It was a shiny sunset by the time Janice and David took a sit on the seashore. It took there breaths away as they looked at the nearly fading sun across the horizon of water, outstanding. Their feet were tickled by the crippling waves, and the saltiness of the air seemed fine. Noticeably, everything at that moment seemed perfectly placid.
“Janice. . .” David cooed. “I need you; we will chase everything, either infinity or eternity.”
David’s hair was tousled; it was glimmering like his blue-gray eyes. That was what she thought. He was alluring, half of his face was swallowed by the shadow and the rest was lit by the sunset’s light.
“David I will always love you, need you, want you. It is for forever, it’ll be you and I.” Janice replied. Their hearts were jubilant; they could feel each other’s vividness.
“I will always love you. My beloved.” Said him, voice too low like a murmur, as if they were taking the serenity of the place. Though they always say those words to each other, there is no time that when they said it, it didn’t hit a nerve.
Beloved.
Dawn was breaking ahead, just a thin line of gold at the bottom of the darkness of the vast sea. Flirtation is clearly inappropriate, but it was a romantic moment, and it feels as if the entire world has stopped.He kissed him. They both savored each others lips.
Locked in a moment that neither one of them seemed willing to end.
But then, everything dematerialized. The picturesquely scenery became murky, and then vanished. Janice, she woke up with a sweet smile and bitter tears in her eyes. She was taken aback for a moment, she didn’t want to wake up because she thought that her dreams were the reality, and the reality was her dream. Neither one of those seemed believable at the time being. The stark irony seemed surreal.
She lost track of the time, the surgery was still in process and it was hours since the neurosurgeons began. She felt sick, she thought she might faint. The door opened and a man in midnight blue jeans and red shirt entered. It was Matthew Lykke, brother of his dying David. Her emotions were still swirling that she didn’t even notice he was already in her room. Matthew stepped a little closer to his bedside, he stared outside through the window.
“You know, David and I were planning his proposal for you when the both of you finished studies. But . . .” Matthew stopped, feeling a lump on his throat. This is hard for him, for Janice and for everyone, for sure.
On what she had heard, it didn’t trigger any joyous spirit on her soul. In lieu, it just intensified her loneliness, her rue. She looked on Matthew; she could see the faintest liquid on his eyes.
“I’m . . . sorry.” She said, there was misery and at the same time there was also a pang of guilt eating her.
“No you don’t have too. I heard the brake failed. And David didn’t wear any helmet. . .” He was stopped by the crumbling lady he’s talking with. He felt sympathy for her, but like her he had had the broken feeling.
“It is because of me! He let me have the helmet! Because of me, he is in this hell. I should be the one laying there, not him!” Cried Janice, she was crumbling inside of her. Feeling desolated like everyone else. She can’t digest everything, probably because everything seemed to be adamant and painful to swallow. The concept of it made her sicker.
Matthew reeled, then leaned to her, hugged her tightly and without instantly cried silently. “I’m betting that my brother thought of you at that moment. He thought that you should be living, that you should live and everything will be okay.” His words cut his throat.
“No it wasn’t going to be okay. We don’t know if he’ll be making it alive. Matthew, I’m afraid. . . He might die.” With that thought, she cried even more loudly than ever.
“No! He’ll survive.” Matthew snapped at her. Even him, he didn’t have absolute guts to say it, he fumbled in his words.
“But he could die! Sooner or later, reality will strike! I’m just being realistic, Matthew. Everyone knows it! You know it! Right!? Did you see him before he undergo another surgery? He looked lifeless, and those monitors circling him looked dreadful. ” Janice voiced, she was in depths of despair at this moment.
Matthew’s circumspection released her. They both stared at each others broken eyes. “When that time comes, we don’t have anything to do. We just . . . need to accept it.” The words were merely hard to say, and it poignantly hit their hearts.
Janice eyes become wide, she was crying an ocean. That was the idea she was unsuccessfully trying to fathom. And now hearing it to a person as close as her to David, seemed more horrible and near. By the time, her mom and David’s mother and father entered. Their faces cannot be paint, it was full of sorrow.
“They said they are almost done. But they don’t have the totality that David could make it. If he miraculously did, he might have complications after the operations or he’ll be totally different and broken.” There was profusion in David’s dad voice: confusion, uncertainty, rue.
There is so much painstaking news to be absorbed, and everyone seemed to be getting tougher and tougher, unnoticeably. But Janice is beyond the edge. “I don’t care if he’ll be different. David will be David! He’ll survive!” Janice shouted, she was enraged that her voice reverberated on the walls. She couldn’t bear it. She just wanted to be with him forever, ever so badly. And the time that he’s out their, in near death make her feel vulnerable and impotent. The time is ticking, it was set. Tick tock.
“Sweetie, we know you are having a very hard time this moment. We all do. But Janice, baby, in the end you should be strong.” Her mom’s voice seemed to enlighten her darkening heart.
“He is still holding on, yes it is barely. We just have to trust him.” Crissy Lykke said, she was ached more than anyone. But God knows how badly Janice is in state now.
Hope. It seemed to be a word far from everyone. Everyone is in a state of sorrowful calamity, perhaps calamity was an understatement, and devastation was indeed a more appropriate term.
“Janice, darling, you know at this very moment a thought dawned to me. Remember God doesn’t just take anyone away. He calls them home. They were His before ours, we just borrowed them. And if this might be my son’s end, we should accept it. It is hard for me too, but it is life we are talking about. Janice you should be strong enough to face this or the moment.” Frederick Lykke jumped in the awful conversation, and it’s like he had been stabbed by life’s sharp knife.
It had been a day, and everyone felt as though their life had been transformed. With one single act of fate, every one of them had been struck down, and nothing would ever be the same again. For David most of all, if he survived, which wasn’t sure yet either.
“We should get something to eat.” Proposed Matthew, but everyone’s not in appetite to eat.
Janice smirked under her fading sobs. “It seems redundant somehow. Eating in the midst of disaster.” She said, stoned voice.
They stayed silent for a couple of minutes, the only noise was the tame sobbing of Janice and Crissy and the ticking of a small clock. Tick tock. A nurse entered. She had kind eyes and pleasing appearance, she said that the operation is done and David was already on intensive care room. Yet they can’t go there for a while. There’s a rupture of joy in everyone’s faces. Of course, Janice Kennedy was exempted.
“But why!” Janice protested, she is now infuriated. Her mom was trying to calm her down, but she was zealous. She thought of David. She thought of him wanting him. Thinking of him . . . dying.
“We will just do some preparations but don’t worry, we will tell you if it’s done.” The nurse left, her lopsided smile blotting the pity she felt for them.
The night seemed to be interminable for everyone. After a while, the nurse came back, saying that David’s room could take visitors but not all of them could accommodate the room. They decided that his parents would go first, since Matthew was out. Janice was beseeching his parents to let her come too but they forbid and told her that after them she could go.
Unbelievably, the time was running slow. It was indeed afflicting. Forty-five minutes had gone and Fredrick and Crissy Lykke didn’t come back yet. Waiting is the worst part on a crisis like this, and she have come to despise hospitals for this very reason. Nothing is happening, yet the mind swirls with ever darkening images, subconsciously preparing for the worst. Which is dreadful beyond measure.
“It must’ve been painful for them.” Jane Kennedy muttered. She pictured herself on their position; her Janice, lying lifeless on that horrible room. It’ll cost her crazy, if that fate ever happened. She is now verily thankful that Janice is safe, and she kissed her on her forehead.
“Oh sweetie, Janice I’m glad you are safe.” She said to her daughter, she concealed her tears. By then, the couples come entering to Janice’s room. Frederick was ushering her hysterically sobbing wife on the couch far from Janice’s bed.
“Christ, Jane, she looked more awful than his first operation. Doctor Markham said he survived but he is still not safe. We still might lose him. Jane I can’t . . .” Crissy cried as Jane approached her. A wave of sympathy rolled into Jane, she was a mother too and that kind of setting was bullshit.
“It is going to be hard. But trust me, everything happened for a reason. If that will happen, David won’t be glad leaving our side, if we will be doomed. We need him, and he needs us too. Crissy, there is always hope.” Optimism seemed irrational. And hope seemed far. Faith seemed to glow far beyond the tunnel of darkness.
Janice heard there conversation. Her body became jelly when she heard that David is still on possible risk. Like his parents, she wasn’t sure of how to do if David ended up dying.
Everything happened for a reason, said her mom. But whatsoever she wished she know the reason.
Frederick caught her eyes. Frederick and Matthew both have deep blue eyes, and it reminded her of David’s enticing gray-blue eyes. Enticing as Janice had pictured. “Janice, you could go on there now.” Her body trembled. Her early determination seemed to hide from the back of her heart. The courage in her face was nowhere to be seen now.
She made a half nod, but she didn’t know if it was the right time to visit David. Her body quivered. From what she heard, she might faint on what‘s waiting there. Matthew Lykke entered; he was holding two boxes of pizza. He had on a smile, but it was still an unhappy smile.
“I heard the news, Janice would you come with me? Let’s visit him together. Or you want a solo time with him?” Matthew proffered, there were sparks in his eyes. This sparks tend to be tears sooner or later.
Janice stood on her bed, made a gusty sigh and followed him out. Her legs flexed a trembling stance. They were walking on the lobby now, there are the constant thoughts that David might slip away. She was perspiring when they are at the door, and several electric doors began opening. The fear was suffocating and overwhelming; the sterility of the room struck her as surreal. Janice forced herself back to reality. For a minute she had been thinking about his beloved’s death and everything similar to it. But she knows that seeing him alive is more important and requires attention.
But what she saw before the second operation is definitely different. It is far from encouraging.
She just stood their, far from David. Matthew was talking to her, but she seemed transfixed with her emotions that she wasn’t hearing anything. Janice can’t bear the scene woven before her eyes, she ran outside.
Matthew followed him and Janice fell on the floor, she was extremely crying and her body was like in a magnitude 9 earthquake. Matthew was asking him if she was okay but she didn’t answer. She was just sobbing akin to insanity and staring blankly. He assisted her back to her room and explained on her mother what had happened.
“Oh my, Janice.” Jane embraced her. Her embrace was so tight and there was radiation of motherly emotions around them. It stopped Janice’s hysterical cries. “What happened baby?”
“David . . .” Janice was trying to clear her throat. Her body was in state of loose, though. “He seemed awful. He was surrounded with more machines than earlier, and he looked more battered. And . . . and . . . and . . . I can’t take it . . . mom.”
“Janice, calm down. You will go there when you are ready okay. Just take a rest.” Jane cooed her like she was once her baby so frightened of nightmares. Matthew comes back to his brother.
It was a long night and Janice scarcely slept. Excruciatingly thinking she might lose his beloved any moment, but her mom was thanking that she wasn’t crying anymore. It was past eleven in the morning when she ate breakfast. Her mom and Matthew were in her room, David’s parents got home to update their parents how David’s been doing.
She was filling her courage again, so that she might be able to go back to where David lies. But it is so hard, it was as if all her bravado was drained and it was an infinite well to be filled. The doctors said she might go home now, but she was likely to refuse. She wanted to be near her David.
“Everything is set up; we might go home any moment. Just say when you want.” Jane said calmly, propping a smile.
“But how about David? I can’t leave him here.” She countered, her face looked tired. All of beauty in her was starting to dwindle.
“I’ll be the one to be here, Janice, don’t worry. When he progressed I’ll call you. You can visit him here anytime you wanted. And . . . would you like to visit him before you leave.” Matthew asked her. It was a seemingly an easy question, but for a human being undergoing in this catastrophe, the answer wasn’t a piece of cake.
She stopped chewing, swallowed the pizza she’s eating. For a moment, she just sat, stared on her fidgeting palms. Asking her heart if she could take it now, for an instant, the answer was yes. But then, when she faced Matthew and her mom, the lightning strikes her again.
“No. I need to get a good rest. And . . . honestly, I’m not yet ready.” She said ruefully.
Two and a half days had gone in an instant, and there’s no sign of recovery on David. Janice Kennedy didn’t even visit him on the hospital. Not because she don’t wanted to but because she was busied contemplating on her life, crying a river most of the time. On her ruined life. She felt forsaken. And damn empty, voided. Seconds by seconds, it was eating her inside out. Everything that reminded her of him took so much brilliance in her head. His features, his personality, the memories, everything seemed to be drowning her. And the extra paranoia doesn’t do well too.
The prospect of losing him frightened her more than anything, absolutely anything and everything. It was ten, no, hundred times more frightening than the scariest movie she had watched or the most gut-wrenching ride she had in her life. From one minute to another, she could be destitute, if David died. She started to feel edgily frantic, extremely frantic, about it. For an instant, the concept looked downright surreal. Sometimes she wished it didn’t happen, or on the other circumstances, David won’t die. But even though how tough she had told it to herself, she was still sane that there was no way to avoid it, change it, turn the clock back to before it happened. In nearly three years with the man she had loved deeply since the first hour she met him, and now suddenly in the flash of an instant, in an incredible stupid accident, he was barely gone. Fighting for dear life.
But miracles did happen, and they needed one. Now. Janice knew that she had never wanted anyone, or anything more than this.
Her loneliness engulfed her, and she has told herself that she must be with David today. Fifty four hours of being a cry baby that was hungry to escape the reality should be over. And at that moment, a jolt of electricity flow through her, and she knew—he needed her. She felt it thoroughly in her skin and bones, in every one of her five senses. She shivered, knowing that he was calling him, as surely as if he’d cried her name. It was as if she’d entered a different dimension; here on the sheets of her bed, she could hear him like never before—or at least not since before this accident.
She go running downstairs, meeting her mom and her sibling. Her mom stared at her, she recovered. She is now almost back into normal. “Mom, I’ll visit David today.” Bravery blossomed inside her, her eyes deep.
On the hospital, she walked straight to David’s room and met his parents and grandparents. She said that she was now ready, that she can take it now. Her eyes had sparkles of battling sorrow and determination. They let her in. As she moved toward the door, she had an uneasy sense that she was crossing an imaginary threshold into another world. The dreamlike quality of the earlier moments settling around her again. A week ago, she was happy, full of energy. Now she was standing in front the intensive care unit, waiting to pull her toward him.
The instant he saw him, her heart slammed so hard that it ached. If anything, he looked worse than he had before the surgery, the last time she saw him. The bandage covering his head looked scary, his head had been shaved, and his face was ghostly pale. He seemed to be a million miles away, in his coma.