What had made her titillate the imagination of a helpless young man? Had she gone too far, Khushi wondered. She knew it was a thing of the past now when they would enjoy baiting and challenging each other over stupid and silly things and laugh over it for days to come. Things were not the same between them anymore. Yet she had gone ahead and joshed him, knowing very well that there would be consequences for which she would have to pay for dearly. But then again, her behaviour around him had been anything but normal of late. She had reacted to him in the strangest ways possible and the comfort they had shared of being around each other for years had gone for a toss the day he had confessed his feelings to her.
Arnav had made her stammer, fluster and blabber mindlessly of late and she was anything but a stuttering idiot! He had suddenly turned into this stranger who was capable of exposing the vulnerable side of her, making her dance to some rhythm and tune she wasn't familiar with. And so a tempting opportunity to disconcert him had presented itself when he had stood in his doorway a while ago. And she had latched onto it instantly, for that was precisely what he had done to her ever since she had come back from the trip.
Another reason why she had decided to turn up was to tell him in the morning that she had indeed waited for him on the terrace for not five, but ten minutes and kept her side of the deal. But this was because she had been sure he wouldn't turn up at all. She was quite confident. Those who knew Arnav knew very well that he was a fantastic host. And having his friends come over to meet him after ages ruled out the possibility of him coming upstairs completely. There was no chance in hell that he would abandon his cronies and come to meet her.
As if on cue, she heard more motorbikes roar into the building, announcing the arrival of the rest of his friends, adding more assurance to her thoughts. She suppressed a yawn as she glanced at her watch. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept peacefully. Exams, submissions and trek had kept her away from the leaden slumber she had craved for every single night of late. It was five minutes past ten, and she had another five mins to keep her word after which she would finally rush downstairs back to her bed to end her very long yet an eventful day.
The cool breeze tousled her hair as she rubbed her arms to warm them up. She looked up at the beautiful night sky which stole every single thought from her mind, taking her back to the nights spent in the mountains. It always felt like there was an audience of billions of glittering stars up there waiting for her to say something or maybe hum or sing a song? She smiled as she realised that she didn't have much of an audience tonight for sure, but the brilliant white orb was hung up in the sky, smiling at her. She smiled back at the moon, bathing in its silver moonlight which had spilt over the terrace and all around her.
Chandaa dekhe chandaa
Toh woh chandaa, sharmaaye
Gori gori chandni mein...gori jab ...muskaaye...
Khushi went perfectly still when she heard Arnav croon behind her. She slowly turned around to see him smiling at her, and an unexpected warmth and buzz rushed through her body at the same time.
"So—" He said as he glanced at the moon and then focussed his eyes on her face once again. "—where were we, BV?"
Khushi froze the moment he said it. The new endearment hit her like a tornado, threatening to blow away the existence of Khush in her life she had held onto dearly for so many years. He really did intend on calling her that! BV —biwi —the play of words made her heart jump out of her chest, burning her cheeks hot. He was smiling at her smugly, and she realised at that instant that this moment had always been inevitable. No matter how far she had tried to run away from him and his words all these weeks, she was inadvertently moving towards this moment where he would be standing in front of her, offering her everything he had, and seeking — even demanding — her love in return. His beautiful eyes kept staring at her, loving her enough not to hurry her, and wanting her yet giving her that space to come around him.
"Why are you — since when did you start singing old songs?"
"You know I love them, Khush. They are my only companions away from home." He said with a smile. "And honestly, I am closer to them because you introduced these songs to me." She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "And about why I am singing nowadays? I think you should tell me why."
His teasing wiped off the smile from her face, making him chuckle softly. She bit her lip mercilessly wondering how to respond to him. She was about to say something, but the noise of another bike roaring into the building distracted them for a moment. Being with her on the terrace right now meant leaving his friends waiting for him downstairs. The thought put a slight crease on her forehead.
"Your friends let you come upstairs?" She said quickly, suddenly glad that she found something else to talk about.
"I don't think anyone can stop me today." He drawled.
Her heart hammered, but she ignored it. "They had come to see you, and you ran —"
"I am learning from you." He smirked as he took a step towards her.
"I—I am not running—" She was about to state firmly, but he interrupted her.
"Really?" He raised an eyebrow. "Allow me to test the validity of that statement then." He said confidently, and without giving her any time to react, he was standing next to her in a few quick strides. When he got too close to her, she stepped back, and he shook his head. "This won't do, Miss J. I am going back in two weeks, we don't have much time."
A sudden realisation of him being there with her only for a few days hit her, and she looked at him "Only?"
"Only."
"You came down for just two weeks? Arnav, how—why?" She asked him, worry wrinkles settling down on her forehead.
"I came to check out the universities here, BV. A few weeks ago, someone almost begged me to come back, and so —here I am." He gave a teasing smile.
Heat filled her cheeks, and she averted her eyes. "But it must've cost, Kaka—"
"—Didn't pay for it." He interrupted her again. "I did. I had my booking done in October."
"What?"
He laughed. "You know, I have waited for a very long time to see you react to this line precisely this way!" He smiled as he stood close to her. "I've worked part-time every single evening, Khush, and on the weekends too." He saw her face wear a frown the moment he said that. "I just wanted to clarify before you get any smart ideas in your creative head."
"Oh my god! Arnav, why? Why would you—and that booking in October—how?"
"I had borrowed from my roomie. I've paid him back, of course."
"You've been working? Your coursework—"
"I wouldn't let anything or anyone affect that and—"
"And now the demanding new job! How are you going to —and the salary, will it—?"
Suddenly, he held up his palm in the air forbidding her from talking. "Only my girlfriend or wife should have the right to ask me these very personal questions, don't you think?"
Her eyes flew open in shock, and she stood stunned in front of him. His eyes met her with a straight challenge, and she saw a raw glint in them, which had pushed away all the pretence and revealed exactly what he wanted from her.
"I—" She hesitated as the thumb on her finger played with her index finger nervously. "When are you flying back?"
He was disappointed, and it showed on his face. "On the second of next month. Good enough?"
There was a faint curve to her lips as she looked down at her toes. He waited patiently for her to look at up him and pulled out something from his pocket. "I believe this one is your's." He opened his right fist to show her the earring which he had carried to London like a treasure.
Her heart was beating with a ridiculous sensation, something that could well be called trepidation as she stared at the earring on his palm. The memory of the last few moments with him before his departure to London flashed vividly in front of her eyes, and she fidgeted, not knowing where to look. What was he expecting her to do about it? And suddenly, realising she had missed something in his words, a frown appeared on her face, and her eyes squinted to look at him "Mine?"
"The one I took with me is in my cupboard downstairs."
The frown abandoned her instantly, and blood rushed to her face heating her cheeks. Hoping that the darkness had concealed the colour on them, she looked away and whispered. "How did you—"
"It was in a transparent plastic case which fell off from one of the pockets of your backpack as you were walking towards the staircase."
"Oh."
"I just wanted to be sure that it wasn't a figment of my imagination when I saw it, so I didn't come upstairs with you." His dimples were now flashing at her. "And for the past few hours, BV, I have been wondering why you would want to take this earring with you to the trek instead of leaving it here in Pune in your cupboard." He raised his hand and held it on his open palm in front of her again. "Take it. It is your's."
She hesitated for a moment and took a step towards him and stopped. "I—I'll take it later, Arnav." She said, her heart beating so erratically in her ear that she couldn't hear herself anymore.
He pursed his lips and put the earring back in his pocket. "Okay, then. Tumhara kuchh saamaan, hamaare paas padaa rahega."
"Don't you dare make a khichdi of that song!" She raised her voice, the awkwardness between them suddenly forgotten.
"You and your Ijaazat! What is it with you and that film?" He stood looking at her as though he was waiting for the fireworks to begin at any moment. Worse, she had no clue he had planned them.
"Do. Not. Touch. That. Movie." She enunciated each word. "It's sacrosanct. I've told you this before, Arnav."
"Aren't you too young for such movies, and such depressing storylines?" He asked her, now thoroughly enjoying her reaction.
"Arnav, I am warning you—"
"And imagine! After all that ram kahaani, Rekha leaves Naseer for some old man!"
"Arnav!" She shouted, appalled by his choice of words and took a couple of step towards him.
"Doesn't end there. I didn't get Maya's character in that movie as well." He chuckled as he took a step towards her and was now standing right in front of her.
Her nostrils flared as she raised her eyelashes to him. At that very moment, she realised she was standing too close to him and took a step back. Before she could take another, he had pulled her close to him in one swift tug.
"Whenever Mahen wants her, Maya always runs away from him." He said, holding her hands over his chest. "She drives him crazy." He whispered too close to her face.
Khushi was breathing heavily, feeling his warm breath all over her face. The look on his face changed the next moment, and a slight frown took over. "Kyun bhaag rahi ho mujhse?" He let go of her hands and asked her looking into her eyes.
She turned around quickly and ran towards the parapet, shaking like a leaf from within. What could she tell him? That she never imagined him to fall for her? That he was almost like a celebrity to her and she had never imagined she could have him in her life even if she wanted to? That he was so perfect and she was quite the opposite? That the real worry was --what if he found out later that she was a simple and a very ordinary girl? And that at times it annoyed her that he reduced her to a shaking, trembling lump of mass and made her feel vulnerable? And that this strong girl who could tease him and handle herself well in front of him in any given situation, was struggling to stand on her two feet properly right now? How did one embrace such a drastic change in a relationship so deep and so strong so quickly? Sweat coated her palms as she held on to the iron bar on the parapet in a grip that hurt every muscle in her fingers.
"Is there someone else, Khush?"
His gentle words penetrated her thoughts, and she shook her head once again. The breaths came laboured as she heard him walk towards her and stand next to her. The whiff of his aftershave floated in the air, and she inhaled his scent deeply. Why was everything so different with him? She had been with a guy before, but this was something else. Her heart wouldn't stop beating wildly, and her senses were always on edge!
"Then tell me why you carried the earring with you to the trek, Khush." He asked her, his voice husky to ears.
"I was carrying a few other—"
"— without a pair?"
She caught her lip between her teeth before she uttered something stupid again. Precious words stayed piled up at the tip of her tongue as she looked away. The muscles at the side of his jaw clenched briefly before he stepped away from her. "Khush, it took a lot of strength to tell you about my feelings that evening."
"Right." A wave of irritation hit her the moment he mentioned it. The suppressed annoyance of months broke through the resolve and finally found the exit. "But you told me nevertheless. And then left, leaving me alone with words." She said with an edge in her voice.
His brows lifted in surprise. "Ab tak naaraaz ho?"
"What do you think?"
"I told you, I didn't know I was going to do that."
"Still— it was unfair."
"That one time, yes. I am sorry."
"And that is all it takes. One sorry fixes it all."
He looked at her. "There's not a lot I can do about it now, Khush. It was impulsive, I agree. And you are already punishing me for it." He said, letting out a heavy breath as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Punishing?"
"You haven't told me how you feel yet. I've been roasting in hell for months now."
Her heart twisted, pleaded and begged, but she wasn't letting him off the hook so easily. She had been through hell too, for reasons more than one. He had no clue what she had been through when he chose to just walk away from her after saying the words which had shook her world.
"I'll let you know when you are about to board the flight back to London." She snapped and took a few steps away from him.
"Don't try me, Khush." His voice rose in frustration as he looked at her.
"Uff, I am scared."
"Are you not?" He raised his voice, frustration now followed swiftly by anger.
"No, not when I am so—so angry with you!"
"Is it?" His mouth curved into a mocking smile. His long legs ate away the distance between them, and he stood right in front of her, fanning her cheeks with his breath. "Maybe you should know that it wasn't easy for me as well. It took strength to walk away from you, knowing I won't be seeing you for almost a year or more, Khush. Took immense strength to hold onto my sanity in a place where you weren't around and wade through these months without you. Needed strength to get through the days with a fear that you might not feel anything for me and that I was just building on these dreams and painting them in colours which—" He paused for a moment, willing her to look at him at that moment. "—And you want me to be honest?"
She looked at him. Her lips quivered as her eyes sought an answer to his question.
"I've realised that I am not that strong. Not at all. I am vulnerable and defenceless when it comes to you, Khush." He stepped away from her again. "And a big wuss too. I am scared to assume that you might have the same feelings for me. And so I won't, until I hear it from you. And if you still intend to punish me, I will just have to accept it."
Her heart was beating up in her throat as she clutched her kameez in a deathly grip. Arnav had waited patiently for her without a complaint. Not once had he asked her the reason for the delay. Not even once had he questioned what was stopping her from being with him. What more could he do for her? What more did she want him to do? A surge of longing and excitement pulsed through her veins as she looked at the man she couldn't do without anymore. She took in a shuddering breath and uttered the words slowly. "Will it be long working hours as a RA?"
Baffled by the abrupt change of topic, he stared at her. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes which promised to unleash hell on her for disregarding his words. It was no joke for him, and she knew it. She saw him close his eyes and exhale in a deep breath. "It's not as bad. I should be okay."
"Will you be able to spare some time for your coursework?"
"Why are we—" His eyes hardened, and his patience finally snapped. His face turned dark as he lashed out in anger. "In case you've forgotten, I told you a minute ago that only my girlfr—"
Words dried on his tongue, and he stood still in shock for a moment. He held his breath and kept staring at her. She smiled coyly and slowly moved away from him and was about to break into a run when he caught hold of her hand behind her in mid-air, and she gasped.
Khushi didn't dare turn back to look at him simply because she couldn't even if she wanted to. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as she slowly became aware of the pull of his rough fingers around her wrist. She tried to free her hand, her erratic pulse making her head swim.
"Tell my insane heart in words what this means." Arnav whispered, standing right behind her, holding her hand. When she didn't respond, he tugged her even closer, and she could hear him breathing near her ear. Her chest heaved as she closed her eyes.
"I have to go."
"Like hell, you will." He rasped.
"Please." She whispered as she tried to free her hand from his iron grip.
"Show some mercy, Khush."
"Did you?"
She had disarmed him in a breath. He chuckled near her ears and moved even closer to her, burying his nose in her hair. "I am sorry." He whispered in a hoarse voice.
She was robbed of the ability to think with the contact, when he stood breathing so close to her. She tried to speak, and her voice came out in a tremble. "Arnav—"
His hands clasped around her waist lightly, and she jumped at the contact. By the time she had recovered from it, he had moved her hair aside. The moment she felt his lips caress her ear, her entire spine had caught fire and frozen into ice at the same time. "Ab maan bhi jao."
"Arnav—" She tried to sound firmer as her legs turned to jelly and she desperately tried holding onto the last threads of her control by trying to move away from him. "—someone might come upstairs any moment."
He sighed and moved his head back. "Okay." He paused as he drew in a sharp breath "Promise to meet me somewhere outside tomorrow, and I'll let go." He waited for her answer, and when she didn't say anything, his voice was more determined. "I am not kidding Khush. I won't let go."
"Okay."
"You have college tomorrow?"
She nodded.
"Should I pick you up after lectures?"
She shook her head.
"Why?"
She hesitated. "I don't know what time I will finish."
"I'll wait."
"No!" She almost jumped. "I — I won't be able to concentrate, Arnav.."
Her words warmed his heart, and he smiled. "Okay. Come over to Akky's after you are done then. Is that okay?"
She nodded, and in one sharp tug at her wrist from him, her back hit his chest. "And now listen carefully to what I am going to say." He said as he weaved his fingers into her's. "I have come to Pune only for you. And I am at your beck and call, round the clock. You set the pace. You decide when and where we meet and what we do, I won't question it. I have just one condition." He paused and took in a deep breath. "Every free minute of your's will be mine for the next two weeks. I don't care if we are alone or not, you will be in front of my eyes, Khush. Is that okay?"
He waited with bated breath for an answer from her and relaxed when she nodded her head once. He loosened the grip on her waist but didn't let go. "In return, I promise to behave." He said with a chuckle.
She turned around to face him with hooded eyes. "I've trusted you the most, Arnav. I know you always will."
He held her arms with his hands gently and smirked. "You shouldn't trust me too much, though, not right now."
She kept staring at him as thousands of butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She was acutely aware of his fingers on her arms, holding her too close—closer than she had ever been with him. Her forehead accidentally touched his chin, and she felt the rasp of his skin against hers. The scents of the aftershave and her shampoo mingled in the air that she breathed in with great difficulty. She felt drugged, intoxicated and lightheaded. His fingers let go of her arms, and it made her stare up into his eyes which were now dark with desire. Never in her life had she imagined she would see that look in his eyes for her.
His thumbs caressed her cheeks, and the rest of his fingers found their place behind her ears. "I've missed you so much." He drew in a deep shuddering breath as his gaze travelled tormentingly slow from her forehead to her lips. "How do I tell you what I have been through without you, Khush?"
Her boneless legs were about to buckle when she saw his gaze linger on her lips. Her voice got stuck somewhere in her throat and came out as a shaky whisper. "Arnav—"
He remained perfectly still when he heard her whisper his name in a way that untangled every knot in his body. He closed his eyes to draw in some inner strength, and when he opened them again, he saw her look at him nervously, and his hands came off her cheeks.
"Fuck, I am losing it." He took a step away from her. "Or maybe I've already lost it a few minutes ago." He shook his head and looked at her again. "Go." He almost pleaded. "Go before I —"
She moved away from him, her entire being shaking, the warmth leaving her in an instant and making her shiver in the cold night. He was going to kiss her—and she would have let him! The realisation made her shiver again, and her lips tingled as she felt goosebumps erupt all over her skin. She glanced heavenwards begging for some respite from her Almighty and decided to leave immediately before she completely lost her mind too.
"I'll see you tomorrow." She said softly.
He nodded, and a beautiful smile lit up his face. It made her heart skip a beat. She took a few steps away, facing him and turned around to leave.
"Khush?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you still wear that black thread anklet with one silver ghungroo on your right ankle?"
Her head snapped in his direction, and she stared at him while her crazy heart somersaulted. Had he always observed her this closely?
"That thing — it drives me crazy." He continued in a husky voice as a slow smile deepened at the corners of his mouth.
He was probably not expecting any reaction other than wanting to watch her blush to her roots. So when he was about to look away, she held him captive in her gaze. He watched her fingers curled into the flesh of her palms as she kept staring at him as if making up her mind. Taking a ragged breath, she bent down a little and slid her right hand down to her right knee and pulled her shalwar up slightly, revealing the anklet, the ghungroo twinkling in the moonlight.
Six storeys above the ground, the muffled noise of the rest of the world died in his ears, and she saw his breath hitch.
There was just one sound they both could hear—of their hearts beating wildly together.
"Paas aake dikhaao." Arnav said to her in a voice so thick that she fought for control of her emotions.
She shook her head as she bit her lower lip and smiled coyly. Unable to bear his fiery gaze on her anymore, she dropped her shalwar to cover her ankles and took a few steps back to avoid the magnetic pull of his eyes. She smiled hesitantly once again before she turned around and ran downstairs, her heart still pounding in her ears.