. She just hopes Laura lets this go, because Billie doesn't know what she'll do when she's thrown into the middle. Does she side with Ponyboy, who is the only person who understands her. Or does she side with Laura, her new friend?
Billie hopes she doesn't have to choose.
"If we're watching a romantic movie, I'm leaving," Leo states as he, Laura and Billie walk through the streets of the East Side, rugged up in jackets to shield themselves from the cool night wind. It is just the three of them; when Laura suggested they all hang out on Saturday night, Scott declined as he was hanging out with Curly, Dean and Lloyd. When they turned to Ponyboy, he said he was busy, and didn't elaborate on why he was busy.
Laura had given Billie a meaningful look that Billie ignored.
Leo had wanted to go to the park, but Laura and Billie had stated that was boring, so the girls out-voted him and chose to go to the drive-in. Leo had groaned and said they were the worst, but still went along with their plan to go to the drive-in.
"You like romantic movies," Laura responds.
"No I don't!"
"You watch them with my mom!"
"Only so she's not lonely," Leo protests, making Billie laugh. She stops as Leo glares at her.
"No, you watch them with my mom because you like them," Laura argues.
"No, I don't! I'm being nice and watching them with her. Something that you should learn to do."
"What? Watch romance movies with my mom?"
"No, being nice!"
Laura snorts. "Where's the fun in that?"
"Oh, I don't know, so you can have friends?"
"Billie likes me the way I am, don't you, Billie?" Laura turns to face Billie, and the look Laura gives her makes Billie realise that she's going to regret it if she doesn't agree with Laura.
"Yes," Billie answers.
Leo rolls his eyes, "you're only saying that because Laura forced you to."
"I didn't force Billie to say anything!"
"Do you think I'm stupid? I saw the look you gave Billie."
"What look? The look of friendship?"
Billie tries to contain her laughter as Laura and Leo argue the rest of the way to the drive-in. It reminds Billie of her own siblings, especially Angela and Curly, who can never agree on anything and love pushing the other's buttons. Their bickering usually ends with Tim telling them to shut up or Angela hitting Curly with a sofa pillow.
The three Greasers sneak into the drive-in to avoid paying with money they don't have. They slip under the barricade and sit in the seats, away from the screen but close enough to see the movie. They had all grabbed snacks from their homes before leaving, to avoid buying food from the drive-in. Billie had hastily grabbed a packet of salt and vinegar chips before she left, stuffing it into a backpack with a bottle of water for herself before leaving the house.
As they sit in the back row, the screen fades to black before the movie starts. Billie rips open her packet of chips and grabs a handful, before offering the packet to Laura, who is seated in the middle and Leo, who is sitting on Laura's left. Laura and Leo both take a handful of chips.
The movie is a romance movie and Laura nudges Leo in the side, causing Leo to retaliate by pinching Laura on the elbow.
"You asshole!" she hisses lowly, "you know that hurts."
"It's called payback," Leo whispers, happy with himself as he leans over and grabs another handful of chips from Billie.
The movie is halfway through, and the three Greasers have finished eating Billie's salt and vinegar chips and were eating the Cadbury Creme Eggs Laura and Leo had brought. Billie enjoys the Cadbury Creme Eggs, but didn't eat them all the time, with the chocolate only being eaten on special occasions like Thanksgiving and Christmas in the Shepard household.
Leo frowns, as he looks ahead into the front row of the seats. "Isn't that Ponyboy?"
"What?" Laura asks, "why would he be here?"
"I don't know," Leo responds, "but that's him, isn't it? In the front row."
Billie, as well as Laura and Leo, look at the front row, where a light-brown haired Greaser boy wearing a thin white shirt sits beside a preppy Soc girl, sharing a box of popcorn.
"Hold on," Leo whispers, "is Ponyboy with Liz Cowan?"
Billie's heart sinks into her stomach at the same time as Laura kicks the empty seat in front of her. "What the hell is Ponyboy doing with her?" Laura spits out. Turning to Billie she asks accusingly, "did you know about this?"
"No!" Billie whispers, "why would I know?"
"But I thought he liked..." Leo drifts off in bewilderment. "But why is he with Liz Cowan?"
"They sit together in class," Billie answers softly as she makes a horrible realisation. This is why they were so friendly in class on Friday, laughing as Liz had her hand on Ponyboy's arm. Because they were going on a date.
Ponyboy's out on a date, with a girl that's much prettier than me, much smarter than me. He's on a date with a girl who isn't me.
Billie feels sick for the rest of the movie, and it isn't from all the junk she's been eating. She doesn't watch the rest of the movie. Instead, she can't keep staring at Ponyboy and Liz Cowan, watching ⏤ staring ⏤ as they share popcorn and give each other soft smiles that are sickeningly sweet. Each time they smile at each other, Billie's heart breaks all over again.
Is this what heartbreak feels like? Billie wonders, thinking back to the time when Angela was a freshman in high school and she got her heart broken by Greaser Charlie Stewart, who was a sophmore at the time and told Angela he preferred blondes. Angela had come home from school that day in tears, distraught and had told Billie, who was in seventh grade, that boys weren't worth it.
Her view had changed dramatically two weeks later, when Max Rathaway, the Shepards' old neighbour who was Angela's age, asked her out.
Just before the movie ends, Billie gets up, telling Laura and Leo she's not feeling well. They don't stop her as she leaves as they give her sympathetic looks, and give a knowing look to each other, that suggests they know more about Billie's feelings than Billie's willing to admit out loud.
Billie runs home, arms pumping as she runs far away from the drive-in. She wants to erase the images of Ponyboy and Liz Cowan together from her mind. She doesn't even want to think about Ponyboy and Liz Cowan kissing, or if this means they're going to be dating.
Her eyes are stinging as she arrives on her street and she wipes the tears away before she enters the house. Unfortunately for Billie, the lights are on inside the house, meaning she's not alone. Billie fights the urge to groan, as her night keeps getting worse.
Pushing the flyscreen door open, Billie sees Tim and Wesley on the couch, huddled over, deep in conversation. At the sound of the door creaking open, they both look up and see Billie by the door.
Tim's surprised as he sees his youngest sister come early. "I thought you'd be out longer," he states.
Billie ignores him as she rushes to her room, slamming the bedroom door closed behind her. Lying on the bed, Billie hears low, hushed whispers coming from the living room ⏤ most likely Tim and Wesley who are confused by Billie's behaviour.
Then, she hears footsteps creaking on the floorboards. Footsteps she recognises as Tim's. The door to her bedroom slowly opens, and Tim pokes his head in.
"Hey, kiddo," he begins softly, "is everything okay?" Billie feels a dip in the bed as she turns over to see Tim sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her with worry.
Billie makes an incoherent sound before she turns, her back facing her brother.
"Billie, I can't help you if you don't talk," Tim says.
Billie turns back around and glares at Tim. "I don't need help! Nothing is wrong and my life is fucking fantastic!" she yells, her blood pumping furiously in her veins.
Tim blinks in surprise at Billie's tone and attitude. Not once has Billie ever sworn out loud. She hates swearing, and even flinches when her siblings swear. Billie knows that her outburst will just make Tim realise that something is wrong; the opposite of what Billie wants. She just wants to deal with her problem alone, just like she always does.
"I know something is wrong," Tim says carefully, talking slowly to not set Billie off again. "You can tell me what's happened. I just want to help. Did you have a fight with your friends?"
"No," Billie replies as she turns over, voice muffled by her pillow.
"Are you sure?" Tim questions.
"Yes!" Billie exclaims, "now leave me alone."
Tim silently gets up from the bed and exits the bedroom. Billie can feel him hovering around the doorway, not hearing any footsteps leaving her room. Tim says, "if you want to talk, you know where I am." He then closes the door gently and Billie hears his footsteps fade as he re-enters the living room, where he and Wesley speak in low, hushed voices once again. She can hear her name being mentioned once or twice and feels embarrassed that Wesley's seen her like this. She hates other people knowing her business, and she feels stupid, like a little kid, that she's thrown a temper tantrum in front of her older brother's friend.
Angela arrives home late, most likely past midnight. Billie's been drifting in and out of sleep, trying unsuccessfully to settle in a deep sleep. She can't, not when all her mind keeps replaying is images of Ponyboy and Liz Cowan together at the drive-in, which them spirals to Billie having unwanted thoughts such as if they are dating, and the thought of them kissing and holding hands at school.
Billie can hear Tim and Angela talking, with Tim mentioning her name. He's most likely telling Angela about Billie's behaviour earlier that night, which means that Angela will barge in and force Billie to tell her what's wrong, because she thinks that because she's Billie's sister, Billie will be more likely to tell her what's wrong then telling Tim.
Billie closes her eyes as the door opens and Angela walks in, smelling of sweet perfume. She sits on her side of the bed and rests a hand on Billie's back. "Bil," she whispers, "I know you're not sleeping."
Billie doesn't say anything, trying to keep up the ruse that she's asleep. Angela sighs and rolls Billie over. Billie still doesn't open her eyes.
"Belinda Winona Shepard," Angela states, "open your eyes. I know you're awake."
Billie reluctantly opens her eyes. "What?" she grumbles. "I'm trying to sleep."
"Oh really?" Angela responds sarcastically. "Are you trying to sleep in between yellin' at Tim and actin' stroppy?"
"I'm not acting stroppy," Billie mutters and rolls over.
Angela rolls Billie back over. "Come on, Bil, talk to us. We know this isn't you and we know something's wrong."
"Nothing is wrong," Billie lies.
Angela gives Billie an unimpressed look. "I am your older sister," she begins, "which means I know when my little sister is being stubborn and is lying to me. Which is what you are doing now."
Billie groans. All she wants to do is go to sleep, to sleep off this pain in the left side of the chest that she gets whenever she thinks about Ponyboy and Liz Cowan together. But that won't happen if Angela keeps bugging her, so Billie reluctantly opens her mouth to start speaking. "Fine. You want to know what's wrong?"
Angela nods her head.
"I saw Ponyboy on a date at the drive-in," she begins. "With Liz Cowan. Which meant he lied to us yesterday because he didn't tell us that he was going on a date. Which also means that he doesn't like me."
Angela blinks in shock. "I ⏤ what? Ponyboy's with Liz Cowan, as in Cherry Valance's younger cousin? Since when do they talk?"
"Since now," Billie replies bitterly, "and obviously they talk a lot, since they were on a date." Billie spits out the word 'date' enviously, face turned up at the fact that Ponyboy was on a date with somebody else. Somebody else that he liked, that he wanted to be with it. Ponyboy likes somebody, and that somebody isn't Billie.
"Is that why you were angry when you came home?" Angela asks Billie softly, a hand placed soothingly on Billie's arm. "Because Ponyboy was on a date?"
"Yes," Billie cries out, her voice choking and tears welling up in the corner of her eyes. "He was on a date, Angela. With another girl. With Liz Cowan of all people. I don't compare to her. I'm nothing next to her."
Angela frowns. "Billie, don't ever say that. You are the smartest and prettiest girl I know. You're so special and you don't even realise it. You have a big heart. You care for us, you care for your friends ⏤ Scott told Tim about the time you patched him up after the Socs beat him up, and Hazel told us when you helped Scott with his homework. You are so, so special, so don't ever put yourself down. And don't ever compare yourself to Liz Cowan, okay?" Angela has both hands on Billie's shoulders, holding her in place as she forces Billie to meet her eyes.
"Then why doesn't Ponyboy see that?" Billie whispers, voice cracking. "Why doesn't he like me?"
Angela pulls Billie into a hug as she rubs circles onto Billie's back. "Because he's a boy. And boys are stupid," she whispers.
"It's not fair," Billie cries, voice muffled. "I like Ponyboy, and he doesn't like me back. I'm so stupid."
"No, no, Billie. You're not stupid. Don't say things like that," Angela responds, trying to comfort her little sister. "It's his loss, okay? He doesn't know what he's missing out on."
"It's not fair," Billie repeats, still crying as she grips Angela.
"I know, Bil, it's not," Angela whispers, as she hugs her younger sister even tighter.
Billie's head hurts when she wakes up the next morning. Dry tears are crusted around her eyes and she wipes them away with the back of her hand. Last night events come rushing back to her; seeing Ponyboy and Liz Cowan at the drive-in, yelling at Tim, admitting to Angela that she likes Ponyboy, then crying in front of Angela. She feels so pathetic, crying like that over a boy. A boy who doesn't care about her as much as she cares about him.
She shuffles into the living area, where Angela, Tim and Curly are all seated at the table, eating cereal. Tim looks up and tells her that there's someone waiting for her outside on the porch. Billie says she needs to get changed and Curly snorts, saying the person outside doesn't seem like the patient type.
When Billie walks out onto the porch, she sees Laura sitting on one of the chairs, arms folded. When she sees Billie, she gets up and cries out, "finally! I was beginning to think you were never going to get up."
Billie doesn't speak as she sits in a chair beside Laura.
"My mom dropped me off before going to work," Laura begins, "I wanted to see how you were after.. last night."
Billie looks down at her lap. "That obvious, huh?"
"Just a little bit," Laura admits sheepishly. "But Leo and I aren't going to say anything."
"Thanks," Billie says and gives Laura a weak smile.
"You really like him, don't you?" Laura asks softly.
Billie nods her head, "yeah, I do," she admits, ignoring the pain in her chest as she admits this. "I just wished he liked me back."
"What an asshole," Laura says crossly.
"He's not an asshole for not liking me back," Billie says.
"He is an asshole for leading you on. We all thought he liked you, and then he goes on a date with fucking Liz Cowan. And then he lies about it. What an asshole move," Laura elaborates crossly, frowning darkly.
Billie sighs and looks down at her lap again. She thought Ponyboy liked her too. She thought those little moments they shared, like when Ponyboy came up to her the day after they found Angela, and the night of Sodapop's party meant something, but she was wrong.
"Shit," Laura curses, "I didn't mean to upset you."
Billie blinks away her tears as she looks up at Laura. "No, it's fine."
Laura looks unconvinced, but thankfully doesn't push Billie. "I think it's best if I go. I've kinda left all my homework to the last minute," she jokes lightly, trying to put a smile on Billie's face.
Billie laughs weakly, but appreciates the sentiment. "I'll see you at school tomorrow. Thanks for coming over," she tells Laura.
"Of course," Laura says and hugs Billie before she walks down the porch steps and onto the sidewalk. She turns and gives Billie one last wave before she crosses the road.
Coming back inside the house, there is a bowl of Sugar Stars ready for Billie. She sits down at the table as Angela and Tim wash up and Curly still eats.
"That's his third bowl," Angela informs Billie, frowning in disgust.
"I'm a growing boy," Curly responds through a mouthful of food.
"Gross," Angela says as Tim smacks Curly over the head with a teatowel.
"So," Curly begins casually, "what's your friend's name?"
Tim snorts, "you moving on from Wintson's girl, Sylvia?"
Curly gives Tim the middle finger as he turns back to his twin. "What's her name?"
"She didn't tell you?" Billie asks Curly.
"No," Curly frowns, "when I asked her she told me that she would be waiting outside until you got up."
"She bruised Curly's fragile ego," Tim teases, putting Curly into a headlock.
"It was great," Angela adds.
"She's welcome to come around more often if she's going to put Curly in his place," Tim says as he releases Curly from his headlock.
"I hate all of you," Curly grumbles as he shoves a spoonful of Sugar Stars in his mouth. Once he's finished chewing he says to Billie, "so? What's her name?"
"Laura," Billie answers. With a cheeky smile she adds, "and she's way too good for you."
Curly's cheeks turn bright red as Tim and Angela howl with laughter from the kitchen, as Angela washes up and Tim dries the dishes.
"This family is a fucking nightmare," Curly mutters to himself as he mouths to Billie, you fucking traitor.
Billie can't help but laugh, feeling the best she's felt since she's woken up.
As Billie makes her way to the spot behind the cafeteria for lunch, she's intercepted by Laura. "What do you think your doing?" Laura hisses, grabbing her arm and yanking her away from the direction of their spot.
"Going to eat lunch?" Billie answers, but her response comes out as a question.
"We're not sitting there," Laura says, "not after Saturday night."
"Where are we sitting then?" Billie asks.
"There's a free table near the front of the school," Laura answers as she starts to walk, dragging Billie along with her. Billie follows Laura to their new spot, hoping that they don't run into any of the boys.
But when a familiar voice calls out their names, Billie's hope is squashed. Scott, Leo and Ponyboy are standing several metres away from the girls, all wearing identical confused looks.
"Where are you going?" Ponyboy asks.
"You're going in the opposite direction to our spot," Scott adds.
"We're going away from you," Laura answers venomously, glaring at Ponyboy.
Ponyboy gulps as he grips the straps of his backpack tightly.
"We don't hang out with the Socs and we certainly don't hang out with Greasers who go on dates with Socs," Laura states before walking away from the boys. Billie follows, trying to forget the baffled and hurt look on Ponyboy's face as the girls walk away.
a/n: writing this chapter hurt me, but it had to be done. please let me know your thoughts. do you think ponyboy likes liz? or do you think he likes billie? is there hope for ponyboy and billie? what do you think of curly and laura? please comment anything, I would really think to hear what you're all thinking! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter I'll see you all with another update! ❤️