Kitty's p.o.v
*2 weeks later*
"Jay, did you get your toothbrush?" Our apartment was still in complete disarray from the move meaning it was nearly impossible to find anything anymore.
"Yes mommy. I dot it." I smiled at my beautiful three year old who is so mature. Part of me was grateful, while another part hated that life had thrown so much at her she had to be mature.
"I'm so proud of you. You know I love you, right?"
"Yes mommy, I wuv you too." She rolled her eyes but let me kiss her anyway. I'd made a point of telling her constantly that I loved her to make sure she knew. Before I could say anything else a knock sounded on the door. "Daddy here! Daddy here!"
"I sure am." Chris sing songed from the doorway. I don't recall saying come in. Chris refused to even look at me, but beamed at Jaylee, catching her when she ran into his arms.
"I miss you!" He squeezed even tighter, no doubt relishing in the feeling of having her in his arms again.
"I missed you too Jay babe. How have you been?"
"I dood, mommy and me no like it here." I winced when she revealed what I was hoping to keep between us. She was just stating the facts, not only was this not a good apartment by any stretch of the mind (with its leaky faucets, god-knows-what stained ceilings, and disgusting carpet), it also wasn't home. Chris' house had become our home, and this wasn't even cutting it for an in the meantime place.
"Is that so?" Holy shit, he addressed that to me.
"Y-yeah, there's a lot wrong with it."
"Guess it didn't pay off to look ahead after all, did it?" Ouch, that was a good jab. "C'mon Jay babe, let's head out."
"Okay. Bye mommy, I wuv you!"
"I love you too baby, be sure you call me!" The anxiety didn't take any time to fill my gut, and I had a sinking feeling that it wasn't going to leave until Lee was back safe in my arms. This was the first time Chris had ever taken her away from me for more than a day, and I was already regretting ever letting him sign those papers.
~~~~
Chris' p.o.v
That apartment is a dump, nobody deserved to live there especially not the two most special people on the planet. Maybe I was being too hard on Kitty, but what she did hurt beyond belief. It stabbed straight through my heart, and skewered it only to rip it out of my chest and roast it on a fire of rage. The feeling of having Jay in my arms again was indescribable, but even as it toasted over the fire my heart yearned to hold Kitty as well.
"Daddy, why can't mommy tum wit us?" Oh joy, this should be fun to answer.
"Well sweetheart, mommy and daddy are having a little argument right now."
"You mad at her?" I nodded, not trusting my voice, and not wanting to begin balling in front of Jay.
"Yeah babe, I am. But I'm more disappointed than anything." She stayed quiet for a long moment so I assumed she was done talking about it.
"She misses you, she cries when you not there. She told Aunt Chi Chi that she wants to doe home to you." My stomach did flips at the thought of her actually saying all those things. Why wouldn't she just say them to me? I'd forgive her in a heartbeat if she'd just admit to the error of her ways.
We didn't discuss it anymore, Jaylee moving topics to something more upbeat and fun. She talked about random things she found important in her life the entire ride to my house, and continued her jabbering as we entered the house.
"And den dis boy tis me! It was dross!" My head snapped in her direction at those words. What the hell does she mean a boy kissed her!? I shouldn't have to worry about that for a lot longer.
"Who kissed you?" She scrunched up her nose in distaste, walking over to her bag to get something.
"A boy at mommy's dance. He pways wit me while we wait for her to det done."
"What did mommy do about it?" There is no way this little punk is getting away with kissing my little girl. She's three for fuck's sake!
"She told his mommy and daddy to watch their kid. She said some bad words too." I couldn't help but chuckle at the image forming in my head of my fiery little Kitty pulling Jay behind her, red in the face, and cussing out this little boy's parents. I should've known toots would have it covered.
"Well, I'm glad mommy handled it, cause you're not allowed to kiss boys until you're at least 35." She giggled and shook her head.
"No daddy!" I lifted her into my arms and tickled her tummy, loving the sound of her squealing giggles as she squirmed to break free of my hold.
"No? What do you mean no? You don't want to kiss boys till you are 40?" She only laughed harder, gasping for breath when I finally stopped my assault. "Do you want some food?"
"Foo sir." God, I loved it when she said it like that. The rest of the day was spent about like that, we'd talk about whatever she wanted to then we'd play for a while, we'd take snack or movie breaks then pick up right where we left off on our game or conversation. It was now bedtime, meaning Jay needed to call her mom to say goodnight.
I walked off to my office to get my laptop while Jaylee finished up her bath and started getting dressed. I heard the sound of her toothbrush playing a song to tell her how long to brush for. She walked out of my bathroom just as I'd finished setting up the Skype call for her.
"You better come over here quick, mommy is gonna be on the screen anytime now." Her little legs scurried as fast as they could, and she struggled to get on the bed for a moment before I decided to help her.
"Hello?"
"Mommy!"
"Hey my love! How are you? Did you have a good day at daddy's house?" It was pretty obvious how happy Kitty was to see her baby, and I couldn't really blame her. She had raised Lee on her own for two and a half years, I'm sure letting me in was scary.
"I dood, I had so much fun! I told daddy about da boy dat tis me." Kitty giggled lightly and glanced at me with a nervous expression.
"Did it upset you as much as it upset me? I thought I had plenty of time to prepare myself for that type of stuff, so it blindsided me."
"My sentiments exactly. I told her she can't kiss until she's at least 35." Kitty let out a hearty laugh that made my insides turn into mush, and the twisting in my chest that always pulled towards her increased exponentially.
"Well you heard him Jay, daddy laid down the law. No kissing till you're 35." Jaylee just shrugged it off and continued talking to her mom. The longer she talked the droopier her eyes got and eventually she fell asleep mid-sentence. "All the excitement must've worn her out."
"Yeah." I wanted to say it, I wanted to tell her that I was being stupid and the more that I think about it the more I understand why it's so hard for her to trust. I've been to Kentucky with her, and sans her Gigi, there was not one person over there I would've considered trustworthy.
"What do you want to do about Disney?" I'd honestly completely forgotten about that. The trip was scheduled for the week after next.
"We could go, I know you were really excited, and I really wanted to take Jaylee." She nodded but didn't say anything. "What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that if you still wanted to go then we should, but I also think we should try to at least figure something out before then. Us giving each other the cold shoulder isn't gonna work when we're not only sharing a bed, but we're also gonna be around Jay. It's not fair of us to ruin her experience because of a lovers spat." The urge to reach out and stroke her cheek when I saw how distraught she was rose up in me something fierce. It was a good thing she wasn't actually here, because my hand twitched in anticipation of something it wasn't going to get.
"What do you want to figure out? Are you still taking the same stance as you were before?"
"No. I understand how I hurt you even though it was never my intention."
"Then I forgive you." She looked shocked to say the least. "I've missed you, and-"
"I'm gonna stop you there." I didn't like the way she bit her lip and tucked her hair behind her ear, she only did that when she was nervous, or didn't want to say something. "Chris... I've missed you too, I've missed you a lot, and I miss my home which I consider to be with you now. It doesn't help that this place is one mold spot short of being a complete shit hole, but that's not my point. My point is, I think we took it too fast. I think we went from nothing to everything and it pushed me especially over the edge. One minute our relationship was undecided and the next it was like a year of relationship stuff got crammed into three weeks. It was too much."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying... I think we should maybe not go right back into a relationship. If that means you aren't comfortable with me moving back in then that's fine, but I want us to take it slow this time. I want to go out on more than two proper dates before we fuck and I move into you room. I want to be able to fall in love with you properly even though I'm ninety percent sure I'm nearly there already. I know it's hard for anything to be normal when you throw a child into the mix, but I want something normal. Does that make any sense?" It actually made a lot of sense. It's not really what I wanted to hear since every waking moment I'm away from her I long to hold her in my arms again, but I do, in fact, understand.
"I see your point, yes. And I'm legitimately worried for your health and safety if you stay in that place any longer, so all animosity aside I'd be okay with you moving back in."
"Really?" I nodded, not sure if I would be able to say anything without showing her that I was breaking on the inside. "Thank you so much! I'll have to stay here for a little longer just to fulfill some requirements, but that should only take a little over a month."
"Sounds great." Shiiit, my voice broke. Cue the tears. I gotta get off this call. "I'm pretty tired, I'm gonna go to bed. Night toots."
"Oh, okay, night boss. I'm glad we came to an understanding." I didn't respond before shutting the laptop and quickly (but carefully) climbing out of the bed.
Once I was in the bathroom I let the tears fall and the sobs I'd been holding in escape. I knew what we were doing was right, but damn it hurt. The rational side of me knew I should be ecstatic that she'd said she was pretty sure she was in love with me, after all, that's what all this started over anyhow. Why then did it feel like I'd lost her? Was I worried I wouldn't be able to woo her if we were throwing ourselves into a practical scenario? What if it was the unordinary make up of our relationship that had made it work?
I'd always been an emotional guy, never holding back how I felt. It was always important to me that the people I got involved with gave just as much of them as I poured out of myself, and to an extent I felt that Kitty had done that. But for her to say she wants to backtrack? How does one even do that? How am I supposed to go on a date with her and pretend I don't know everything about her? Pretend that I don't know her favorite color is burnt orange because she likes the way it looks on cars and in the sky as the sun sets, or how her favorite type of scenery is a forest because she likes to look at the way the light filters through the leaves. I'm just supposed to ignore the fact that I know she's amazing at cooking a total of five things, but bombs when trying to cook anything else? Or that she had dimples on her back just above her butt?
Even worse than all those things I must pretend I've never felt her. Never felt her skin slide against mine, never grazed my hands over every possible surface they could reach. I'm not supposed to let on that I know she's uncomfortable with the stretch marks that litter her toned body, but I think it's a beautiful painting of her story. Is it even possible for me to pretend I haven't seen her scars? The scars that mark up the smooth surface of her stomach, thighs, and arms, not from self harm but from other's cruelty.
How am I supposed to pretend I don't know this woman inside and out? How am I supposed to pretend that I'm no truly, irrevocably in love with the dancer from Kentucky with the so-so past and a daughter?