(Skit actually named Army Protection Racket from Monty Python's flying circus)
I can't find a clip of it soooooooooooo.
(Cut to Doc's office in the Team STAR base. Doc is seated at desk.)
Doc: Come in, what do you want?
(Mumbo enters and stands awkwardly by the door)
Mumbo: I'd like to leave the team, Doc.
Doc:(Disappointed) Man why?
Mumbo: Its dangerous!
Doc: What?
Mumbo: There are people with weapons out there, sir.
Doc: What?
Mumbo: Real weapons. Not fake ones. Proper ones. They've all got some, and some of them have TNT cannons.
Doc: (deep breath) Mumbo, they're on our side!
Mumbo: And mobs. A Ghast Cannon as well!
Doc: Mumbo, you've only been on the team for a day! The war hasn't even begun yet!
Mumbo: I know but people get killed. Impulse was telling me, if you're in the war and there's a battle, you have to go and fight.
Doc: That's true.
Mumbo: Well I mean, blimey, I mean if it was a big battle somebody could be hurt!
Doc: Mumbo, why did you join the war?
Mumbo: Because Grian asked me to-AHEM- I mean, because I got pranked? Not for killing. I asked them to put it on my resume, - no killing.
Doc: Mumbo are you a pacifist?
Mumbo: No, I'm not a pacifist, I'm a coward.
Doc: That's a very stupid line. Sit down.
Mumbo: Yeah It kind of was. (sits in corner)
Doc: Absolutely terrible.
(Knock at the door, Xisuma enters)
Xisuma: Two civilian gentlemen to see you Doc.
Doc: Show them in please, Xisuma. And this time make sure its not Grian in disguise as a janitor or something. That was annoying to deal with last time.
Xisuma: Mr. Cub and Mr. Scar from Concorp.
(Cub and Scar enter looking shifty as usual)
Cub: Good morning, Doc.
Doc: Good morning gentlemen. What can I do for you?
Scar: (looking around the office casually) Nice base you got here.
Doc: Yes. It is. And before you comment on it, no it's not intended to be a turtle.
Scar: We wouldn't want anything to happen to it.
Doc: What? (actually surprised by the question)
Cub: No, what my associate means is it would be a shame if... (he knocks something off table. Doc glares at him)
Cub [Con'd]: Oh sorry. (Not sorry)
Doc: Don't worry about that. Its just a temporary replacement bush. But please sit down.
Scar: No, we prefer to stand, thank you.
Doc: All right. What do you want?
Cub: What do we want? (Laughs)
Scar: Very funny Doc.
Cub: The doctor's a joker, Scar!
Scar: How about you explain it to him, Cub.
Cub: How many cannons you got on Team STAR?
Doc: About five altogether.
Scar: Five eh?
Cub: You ought to be careful, Doctor!
Doc: We're extremely careful! They aren't aimed towards our base and we check them routinely!
Cub: Things break, don't they?
Doc: Break?
Scar: Well everything breaks, doesn't it? ("accidentally" kicks the bush lying on the floor) Oops.
Cub: We're both very clumsy. And when people don't agree with us, we break things. Like say, we don't think your team is playing fair.
Doc: What is all this about?
Scar: How many people do you have on your team Doc?
Doc: Oh about 6. (Glares at Mumbo) Ren's away currently.
Scar: Only five, Cub.
Cub: (Casually) It'd be a shame if someone were to........blow them up.
Doc: Blow them up?
Scar: (Shrugs) TNT happens.
Cub: Things explode.
Doc: What's all this about?
Cub: My partner and I have got a little proposition for you.
Scar: We could save you a lot of trouble
Cub: I mean you're doing all right here. But.....
Scar: Suppose some of your Cannons were to break and troops started getting lost, fights started breaking out. Y'know.
Cub: It wouldn't be good for business, would it?
Doc: (Slams his hands on his desk and stands up) Are you threatening me?!
Cub: Oh, no, no, no! (backtracking quickly)
Scar: What made you think that?
Cub: He doesn't think we're nice people, Scar.
Scar: We're your friends, Doc.
Cub: We want to help you!
Doc: Help me?
Scar: We can guarantee that nothing will get blown up randomly for the next two weeks for a stack of diamonds.
Doc: No, no, no.
Scar: Half a stack?
Doc: No, no, no.
Scar: Four weeks?
Doc: No, no this is stupid.
Cub: What's stupid?
Doc: No, the whole premise is stupid and it's very badly written. I'm the unofficial team captain here, and I haven't had a funny line yet. So, I'm stopping it.
Cub: You can't do that! (Going through a script and shows Doc a page)
Doc: (Rips the script in half) I've done it. The scene is over.
Mumbo: I want to leave the war please, it's dangerous.
Doc: (To Mumbo) Look, I stopped your scene about five minutes ago. So get out of here! Right director! Close up. Zoom in on me. (camera zooms in) That's better.
Scar: (Off screen) It's only because you couldn't think of a punch line.
Doc: Not true, not true. It's time for something else!
Cub: (Camera zooms in on him) No one's going to understand this, are they?
Doc: (Off screen) Shut up
Welp, RIP fourth wall.
(Here is your reminder that this is a joke, don't take it seriously, and if you want me to change something I am happy to have a civil discussion about it. Thanks!)