Astrid awoke to a soft kiss on her lower back, then another just above until a gentle trail was being left all the way up her spine until they reached the back of her neck.
For a moment in time, she'd expected the night before to have just been a shameful dream, yet Jonah's fingers trailed up and down her side, causing her breathing to hitch and the darkness behind her closed eyes to fill with stars.
"You hungry?" He asked quietly before placing another kiss just below her ear.
It was strange how not an ounce of regret dripped from his tone or in the way he was holding her. Jonah had promised, but she knew that some promises were broke unintentionally and in no one's control. It surprised her he was still there at all. Jonah had woken up, saw her naked body next to him, and remained in bed.
This was not a drunken mistake. This was not a collection of careless moments. And as his fingertips continued to caress her naked skin, Astrid realized he had no intention of leaving the single night of passion behind them.
That thought both excited and terrified her.
Rather than answer to tell him she was hungry, different words she hadn't meant to say aloud escaped her. "You didn't leave."
The fingers that were trailing up and down her side paused for several moments before disappearing and coming up to tilt her face to look at him.
"Did you want me to?"
Astrid quickly shook her head. "No."
"Good. Now, do you want to go somewhere for breakfast?"
"Yes," she answered in a smile. "But first I want to lay like this for a while longer, if that's okay."
Jonah matched her smile with one of his own. "That's very okay."
When he molded himself against her body, she could feel his morning erection against her, tempting her effortlessly. "This shouldn't feel as good as it does," Jonah whispered.
It really did. To Astrid, it all felt perfect. Too damn perfect to believe. At least, it would be if she weren't painfully aware of all the imperfections lurking in the background. Soon, their small little world would disintegrate, leaving them with only the harsh reality they lived in.
He hadn't asked for a relationship, but it wasn't an option; not unless he was ready to lose everything else. And if he was ready, Astrid wouldn't allow for it. He couldn't make that sacrifice for her even if he wanted to, not that he had brought it up.
There was no way to avoid talking about this, because there were too many facts that had been ignored and too many questions left unasked. Blissful denial was great while it lasted, but it couldn't last any longer.
"You own two businesses with my dad," Astrid finally spoke, when the truth had become too much to hold in.
A slow breath hit the back of her neck and several seconds passed before Jonah replied. "I know."
"Who's also your best friend."
"Yes." That single word that left his lips made him sound almost in physical pain. "And who also trusted me enough to name me the godfather to his only daughter. I'm well aware of the shit storm I've created for myself, Astrid."
She turned in his arms, noticing his erection had gone limp from the discussion. "I'm not saying this to make you feel like an asshole, I'm saying this because I refuse to be the girl who ruins your life, and nothing in this town stays a secret."
Now it was certain he was going through physical pain. Jonah pinched his eyes shut and squeezed her side as if letting go would bring death. "You're telling me this can't happen again."
The pain in her heart was undeniable, but so was the truth. "I'm saying that last night was something I'll remember for the rest of my life, and what I feel for you is indescribable, but if I end up falling in love with you, everything will crash and burn."
The last part hadn't meant to be phrased that way. Astrid had meant to say 'falling for you', but apparently her heart and mind had other plans for her.
His eyes opened then, the pain remaining in the pale green. Jonah looked as if he were going to say something, then pressed his lips together as if to hold it back. Those lips pressed against her forehead and she watched as he slid out of bed and slid on his boxers. "Life can be a cruel mother fucker, can't it?" He didn't wait for a response. "A woman who's dynamite in bed, makes my pulse race and forces me to throw caution to the wind, and I can't have her. Worse than that, I'm a creep for wanting her to begin with."
Jonah's sarcastic laugh as he left the room didn't go unnoticed.
"You aren't a creep, Jonah," she called out to him.
He returned moments later with clothes in hand and began dressing frantically. "No? If your dad couldn't take care of you it would have become my job to raise you. Hell, it was my job. I did fucking raise you. I put band-aids on you when you cut yourself, kissed every scrape, taught you how to ride a bicycle. And then what did I do?" Again, he didn't wait for a reply. "I fucked you. More than that, I sought you out after you did the right thing. I seduced you, I touched you, I had my tongue inside you, and then I fucked you. And my first thought this morning wasn't guilt, it was thinking about all the other ways I wanted to fuck you."
Jonah shoved the shirt over his head. "Tell me again, Astrid. Tell me I'm not a creep who isn't going to hell ten times over for the shit I did last night and all the other shit I want to do to you right now!" After he rubbed at the stubble on his face, Jonah seemed to come back a different man; subdued. Quiet. "And tell me I'm not the biggest prick in the world for not giving a shit if your father hates me for betraying him. For giving less than a single fuck about a business I've spent the last ten plus years of my life building.
"One night with you, and I'm ready to give up everything else with a smile on my face if it means I get to keep you. One night, and walking away from you makes me want to put my fist through the goddamn wall until my bones shatter, because I'd rather fucking deal with that pain. Tell me I'm not crazy. Tell me I'm not some crazy, creepy prick. I dare you."
"You aren't," Astrid spoke almost in a wail, feeling her eyes fill up with tears from him thinking that way about himself. "Not to me. Me having to be the one to tell you to walk away is killing me, Jonah. It's the last thing I want, but it's what you need. I can't be someone you resent later on because you chose me and lost everything."
Jonah's mouth opened, only to close at the sound of the front door. Right then, his body froze in place, while Astrid's eyes attempted to stare through the wall.
Only two other people had keys to her house. Anya and her father. Once the former stepped into view, Astrid released the breath she'd been holding in.
Beneath Anya's eyes were dark circles made worse from yesterday's mascara, her black hair pulled back into a bun, but not combed through. Her wardrobe was one step up from sleepwear, wearing gray sweatpants and a 'White Stripes' tee shirt. Her shoelaces weren't tied.
Her eyes glared at Jonah, who wasn't facing her. "You fucked her then made her cry, didn't you? Top-notch job, Jonah. Really."
Jonah just shook his head, his body remaining tense, and his eyes remaining on the girl with tears in her eyes sitting up in the bed with only a sheet covering her body. "I've never punched a girl in my life, Anya. But if you don't get out of this room right fucking now, that's exactly what'll happen."
Astrid's eyes were held captive by his, unable to grab so much as a glance toward Anya. "Fine. I'll be in the guest bedroom where I'll be able to hear every damn word."
The stare down was broken when Jonah turned and closed the bedroom door to keep her friend's watchful eyes at bay. Then he walked over to her slowly, as if she would flee if he made any sudden moments. Except her body wouldn't move right now, even if she wanted to.
Jonah sat on the bed in front of her, put his hand on the back of her neck to keep her in place, and pressed his lips to hers with no apology, regret, or goodbye. They were tender against her own, but held a desperate plea beneath the surface.
"Do you feel that?" Jonah asked once their lips parted. "That's magic, Astrid. That's music and sensation and stars and fucking fireworks. You can't deny that, Astrid, and as much as you think it's the right thing to do, you won't be able to walk away from it, and I refuse to even try."
Once he stood from the bed, Jonah walked over to the door handle and turned it. "I'll see you Monday."