To Be So Lonely // Ben Solo

By xxwinterschildxx

46.8K 1.2K 218

[based on TFA, TLJ, and TROS] in which the woman he can never quite fall out of love with finds her mission i... More

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1.4K 44 13
By xxwinterschildxx

Rey took his ship and his Wayfinder, but Ben didn't need it. He had been there so recently he navigated it from his memory alone. When he arrived, Exegol remained quiet, beyond the cracks of lightning, and he breathed a sigh of relief. There was still time.

He landed the old TIE Fighter next to an X-Wing, wondering briefly where Rey dug up that old ship, but having no time to think about it. He could sense her anxiety as he exited his own ship and hurried down the path to Palpatine, only a blaster in hand.

He had no time to wait for the wacky old elevator. The suspense, the tense atmosphere was over for him. It scared him no longer. He just had to find Rey, hopefully before Palpatine could speak with her, and devise a plan to kill him.

Ben looked down the circular shaft of the elevator and spotted a thick, rusted chain that he could climb. Hiking in a quick deep breath, he gripped his blaster, and jumped from the edge of the platform, smacking against the chain hard. It was cemented, rotting, enough for him to find footing quickly before he slid down it.

Despite surviving, he could not resist the annoyed, "Ow," that left his lips.

"Smooth," he heard a distant voice.

Ben looked up, finding nothing above him, but when he looked at the ground beneath him, he saw her, at last. A real, genuine smile broke across his lips when he saw her, the one he had always wanted to let her see, but never could allow himself to do. Cyra's smile only grew when she recognized him. She could see in the simple way he smiled at her that she no longer had to look for signs or remnants of Ben in him. That was her Ben.

Ben climbed down the chain. When he jumped off and hit the ground, he started to jog once more on the same path he and Cyra took to find Palpatine. She followed beside him.

"I thought I'd wait to make an appearance until you needed me most," she said cheekily, flashing him a smile.

Ben slowed. He ducked behind a broken down wall, enough to hide from sight, if there was anything around besides Palpatine. He looked at her, really looked at her, and he needed to apologize to her.

She cut him off before he could speak with a shake of her head. She reached to touch him, but then remembered they would not be able to feel each other and withdrew her hand. "I don't need an apology, my love. I did what I could for you and I don't regret it. You were right, Ben, the Force will guide us both home. Believe in that."

"I love you," he told her, instead, and when she bit her lip to stop the absolute joy that tried to light up her face, he wished more than anything he could take her into his arms. "I'll be with you soon enough," he said quickly, then rushed off again before he could see the look of assumed protest on her face.

As he ran, he interuppted the patrol of a Knight of Ren. He ran past him, at first, before he felt the presence of a foe behind him, and he used his blaster, shooting lazily behind him. When he felt the hard drop of the body behind him, Ben pushed on.

He turned the corner to the Throne Room sharply and was forced to skid to a quick stop when he saw the remainder of the Knights guarding it. Ben noticed their surpluss of weaponry and his own single blaster, and he chuckled quietly, unsure of how he was going to beat his way past them, but sure of it in the same sense. He shrugged his shoulders at them as they surrounded him like prey waiting to strike, and he delivered the first blow before anyone else could.

He sent a quick blast of force at the Knights in front of him, knocking a few off of their feet. He tried to throw punches and kick, but the truth was he was weaponless, and it did make all the difference when the Knights carried weapons that were mere extensions of their bodies. It didn't take long for them to subdue him with a blunt knock to his face, dropping him to his knee, and another just to shake his concentration.

Gasping for breath from the hard kick to his chest, Ben tried to focus. He had his hands up, feigning a surrender, at least until he could reach her, just let her know that he was there, too, if she hadn't already felt him.

She hadn't, he learned quickly. The minute he focused and stopped seeing blurs, he saw her face. It took her a second to notice him, but suddenly, her eyes flew across his face and then returned. Her brows came together and her lips split briefly, before she returned to a stoic look, undoubtedly having to mask her relief in seeing him, at last. Ben. He watched the grip on her lightsaber loosen, which she held upright and close to her face, seemingly ready to strike.

Their stare did not break. The longer she watched him, the more he tried to look and feel himself. They could not speak, and it was taking enough energy to hold their connection in such a vulnerable time, but he tried with everything he could in his facial features to convey to her the truth: it's me, I'm with you. I'm with you.

Rey nodded her chin down ever so slightly. Her mouth closed, her jaw clenched, readying herself for something. Ben nodded his head once to her, ready himself for her to make the move.

Rey pushes her lightsaber back, behind her back, and when Ben's hand snuck to his own back, their hands connected. Her mind had connected the dots faster than he had— the raindrop, the berries, the helmet. Their connection through the Force allowed not only them to transcend space, but objects. Ben grabbed the lightsaber from her and swung it around to his front, admiring the comfort of the blue lightsaber that once belonged to his uncle.

He brought his hand back to his side, smirking at the Knights, and offered a small shrug. Surprise. And then he attacked.

Weapon in hand, it felt like the Knights barely fought back. Luke's lightsaber became apart of his body for the few seconds he swung it around to defeat the Knights. It felt entirely different than how his own lightsaber had felt as he swung it; Luke's was lighter, gentle. Ben could feel himself moving differently than he had when he wore the mask. He felt grace, pristine, clean movements, and he was confident in his abilities again.

He ducked as a weapon flew at his head, twisting the saber parallel his back to avoid a staff hitting his back. It sizzled as it connected with the lightsaber and as he looked up, throwing his hair from his face, he saw Cyra watching him, her eyebrow raised in pride. He managed to wink at her.

Cyra rolled her eyes. She pushed her hand forward, blowing back the last Knight who was advancing too close for her comfort. It gave Ben the distance he needed to fly over the Knights head and shove his lightsaber through his chest.

"You're welcome!" Cyra called after him jokingly as he flew past her to where Rey was fighting her own group of foes.

Ben grabbed the last opponent of Rey's and tossed his head so hard into the ground they would no longer have to worry about it. When his body hit the floor, and Rey spun to finally take him on, she noticed Ben did it for her, and she froze.

At last, they saw each other in person.  He walked to her, their eyes together, as if it wasnt true. With every step, nerves grew in his stomach. He could feel the eyes of Palpatine on him, but he ignored it, intent on making Rey know that they were together, at last.

They met, in front of Palpatine's throne, and together, raised the lightsabers of two Skywalker's that came before them, how it should have been all along.

Palpatine didn't say much about Ben. He decided quickly his fate would be the same as the girls. "Stand together, die together," he decided, and with a clench of his fist, Ben and Rey were knocked onto their knees and held there. The minute he touched them through the Force, a soft hiss exuded from his lips before he realized what the defense was.

"The life force of your bond is a Dyad in the Force. A power of life itself. Unseen for generations," he noted, almost proudly. But it mattered nothing to him beyond the power of life. "And now, the power of two, restores the one true Emperor."

Ben and Rey could hear each other's screams, feel it, as Palpatine dragged the life force in their bodies out of them to restore his destructed body. His maniacal, dark laugh was heard echoing through their ears before he severed the suction of their life forces and they both fell unconscious at the foot of the throne.

Ben was the first awake and it was not of his own accord. He could see Cyra above him, invisible to Palpatine, but trying her hardest to wake him. When he opened his eyes, she disappeared, having done her task.

Ben glanced beside him, watching for a moment to ensure Rey's chest was still rising, before he tried to stand. He hadn't stood fully up before Palpatine noticed and lifted him from the ground with the Force.

"As once I fell, so falls the last Skywalker," growled Palpatine, and he threw Ben's weak body backwards, into a cracked opening in the ground.

Ben felt his body whack against the pavement as he fell, grunting with each smack, each undoubtedly broken bone, and when he hit the bottom, his head hit first, and he was unconscious once more.

Cyra could not stand by and watch. She could feel Ben slipping over to be with her and it was not time. Rey was waking, but Palpatine had moved on from paying attention to her, not expecting her to rise. He was shooting lightning into the air, destabilizing the Resistance fighters and other craft, causing them to lose power and crash or fall to their deaths.

Cyra was not supposed to interfere. That was what Leia and Luke said, when they saw her, to simply watch and offer advice, but not intervene in the real plane of existence. But then she remembered she saw Luke raise an X-Wing out of the water and decided if he could do such, she could intervene, too.

She zipped to where Ben was laying at the bottom of the pit. He was laying on his side, one of his legs bent poorly, but as she approached, she saw him still struggling to breathe. It would have to be enough.

She had no life force to give him, which she undoubtedly would if she could, so instead, she was forced to lean beside him, stroking his face, whispering his name, hoping he would hear her and come to. She would help him climb, or use her gusts of wind against Palpatine if it would help, but Ben needed to get back up. She could not allow him to rest until he was dead.

Cyra suddenly heard a whisper in the back of her mind. "Be with me," a chant. Rey's whisper. "Be with me."

Luke appeared to her, crouched beside Ben. At her look of confusion, he smiled softly at her and down at his nephew.

"Do you hear her, too?" asked Cyra.

Luke nodded. "Sometimes, when Jedi meditate, you can lend your power to those who ask for it. The great Jedi of the past become the one who needs it," he explained to her.

Cyra frowned. "But I'm not a—"

"You are to the Force," disagreed Luke. He reached for her, placing his hand on her shoulder, proud of the woman she had become, with no help from him. "Answer her call. Just focus," he told her, and disappeared.

Cyra fell onto her bottom. She placed her hands on her knees, closing her eyes, and she focused on breathing. She could feel herself slipping from the realm of reality the longer she focused and stopped hearing the noises of the physical world. She focused on the echo of Rey's words in her head.

Be with me. Be with me.

Cyra started to hear voices that didn't belong to Rey.

These are your final steps, Rey... Rise and take them...Rey...Rise...

Rey, bring back the balance, Rey, as I did... The Force surrounds you, Rey, let it lift you...

Rey.

Rey, in the heart of a Jedi lies their strength.

The light, Rey, find the light, Rey...

Every Jedi who ever lived, lives in you... We stand behind you, Rey... Rise.

Let it guide you.

Feel the Force flowing through you, Rey.

Rise, Rey.

Rise in the Force, Rey.

Rey, the Force will be with you, always.

Cyra could hear their voices so distinctly, feel them all so clearly in the Force without knowing to whom they belong. It barely mattered. Rey's call brought together those who heard her, who saw the importance in what she was trying to do, and they were all offering their guidance and their power for her to use.

"Let the Force flow through you, Rey, rise," Cyra whispered, and then, she heard her own words of advice echoing alongside the other Jedi before her.

Cyra could not return to the plane of existence while Rey was calling upon her power. She was stuck meditating, believing in Rey, and unable to see the effects of their combined power on Palpatine, but knowing so deeply in her heart that Rey was going to defeat him.

She waited mere moments, feeling her power being shared with Rey. It was over quickly. With a gust of wind flowing up her spine, Cyra opened her eyes, and she was again by Ben's side, but he was now awake, staring up at her.

"Cyra," he whispered, pained.

Cyra waited for a moment, feeling for Rey. She could feel her slipping, her life force draining as Ben's was, and she knew then what the voice inside her head telling her to keep Ben alive was for. To repay the duty.

"Go," she told him.

Ben didn't ask. By the seriousness in her tone, he knew it was Rey. He raised himself, ignoring the pain rumbling through his entire body, and he climbed up and out of the pit. He noticed the discarded black cloak sitting on the Throne and knew Rey had done it.

Excitement tore through his heart but was killed almost immediately upon seeing Rey's unmoving figure. He started to run, forgetting of his broken leg. Dragging it behind him, he limped, until he fell down, and just crawled to her body. He pulled Rey into his lap, cradling her in his arms, staring into her lifeless eyes.

Ben looked around, helplessly, hoping someone would find them and could help them. When he met the eyes of Cyra, from across the room, he knew what she intended for him to do. What he was meant to do, from the moment Rey had shown him how to do it.

Ben looked down at Rey. He gathered her into his arms, embracing her in an unreturned hug. He doubted there was enough life force left in him for them to speak after he would do this. He hoped she would know how sorry he was. How thankful he was, that she showed him compassion, when he needed it most.

He would never be forgiven by the masses. The history of this war would paint him as the villain and it would be true, just as it was true of his grandfather. But he didn't want to be remembered as a hero—he thought himself as the furthest away from one. He only wanted her to know. He wanted her to be his final act of good, of redemption. She deserves to live more than he ever could.

Ben let Rey fall to his lap once more. He placed his hand across her stomach, mirroring her, and he closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths, his shoulders falling with every breath as he found it harder to keep upright. He continued to breathe, until a hand laid across his own, and his eyes snapped open.

Rey was looking up at him, wide eyed, shocked. "Ben?" she asked softly. He knew in her eyes she recognized she was dead. One look at their hands on her stomach and she knew what he'd done.

Rey sat up and threw her arms around him. A smile of his own broke out when Rey started to laugh unbelievably in his ear. He felt her body chuckling alongside her laugh, and he felt peace. He closed his eyes, when he saw Cyra's figure waiting behind Rey, and he let go.

Ben appeared in front of her mere seconds later. He was tinted in the same color she was, that dark wispy blue, but it was not sad. He left his world at peace, fulfilled.

Cyra held out her hand to him, looking at it and up at him, her eyes worried, as if even though they were both dead, they still wouldn't be able to touch.

Ben grabbed her hand. The moment their hands touched and they felt each other again, they both let out an exasperated gasp of relief.

Rey couldn't tell where Ben ended and Cyra began when she saw them. When she felt Ben slump in her arms, she had barely had time to recognize he was dying. His dead weight soon turned into nothing, as all that remained of him was his clothing. She turned around wildly, trying to find him, when she saw he and Cyra.

Their hands touched and they grabbed each other soon after, laughing and crying all the same. He was kissing her head, she was hugging onto him. There was no sadness in their faces. They were together, despite being dead. But together was all that mattered, at long last, and the galaxy found balance once more.

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