･ ｡ﾟ✧: *.☽
˗ˏˋ 𝐒𝐊𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄 'ˎ˗
⊱ ────── 𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲. 𝗌𝗄𝗒𝗅𝗂𝗇𝖾
𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑬 ━━ liar, liar
.⋆｡⋆🌧️˚｡⋆｡˚☣˚｡⋆.
◟ ✦ I've never really had friends. ❞
AFTER THE WHOLE ORDEAL back at Mack Crazy Pants lab, we ran to an abandoned barn of sorts. At least I thought it was since it was dark and I couldn't get a good look at it. My head pounded on the way there causing me to get dizzy and fall once or twice, but luckily Bea helped me up. It's been about an hour since we got here, and nobody has really said anything. We all sat in a circle next to a fire.
Order of how they are sitting
Patrick➝ Martin ➝ Simone ➝ Ras ➝ Kai ➝ Lea ➝ Beatrice
Everyone looks torn, especially Lea, because Jean might possibly be dead. I tried to comfort her by sitting closer and putting my head on her shoulder. Even though I could see the brokenness on her face, she still gave me a small smile of appreciation. I don't know why but I just feel he's still out there. I hope that wherever he is, he comes back. I know we weren't really close, but he was a funny guy at least. He made me laugh more than I had in years. Lea doesn't deserve this.
I think this has brought all of us even closer. I stare into the fire letting my mind wander an think about the group.
Lea is a loving, caring person. I've seen how inviting she is with the siblings and I and how she truly cares for the group. Her faith in her religion is inspiring since when I was little, I was religious. Even now, when we believe Jean is dead, she prays.
Martin, even though he was a huge ass initially (kinda still is), he's a good leader. I'm surprised that he hasn't kicked us out yet. He did help me when I got stabbed as well. In a way, I feel indebted to him. He's shown that he's brave and loyal to the people on his good side. I wonder if that includes me now.
Patrick is the one I'm not sure I'll ever like. Ever since we got here, he has despised us. I believe I'll be okay if I avoid him, but I lowkey think he's hiding something.
When Beatrice told Ras and me about her past, it made me empathize with her. I know what it feels like to lose your whole family. But I'm lucky enough to have one family member by blood left. And to have found another with the siblings and the group.
I feel my throat tighten. From the traumatic experiences of my childhood, my dark dreams recently, all the death surrounding me, I feel like I'm drowning.
I get up from my seat and start to walk toward the entrance of the barn. It's even dark out, and I don't think anyone noticed me leave. They were probably stuck in their heads as well.
I wrap my arms around myself before closing my eyes. After a few shaky breaths, I hear footsteps approach me. Suddenly I feel hands grab my shoulders, startling me.
I open my eyes to find it's Beatrice.
"Bea... Uh, W-what are you doing," I stuttered, lightly shoving her.
She laughed it off.
"Whatcha doing out here," she asked, shoving her hands in her pocket.
"I just need a minute I guess," I sighed.
It got silent for a minute.
"Bea"
"Yeah"
I looked down.
"Are w-we friends?"
I looked up, her now facing me before looking forward.
"What do you think," she said.
"I don't know. I'm not really good at having friends. I've never really had them"
"I don't have friends."
"Oh," I said, a little disappointed.
"I have family," she said. I looked at her in the corner of eye.
I gave her a small smile before looking at the sky. Stars glistened, giving low light to the darkness.
"Family talk to each other right?," I asked nervously.
"I suppose so."
"About anything?"
"Yeah, what's wrong," she said, turning her head.
"I think there's something wrong with me," I said, instantly regretting it.
"W-what do you mean? You look perfectly fine to me."
"I've been having these weird dreams a lot and with everything happening it's really... I don't know scary? I guess." I starting to ramble while walking.
"That's completely normal. We've been through hell. You have been through hell. You're so young. People like you and Rasmus shouldn't have to deal with this shit," she said sternly.
"I just can't help feeling like a drag to everyone sometimes," I whispered, tears spilling out before I quickly wipe them away.
"Your one of us now. And we're not- I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you," she said, she wiped away one of my tears.
"But you can't promise that. Any of you could die. Like Jean," I pressed my eyes closed.
"I know but if we stick together we'll make it through," she said, pulling me into a hug.
I took in shaky breaths cursing myself for being so weak.
Though I'm weak, my family make me strong.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
Ever since last night's talk with Bea, I was feeling a lot better emotionally. I know it won't last but to have people I love around me gives me hope.
I mouth the words to the song currently playing on my phone as I skip along the wooded path.
"You're really weird you know," Bea said frightening me making me jump.
"H-holy shit, Bea! I told you not to do that. And if you actually listened to any song on my playlist you would do the same thing," I said.
"I doubt it"
"I guarantee it," I smirked.
We both chuckled as I looked ahead.
Ras was walking with Simone in front of us. He turned around for a moment making eye contact, catching me off guard, and making me look down immediately.
As if Bea sensed it, she grabbed my shoulder slowing us down.
"Why are we slowing down," I asked as we were now walking a few feet behind them.
"I saw that you know," she smirked looking between me and the others.
"Whattttt pshhh," I waved it off laughing nervously.
"You have a crush on him don't you," she said getting louder.
I covered her mouth for a second seeing if anyone heard it.
This was the moment that I feared would come. Do I tell the truth that I'm interested in Ras and stay true to myself but risk ruining our growing friendship because she might be in a relationship with him? Or do I lie and repress my feelings and stay in constant fluctuating denial? Welp, we all know the obvious answer.
"I'm not interested in Ras," I lied.
She surveyed my face probably to see if I was lying.
Lady Gaga save me now because I desperately hope I have a 5-star poker face right now.
"Okay," she said as we started to walk faster to the group that has now stopped.
A beeping device that I didn't recognize was placed on the ground. I don't know when they or Simone picked it up but it's probably when I wasn't in the best condition. I feel myself getting stronger each day but I haven't recovered as fast as I was hoping.
I suddenly start to feel kind of tired from all the walking we did today. We were standing on the brisk of a hill and my legs start to feel wobbly. I fell backward sliding down the hill a few feet.
"Kai, are you alright," Bea said rushing to me trying to help me up. Everyone was looking at me now.
"I-I'm fine just let me rest a minute. I guess I should have eaten properly," I said giving everyone a small smile in embarrassment.
Everyone slowly went back to talking. I could see the concern and I hated it.
"Here," Ras said giving me a granola bar and Bea giving me a bottle of water.
"Thanks," I said chewing on it slowly.
"Where are we going? It's gonna rain any minute now," Patrick said annoyed.
"I don't know," Simone replied frazzled as the device continued beeping.
"Why the fuck not?" Patrick said getting louder.
"You've had a map in your head for two weeks, and now you have that map in front of you. You should know where the fucking bunker is at."
"Patrick, this place isn't on the map."
"So your bad memory is gonna get us killed?"
"It's easier to remember things when you're not getting yelled at," I spoke up after sipping my water. I was not very fond of his tone and choice of words.
"It's easier to get places if we didn't have a handicap dragging us down," he said glaring at me. I didn't have the energy to wack his ass so all I could do was glare back.
"See for yourself. It doesn't work!" Simone said motioning to the device.
"Let her think," Martin said supporting Simone.
"So you're defending her now? Great, Martin," Patrick said now attacking Martin.
"Just shut up Patrick, you idiot," I said tired of his bitchy attitude.
"What was that? Do you want a slap in the face!" he yelled walking towards me.
I saw Ras's jaw clench before standing in front of me. Their faces were mere inches apart before Patrick tried to push him.
"Hey! Patrick calm down! Take it easy!," Lea and Bea yelled pulling the close-to-fighting Ras and Patrick apart.
Patrick tried pushing through before they turn him around.
"Let's go up here," Lea said as she walked him up the hill.
We watched them leaving Bea and Ras near me on the hill.
I sighed pulling the scrunchie on my wrist. I threw my long locks into a bun. I turn on my music again trying to calm down.
"Take your time," Martin said looking at Simone and the device.
The map beeped louder.
Simone sighed, "This place isn't even on the map."
Ras sat down on the hill next to me. I just looked at him before the previous song ended starting another. I lifted the other earbud offering it to him as I laid down on the hill. He put it in his ear lying down with me as dreams by bazzi started to play.
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