Hermitcraft Oneshots

By Soccer10835

1.7K 41 29

Cover was made by my friend @Gaybamaforprez (I still love that name lol) Mostly crack oneshots/incorrect quo... More

Who killed him?
The one thing you can't replace
Incorrect Quotes
Thomas Sanders Vines
Soooooooooooo
Self Defense From Food - a Class by Grian
The Non-Illegal Robbery
Murder Mystery in the Jungle
The Joke
Team Star and Convex
Grian decides to make candy
Hermit Challenges/The Royal Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things
Multi-Brand Meeting Gets a Little Heated
Dangerous Road Designs
Newsies AU
Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

First experience at Sahara?

47 3 3
By Soccer10835


Based on the sketch: Buying a Bed. Yes its still Monty Python's flying circus. Video is not mine. This is another I couldn't find the clip for, my apologies. 

Bdubs: Hello, Keralis suggested I come to Sahara for a few things?

Mumbo: Certainly sir, I'll get someone to help you. I should probably warn you that our item system is broken for today, and while we're trying to fix it we're stocking and delivering manually. As a matter of fact, a lot of things have been going weirdly today.

Bdubs: Alright, thanks for letting me know!

Mumbo: Grian!

Grian: (Sits up from totally not being asleep on the job) Can I help you?

Bdubs: Yes, first I need a shulker box of golden carrots, preferably under 20 diamonds. Does that work?

Grian: Oh no, I'm afraid not. Our cheapest box of golden carrots is 160 diamonds.

Bdubs: 160 diamonds!

Mumbo: Before I go, I ought to have told you that Grian does tend to exaggerate. Every figure he gives you will be ten times too high. It's a new problem.

Bdubs: Oh, I see.

Mumbo: Otherwise he's perfectly all right.

(He leaves)

Bdubs: I see. Er... your cheapest box is.....16 diamonds then?

Grian: 160 diamonds, yes, sir.

Bdubs: Ok. What about logs? I heard you had shulker boxes of logs?

Grian: Yes, 270 stacks per box.

Bdubs: (To himself) Ok so, 27 stacks? (to Grian) And what's the price?

Grian: The price is... er... just a moment. Mumbo, what is the price of the logs box?

Mumbo: Ummmm, 8 diamonds I think.

Bdubs: 8 diamonds!? That's really cheap!

Grian: Yes, remembering of course that you have to multiply everything Mumbo says by three. It's nothing he can help, you understand. Things are going rather oddly today.

Bdubs: I see, I'm sorry.

Grian: Anything else?

Bdubs: Yes, I need some redstone components for a project!

Grian: Ok I think we stocked that yesterday.

Bdubs: How much will it be?

Grian: Er, Mumbo should be able to tell you that. Mumbo! Could you show these ten good people the concrete maker, please?

Bdubs: Concrete maker? No, no, I need redstone!

Grian: (in a whisper) I'm sorry, you have to say 'concrete maker' to Mumbo, because if you say 'redstone' he puts a bucket over his head. I should have explained. He's been like this all day. It's getting a bit annoying.

Bdubs: Ah. I see. (Walks over to Mumbo) Excuse me, could you show me the concrete maker, please?

Mumbo: (confused) The concrete maker?

Bdubs: Yes, I want to look at the concrete maker?

Mumbo: Ah yes, well that's on the outside platform, second floor.

Bdubs: No, no, no, I want to see the ***CONCRETE MAKER***

Mumbo: (annoyed) Yes, second floor.

Bdubs: No, I don't want to see concrete maker, it's just that Grian said that...

Mumbo: Oh dear, what's he been telling you now?

Bdubs: Well, he said I should say 'concrete maker' instead of 'redstone'

(Mumbo abruptly puts a bucket on his head)

Bdubs: Oh dear. Hello? Hello? Hello?

Grian: (sighing) Did you say 'redstone'?

Bdubs: Well, yes, urm. Sorry?

Mumbo: (muffled) I'm not coming out!

Grian: I did *ask* you not to say 'redstone', didn't I?

Bdubs: But I mean, well..

Mumbo: (still muffled) I'm not!

Bdubs: Oh.

Grian: Now I have to stand in this cauldron and sing the Mumbo Jumbo you are AFK song. 

Bdubs: What?

Grian: (singing) Mumbo Jumbo you are AFK

Iskall: (hears the singing and sighs) Oh dear, did somebody say 'redstone' to Mumbo?

Bdubs: Yes, I did. (sheepishly raises hand)

(Iskall gives him a nasty look and places another cauldron next to Grian)

Grian: (still singing) Mumbo Mumbo Mumbo AFK!

(Iskall joins in) I'm gonna take that moustache away!

(Mumbo takes the bucket off his head. As soon as he does so Grian and Iskall get out of their respective cauldrons and Iskall leaves like nothing happened)

Grian: He should be all right now, but don't... you know... don't say it! (walks away muttering)

Bdubs: No, no, I won't! (to Mumbo) Excuse me, could I see the concrete maker please?

Mumbo: Yes, its upstairs on the platform. I already told you this!

Bdubs: No, no, no. That concrete maker, (Points at the hole in the wall where Iskall is reparing the redstone) like that. You see?

Mumbo: Redstone?

Bdubs: (extremely relieved) Yes.

Mumbo: But if you want redstone , why not just say 'Where's the redstone'?

Bdubs: (laughing nervously) Ha ha, I mean...

Mumbo: I mean, it's a little confusing for me when you say you want to see the 'concrete maker' if you actually want to look at redstone!

Bdubs: But you put a bucket on your head the last time I said 'redstone' (slaps hand over his mouth)

(Its too late, Mumbo puts the bucket back on his head)

Grian: (running back in) Oh dear! (Jumps in cauldron and starts singing again) Mumbo Jumbo you are AFK!

Iskall: (sighing) Y'know we did ask you to avoid saying it! (joins in)

I'm gonna take that mustache away!
Mumbo Mumbo Mumbo AFK!
I'm gonna take that mustache away!

(Xisuma flies in)

Xisuma: (sighing) I'm working on the problem, did somebody say 'redstone' to Mumbo again?

Grian: (points angrily at Bdubs) *Twice*!

(Xisuma joins in the singing and Mumbo finally takes the bucket off his head)

Mumbo: (To Bdubs) I'm sorry, can I help you?


Keralis (Who was nearby the whole time): I think Bubbles wants some redstone.


Simultaneously:


Mumbo: *puts bucket back on his head*


Xisuma: *facepalms*


Grian: *continues singing*


Iskall and Bdubs: *groaning*

(Here is your reminder that this is a joke, don't take it seriously, and if you want me to change something I am happy to have a civil discussion about it. Thanks!)

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