"You've got to be more discreet, Marie."
Marie frowned as she laid sprawled amongst a few seats in the first row of Nathaniel's lecture hall. Her backpack was on the floor with her feet kicked up on one of the armrests, completely unbothered and relaxed.
"Hey, I've been careful." Marie stayed behind after class quite often, usually leaving with the other students before taking a fake restroom break and heading back to get on her professor's nerves.
Despite her frequent nosiness, Nathaniel took academic conduct seriously and never indulged Marie in any future test questions or hints on what to study. He was alright with hitting his student raw but drew the line at cheating?
Nathaniel leaned back in his chair at his desk, grinning at Marie's discouraged expression. Seeing the young student's pouty frown in her oversized pullover stirred something in him that had nothing to do with his erection.
The professor shifted the conversation to something more serious. "How are you feeling, Marie?"
Marie paused for a second. She had been through many rough patches in her life, especially her years in high school and living at home. But right now, this was probably the best mental state she had been in for a while.
It wasn't perfect. But she woke up every morning looking forward to something - whether that was talking to a certain psychology professor, getting lunch with Ashly and Caleb, or just spending time alone in her apartment feeling comfortable with who she was. It was a feeling she lacked in the past.
"I feel..." Marie thought about her word choice.
Expressing herself had always been a huge struggle for her. Getting whipped and fucked was fine, but asked about her feelings? Marie hesitated.
"Good?" Nathaniel repeated, with a humorous eyebrow raised.
Marie crossed her arms and huffed. "This isn't my thing."
"Talking about your emotions?"
"Yeah."
Nathaniel slowly responded, not wanting to cross any lines or boundaries. "I know last time, after the conference... it was a lot for you. I want you to know you can always ask for time to think or use your safeword. It isn't only for physical acts, Marie, but for emotional aspects of this relationship too."
Marie's soft look back at her professor exuded gratefulness. He cared after her, as his student and...
Unable to respond in any other way, Marie deflected the situation with humor. "You're going to have to find more creative ways to get me to use my safeword, professor."
Nathaniel's glare sent shivers down Marie's spine as she dipped lower in her chair.
"I'm being serious, Marie."
The slight sharpness in Nathaniel's voice made Marie straighten out. She faltered as she began to truly reflect on her feelings. "I'm okay with the... pace of our relationship. I feel comfortable just seeing where this takes us... while being discreet of course."
Nathaniel nodded. He was immensely grateful for Marie's maturity and self-control. Plenty of students like her had made their attempts at the professor, but there was a reason Marie was different. She was here for reasons beyond just finding her professor attractive - Marie had a genuine curiosity and a deep understanding of her sexual desires.
And for Marie, the professor was everything she wanted and more.
The danger of their relationship always lingered. What was this going to be in a year? Two? After Marie graduated?
"What's on your mind, Marie?"
The professor forced Marie to face her thoughts, something that both frustrated her but she knew was only for her good.
"I know this isn't... allowed," Marie finally articulated, motioning between the two of them.
"It isn't." The professor leaned back in his chair. "I could get in a lot of trouble. You're a student - my student, to make matters more serious."
"So dropping your class wouldn't do anything?" Marie asked quietly. It had occurred to her, despite the negative record on her transcript.
"One, I won't let you do that." The professor sighed. "Second, a professor with any student is looked down upon either way... especially given I'm on track to be president of the university."
Marie felt her stomach twist into a knot of fear and guilt... and uncertainty. Along with being an ethical dilemma, this relationship would be a logistical one too.
Nathaniel could see and sense Marie's worry, so he motioned for her to come up to his desk. He cleared a space on it, letting the student sit atop with her legs dangling off the edge while he remained in his chair.
"Marie, I want this." The professor looked into Marie's warm eyes, an act so intimate it made her heart skip a couple of beats. "But if you don't, I understand."
It wasn't a question for Marie. "I do, too."
"Then we'll take it slow."
Marie replied with a small smile, comforted by the steadiness and authority in Nathaniel's words. While the two had already engaged in a number of illicit acts, the emotional intimacy of the relationship would need time.
Nathaniel shifted the topic, but insisted on remaining personal. He needed to know more about Marie - apart from her sexual taste.
"What are your plans for Thanksgiving break?" Nathaniel asked.
Marie closed her eyes as she let out a tired sigh. "Heading back home. My parents are driving up the day before Thanksgiving day. I only plan on staying one night."
Marie never wanted to come off as ungrateful. She was immensely appreciative of having both parents put a roof over her head and food on the table during her adolescent years. But emotionally and mentally, their family dynamic was severely unhealthy. Marie relished in independence and going back was most definitely going to resurface some unhappy memories.
It was one of the few things she felt Nathaniel wouldn't understand.
"What about you?" Marie asked back.
"My brother also lives nearby so my family is coming here. It'll be at his place - he's got a house, wife, kids and all."
Marie's interest peaked. "What does your brother do?"
"Let's just say my brother and I took very different career paths. Only one of us ended up a nerd like our parents."
Marie chuckled, absentmindedly drawing circles on Nathaniel's arms. She loved the way he would fold the sleeves of his dress shirts up to expose his forearms.
"Send me the address of your apartment the day before you leave. I want to say bye," Nathaniel requested.
"Will do, professor."
"Nathaniel," he corrected.
Marie smiled. "Nathaniel."
✥ ✥ ✥
Ashly, Caleb, and Marie had decided to have one last hangout before the three of them went back to their hometowns for Thanksgiving break. The three had set up on the rooftop of Caleb's dorm, which towered over the other buildings around it significantly. It was peaceful and overlooked a beautiful view of the campus, light twinkling as the evening air darkened the sky slightly.
Ashly was already cracking open her second hard seltzer. Caleb attempted to grab it away from her while Ashly avoided him with a laugh.
"Do not make me carry you home, Ash," Caleb warned humorously. Ashly only rolled her eyes in response. Marie wasn't worried; the girl probably had the best tolerance for alcohol out of the three of them.
Marie took another sip from her can, letting the liquid fizzle down her throat as she felt the slight buzz start to haze her thoughts. God, she was a lightweight - but nothing compared to Caleb.
The boy flopped onto his back on the blanket they had laid out, almost spilling his drink. "Alright, I need some advice from the ladies."
"Go for it," Marie responded, waiting for Caleb's inquiries. She could see the gears in his head turning at a drunken pace.
"Me and Grace - my beautiful girlfriend," Caleb drawled on. "We've been talking and we'd like to get a bit more intimate. I mean not like..."
Caleb started motioning the universal gesture for intercourse with his two hands, making Ashly almost snort her drink out.
Caleb continued. "Yeah, not that. I mean maybe. I don't know. She's a girl. I don't wanna scare her or anything, ya know?"
Marie couldn't help but roll her eyes. While some girls may approach sex and intimacy with shyness, it bothered her when it was generalized to all of them. The notion that women were sexually timid was something that burdened her growing up, as she was very much the opposite.
Caleb kept going. "Sex scares me. I mean, I've seen porn. I know like... yeah, how it works. I just keep thinking what if it gets stuck?"
Now it was Marie's turn to laugh, almost spitting her drink out. God, this country's sex education had failed its youth.
"Look, I'm turning all these questions over to Marie," Ashly deflected, leaning back with a cheeky grin.
"Help me out, M," Caleb whined.
Marie sighed. "Just communicate with her, Caleb. Ask her about what she likes and doesn't. Establish limits - so for example, intercourse can be off-limits until you both feel comfortable."
Many aspects of BDSM are perfectly applicable to "vanilla" relationships - if anything, they can be healthy and even beneficial. Safewords and limits, physical and emotional, are important concepts in any relationship. Establishing boundaries and adhering to them is one of the many ways to show respect and care for the other person.
Ashly and Caleb's expressions shifted into curious interest, surprised by Marie's serious answer. Marie felt herself get self-conscious all of a sudden.
"Just open up to her, Caleb. Women know their bodies. Make her feel comfortable and safe... the reason many of us don't talk about these things is because society suppresses it and we distrust men," Marie finally concluded, taking another sip of her drink.
"Preach," Ashly responded with an imaginary toast.
Marie quickly added a final note. "And no, Caleb, it will not get stuck."
Caleb stared at Marie like a deer in headlights, as if she was reading straight from a textbook. "I'll do that... yeah, I'll do that."
Suddenly, all three of the student's phones pinged. Ashly was the first to check it.
"Um... whoa, okay. Stinton sent out a school-wide email." Ashly's eyes skimmed down the long address, her eyes slowly widening towards the end. "Looks like he's not giving up his seat as president after this year?"
Caleb and Marie had started scrolling through the overly long email as well. It was filled with annoyingly erudite language and artificially hyped-up school spirit. But it was clear he intended to remain in his position...
Caleb scoffed. "Isn't this guy like 80 years old? I thought his term was over."
"The term is just precedent, I don't think he has to step down. But it's definitely weird," Ashly answered, glancing up at Marie. "Especially since pretty much everyone was expecting Dr. Dameron to take his place after this academic year."
Why was Ashly looking at her?
Ashly continued. "I think this is starting to get political, if you ask me. Colleges aren't educational institutions anymore, they're companies."
Marie hadn't said anything yet. She wasn't much of a pessimist in life, but an uncomfortable feeling of dread was weighing on her.
"Yeah," Marie finally spoke, agreeing with Ashly's previous statement. "I talked with Stinton at the conference. He seemed unusually interested in Nathaniel."
It took a few seconds for Marie to realize she had addressed her professor by his first name. When she looked up to see if anyone noticed, only Ashly was looking at her quizzically.
Caleb appeared to be too tipsy to catch it. "Look, as long as I get this fucking degree after all this debt - I don't care who's in charge."
The two girls chuckled at Caleb's remark, seemingly moving past Marie's slip up. But Marie could still feel Ashly's curious eyes on her.