Janet
The following weeks with Toni were strange, to say the least. She would become incredibly distant and moody, blame it on grieving the loss of her mother, and other days, she'd act like none of it had ever happened. The issue was that I could never see it coming. We'd have near repeats of the night we came back from Maryland, of carnal passion, or she'd rather sleep alone in the guest room. There were even a couple times she'd offered again to stay at her own house after I'd lose my patience. It was very touch and go.
But above all things, I knew in my heart that she was trying her hardest to be okay. She was trying to open up about it, trying to let me in, and trying to make sense of her emotions. At the same time, she wanted to be strong and she really, really just wanted to move on. I didn't know how to tell her that losing a close family member wasn't something she'd ever truly get over. She would just learn to deal with it.
Today in particular was a good day, though. We'd just celebrated 6 months together, and it was actually the first time we'd ever even acknowledged an anniversary. I went all out for her, and she did the same for me, and it became sort of a contest to see who could make it the best. I truly thought that I'd won when I bought her a Cartier watch, along with her own pair cheetah print Louboutins she'd been stealing from me since day one. But she knew I was more of a sentimental person, and treated me to a night of private wine tasting and dancing in the city. When we came home, there were rose petals and candles scattered all over the first floor, leading up to our bedroom where there was a bath waiting for me. Needless to say, she spoiled me all night, and we both agreed she won. Next month, I'd get her good, though.
Three days after that, she was still in high spirits, but I felt it starting to fade away with every passing hour. I didn't want to keep asking her what was wrong, because I knew. I always know, now. I would just have to let her be until she said otherwise, and I think that was working best. We only ever got into it when I'd prodded just a little too much. It was just because I cared, and she knew that. We both had things to work on.
"Hey, I'm going out for a run with Tony. Do you wanna come?" I asked her as I put my shoes on. She was consumed in her cell phone as she sipped a cup of coffee in bed.
"Yeah, no. You can go without me... I gotta—yeah. Go ahead." She set the cup down and began typing furiously.
"What happened?"
"Vince is telling me Face wants to renegotiate all of these contracts about who gets paid what. We signed these over a year ago. Let me just call him."
"Call who?"
"Face. He's acting out of emotion. This is strictly business. We had an agreement. That tour must be kicking his ass, and he can't stand the fact that I'm here making money while doing absolutely nothing."
I didn't respond right away, but in my mind I was thinking that there wasn't a chance in hell that another conversation with Kenneth and Toni would go well. There was too much animosity.
"Well, can I give you my opinion on it?" I asked, coming over to her and sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah," she said distractedly as she continued to read text messages.
"I think you should let your lawyers handle it. This is business, like you said. And the bad blood between you two is extremely, extremely personal. Emotions are in the way before this has even started."
"You're right," she muttered, locking her phone and giving me her attention. "It's not worth it to fight with him anymore. I can pay someone else to do that."
"Exactly." I reached over and took her glasses off of her face. She scrunched her nose up. "You know, I'm still finding rose petals all over this house."
She smiled. "Good. It's a reminder of who's the better gift-giver. It's me, of course."
"Don't let me catch you off guard for our one-year, though. It's on."
"Don't go bankrupt trying to outdo me."
"Please," I mumbled.
"You're right. Sometimes I forget that you are Janet Jackson."
I rolled my eyes and kissed her. "You should come running with us, honey. Today's an easy day." I zipped my jacket up a little higher.
"No, you guys go ahead. I have some other business to take care of." She put her glasses back on and grabbed her laptop off of the nightstand.
"Alright, Boss Lady." She grabbed my arm as I stood up to leave, pulling me down and kissing me once more, but rather passionately. It caught me off guard. "What was that for?"
"Like I need a reason," she scoffed. "But that's a cute little workout fit you have on. And I told you yesterday, you're starting to fill out in all the right places."
"That must mean it's almost time to get ready for another tour." I rolled my eyes and looked down at myself.
"Absolutely not. Feels like I just got you back. Come here." Toni held her arms out for me.
"Toni, I'm leaving in ten minutes. Don't you dare." I wagged my finger at her because I knew that look she was getting in her eyes. She set her laptop back over on the nightstand and patted her legs. Reluctantly, I sat on her lap.
"Why can't I just hold you for a little bit? What harm does that do?"
"Because you know how much I hate exercising. I will cancel on him in a heartbeat."
She laughed. "I know you would. But don't."
"So stop rubbing on me like that." I grabbed her hands away from my backside and held them in my own.
"Oops," Toni said sarcastically.
"See? Let me get up. You play too much."
"Wait, wait, wait, Jan. I just wanted to say, I might be gone by the time you get back, so is there anything you need me to do for you while I'm out?"
"Hmm..." I tapped my chin and looked up at the ceiling. "How about while you're out, bring me back a hot fudge sundae, please?"
"After your run? That's counterproductive."
"Well, you offered, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I did." She sighed. "How about a nice smoothie, though? You like those too."
"No, I'm on a chocolate kick right now... it's about to be that time of the month."
"I see... I don't know. Depends on how far you run."
"2 and a half today, if that really even matters. Are you gonna get me one, or not, Toni Michele?"
"Fine. Only because you look so cute in that outfit."
"And French fries?"
"No!" She pushed me off of her. "Go ahead, I wanna get this done."
"What are you working on?"
"Mr. Manager and I are looking at some scripts for a few movies."
"What? Since when?" I pushed her for not telling me. That was a big deal.
"Calm down. Only a couple weeks."
"When were you going to tell me?" I crossed my arms, standing up again to leave for the run for real this time.
"When I'd made a decision, and was ready for an audition."
"Don't you think that's something you'd wanna share with me a little earlier than that?"
"Mm... maybe, but not really. Don't take it personally, though. I just wanted to be sure I was committed before I started telling everyone."
I frowned. "Uh, Toni Michele?" I nudged her leg as she got caught up in the computer again.
"Yeah?"
"I'm not everyone."
"Are you really getting upset about this?" She pushed her things to the side and stood to face me square.
"I'm not upset, but damn. I just figured you'd tell me something like that. I hear what you're saying, you didn't wanna jump the gun, but I thought I was an exception to the rule."
"Of course you are, sweetness." She pulled me into her and kissed my lips. "Now, go run so I can get some work done and make you some money." Toni smacked me hard on the ass and sent me on my way.
"I'm not done talking about this. When I get back, I want my ice cream and your undivided attention."
"Yes, Janet Jackson. Goodbye."
I left the house with a huff to meet Tony at the beach. In the middle of it, I'd gotten a call from Tamar. It surprised me and made me a little nervous because she never did. She would go to Toni, naturally. Something must have been up. On the way home, I called her back.
"Hey, what's up? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to know how my sister is doing."
"She's alright... you haven't talked to her recently?"
"No one has been in contact with her since the funeral," she said. I could hear worry throughout her voice.
"Are you serious?"
That was unlike her. She was so close to them all, and Tamar even more so just because of sheer proximity. I knew they probably weren't on the best of terms after the blowout at brunch, but I didn't think it was that bad.
"Yeah. I mean, she said all that terrible stuff about Mommy and Babyface, and that was it. And I feel like she owes us an explanation, apology, something."
I sighed. I hated being the messenger for stuff like this. I hated being caught in the middle.
"I understand. I'm on my way home now, and she said she was going out. But I'll let her know you asked about her."
"Tell her she needs to apologize."
"I'm not gonna do that. It's not my place. The best I can do for you is to tell her you called." I grabbed the steering wheel a little tighter.
"She's not gonna listen to us, Janet. She listens to you."
"Listen, I hear you. It was a shitty thing to do, but I don't think I should—"
"We really need to have a conversation. And knowing her stubborn ass, she won't mutter a hello unless you sign off on it. Please."
I didn't like to think I was really like some sort of puppeteer for Toni, pulling strings to make her jump. But I did know she really valued my opinion and advice. I just didn't want to get caught up in this anymore. I saw what that did for us last time.
"Listen. Here's what I'll do. I will tell her you guys are worried, and I will tell her to talk to you. I'm not going to tell her anything else but that. Seriously, it's not my place," I insisted. "I'm sorry. From what I hear, Vince is still keeping up with her. What is he saying?"
"Strictly business. He doesn't talk about personal things when they're working. I know that much."
By now, I was sitting in the driveway, waiting to finish this conversation and get my ice cream. I had nothing against her, but I'd already made myself clear about Toni.
"Alright. Well, I have to go. I'll let her know."
"Thank you."
"Bye, Tamar."
I went inside and saw Toni unpacking a few grocery bags.
"Hey, I probably just missed you on the street. How was your run?"
"Good. Didn't get too sweaty. So that's good."
"Yeah? I didn't forget your ice cream, but I didn't think it was a good idea to get it and then it would melt. So let's just go get it after your shower."
"Okay. Hey, your sister called me just now."
"Who?" She turned around and gave me her attention. She'd changed into some sweats and a baseball cap.
"Tamar."
"What's she want?" Toni asked casually, sitting at the island. She was making seem as though nothing was wrong and that she hadn't been ignoring them for over a month.
"Have you really not spoken to her since the funeral?"
"No, I haven't."
"That's not like you. She lives 15 minutes away."
"I didn't, and I still don't, feel like I'm ready to rehash what went down that day. All she's gonna do is jump down my throat about how I shouldn't have—"
"You still should at least let everyone know you're fine. We left pretty abruptly that day, and you said it yourself. Life is too short to hold grudges. Anything could have happened to you in the last month."
"Jan, I really don't want to talk about it. It was an ugly, terrible thing that happened."
I paused for a moment. I said I wouldn't get involved and remain a neutral party, but how could I? They couldn't stay like this forever, and I did feel that her statements were in bad taste and out of line. I just didn't want to create more strain on our relationship.
"Are you... are you sorry about what you said?" I asked timidly, awaiting the storm that would come from her after the question had been posed.
"What?"
"Do you regret the things you said at breakfast that day? To Kenny?"
"Why are you asking?" The tension in the room thickened and I could feel a wall of defense coming up around her. This is exactly what I didn't want.
"I guess... I'm just curious. We never addressed it."
"There was no need. I can't take it back."
"But do you wish you could?"
"Jan—"
"Toni, seriously. I didn't think you'd go that long of a stretch without talking to them. That's not good. Are you scared or something?"
"Of course I'm not afraid of them," she scoffed. "What are they gonna do?"
"I don't know. Maybe nothing. You might want to find out though."
"What are you saying right now? What did she tell you on the phone."
"Just... call her, okay? She's worried."
"Not until you tell me what she said."
"Don't do this," I said. "She just asked about you, and wanted to make sure you were alright." I sat down at the island next to her.
"Is that all?"
"No, but—"
"So what else?"
"Never mind. Just call if you want. If not, then I'll just tell her you're not ready."
I stood up to go upstairs. I didn't want to fight, so I let her have her way.
"Wait, Jan," Toni called after me.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm scared, okay? I do think they hate me. And the last thing I need right now is—"
I nodded my head in understanding. This was progress. 2 months ago, she would have never admitted to it. But she was finally learning to be more honest with me about her emotions, and I was happy about it.
"Baby, you know they don't hate you. The fact that she even called should tell you that much. Just talk to her and see. Tell her why you said what you did. Tell them all. I'll fly everyone out if you want. But I want you guys to have peace."
She looked down at her feet. I grabbed her waist. "Can you do that for me?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Thank you." I kissed her forehead, and she responded with a kiss to my lips. "You want me to fly them out here for the weekend?"
"No, they wouldn't let you do that."
"It's not a problem. Really." She followed me up the stairs and plopped back onto the bed.
"I know it's not. But they won't go for it. It's a pride thing."
"Okay, well still. Have them come out to the house for a weekend retreat of sorts. I think that would be good for you guys." I turned the shower on, but came back into the room as I undressed to continue the conversation.
"Such the little peacemaker you are." Toni rolled her eyes playfully.
"Family is important, Toni. You of all people should know that." I threw my jacket at her, and she flinched I stead of catching it. I laughed. "Think faster."
"I don't want your sweaty clothes on me!" She threw it back, but I caught it easily with one hand and a smirk as I leaned up against the door frame. "Ooh, I can't stand you, Janet Jackson." She gave me a menacing eye, but approached me anyway. I grabbed the drawstrings of her pants and pulled her a little closer.
"Call her back, please. When I get out of the shower, I want an update."
"Or, I can shower with you and call her later." Her voice became low and melodic As she snaked her arm around my now bare waist.
I cocked one eyebrow, then pulled her chin to mine in a delicate kiss that had her falling into me for more. I giggled. "Shower with me,
huh?"
She nodded.
"That sounds like a pretty good time..." I mumbled. "But I want you to call her now." I backed up and quickly shut the door behind me.
"I hate you, Janet Jackson," I heard her say. I laughed and finished getting undressed. When I got out of the shower, she was in the same spot in the bed that I'd left her, and something told me she didn't pick up the phone at all.
"So?" I asked, sitting down next to her to put lotion on.
"I didn't do it. I decided I'd like you to mediate, just in case it goes sideways."
"Toni, you've been able to handle her all your life. Why do I need to do that now?"
"Please? You don't have to even say anything unless it gets ugly."
"Fine. Go ahead." I continued to get dressed while her phone rang with the dial tone on speaker.
"Toni THE Braxton?" Tamar answered dramatically.
"Hi, Tay." My back was turned, but I could sense Toni rolling her eyes at her sister's flamboyant nature.
"Where in the hell you been at? Why I gotta call Janet to get a hold of you?"
"I just needed some time."
"It's been almost 2 months."
"I know. That's how long it took. I'm here now, so what's up?"
Once I was in my underwear, I threw a robe on to get in the bed with Toni and listen attentively.
"I don't even know where to start... I, Well, we all wanna know what the hell happened to you at brunch. Like, why would you say some shit like that?"
Toni palmed her forehead.
"Look. How about this, okay? Today is Tuesday. How about I get all the girls out to Janet's house for a weekend, and we can all talk about what happened, alright? I don't wanna have to explain myself 4 different times."
"But we on the phone right now. You really could just tell me what you was smoking."
I could see Toni's body tense at the last statement. "Okay, you know what? This is exactly why I have been avoiding y'all. I wasn't smoking anything. It was just how I felt."
"But you really thought saying that shit in front of everybody, people's kids... what about that part?"
"I'm about to go, Tamar. I gotta go."
"I'm telling you right now, ain't nobody finna come up in y'all's house for no whole weekend unless you apologize up front. I don't care about why you said it, or what you really meant to say, but it was out of line, period. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong. All of it. And if Evelyn Braxton was there to see what you did, you'd have got the piss slapped out of you. Immediately."
Toni looked down at her hands. This situation was something she and I had swept under the rug, but in a way, I was glad it was getting addressed now. Tamar was absolutely right. It was completely out of character for her to confront him in front of everyone the way she did.
"Hello?" Tamar said after Toni had been quiet too long.
"Yeah."
"So?"
"I wanna do a formal apology to everyone, in the same room, so that no one feels slighted. Don't take it personally."
"Whatever, Toni Braxton," Tamar said warily.
"I gotta go." Toni shifted and fell onto her back. I idly brushed her hair across my pillows.
"Bye," she said curtly. Toni hung up without another word before covering her face with her hands.
"Am I wrong? I feel like that was the best way to handle that situation. I want to talk to everybody at once."
I didn't even know what to think or who I thought was wrong or right anymore. I just shrugged. "If that's what you want to do, then yeah."
"Okay, why are you doing that?" She opened her eyes and looked at me.
"Doing what?"
"Acting like that. Like you don't want to get involved or something."
"Because I really don't want to get involved. I told you what I thought about the situation after it happened. Now it's your turn to speak your own truth."
"Okay, but I need someone to be on my side. It's four against one right now."
"Why does it have to be a battle? Why do I have to pick a side at all?"
"I'm just saying..."
"What?"
"It's you and me, Jan. Against the world, really. Not just them."
"Yes it is. And it always will be."
"I feel like you're talking in circles to distract me."
"Listen. Okay? Just listen to me." I rested her head on my lap.
"Listening." Her eyes glistened up at me in the afternoon sunlight shining broadly through my open curtains.
"It is, one hundred percent, you and me against everybody else. But you are still Toni Michele Braxton. You know what you want, and you know how you feel. And you don't need me to tell you. It's confidence, and you've always had that. One of the things that attracts me to you."
She had closed her eyes again, so I decided to lean back and close mine too as I spoke. The run had me feeling a little more than lethargic. I wouldn't mind a day in bed at all.
"So it wouldn't matter if we were joined at the hip. You are your own person with your own feelings independent of mine. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what I say. Because you know what? Toni Braxton is also very stubborn."
"What are you getting at?" She asked.
"Sometimes, I just want to be your backup. Seen, and not heard. You can tap me in when you need it. Right now, I think you can handle your four younger sisters. You always have, and you've had 2 months to cool down. You'll be okay. And if not, then I'll step in. But that doesn't mean I'm not on your side."
"You always gotta be right, don't you?" She joked. I chuckled. "You can't just let me win one time?"
"Nope."
"You wanna go get your ice cream?"
"I really don't wanna leave this bed, actually." I folded my hands behind my head and took a deep breath. I was comfortable. I was content. I felt good about the advice I'd just given, the argument I avoided, and the run I dragged myself out of the house to go on. I deserved this time.
"Glad you changed your mind." She got up and snuggled into me. "Jan," she called softly.
"Toni Michele."
"I think I wanna sell my house."
My eyes flew open. "What?"
"Yeah. It's a cop out. You're right. I don't want the option to leave you."
I was completely taken aback. She was so unpredictable. Now didn't seem like a moment in time when she'd make such a decision, especially since we'd been so hot and cold the last few weeks. The statement caught me entirely off guard.
"Wow." I said.
"What do you think? Are you gonna let me stay?"
"Toni... where did that even come from?" I sat up and looked at her, taking in the aloof facial expression she had on her face. "Do you know what you're saying?"
"Yes, I do." She chuckled. "Maybe it was kind of random, but..."
"Um, very."
"I don't know. It's been 6 months, and we talked about maybe just dialing it back a little between us to build a better foundation, but... I don't wanna. These are the cards we were dealt, so I just want to power through it until..."
I was neither in disagreement or agreement with her. I just knew that it was so out of the blue that I didn't know what to feel.
"Wow, Toni. I'm so surprised. Honestly."
She climbed into my lap and then kissed me slowly. "Right now, baby, I'm just feeling like I want all of this... For good."
"Yeah?" I smiled.
"Yes, Janet Jackson." She bit her lip. "What do you think?"
"I don't know, honestly. I'm just... where is this coming from?"
"I'm not sure. But it's been heavy on my mind the past couple days, so that must mean something, right?"
"Yeah, I... I guess."
"You don't seem all that thrilled." She sat up straight and tall on my lap. I held onto her waist.
"Of course I am. That's real commitment. That's love. I'm just... shocked."
"I know it is. So I feel like we should be undressing each other right about now."
I chuckled and squeezed her sides. "It's just surprising. Give me a minute to let it sink in, and then we can talk about it later. Fair?"
"Fair."
"What I really wanna talk about is this movie! Why didn't you tell me you were looking at roles?"
"Oh, girl. Are you still on that?" She got off of me and made her way into the bathroom.
"Yes I am. What kind of characters are you looking at? What genre of film? You can tell me something." I finished getting dressed in sweatpants and a cropped t shirt.
"No, I decided it should be a surprise. You're too curious."
I rolled my eyes. "You're so difficult."
"You'll know soon enough. Come on. Let's go to Dairy Queen and come back.
I wanna do some things to you before your little friend arrives."
I laughed. "Do you have any shame?"
"Not at all. I was thinking, since you just finished running and all, that you might be feeling kind of... tight?"
I looked down in a blush as she pulled me into her. "You're a mess."
"I can't put my finger on it, but I'm a little more smitten with you than normal today. I think we should take full advantage, Janet Jackson. That's all." She tilted my head up to meet her eyes. "If you're not interested, then—"
"Of course I am." I leaned us back against the bathroom counter. "But you're laying it on pretty thick right now, which is unlike you. I'm used to a more subtle approach."
"Well, speaking of thick..." both of Toni's hands found my behind to squeeze. I bit my lip as my cheeks heated up.
"Are we gonna go get this ice cream, or what?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"Yeah, yeah. We will."
"So come on."
"You first." She smacked it, and the sound echoed through my bathroom. It made me gasp a little and lean into her. "Go on."
"You make it extremely difficult for me to want to leave this house," I admitted. I felt my body become excited as she looked into my eyes with a playful lust.
"We don't have to go. But you said you wanted it."
"Never mind." I leaned our foreheads together.
"No?"
I shook my head and closed my eyes before meeting her lips with mine sensually. It lasted for a moment before I pulled away slowly. "That's what I want, now," I said. She smiled.
"Good choice."
If anyone is interested in an extra source of income directly from their phone since we still stuck at the crib, hit my DMs 👀 I want y'all to win with me