Clent's POV
It's Marcus' Birthday today and Emma's been forcing me to go there since yesterday night
What can I do but just go?
The problem is my mom, exams are happening next week baka advance study na naman
But seriously, I'm getting kinda tired of this lifestyle, it's like I'm not free to make my own choices when I am supposed to be raised just like that
"Hon, let's have breakfast na, we'll be late", rinig kong sigaw ni mama sa labas ng room ko
Inayos ko nalang yung buttons sa uniform ko at lumabas.
"Hey ma, birthday ni Marcus ngayon and--", I started off pero she cut me off
"Oh tapos ano?", she asked
"And Emma keeps on forcing me to go there, can I?", I asked her
Tumingin siya sa'kin at binatawan ang hawak niyang cellphone, "Oh si Emma lang naman ang nagpumilit sayo, hindi si Marcus"
"Marcus probably told her"
"Probably?"
"C'mon Ma", forcing her
"Son, exams mo pa next week, you need to---"
"What? Study na naman?", I cut her off, "I already did advance reading and advance solving, nag review pa nga ako kagabi"
"Kahit na, you still have to, para ma maintain mo yang position mo, chismis na naman yang mga tao? Pinabayaan ka naraw namin pag mawawala ka sa position mo, kami na naman masama"
Huh?
"Wait", I let out a small laugh, "is this what this is all about?"
"What?", she asked and sips from her tea
"Hindi niyo gustong masabihang pinabayaan niyo ako?"
"Oo, what's wrong with that?"
I don't know what to say
Lumabas ako ng tawa
"Bakit anak?"
I hate it, I hate how she's acting that she doesn't know anything
I stood from where I sat
I know what I'm about to do is not good but I just can't help it, I felt so pathetic realizing it only now. I always think of what they did was only for my own good, I always think positively of how they treat me
"Yon ang problema sa inyo ma, you don't know about my mental state, you don't care about it, all you care is your reputation"
"What are you talking about, son?", curiousity in her voice
"Never mind", I left the table and walked out to get my things
But she stopped me, "It was for your own good son", with that serious tone
"Yeah, that's what I thought", I looked back at her, "pero narinig mo ba ang sarili mo? Yung reputasyon niyo lang po inaalala niyo. Wala kayong paki kahit mamamatay na ako sa pagsa-study, you can't even say that I should go rest or something"
My voice is shaking and I am nervous, I am afraid of what I'm doing.
Speechless siya sa mga sinasabi ko
"You always told me what you want at sinusunod ko lahat 'yon, pero for once ma, did you even care to ask me what I want?"
"I did, I did anak", I hear her soft voice again
"No, you didn't because again, reputasyon niyo lang iniisip niyo and I'm so so tired of it", I said
Umalis na ako, "And I'm going to that party", sabi ko habang papunta sa labas ng bahay
Mauuna na ako sa kanya, I am not okay with what I did but I can say that atleast I overcame my fear and I knew the truth.
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Marcus' POV
INBOX: Jane Margarette Toledo
Jane: I love you Marcus
:please bumalik ka, I want you back
:why are you ignoring me??
: parang hindi naging tayo. Hindi mo na ba kayang mag consider?
: I want you back Marcus please
: You're dumping me just like that? It's your loss Marcus
Jane: Hey Marcus, kamusta kana?
:Talk to me Marcus, please
:anong ginagawa mo ngayon?
:Marcus, I am saying this again, I still love you and I will do anything please, just please forgive me, patawarin mo ako sa mga ginagawa ko, mahal pa kita Marcus
:Mahal pa kita
Pare-pareho lang yung mga sinend niyang messages the past few days
I told her to stop bothering me, to stop coming to the hospital for awhile. Sipsip siya nang sipsip sa'kin
Makikita ko ngang inaaway niya si Emma sa
mga tingin niya, parang pinapakita niyang siya parin ang pipiliin ko
Not the I'm assuming anything but those past few weeks with Meryl and Emma, I got to know them more and I witnessed our feelings are slowly showing.
Pinipigilan ko talaga feelings ko, at lalo siyang lumalaki habang pinipigilan ko siya.
What I'm concerned about is Margarette. I mean, hindi magiging madali para kay Emma 'to if ganyan ang attitude ni JM sa kanya.
Kasi if malaman niyang pinili ko si Emma, malaman niyang may gusto ako ni Emma, na I really really like her, ano kaya ang magagawa niya kay Emma?
Pero ba't ko ba bigyan ng atensyon ang ma fefeel niya? Why do I have to care na si Emma naman talaga ang pipiliin ko?
Eh kasi nga hindi ko gustong may gawing kagagohan tong si Margarette kay Emma.
I've learnt a lot of things being with Emma and Meryl pero hindi ko parin magawang aminin ang nga nararamdaman ko. I'm not really sure if dahil sa kung ano ang magagawa ni JM o dahil hindi ko gustong maranasan ulit ang sakit na naidulot ni JM sa'kin noon?
INBOX: Jane Margarette Toledo
Jane: Happy Birthday Marcus! Have a blast!
Nag text na rin yung mga kaibigan ko at mama ko ng Happy Birthday message
'Yon na ang last message niya which sinend niya kaninang madaling araw
But anyways, too much for that, today is my birthday, I don't want anyone to ruin this day, not even myself.
My mom's out of town because of business, she said she was sorry because she couldn't be here on my birthday but it's totally fine
I really didn't plan anything, I called my friends if they can visit me but even though they'll be coming home from school early, they can't, they said they have exams next week, so it's a no
I tried convincing Emma and Meryl but it turned out, it's Emma's first schedule of dialysis, it takes 3-4 hours and Meryl's parents are coming over for her today, so I am alone in my room on my birthday.
That's great
Galing ako natulog, at pagkagising ko, gabi na pala.
Ang dark ng room ko, walang ka ilaw2 kaya kumilos ako para mag switch ng lights.
Kung kailan pang ako lang nag-iisa dito sa kwarto ko, may smell of perfume pa.
No doubt na haunted 'tong kwarto ko
Hindi ko palang na abot yung switch, nag on nayong mga lights.
"Surprise!!!", sigaw nila na agad naglalagay ng ngiti sa mga labi ko
All smiles and cheers, and laughter.
"I thought hindi kayo pupunta", sabi ko kay Felix, nakita ko pa siyang naka uniform
Binigyan ko sila ng bro hug
"Dude, did you honestly think na magsa-study kami for exams?", tanong ni Ghenel
"Oh, maliban kay Felix, ang hirap kombinsihin", sabi naman ni Chad na malapit sa light switch
"Sorry" , sabi ni Felix with a joking tone
Nakita ko si Emma at Meryl, lumapit ako sa kanila, "Happy Birthday Marcus", sabi nila at yinakap ako
Nandito rin pala si Clent sa tabi nila Emma, "Happy Birthday pare"
Binigyan ko nalang sila ng ngiti
Lumapit si David sa'kin, "Hindi namin dinala si MJ, alam naming hindi kayo in good terms", binulong niya sa'kin 'yon
"Uhh o-okay", I said awkwardly
"Pero for sure pare, pupunta rin 'yon", dugtong pa niya
"Hoy pretty boy", tawag ni Meryl sa'kin, "May ibibigay si Emma sa'yo"
Tinutukso ni Meryl si Emma
Binigyan ng masamang tingin ni Emma si Meryl, "O ito, para sayo, aalagaan mo 'yan ah"
I shyly grinned
"Salamat Ems", I received Emma's gift
Inilagay ko 'yon sa table ko
Hindi pa pala gabi, sadyang dark lang yung room kasi pinatay nila lahat ng ilaw and they blocked the light coming from the window by using the curtains
Smart enough
Nag eenjoy nalang kami, they even bought foods and a cake. They made effort to design my room
It's really nice to have friends.
Puno ng tawa at positive vibes ang kwarto ko ngayon. I like this kind of atmosphere.
At biglang dumating si Margarette
"Am I late?", tanong niya
I sighed
"Tuloy ka Marga", sabi pa ni Emma sa kanya.
I admire on how Emma really respects Margarette.
Dumiretso siya at lumapit sa'kin, "ito, para sayo", binigay niya sa'kin ang regalo niya
I smiled, "Thanks JM", she smiled back
Sinuntok niya si David, "ba't hindi niyo ko sinabihan?", inis niyang sabi
David just playfully shrugged.
Emma is sitting across the room habang nasa tabi ko si Margarette.
I observed her , she's obviously avoiding eye contacts.
"Hey, I'm sorry about the other day", MJ started
"It's okay", cold kong respond sa kanya
"No, I'm really--"
"Huwag kanang gumawa ng eksena Margs", bulong na sabi ni David sa kanya
She returned her look to me, and she smiled, at nagsisimula na naman siyang sumipsip sa'kin which made me feel uncomfortable
Inoobserve ko naman si Emma pa minsan-minsan, even though I can see her smiling with Meryl and Clent, I can also feel the "not happy" vibes.
Tumayo ako para pupunta kay Emma, "sa'n ka pupunta?", tanong ni Margarette habang hinila niya ako pababa
Which made me lose my balance at natumba kaming dalawa, malapit nanga kaming nasagasaan sa dextrose stand ko, buti nalang nahawakan ni Felix
"What the heck JM?", inis na sabi ko sa kanya
"I told you Margs, not today", sabi ni David
"Excuse me", narinig kong sabi ni Emma sa hindi kalayoan
At lumabas siya sa room
Sa'n punta niya?
"No Emma, wait--", habang tumatayo ako
Pero nagsimula na siyang lumakad
"I'll go with her", sabi ni Meryl
"Meryl wait--", nakatayo na ako ngayon pero hindi ko naabutan si Meryl dahil hinawakan ni Margarette ang kamay ko
"Marcus, I'm so---"
"Stop JM, ito ba yong purpose mo sa pag punta rito? Party pooper? Ganoon?"
"What are you talking ab--?", she's confused
"Ohh you know what I'm talking about"
"Okay, let's just cut this bullshit", sabi ni Ghenel
"What Marcus? Ba't galit na galit ka? Ano? Kayo na ni Emma? At tsaka, wala akong ginawa, kasalanan mo 'yon", sabi ni Margarette
"Oh shut up Marga", pagtatanggol ni Felix
Alam na nila na gusto ko si Emma
"What?", galit na sabi ni Marga, "anong ginawa ko sa inyo guys? Ba't galit na galit kayo sa---"
I cut her off, "Don't act na parang wala kang ginawa JM, I like Emma, okay?", there I said it, "I like her, hindi mo ba nakikita?"
"Nakikita ko, pero ikaw yung takot, ikaw yung hindi gustong umamin, bakit? Bakit Marcus--"
I cut her off again, "tama ka, at dahil 'yon sayo, napakasama mo, walang ginagawa si Emma sa'yo pero ikaw??"
She let out a short laugh, "I was over you the other day--"
"Over? Ano 'yon kanina?", tanong ni Chad
"Whatever", cold na sabi ni Margarette
Nakita kong lumabas na rin si Clent
"Damn it", I shake my head in dissapoint, sinundan ko si Clent
Pagkalabas ko, "nasaan siya?", tanong ko kay Clent na malayo-layo na
"Malay ko", sabi niya habang nakatalikod sa'kin, he turned to face me, "ba't ngayon pa?"
"This is not the right place to argue about it", I told him habang naglakad malapit sa kanya
"You know what? Maybe Margarette's right", sabi niya habang naglalakad kami, "hindi lang dahil sa kanya pero totoong duwag ka Marcus, sa una palang, sa mga tingin mo palang kay Emma, alam ko nang may gusto ka sa kanya pero hindi mo nagawang aminin lahat 'yon"
"Look who's talking" , I fight back, totoo naman, obvious rin siyang may gusto sa bestfriend niya
We were almost whispering dahil hindi lang kami ang tao dito
Para kaming mga babaeng nag-aaway
"Eh bestfriend ko siya, kung saan siya masaya, doon ako", typical bestfriend thing
Hindi ko siya pinansin at nagpatuloy sa lakad ko
"Hoy! Ano? Natatakot ka? Natatakot ka dahil baka iiwanan ka na naman? 'Yon ba?"
Binigyan ko siya ng masamang tingin
How did he knew about this?
"She assumed na everything that is happening between you and her ay wala lang sayo, na siya lang ang nagkakagusto sayo. Pero kahit nag aassume na siya, she really wants to find out kaya matagal na niyang gustong sabihin sayo", he paused.
I knew there was something more.
"At ang hirap sa part na sabihan ko nalang siyang i- hold back mo na yung feelings niya dahil baka masasaktan siya kay MJ pero mali pala ako, I shouldn't have told her that kasi ikaw lang yung hindi kayang luma---"
I cut him off, "And that's the thing! Hindi ko gustong umamin dahil masasaktan lang siya ni JM!"
"And why the hell would you care sa kung anong mararamdaman ni JM towards the two of you? She's your ex!!"
"Oo! Ex ko siya kaya pinoprotektahan ko si Emma at--"
"Si Emma? O yang sarili mo?", lumapit si Clent sa'kin, "Ganyan ba ka baba ang tingin mo kay Emma?"
"Shut the heck up dude!", galit kong sabi
"Maybe Emma got scared too but I'm sure hindi niya nagawang rason ang ex niya"
"Ibahin mo si Emma Marcus, not everyone is like your ex, especially Emma", dugtong pa niya
He disappeared from my sight as I stopped walking because of the sudden realization
Hindi na ako umimik. After all, he's right, I'm just so scared that I tend to make so many excuses, it's either my sickness or Margarette but it is now that I realize that these excuses doesn't help me.
There's no time for fear, that's what Meryl would always say.
Gusto ko siya pero wala parin akong ginawa para makuha ko siya, hindi ko parin binura yung takot na nandito sa puso ko.
Ang lakas ko makasabing 'have courage' pero wala rin naman ako noon. It's time to stop all of these, I don't like how things turned out and I don't like how I drove myself away from Emma.
I have to have courage now because it's not about Margarette or my sickness, it's about me and Emma, it's about me fighting for her.