Fucking pathetic things had come to this. I gave Bryce every chance to quit. Now, we had to do this the hard way. The Jake Harrison way.
Bryce's text that proclaimed me the winner of the game, under false assumptions that I slept with Ellie and ridiculous texts from the team, was the last straw. I arrived early Monday morning and waited in the parking lot. Liquid irritation, not blood, flowed in my veins. I clenched and unclenched my steering wheel, making the gaps between my knuckles appear and recede.
The more cars that filled in around me, the more impatience and anger fought to control my mood. Bryce's black truck throbbing with music beats gave anger the edge. I narrowed my eyes and clenched my teeth when he stepped onto the pavement.
"There he is." His light-hearted tone and head-to-toe visual scan made my hands fists. "Years of celibacy freshly fucked away isn't a good look for you, bro." His face stretched into a wide grin, and one of his palms lifted for a high-five. My teeth ground against each other and everything outside my direct focus blurred out of recognition. I tightened my jaw so tense that my neck strained. "Fucking finally ended your dry spell."
My body reacted with a flinch. Anger coiled so tight, I snapped. Tiny red spots flashed over Bryce's smug grin. Tension drew my shoulders up, pinching the muscles in my upper back as I drew back my left fist. I clenched my stomach, grunted like a fucking caveman, and punched the middle of his stupid, grinning face.
Crack!
An explosion of pain burst between my first and second knuckles and shot down my left hand and wrist. Bryce's head snapped back, and his chin lifted skyward. His knees wobbled, and he fell to the pavement like I'd punched the life out of his body.
I hadn't been in a fight since middle school, probably for a reason. "Tell me," I threatened through gritted teeth and cast a shadow over Bryce's slumped body. With small flicks of my left fingers in the air next to my leg, tingles shot up my wrist. "That. It's. Over."
"Bro?" His eyes looked up at me with white surrounding his irises. A small trickle of blood beaded up and threatened to spill out his left nostril. "I-I'm sorry, bro." The shock in Bryce's eyes was replaced with a flash of fear as my right hand clenched into a tight fist.
I would've hurt Bryce more if I'd used my dominant right hand, but I wasn't stupid enough to risk injuring my throwing arm. And I didn't want Bryce hurt, but my words were ineffective. So, here we were. "The correct answer." An unfamiliar voice, low and threatening, vibrated my throat. I leaned over, pain returning in my left hand's knuckles as I tightened both fists around his shirt. With a grunt, I squeezed the collar into the back of his neck. "Is yes."
"Y-yes," Bryce stuttered.
Rushed footsteps approached, which I ignored and squeezed harder. "Stop being a fucking idiot. You could get us all suspended or in jail for all the nude pictures of girls shit. Good luck explaining that to recruiters on Friday. Probably doesn't look good on a college application either."
For the first time, his cocky voice wavered. "Bro, I didn't think-"
"Exactly." He hadn't thought about anything but his selfish satisfaction. The fabric of his shirt cut lines into his thick neck as I pulled harder. "That's your problem, Bryce. You don't fucking think past getting your dick wet. If you ever so much as think about El-"
"Enough." A pair of hands hooked around my chest and tried to yank me back. Two concrete pillars of stubbornness, my legs locked in place, and I kept my hold on Bryce's shirt. "Chill out. Message sent."
"Hands off," I growled at whoever grabbed me.
"Bro, he said yes. Drop this shit." At another tug on my chest, I turned to Josh's furrowed eyebrows and concern in his eyes. "Game's Friday. You get suspended, and we're all fucked. Random Monday morning beat-down isn't you. He got the message, so chill."
Bryce stood, his back and shoulders sliding up against his truck. I released my hold, shoved Josh's hands off, and walked away with my chin tucked. The sidewalk up to Salesian blurred and refocused, and I needed several deep breaths and long steps away to calm the rage that broiled inside me. Loud stomps and whatever expression I wore were enough that anyone ahead of me jumped off the sidewalk into the dirt and grass.
"Enjoy your sorry-ass warming the bench today," I spat over my shoulder to Bryce. "Maybe use the time to start thinking with your brain instead of your dick."
I'd rather punch Bryce again right now than go through with this.
Kendall was first on my apology list. She was the easiest girl to locate. I hoped to pull her aside during lunch, but she had other plans. "What's she doing here?" I glanced over at our sixth lunch table seat, where Olivia sat.
Kendall's signature smirk was aimed right at me. "Well..." Fuck, that suggestive, coy voice grated my ears like sandpaper. She twirled a black lock around her index finger. "After your little pep rally stunt, I thought you'd be pleased to see her. So, I invited her."
"Course you did." I rolled my eyes at this stunt of Kendall getting back at me after I turned her down at the blood drive. Olivia's overmanicured appearance put a small pit of guilt in my stomach.
She probably spent a lot of time getting ready for this and beamed at the idea of breathing the same air space. Her eyes sparkled, and a small dimple creased her cheeks from her bright smile. By Kendall's smirk, she knew Olivia had no idea she was being played, and I wouldn't pass an innocent freshman onto Bryce. He and I were chill again, but he was guaranteed to say inappropriate shit.
"Don't be rude to Olivia, Logan Alexander." Kendall batted her lashes. "Rumor is she's your girlfriend."
Josh's eyes snapped up from his lunch and searched mine before he looked at Ava with a frown. She shrugged with a blank look, so Ava didn't know about Ellie, and neither did Kendall. Good. Some of Ellie's privacy here stayed intact. I wanted her out of our lunch conversations. And yet, I also wanted to shove Ellie right in everyone's face as a model example of someone being above superficial shit. Someone so deep and struggled against real-life, deep-rooted problems they wouldn't entertain these bullshit games. But that wasn't fair to Ellie, so I sat silent.
Thankfully, one particular topic dominated the lunch table gossip. As co-chairs of the Homecoming committee, Ava and Kendall focused on spirit week and that damn dance since the first day. Despite being weeks away, they chatted about one miserable three-hour dance like clucking chickens. How the fuck were they so obsessed with hairstyles and what colors they wanted in flowers? Who attended the dance together was a daily conversation. Bryce even rattled through options.
Today though, I was done being silent, particularly over shitty high school bullying. "I need to talk to you." I glared at Kendall. "Hallway, now."
"Such a tease when you talk to me in that voice." Her triumphant smirk almost lurched my stomach.
She'd gotten what she wanted from bringing Olivia to our table: my attention, but she wasn't going to like the reason why. I followed an Ellie approach and pressed my lips together. The weight of the room's eyes, including wide ones from our table, followed us out. I walked behind Kendall so she couldn't see the look I knew didn't mask my annoyance. My lips twitched the longer I held them together.
Kendall turned in the hall, leaned against a painted white brick wall, and smiled like she knew what I had to say. No part of me looked forward to this, but my apology had to be said. I swallowed the dryness that crept up the back of my throat. "Look, I know we have a, uhh, history." I leaned against the same wall to face her.
"History?" Kendall's smirk faded into a scowl. "Being intimate twice is more than just history. I know you, Logan Hightower. I'm the only one in your history that can claim that."
Internally, every muscle in my body pulled tautly. The amount of restraint I needed was impossible not to scoff. Only Kendall overinflated drunken blowjobs as intimacy. I hadn't felt intimate or reciprocated similar actions, fuck we hadn't slept together, but I shouldn't have entertained it. "Kendall, I'm sorry. I am sorry I mistreated and disrespected you two years ago. I was selfish, and I'm sorry."
Part of her expression, the muscles that pulled her mouth into a scowl, softened a second. Her smile gave me a glimmer of hope for us to be friends. In a blink, her brown eyes turned a shade darker, and her clenched teeth showed between her parted lips. "I don't want your apology."
I heaved a sigh and crossed my arms. "Kendall, I don't know what else you could want from me, but an apology is all I have. You don't have to accept it, but you deserved to hear-"
"Fuck you!" Kendall lifted her right hand. A flash of red nails cut through the air, and a loud snap hit my ears before a burst of pain licked the skin on my left cheek. My head turned, and a chilling sense of shock locked my torso muscles in a twist.
She smacked me. Fucking hell. I rubbed my aching cheek and thanked Ellie for my restraint in not reacting further.
"Don't you dare pretend that you know what I deserve." One corner of her lips lifted and she sneered through clenched teeth. Her arms crossed over her chest, and her shoulders lifted closer to her ears. The most lunatic words I'd ever heard came out of her mouth, "We both know that you're not this virtuous. I deserve to be your girlfriend, your date for Homecoming. That's what you were supposed to ask me here. I'm sorry? Please, we both know you weren't sorry for what happened."
Was she fucking serious!? I lost track of time and stared at her until my eyes dried up. My brain couldn't form a single coherent thought. How the fuck had she come to that conclusion? As usual, when my brain shut down, I blurted out the honest, blunt truth. "Kendall, you're insane. There's only one person I'd go with, and it's sure as fuck not you." The words slipped out, and I rubbed my throbbing skin.
"Oh, your little Santa Cruz crush?" With one slight head tilt, a few strands of Kendall's straight, shiny black hair tumbled over her shoulder. "I've heard all about her. It'd be such a shame if what happened to Chloe happened to Eleanor."
How the fuck did she know about Ellie? Hidden in the syrupy-sweet tone she wrapped around each word, Kendall's silent threat lit a fuse in me. Fuck, she was lucky I tried to be a better person. Instead of giving her a piece of my mind like my brain screamed at me to do, I glared at every possible version of 'fuck you' I could think of.
With loud, stiff steps, I marched back into the cafeteria to our table, grabbed my tray in one hand and Olivia's hand in the other, and dragged her to a nearby table of science club guys. Two could play this game. "Jason, Emmett, and Kyle, this is Olivia," I said to the guys in my AP bio and chem classes. My voice sounded polite, although every cell in my body seethed, and my tray rattled onto their table. "Do you mind if we sit with you?"
Understandably, their table blinked up at us. After a few seconds, they nodded and shifted their eyes to Olivia. "Logan?" She looked between the other table and the chair that Kyle pulled out for her.
I dropped her hand and sat down with a plop. "Olivia?" I waved her closer and spoke in a low voice into her ear. "Kendall is manipulating you. You can go back there, let her continue to do it, and feel like shit after if you want. Or, you can sit with these nice, respectful guys who will most likely drool over you for whatever time's left in lunch period."
"It-it's okay." Olivia gave me a tight smile, then turned to the science guys. She slid her tray next to Kyle's, who looked like he won the lottery. They all looked at her with interest as she sat down and started a casual conversation.
And just like that, I had a new lunch table. Near the end of the lunch period, I caved into the curiosity that burned into the back of my skull to look at my old table. Josh and Bryce sat with identical looks of confusion, which I shrugged at. Kendall whispered furiously at Ava, her eyes locked in a glare at me. I returned her look with my version and turned away. If she didn't want an apology, that was on her. Unfortunately, with Kendall, things weren't over until she said they were.
Tried my best.
Biggest regret of my life.
"Care to explain, bro?" Josh asked by the time I got to my locker.
I turned around to him and Bryce standing with the same confused looks. "Sorry guys, it wasn't about you." I pulled out my books for this week's homework and stuffed them in my bag. We had a long week of practices because of this week's opponent, so I wanted my homework done early.
"Kendall came back bitching about you and Homecoming. She was holding out on you asking her." Josh pulled the corners of his mouth down. "Ava's been harping about it since last week, I didn't want to mention anything because..."
Because of Ellie. I was grateful he didn't say it because Bryce the idiot stood shoulder-to-shoulder with him. "Thanks, Josh," I mumbled and zipped my bag shut. With a sigh more at my locker than those two, I admitted, "It's Kendall's bullshit. I hate her stupid fucking games and can't deal with them anymore. Sorry."
"Wow, I had no idea." Bryce shifted in his feet. "Is this all because of Elle? Kendall couldn't stop talking about-"
"No," I cut him off and tightened my fist around my backpack strap. "I wanted to apologize to Kendall for shit in the past. Decent human thing, that's all."
"No way, bro." Bryce frowned and shook his head. "Eleanor must've been some freak in bed. She-"
"Do you want me to punch you again? Fuck, you're asking for it." I slammed my locker shut and absorbed the vibrations from the rattled metal in my palm. I took a deep breath and squeezed my hand into a fist to calm the 'hit him again' storm brewing inside me. With a glare straight into Bryce's eyes and an even, direct tone, I admitted, "I didn't sleep with her."
Tuesday evening, after later-than-normal football practice, I stopped by Chloe's house north of Salinas. The same white siding, red shutters and front door, and half-dead ferns in baskets hung along the porch greeted me. Their brown, lifeless leaves were a sad reminder that her mom's gardening skills rivaled Mom's cooking skills. Two years since I last stood on this front porch, and the memories were bittersweet. I walked Chloe home from a party and paused two steps down. She was confident, and I couldn't stand still. She wasn't my first kiss, but I thought she was my last. Another lifetime ago.
I hadn't seen Chloe except for a few random hallway sightings. The energetic, fun girl who beat me in beer pong wilted into a quiet, meek introvert. Her social regression was my fault. She sent the picture to share with us, and I violated her trust, making the relationship over before there was any chance to get started.
"Here goes nothing." Apologizing to Chloe was long overdue, but my heart beat harder when my reflection stared back at me from the small window on the side of the door. With a deep breath, I pushed the doorbell and stuffed my hands in my pockets as a dry sensation built in my throat.
Finally, the door opened, and two amber-colored eyes peered through a tiny crack. "Logan? Is that you?" In a meek, strained voice, Chloe stayed glued to the inside of the door frame as she hid behind her house walls. "What are you doing here?"
"Hi, Chloe," I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "Can I talk to you?"
Her head shook. "Sorry, this isn't a good time."
She started to close the door, but I stuck my fingers around it. "Is there any way you could please listen?" I asked in a quiet voice. "I want to apologize. You deserve that."
My fingers were thankful when she cracked the door open a little further. "Do you want to sit out here with me?" I pointed at the front porch steps.
"No." Her voice flowed through the crack, with an added sense of urgency reflected in her words, "I'm sorry, but please hurry."
Fine, we'll talk through the door. I took a deep breath but kept my eyes on her. "Chloe, I tried to find you the first day of school, but you'd transferred. I'm sorry to come here today, I'm very sorry that I'm two years too late, and I'm so fucking sorry for everything that happened. I'm truly sorry, Chloe."
Under the weight of my apology, one hand's fingers raked through my hair. "I was a total idiot sharing your picture with the team. I ruined our relationship and the best friendship I had back then. It was disrespectful and cruel to break your trust like that. I regretted it back then and still regret it now."
She stood there, her spine straight and stiff like she absorbed these words, then scanned my eyes. Her long, straight hair hung over her shoulders like a curtain she wanted to hide behind, which pinched tension into my chest tighter the longer we stood in silence.
"Oh... I... wow," she whispered and dropped her gaze. "I gave up on you ever doing this."
"Also?" My palm rested flatly on the outside of the front door frame. "This doesn't change anything, but I did not post your picture online. Not two years ago or at the start of this year. I did share your picture with the team, but I initiated everything. That was wrong. You deserved none of what happened."
After a silent pause, Chloe's eyes lifted to me with the last two words I expected. "I know."
Pressure rushed into my palm on her door frame from how my weight sagged into it. "You... you do!?" My eyes couldn't have stretched wider without falling out of their sockets.
"Yeah." The door creaked wider, and her voice came out in a soft, defeated tone. "I know who it was."
After an initial second, my heart stopped, and my body flamed warm. My nostrils flared, my jaw clenched, my hand tightened into a fist, and my brain spun what Chloe's words implied. All this time wondering who did it, all these years wrongly accused, and she knew the truth? "What!? Who!?!"
Since Chloe deserved none of my misdirected anger, I took a deep breath and stepped back to maintain a calm composure. Even with my best restraint efforts, my voice bordered a warning. "Who did that to you!?"
Chloe looked at me silently for a few moments. As her eyes searched my expression, I tried to show her that I was remorseful and silently begged her with every cell in my body. I wanted my fist punched through a wall, and my hands trembled at my sides. I curled my fingers in and squeezed them into my palms.
Tears welled up over her eyes until they shone like tiny mirrors. I wasn't in any negotiating position here, but begged her, "Chloe, please." Her chin dropped to her chest, and her words came out so quietly, I strained but heard every one of them.
"Umm... It was Kendall. Kendall Miller."
The tension that strained my wrist evaporated when I unclenched my fingers. My jaw was nearly unhinged from how fast it dropped, and I couldn't blink. Kendall!? My money would've been on Bryce if he was smart enough to use a web browser. That fucking bitch. Fuck that not-accepted apology I'd given her yesterday. 'It'd be a shame if what happened to Chloe happened to Eleanor' held another meaning – a toxic, disgusting, vindictive meaning. It wasn't a snarky observation but a threat. I frowned. "How did you know it was her?"
"Kendall confronted me both times before she put my picture online. She said if she couldn't have you, then no one could." I couldn't move. All my muscles and thoughts froze at the lunacy Chloe described.
I'm some kind of trophy.
And words can't describe how shitty this feels.
"She wanted to break us up the whole month we dated." Chloe's eyes shifted between my feet and the door. "She was jealous since she said you were together your freshman year? And only she could make you feel certain things. Her words, not mine."
"We were never together," I mumbled, my chest tightening. "Not like you and me, Chloe."
I should have never gotten involved with Kendall. What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn't dumb enough to assume it was all caused by alcohol. My dick drove more of my decisions than my brain. Chloe stood as proof that I hadn't cared about anyone else. And that selfishness bit me in the ass. I should've never entertained her toxicity. She didn't deserve to be used or led to believe I cared about her, but every one of the two times with her, no, every conversation with Kendall, was a mistake. My poor judgment after Chloe broke up with me had only reinforced Kendall's insanity. I used her, but at no point did I reciprocate anything, physical or emotional to her.
Yeah, I was wrong and stupid, but how could she-
Both my fists and jaw tightened again. Thankfully, for the pressure between my eyes like my brain wanted to burst out of my forehead, Chloe continued, "After she posted those pictures two years ago, I wanted to walk away from the whole thing. I thought I had, but she did it again before this year started after a preseason party. I couldn't spend another year as Salesian's joke."
I closed my eyes under the weight of her words. Fuck, the negative impact I'd inflicted on such an innocent person's life. "Chloe, I'm sorry. I had no idea." I heaved a heavy, frustrated sigh. "I will talk to her."
"No." Chloe's eyes snapped up to mine, and her voice wavered. "She threatened me, said if I told anyone, then she'd do worse."
Her wide eyes filled with tears but not tears of sadness. Her wide eyes, raspy voice, and trembling lips tore at my conscience. This whole time what affected her wasn't only rumors. Bullying robbed Chloe of being herself. My jaw clenched to where I was surprised I didn't crack a tooth.
"I just want it to go away," she whispered. "No one at Santa Cruz knows, and I'd like it to stay that way. You deserved to know, but if anyone else asks, then I'm saying that I don't know who did it."
I dragged my hands through my hair and cupped the back of my neck. "Kendall can't get away with this shit."
"She got her wish," she said. "You didn't date anyone after me. Until maybe now? Jake's sister?"
"Chloe, I'm not doing this for Ellie." I looked straight into her eyes. "I'm doing it because I was an asshole, and you didn't deserve it. Ellie brought my stupidity to my attention, but I wanted to apologize long before I met her. "I didn't try hard enough. Every time you ran away. Eventually, I thought you wanted your space. I tried to respect that, but you deserve to know how sorry I've always been."
The first smile Chloe flashed at me today disappeared. "I honestly had no idea you were being bullied and threatened by that psycho bitch Kendall. Or I would have-"
"We both made mistakes." Chloe cut me off with a lifted hand. "I don't want to talk about this ever again, and you need to go now."
With that finality, her eyes looked up at me for the next stupid thing I'd say, but I only nodded. I'd said what I needed to. She nodded and gave me a tight smile. Her hand got the door almost closed when her eyes flipped open with sheer horror, directed behind my right shoulder. In my groveling and distracted thoughts, I hadn't heard the quick, heavy footsteps that thumped up the sidewalk behind me.
Guess I couldn't have asked for a better-
A pair of hands grabbed my shoulders from behind. Her house's red shutters on the white siding blurred and spun out of sight. The darkening early night sky was the last thing I saw while rolling airborne. A stinging sensation signaled that the concrete roughed up my knees before I rolled over into softer clumps of grass in her front yard.
Before I could grasp what the fuck happened, the same rough hands fisted my shirt and lifted my chest and shoulders off the ground. The strain of my T-shirt cut into the back of my neck, and a shadowy Jake Harrison stood over me. What the fuck was he doing here!?
"I told you," his voice growled menacingly. His eyes were dark, almost black, and narrowed into thin slits. "Fuck off, Hightower."
"Jake, it's not-"
"This is for Chloe," were his last words before a splitting pain lashed into the bottom of my jaw.
Crack!
I heard the sound during the split second between the initial contact of Jake's punch and the actual radiating pain his fist thrust into my jaw. His hit felt like a sledgehammer swung into my face. My head snapped back, and I swore my teeth rattled. His angry face blurred. "Jake, what the fuck?" Half-crumpled onto the grass and entangled in his grasp, I stared at his mercy when his hand drew back again. Heated throbs erupted along my jaw and tingled up into my cheek. Only my hands moved and tightened into defensive fists.
Before either of us acted, a pair of small hands grasped his raised back fist, and a shrill, sweet voice rang above me. "Jake, no!"
My stomach dropped at that voice.
Ellie.